Disclaimer: Short and sweet..I own nada. Title inspired by the song of the same name by Linkin Park.
Rating: R- for harsh language and references to tricky situations.
Spoilers: RAW storyline involving Kane/Lita/Matt, with a twist.
Pairings: Not important..trust me.
Summary: When Lita confronts the father of her baby it only leads to a bigger nightmare.
Notes: And yes I know..I have other pieces in the works right now, but this idea was bugging me. In no way, shape or form is this story related to any others.
Keys: song lyrics; italics emphasis; '' thoughts
...
Part One: Facing the Facts
Lita's hand froze in mid knock as she stood in the near empty hall. She knew he was here..he was one of the few that arrived early to the arena. Or at least this early. And, all she had to do was knock, face him and finally get this off her chest. At this point in time, all he knew was what the rest of the world knew. She was pregnant. But, hopefully within the next five minutes, he would know more. That is, if she could ever work up the nerve to finally knock. A frustrated sigh escaped her as she stared at the name tag, haphazardlyplastered to the locker room..and all she could ask herself, was.
Why?
She let out a bitter laugh, that one word meaning so many different things at this point in time..Oh she sure as hell knew why she was standing here. And she also knew why she had done it in the first place, but what she didn't know..was why him? It was no secret backstage that they couldn't stand each other. Truth be told, the animosity that lay between the two of them..well let's just say when they were within twenty five feet of each other, the tension grew faster than a wildfire on dead vegetation. And it wasn't like she could say they had mutual friends..Lord knows that was far from the truth. To boil it down in the simplest terms; they were enemies.
But, for one fateful night..they became something more. Rather than the fabled friends with benefits, they played a more deadly game. They became, in the span of 24 hours, enemies with benefits. Fuck friends to be blunt, both looking for a release. And, they had both made it know..at least in the privacy of the hotel room...that it was just for one night. After that, they would go back to their normally scheduled "I hate you" routine.
'But things never go as you plan, huh?'
She scowled, recalling perfectly well that, try as they might..that had not been their last encounter. At least not in that sense. They still ran into each other backstage, but they never made conversation. Just a few heated exchanges, either in the empty locker room..after his buddies had vacated the premises..out in the parking lot, when they were sure no one was there.
And then, just like that..it was over. She had moved on from anything remotely resembling a relationship..and his eyes were too focused on the prize that glittered gold and promised fame. She would have been more than happy to keep it that way..but then he came along. She gained a stalker and a living nightmare. Albeit, Matt had come to her aid..and slowly but surely..she and Matt were getting back into that all too familiar routine.
'But..Matt couldn't always be there could he?'
His words rang fresh in her ears as she recalled that night. The night that lead to her standing here.
Flashback
Kane had just stalked her..all the way from the diva's locker room to the basement of the arena. Once he had made his sick proposal, she was left in her thoughts. But, what she didn't realize..was that he had been standing there all along. Which only meant one thing..he knew what the red head had to do. What she didn't count on, was him offering her another escape. A counter proposal to Kane's. And really, given the choice of the lesser of two evils..she accepted.
But this time around, it wouldn't be some sex pact..or a means for release. No, it wasn't as simple as that. This time it was more like a business arrangement. Their previous encounters never factored into this equation.
But the funny thing was, on that particular night? Neither of them meant for it to get that far. One thing had lead to another at the club, and all she could remember from that point was getting so completely plastered that she had to rely completely on him to walk. Everything after that had been a blur. And then, the next thing morning..she was in his bed, in his hotel room. Her face had blanched..much like it was now, but it wasn't for the fact of what had transpired. But..what in the hell was she going to tell Matt?
End Flashback
The red head clenched her fists at her sides, steeling her nerves and willing the sickening feeling in her stomach to cease. And, with her best look of indifference applied, she finally knocked.
The man on the other side of the door raised a brow, just barely at the sight in front of him. If she was standing here. That could only mean one thing.
He was fucked.
"Lita," His almost winced at the way her name rolled off of his tounge. He hadn't meant to sound so..brash. It was just who he was.
She stiffened..not at the tone of his voice, but of the inevitable. She had one goal in mind, and she would be damned if anything prevented her from it. "Are they here?"
A faint smirk contorted his stoic features. 'Always thinking' He shook his head, opening the door a little bit wider for her. "They'll be back in about an hour. Before the Heat tapings.."
A brisk nod in acknowledgement as she stepped inside. "More than enough time then." She waited until the door was shut, too caught up in her mind to realize that it was left slightly ajar.
"Look, I-"
"Would you like to sit down?" He faced her finally, their eyes locking from opposite sides of the locker room.
