Chapter Twelve

Remus awoke, but didn't open his eyes. He just listened to the silence of the hospital wing, savoring the pre-dawn peace. He could hear the plump, warm-hearted Madam Pomfrey bustling about quietly in her office. He let his senses deepen, and he could hear each drop of rain as it slid down his windowpane-- an early morning drizzle had formed. The peace didn't last long, however. As the first rays of faint sunlight crept across the floor, Remus's thoughts began to race. Last night had been catastrophic. He followed his recollections back until he found Lily. He had—chased her?!? Oh, dear god, no! He sat up, eyes wide, and ripped back the curtains that surrounded his bed.

His gaze traveled from bed to bed, and he breathed a heavy sigh of relief. No Lily. That had to be good. He slid back into bed before Madam Pomfrey could spot him, his mind frantically trying to drag more information from his sparse canine memories. His eyes were burning, and he could feel where there had been long gashes in his flesh. Healed over by the nurse, but still stinging. He remembered—almost—he shut his eyes tightly... he remembered being forced into submission by Padfoot, and cowering. Each attempt at remembering was causing him pain. A loud crash, escape, apologies... his head gave a nasty throb, and he gasped. His head met the pillow as he passed out.

He woke up again around ten o' clock, feeling nauseous. He forced himself to think through the fog that was clouding his mind. What could he do about Lily? Nothing. Nothing. She'll be terrified of you by now. Stupid! How could I have let this happen? This isn't fair! Why... oh why... his thoughts trailed into nothing, leaving only a burning sense of shame and misery. He had lost her forever, he was sure. There was only one thing to do. He had to avoid her, somehow. There was no need to remind her of how close of a call it had been. How could he have let himself think that there was a chance for them? How could a girl like her ever love a werewolf? He cursed himself again and sat up.

Madam Pomfrey was there in an instant, cooing over him and forcing potions down his throat. "There, there, Remus. You rest now, and you'll be up and about again by lunchtime, I think."

He obeyed, the potion bringing a deep, false, feeling of content to wash over him.

He dreamed of Lily. It was horrible... he was chasing her, unable to stop, a savage will burning up all else. He was at her heels, the scent of fear coming off of her in heavy waves. The black dog was too far behind, he was barking. The werewolf snarled and leapt upon his prey, powerful jaws ripping flesh—

"No!" Remus awoke once more, gasping, feeling the cold sweat standing out on his brow. He was clutching his coverlet, trying to anchor himself against the images that were still flashing behind his eyes. He could still taste her blood on his tongue. He gagged, his empty stomach heaving. Dear god, no. He had to protect her from himself. He had to.

The door of the hospital wing opened, he could hear Madam Pomfrey saying, "Well, let me just see if he's awake. You lot stay right here! Quiet, he might be sleeping..."

her footsteps were approaching his bed. He didn't have time to lie back down and feign sleep before she pulled the curtains back gently. "You have visitors, dear" she said, smiling through her disapproval of anyone who tried to distract her patients from healing. Remus started to protest, but Sirius had already poked his head in, and, seeing him awake, waved for the others. Remus sighed. Sirius, James, Peter, and Sarah all filed in, taking seats on his bed. He smiled in spite of himself. But he had another visitor. The curtain pulled back once more, and Lily walked in. She had a look of concerned uneasiness on her face, though she was smiling. She sat next to Sirius and Sarah, who were chatting to Remus animatedly about how boring Arithmancy had been, and offering to do his homework for him. Lily smiled tremulously at him, and he felt his face going red.

Why is she here? he thought, frantic, Why did she come?? Perhaps she is more brave than I had thought her... or was it all a dream? No... no, the truth is there, in her eyes. I see it now. Pity. So that was it. She came because she feels sorry for me. Well, that won't do.

And so he put on a brave face and tried to act as if he was perfectly fine and required no pity from anybody. Which failed miserably. Sirius pulled about twenty chocolate frogs from his various pockets, and they all had fun reading off the wizard cards. Peter collected them, and nearly fainted when he found a Merlin.

