Title: In The End
Disclaimer: Short and sweet..I own nada. Title inspired by the song of the same name by Linkin Park.
Rating: R- for language and references to tricky situations.
Spoilers: RAW storyline involving Kane/Lita/Matt, with a twist.
Pairings: Not important..trust me.
Summary: When Lita confronts the father of her baby it only leads to a bigger nightmare.
Feedback: is appreciated
Notes: I had a bit of trouble writing this part..trying not to rely as much on song lyrics to transition things. Anyway, case of insomnia..nothing to do..leads to the update. Also, I realize I may be off a bit on the sequence of events. Just use a little imagination, mkay?
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Part Two: Walking Away
The red head's face fell completely when she heard the soft click of the door behind her. That door closing, was at the point in time, her only source of escape. And at that given moment, she would've been prepared to face his friends, she would've been prepared to face the boss..but she wasn't prepared to face the man before her. Already emotionally drained from the confrontation she just finished; the red head doubted she had the where with all to do this right now. By the looks of it, the way Matt's shoulder's slumped, the blank look his facial features displayed..offset by the anger and betrayal in his eyes. Cloudy hazel eyes met his before she looked away, un-able to completely face him just yet..unsure of where to start. When she finally did figure out that there was no good place to start..she sucked in a breath, steeling her nerves once more. Only this time, she'd have to do more..Matt had been and still was..a part of her life. She couldn't just write him off, like she had attemtpted with him. Troubled eyes fluttered shut, gathering the strength she didn't have and the courage to even make it to the regular portion of RAW.
'Now or never I suppose'
Lita bit her lip, her hazel orbs cast downward at the sight in front of her. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words never came. She closed her eyes, struggling to find it within her to explain. Debating with herself as to how much of an explaination Matt really needed. A soft sigh escaped her as she finally came to a conclusion.
'Matt deserves this moment..just as much as he did.' Her eyes flicked for a moment to the closed door, sending up a silent prayer that he wouldn't step out of the locker room. 'Well here we go..out of one lion's den..and into another'
She stepped across the hall, leaning back against the wall to regard his broken form. She didn't know how much he had heard; just that he had heard. From the looks of it, he had heard enough. She sucked in a breath, her shoulders slouching forwards.
"Matt.." the name that usually brought joy to the red-head, now brought dispair, regret and guilt. "Look I-"
"Don't even try to stand there and tell me you can explain" Wounded brown eyes snapped to her, holding her in place. "Why Lita?"
Her head shook, her shoulders shrugging upwards just barely as she met his gaze. "I..I..had no other choice"
He raked his hands through his hair, clenching at the ends..as if it were his lifeline. His jaw tightened, and from the sound of his voice; the red head knew he was gritting his teeth. "Yes you did Lita. You could have said no."
A soft sigh escaped her as her head lolled forward, her chin just touching her chest. "You don't understand Matt..you wouldn't understand."
"I think I understand perfectly fucking well, Lita." He spat out her name, his hands now clenching at his side. "Except..why him?" His eyes searched her face, hoping in vain that her hazel orbs would meet his troubled brown. "Why him? He's everything you're not."
"You don't even know him Matt..not like-" She trailed off, that wouldn't be the best thing to talk about right now. Sure, she didn't know him that well, but she knew him enough. He was different around her..he changed around her.
'But he's not here right now..and he's not who you're dealing with'
She let out a shaky breath, shifting her weight from foot to foot in an effort to regain her senses. "Why does it matter Matt? I never said that this baby is yours."
Before she knew it, Matt's shaking form was in front of her. "Why does it matter? Why do you think it matters Lita?" His fist connected with the wall, his other hand still at his side. "I thought we were together." He shook his head, strands of raven hair splaying across her shoulder. "Why?"
She let out a shaky breath, willing herself not to cry..not now. "I had my reasons. That's all you need to know." She winced when blood shot eyes met hers. "That's all I can say right now."
His eyes narrowed slightly at her response, his shoulders shaking. "I deserve more than that and you know it. So tell me.." He straightened, but his shaking jaw revealed his inner turmoil. "Tell me why Lita."
She shook her head, her teeth clenching. "Not now Matthew. Not here." She flinched at his face, but undetered, she continued. "It's not the right place Matt."
"But it was for him..wasn't it?" His eyes glinted dangerously, as both hands came to rest on the wall. "Just answer me this then..why him?"
She sucked in a breath, swallowing down the lump in her throat; weighing her options carefully before she responded. Her eyes fluttered shut as her head snapped back, meeting the unforgiving surface of the wall behind her.