"This isn't a formal meeting, so no.." She toyed with the hem of her shirt, a nervous gesture that he had become familiar with. "I just need to talk to you..and then I'll be out of your life. Alright?"
The slightest inclination of his head, gave her the green light to continue. And after a moment's pause she did.
"This baby isn't Matt's. And it sure as hell ain't Kane's.." She paused, her eyes downcast. "Which leaves one person."
"I know.." He spoke softly, but still with enough force that the words would reach her ears. "I'm not as oblivious as everyone thinks. Despite what the fans may think..hell what everyone backstage may think; I do notice what goes on around me." His eyes flashed momentairly, as she finally made eye contact with him again. "You, of all people, should know that."
The usually vibrant diva, swallowed the lump in her throat. Her mask slipping at the passion that she had sparked in his eyes. She knew he wasn't oblivious. "Well then..I guess my work here is done." The mask securely back in place, she tossed her head. "I don't expect anything from you. Come to think of it, I wouldn't expect anything from you."
His eyes flashed again as she made her way to the door. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"What do you think it's supposed to mean?" She paused near the door, her back to him. "I don't need your help anymore, so you're free to go back to your flavor of the week."
A few steps later and he was behind her, she could just feel the heat radiating from his body. "Look, I can understand if you're mad at me right now. I can even understand if you'll hate me for the rest of your life. But we have a responsibility-"
Her nostrils flared as she spun around, her index finger coming up defiantly. "Don't even fucking say it" She narrowed her eyes, gritting her teeth before she spat out the next words. "You wouldn't even begin to understand what I'm going through right now. And we have no responsiblity. Matter of fact? We have nothing together. It was a mistake." Her eyes fluttered shut, a breath she didn't realize she was holding, finally released. "That's all."
Their gazes locked, and before he closed his eyes; she could see the inner battle he was holding. She watched the man in front of her, ..seemingly mesmerized. His muscles tightened underneath the skin, veins in his neck bulging just slightly. His gut intincts, she knew..were telling him to rip her to pieces. Maim her for throwing such words in his direction. But another part of him was telling him to calm. Thankfully for the red head, when his eyes fluttered open..it was the calmness that won. But when he finally spoke, his tone softened..but he spoke with authority. Every word calculated, leaving no room for argument.
Yet.
"Since you've said all you needed to say" He let out a breath, eyeing her in the same manner as he eyed everyone else. His own mask of indifference fully up. "I'd like the chance to speak."
She raised a brow, but knew better than to anger him further..given the state of turmoil he was in. So she merely nodded, her shoulders slouching back a touch to rest against the cool surface of the locker room wall.
"You say it was just a mistake and I won't deny it. It was a mistake that it got that far and it was a mistake that one of us didn't put a stop to it when we had the chance." He stepped back on his heels, giving the red head a little distance from his larger form. "But, at some level..despite the circumstances that led up to the mistake..we both wanted it." Her head snapped up, curtained by a sheet of red, but she allowed him to continue. "Don't try to deny it now. We may have been intoxicated, but we both knew damn well what we were doing." He paused as her eyes displayed what she would not say.
Guilt. Denial. Admission.
"I'm not going to ask you to give up your career, nor am I going to ask that you give up this baby." His eyes softened as they locked with hers. "Our baby."
"I don't-"
A hand went up, not to strike at her but as an indication for her to wait. She took the hint, and said hand came to rest against the wall just above her shoulder.
"All I'm asking, is that you give me a chance. To prove myself, if you will, to you as a friend. Not a lover, not a boyfriend, not your protector. Just a friend." He closed his eyes once more, slipping his mask back on as he squared his shoulders. "Can you give me that?"
Lita opened her mouth to respond, but no words would come to her just yet. Instead, she watched the man in front of her. One that she had gotten to know outside of the ring..and one that she feared..and at times despised.. in the ring. She waited until his eyes locked with her once more before she found it within herself to respond.
"I don't know."
The words that left were barely audible, and had he not been standing in front of her; he would have missed them completely. Her head rolled forward, her chin just brushing against her chest as she continued. "Things are complicated enough right now. And with you out of the picture, it would just be easier."
The hand that was on the wall slid down until his fingertips brushed her shoulder; sending sparks through her very being. "How is me being out of the picture" He trailed off, obviously shocked at her response. "..how would that make things easier?"
She bit her lip, her eyes focusing everywhere but on him, until she settled for her shoes..again. "It's bad enough with Matt breathing down my neck..and now that he and I are finally working things out." A tired sigh escaped her, her breath mingling with his. "It's best that he doesn't find out about it all and..I just can't afford to screw this up."