"They're really rare!" he exclaimed, holding it gingerly. Sirius snorted in laughter.

Once the morning break was over, his friends had to get to their classes, and they turned to leave. Remus didn't have to force a smile as they made their way out through the curtain. Lily lagged behind.

"You'll be late," said Remus promptly.

She shook her head. "No... Remus-- I wanted to talk to you."

He looked into her eyes, wondering what he could find there. She looked rather embarrassed, almost frightened. He decided to start the apologies.

"Lily, last night... you have no idea how ashamed I am of myself." He tried, but he couldn't meet her eyes again. He felt himself go red. She sighed, and took his hand. His stomach gave an enormous lurch, and his senses turned sharper. The scent of her threatened to overwhelm him... clean laundry, the vanilla scent of kindness, a hint of herbal soap. She spoke.

"Oh, Remus, it wasn't you. Not really. I shouldn't have followed you in the first place. I was so stupid, thinking I could handle it. Can we just... just put it behind us, and continue where we left off? Please?"

He shook his head slowly, replying quietly, "No. Lily, it happened, and we can't change that." he took his hand away with difficulty, "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to just forget about me. I don't deserve your friendship, nor do I need your pity."

He was staring fixedly at his coverlet, determined to save her, at least, from himself. She reached for him, tucking his hair back. He couldn't help it, he looked up. She was closer than she'd ever been before, even nearer than the night in the armchair. His breath caught in his throat, the world coming to a standstill. He was sitting up, unsupported by the many pillows behind him. His arms found their way around the small of her back. She was leaning in toward him, a small smile playing across her lips, arms propped on the mattress to either side of him, her legs bent at the knee, neatly resting on the bed.

He pulled her closer, putting a very small amount of pressure on her back. She came to him willingly, eagerly; he was taken over by the scent of her, the feel of her. And her lips touched his. A shiver went through her, she pushed closer still. The sweetness spread through Remus in warm ripples. Her fingers were in his hair, twisting it around them. His arms were holding tight to her back, all senses dulled except to her, all shred of logic gone in the rush of the kiss.

She pulled back an inch, and the kiss was gone as swiftly as it had come, a budding leaf drifting away on a summer breeze. He could feel her warm breath on his skin. She put her head briefly on his shoulder, an embrace, and he opened his eyes. She stood up, and glanced back at him, her cheeks tinged pink and grinning like the Cheshire Cat. He grinned back at her, and without a word... none were needed... she slipped through the curtain and was gone.

Remus joined his friends again at lunch, taking a seat next to Sirius and ladling some soup into his bowl. Sirius glanced at him slyly, a hint of hidden knowledge in his eyes. Remus ignored him, trying desperately not to turn pink. He cast his eyes about for something else to look at, but was distracted almost instantly by Lily taking the seat next to him. She didn't say anything, but slipped her hand into his under the table. Sirius, who was on the other side of Remus, looked down and snorted loudly. Remus kicked him.

Classes that afternoon would have been far worse for Remus had he not had Lily there. She was a quiet presence, a soft reassurance that all was right in the world. James was taking notes for Remus, who would sit, silent, with his head in his hands, cursing himself to the depths of hell for deciding to wake up. At long last the classes let out, and the group was free to do whatever they pleased. For James and Sirius, this meant Quidditch practice for the match on Saturday. Sirius seemed rather jittery about the whole affair; he had told Remus that he'd rather swallow a Bludger than hit it at Sarah.

This left Sarah, Lily, Remus and Peter to an evening of potential boredom. Sarah, who refused to sit still, suggested a walk around the lake, which the others latched on to immediately, glad for an excuse to do something other than the homework the teachers had been piling up on them. They strolled about, watching the giant squid drift just below the surface of the water. Remus closed his eyes, breathing deep, the breeze carrying the cool air off the water. After a slow conversation about O.W.L.'s and Career Advice sessions, which started the next day, the four went in to dinner.