'No matter what I say..no matter how I tell him. He won't like the answer'
Time seemed to stand still, images flashing in her head. Nights with Matt..nights with him. She shook her head, ridding herself of both of them..if only for this moment. Now was not the time for weakness; it was the time to stand strong..even if she was breaking inside. She visibly winced, her nails digging into her palms.
"He was there for me.." the words escaped her so soft, so un-sure. "That's why Matt.." Eyes fluttered open to reveal hazel orbs bright with unshed tears. "He was there for me..when you weren't. When you were out in the ring." She mentally kicked herself for that one.
'Good one Li, make it seem like it's his fault'
Her head lolled forwards once more, sheilding her eyes with a silken sheet of red. Hands un-clenched, crescent marks left in her their wake. "When you broke up with me..he was there for me." Her mouth opened to continue, but she thought better of it and instead she kept her focus on her shoes,; waiting for the verbal outbreak. But it never came. Hazel eyes peered expectantly through her hair, seeking out his face..but not his eyes. Inadvertantly, their eyes found each other and a gasp escaped her at his look.
"That long?"
She blinked..what the hell did he mean by that? A brow raised slightly, and she was just about to voice her question aloud when Matt voiced it for her.
"It's been going on that long?" His jaw was shaking, his hands clenching once more at his sides. "You've been sleeping around with him..for that long?"
Her eyes flashed with anger, her jaw clenching, nails digging into her palm once more. "For your information, I was not sleeping around. I am not that kind of person, so don't even TRY to make it like that." She sucked in a breath, counting backwards in her head. "I did what I did to save myself and to save you." She brought her hands together in front of her, barely catching the blood she had drawn. "That's why I did it Matt."
His hands came up..whether it was in defeat or denial..she couldn't tell. The words spewed from his mouth, venom tinged. "Oh that's fucking rich Lita." He shook his head, turning his back to her. "You should be commended for such a selfless act."
She spat back, her pride flaring. "Cut the crap Matt, you wanted the truth. I gave you the truth.." Her body slumped against the wall, her knees drawn to her chest once she had reached the ground. "What more do you want?"
"I want the real reason Lita..what-" He shook his head, running his hands through his hair before he turned to face her. "He's-"
"I gave you the real reason Matt..and I have nothing more to say." She shrugged, resting her chin on her knees, blank hazel orbs staring straight ahead.
A defeated form slumped against the wall opposite her, his head roling back to meet the wall. "Then lets work through this..lets figure out what to do."
Her head shook, relaying what she would not say. "Don't you get it?" Her voice was flat. "We aren't doing anything..there is no more us."
"You can't give up on us Lita." His eyes flashed red, meeting hers defiantly. "You just can't..we're strong enough to work through this."
'Both of them asked me for a chance. Both of them deserve a chance..but...'
Nimble fingers grasped at the ends of her hair, twisting and contorting the locks around her shaky digits. Her head tilted, dull hazel eyes searching his face. "Can we? Is it worth it to try and fix this?" She bit her lip, pondering her own words. "Or is time to move on..give us both a fresh start.." She paused long enough to take a breath, but when she tried to continue.
"You don't mean that." His eyes sparkled with unshed tears, his jaw trembling once more. "You can't mean that Lita..we can work past this..we've got to."
"How are you so sure? Maybe this is a sign..that it's time to move on." She sat back, stretching her legs in front of her. "I-"
Brown eyes flashed hurt, betrayal and anger. "I love you..doesn't that mean anything?"
He was met with silence, a blank stare meeting his torn gaze. "If you really love me.." She sighed, trying in vain to erect walls around her heart as she pushed off from the floor. "Then you'll let me walk away and figure things out for myself."
He stood, leaning back against the wall..willing his feet to move though he remained planted. "I can't let you do that..I love you too much."
Her lower lip trembled, tears threatening to spill at the heart wrenching sight before her..but she remained un-moved in her choice. "I need to figure this out on my own." She sucked in a breath, clenching and un-clenching her hands. "Without you..without him..if he can understand-"
"Don't even try to compare him to me." He took a step forward, his anger fueling his movements. "How can you even think about comparing him to me?"
'But you are like him..in so many ways' She shook her head at the thoughts, trying in vain to believe otherwise. Her mouth opened to apologize, but no words escaped her.
"Do you love him?" His eyes flashed in anger as he stepped towards her once more. "That's all I want to know..then I'll let you walk away."
She blinked at his question, the answer weighing heavy in her mind. There was no love to speak of between them. And part of her doubted that there ever would be. People like them..just weren't the type of people to stay together. Too different. A small frown marred her features..both at the thought of the two of them trying to make something of it and at the question Matt had posed. But, just as she was finding the right words to say; approaching figures caught her attention. She stiffened on sight, instinct telling her to move.