"So you're willing to live a lie, just to make it easier on him?' He could feel his muscles tightening again, as his other hand grasped at her wrist; willing her to see the truth. "Look me in the face, and tell me you're okay with that. Living this lie, not just to Matt and the rest of the world. Fuck them." His eyes snapped to her face, still shielded by her hair. "Tell me you're okay, living with this lie to yourself. To this baby..to me."
Hazel eyes, wide with confusion..fear, and guilt finally met his. She steeled her nerves again, mentally berating herself for coming there in the first place. "I'm not okay with it. But it's what I have to do." Her bottom lip quivered at the look in his eyes, but she would not cry. Not in front of him and never because of him. "I'm sor-"
"Don't even think about apologizing to me." Fingers curled around her wrist, a silent plea passing between them. "I don't want your apology. I just want the truth. Deep down, you know what you want to do." An eyebrow raised slightly, "So why don't you just do it?"
Her hands clenched into fists, her eyes sparkling with un-shed tears and anger. "You're wrong!" The volume increased with each breath she took. "I don't know what I should fucking do. I don't know what I fucking want." Her jaw tightened as she sucked in a breath. "All I know is that I have one logical option."
He snorted, before his shoulders shook just slightly..a bitter laugh replacing the tension in the air. "Then you obviously aren't looking at all of your options. Or" He squared his shoulders again, stepping forward; effectively trapping her. "You just live in some fantasy. So tell me, Lita." Her name rolled off slowly, the syllables underwritten with a tone of pain. "Which is it?"
"Don't presume to know me" Her voice hardened, a warning issued to the man in front of her. "Just because you-"
"What?" He cocked his head, sliding his hand down her arm to clamp around her other wrist. "Just because we've slept together? Just because I've done this?" His face moved forwards, coming to a stop at the crook of her neck; his hot breath tingling on her skin before equally hot lips slid over the silky surface. "Or because I've done this?" She closed her eyes, biting her lip to trap the moan deep within her. The feel of his lips, accented by the small nips..as he blazed a trail to her ear. "Just because we've been together in the most intimate way known to man." She shuddered..her body betraying her as his breath tickled her ear, "I know you Lita..you can't deny that."
"Big deal" She hissed out, fighting to gain control of her body's natural instincts. "So you know how to turn me on. Big fucking deal." Her head lolled back, exposing more of her neck to his eager mouth. "But do you really know me?"
A cheek came to rest on her shoulder, his face turned in-ward as he responded. "Do you really know me? Would you even want to?" Slowly he brought his face upwards, their eyes locking..passion flying between them; sheilding the hurt within. "More importantly..would you ever trust me enough to really get to know you?" Mentally exhausted from the combined battle with her..not to mention his own inner battle, his forehead came to rest against hers.
"Why are you doing this to me" The words came out in a rush as she sucked in another breath; desperately trying to gain control in this situation. "Why are you trying now..when it's already too late." Equally blood shot eyes locked as their breath mingled once more.
"It doesn't have to be that way Lita" She felt the pressure relent from her wrist, as a finger traced the curves of her jaw. "Just give me a chance..look at all of your options. Not just the ones you want to see."
With his mask down, the red head gained the opportunity to finally see the emotions he was so intent on keeping within. Shock ran through her own eyes as she registered the sincerity in his words. 'Why does it have to be this complicated?' Stormy hazel eyes fluttered shut as hot tears threatened to spill. But, try as she might, one did fall; only to be caught on the tip of his finger.
When her eyes opened once more..she caught them both off gaurd by closing the distance between them; her lips seeking out his in a kiss so pure..and yet so tainted. A small sigh of relief escaped the red head, her lips parting just slightly, which he took as his cue to begin a new battle. This time a battle for control in the soul searing kiss. The necessity to breathe cut the kiss off, as they reluctantly pulled back. Her fingertips brushed across his cheekbone, soothing away the doubt etched on his features.
"I just need time" She whispered against his lips, bringing her hands to rest behind his head at the base of his neck. "Time to talk to Matt..time to figure things out..time to figure out us.." Her lips brushed gently against his. "Can you give me that?"
He nodded, afraid to speak..lest he break this moment of peace.
"I should probably go now." Her face went forward, as she smiled against his neck. "I don't think they'd want me here." When her eyes met his again, she offered a weak smile before he stepped back.
"I can keep my distance from you..that's never been an issue" He smirked slightly, a new found confidence sparking in his eyes. "I'll come find you later"
She raised a brow, her hand reaching back to find the door knob. "I'll find you later." Her other hand reached up to graze across his cheek before she stepped out into the hall.
For the first time since this nightmare began, a smile graced the lips of the troubled red headed diva. However, as she shut the door to the locker room; her body tensed. For there, slumped against the wall..a defeated, but highly pissed off..
"Matt."
...
End Part One.