The meal was a jovial affair, much loud talking and laughing was done by the Gryffindor table especially. For once, Remus felt like joining in, and he laughed and ate with the best of them. It was that sleepy feeling of contentedness that came afterward, when you are full and happy, and you can almost feel the world congratulating you on being young and joyful, that followed Remus up the staircase toward Gryffindor common room. He sat about with James and Sirius, still feeling very much content, but rather sleepy now as well. When both their conversation and their game of Exploding Snap had died down, he took his leave and made his way up the stone staircase and to bed.

Sirius watched him go, happy to see him free of pain. He breathed a little sigh, glad that the full moon catastrophe seemed to be behind them. James started in on the homework that Sirius had already finished. Sirius cast a casual glance toward the clock. It was nearing nine o' clock. That was a bit of luck. Fifth years were allowed in the corridors until nine. He muttered something to James about the library. His best friend paused mid-scribble and winked up at him. He grinned back, heading up to the dormitory to straighten up before leaving. He opened the door softly, looking at the sleeping Remus with a brother's love in his eyes.

He changed silently into worn jeans and a deep grey shirt, letting his dark hair fall into his face as he grinned into the mirror. Sarah was waiting. Sirius went over to James's trunk, opened it, and took out the silvery Invisibility Cloak. He went back down to the rowdy common room with the cloak folded in his bag, putting a hand softly on Lily's shoulder as he made his way out. She looked up from her studies and smiled, knowing where he was going. Sirius opened the portrait hole and padded down the hall, ditching his bag under a chair and pulling the Invisibility Cloak over himself as he walked. The library was almost empty, a few last-minute stragglers were making their way out. But Sarah sat in one of the rather stiff old armchairs, curled up with an enormous book in her hands. Her glasses were perched on her nose, and she was immersed in the words of the book.

The invisible Sirius crept up behind her chair, admiring her for a moment. The glasses made her look studious. He put out a hand, and brushed the hair back from her face. She jumped a little, but otherwise ignored him. She knew he was there. Sarah rose purposefully from her seat, placing the book carefully back onto its shelf. She walked over to the librarian's desk. Oddly enough, Sarah had a sort of friendship with the formidable Madam Pince.

"Thank you for the use of the library, Madam Pince," she said now, a smile on her lips.

"Yes, well. You are among the good students who put the books back," said the librarian in a stern voice, tinged with a rare kindness. "Sarah dear, I have to sort a few books yet, so if you want to stay a few extra minutes that's fine."

Sarah grinned. "Alright. Thanks. I'll just get a look at a certain spell I've been wondering about and let myself out then."

"Very well. I'll be in the back room."

"Goondight, Madam Pince."

"Goodnight, Sarah."

The librarian left. Sarah cracked a rather evil grin, and slid behind a large bookshelf, blocking herself from the view of the back room. She closed her eyes, smiling. They had played this game before. Sirius stepped to her, pushing her body back against the bookshelf, pressing up against her. She stifled a giggle and pulled the cloak off him. His hands met her waist and she shivered, pushing closer. He closed his eyes, keeping his breath slow. She was so real, but it was almost unbelievable that she was there with him. He knew what she wanted, but he didn't kiss her.

He stooped, picking up the abandoned cloak, and slipped it over the pair of them. She enjoyed the excuse to press up against his body again, taking his hand and laughing, breaking into a run when they reached the corridor. Sirius threw caution to the winds, running with her, down the empty halls and into the Entrance Hall. They opened the doors together and he bowed her through them. She went out onto the grounds, pulling her airy, long-sleeved blue shirt closer around herself in the cool air. Her worn brown shoes made soft swishing noises as she ran across the dark grass, slick with dew. Sirius followed her down to the lakeshore. She stopped at the beech tree and toyed with one of the boughs, pulling a leaf off and tucking it behind her ear, laughing. She took off her glasses and tucked them into her jean pocket.

Sirius dropped the cloak to lie in a silvery puddle among the roots of the beech. He went to her.