'They can't see me here. For my sake, for the baby's sake..even for his sake.'
Her feet moved backwards on their own accord, her line of vision shifting between them and Matt.
"Don't walk away from me Lita." His arm snaked out, a forceful hand clamping down on her wrist. "Answer the question."
She froze, not on her own freewill but due to the anchor attached to the arm. Her head shook in the negative, hoping in vain that he would be satisfied with that answer.
"Then why are you pushing me away?" His voice was low, laced with pain,..and hurt. "If you don't love him, then why do you push me away?"
"Not here Matt" Her tired voice responded, pleading with him. "Please, just let me go."
His eyes snapped upwards to meet hers. Steeling before her as his voice ground out. "Why are you pushing me away?"
She inwardly flinched, but persisted in leaving the area as they were only getting closer. "Let me go"
"Answer me damnit!" He yanked her towards him. "What is so much better about him, that you're pushing me away? What's so great about him that you're willing to throw away everything that we have together." His nostrils flared as he came face to face with her, blisfully un-aware of the force behind him.
Her jaw trembled, her knees shaky as she tried to wrench free. "Just let me go Matt..I can't do this right now. Not here." Her eyes pleaded with him before darting over his shoulder. "Please..just let me go. I already told you why."
"If you walk away now..then I guess it's over." He leaned forward, speaking low. "Anything we could have had..it's done. Any chance for a future..done. I'm sorry to sound so harsh but..that's how it has to be." His hardened brown eyes met her tear filled hazel. "You walk away from me now..don't bother coming back. I was more than willing to accept that fact that this baby isn't mine..but with the baby being his?" He snorted, his head coming down to brush against her hair. "I don't know if I could live with that. I'll always love you..and hope that a part of you always loves me, but if it's not meant to be then..just say the words."
She flinched again, wondering how he could've gone from wanting another chance to this, to being so accepting. Part of her hoping that he really was beginning to accept it..not just saying it so she would change her mind.. Her head lowered in defeat, eyes shining bright with her unshed tears, nails digging into her palms. "Fine Matthew.." Hazel orbs lowered, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "..just let me go.." Her eyes flashed momentairly in regret, before they steeled over. "I'm sorry..take that however you want to..but it needed to be said."
Abruptly he released her, the red head stumbling just slightly. His eyes refused to meet hers as he brushed past her.
'So this is it' Her jaw trembled as she watched his retreating form. 'This is what I asked for..and he respected my wishes..what have I done?' She shook her head, reminding herself that she had asked for the outcome. He gave her the chance to change her mind..but she had already made it up; before he had talked with her. She made the choice, changed her life in one fell swoop. Now there was nothing left to do but..pray. The slightest flicker of her eyes to the locker room door before she sought out Matt again.; only to be met with the site of more wrestlers. She ignored the insults coming her way, she ignored the concern in the voices of her friends. All she could see behind closed eyes was Matt, walking away from her. All she could hear..was her world crashing down as she knew it. Her head bowed, curtaining her face as the tears started to fall. The red head walking blindly until she came into contact with a soft, warm wall.
"Come on Li.." Chris Jericho put his arm across her shoulders, drawing the shaking form closer to him. "Let's get you to your locker room."
She felt another hand, and once she had caught the wiff of perfume..she knew it was Stacy. Neither bothered to voice the questions weighing on the backs of their minds. And Lita wouldn't have wanted it any other way. All she needed now, was to walk away with as much dignity as she could muster. Once the trio had reached the locker room, and after Stacy had promised Chris she would keep an eye on the melancholy red head; Lita could only ask herself one thing:
'What in the world do I do now? Where do I start?'
Once Stacy had been shooed away, on the premise that Lita needed more bottled water; she did some thinking. She knew she would have to rely on the baby's father later..she was, after all, scheduled to be on the Highlight Reel with Kane. Tonight was supposed to be the night that she would clear the mystery of the baby's father. But, after all that she had been through..and with the RAW portion not starting for at least another hour..revealing the baby's genetic heritige was the last thing on her mind. She only hoped, that if the baby's father truly cared liked he claimed to care; that he would be watching out for them. Although she knew full well, that it was too risky for both of them for him to publically be her savior..she wouldn't mind a savior from the shadows. Her thoughts drifted between both of her emotionally charged conversations from before. But the one she had first, stood out in her mind the most.
'Can I trust you? To save me again?' She frowned, splashing lukewarm water on her face. 'For my sake and for this baby's sake..I hope you meant what you said earlier.'
Emotionally and mentally drained, the red head sunk down on the bench in the locker room; wishing she could leave the arena now and knowing full well that she couldn't. All she could do now, was sit it out and wait.
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End Part Two.