"Sarah," he began, but words failed him. He stepped closer, then pulled her to him and encircled her waist with his arms, gazing into those deep blue eyes. She smiled at him, and he touched his forehead to hers. "I love you," he whispered softly, releasing her waist to run a finger along her cheek. She embraced him and whispered back, "I love you more." He closed his eyes, allowing himself to drown in the sweet need that came over him. He didn't want to let go of her, ever. She was the anchor against all the insanity in his life, and he needed her. He needed her desperately.

He pushed her back a step, gingerly leaning her onto the trunk of the beech tree, and kissed her lips deeply. He smiled around their kiss as he felt her swoon slightly, clinging to a low branch nearby to keep her feet. He broke the kiss slowly, but she pulled the front of his robes back toward her and kissed him again before relinquishing. She slid to the base of the tree, closing her eyes contentedly. He sat close to her, slipping an arm around her shoulders casually; and they sat, staring at the stars twinkling through the leaves, smiling down on them. The whole world was smiling at them, two young lovers lost in thoughts of each other, connected by something most couldn't begin to fathom until it happened to them.

"Sirius," she said in a hushed voice, blue eyes reflecting the velvet sky full of diamond stars, "what's the most glorious thing that could ever happen to us?"

"It's happening." he said quietly, and she smiled in the starlight.

"I hoped you'd say that."

The days slipped past, a haze of stress, studying, Career Advice sessions, Quidditch practices, and a sense of longing for the exams to be over. The fifth years were never seen outside of the Library now that they only had a fortnight until exams. For Remus, the only thing that he thought about besides O.W.L.'s was Lily. Though there were no more kisses, hidden smiles and quiet affection took their place. Kisses between them were too... sacred, too treasured, to be wasted.

Saturday approached, and the Quidditch match changed the mood of the castle to one of tantalizing excitement. The day dawned cool and overcast, the clouds providing shelter from the sun as the players walked onto the Quidditch Pitch. Remus was in the stands with Lily and Peter, bedecked in Gryffindor rosettes, each with a Ravenclaw rosette lost among the scarlet in support for Sarah. Remus cheered with the rest as his friends emerged onto the smooth emerald field. James was looking nervous, but anticipatory. Sirius was grinning widely at Sarah, who was the very model of cool readiness.

"Mount your brooms!" Madam Hooch cried. The players mounted their assorted brooms as one. The sharp blast of the whistle rang out in the morning air, and they were off. James zoomed by the stands, his eyes darting for the Snitch. The Ravenclaw Seeker tailed him closely. Frank was in front of the goal posts, the Quaffle was released. Sarah caught it deftly and tucked it under her arm. Sirius pretended that he hadn't noticed that there had been a Bludger right next to him a moment before. He was saved the trouble, however, by the Gryffindor Chaser Megan Finnigan, who rammed into Sarah quickly, causing her to drop the Quaffle. The commentary was being run by Hufflepuff John Andrews.

"And the Quaffle is caught by Kelvin of Gryffindor, Kelvin zooming up the Pitch... nice defense there by Ravenclaw, and its Ravenclaw back in possession, Finn traveling up the Pitch and... ouch! she'll feel that one tomorrow, Bludger hit by Larry Benson of Gryffindor."

"So its Gryffindor in possession, come on, Kelvin! Nice pass there, and he shoots and SCORES! That's ten to Gryffindor."

Remus punched the air as Lily cheered loudly. The stands around them erupted in cheers from the scarlet-clad supporters.

"And its Ravenclaw now, Finn is really moving there, some unusually inaccurate Bludger work by Black, and Finn is in the scoring area, she dodges the Keeper, and... Nice work Ravenclaw! Ten-ten."

A few goals later, it was thirty-twenty to Ravenclaw, and the Seekers were still searching desperately for the Golden Snitch.

"And its Gryffindor in possession, Gryffindor heading up the field—eesh, a Bludger hit by Ravenclaw. Is that broken? Wait, Potter's seen the Snitch!"

The crowd gasped and cheered as James flew off at break-neck speed toward the Ravenclaw goal-posts. He dodged one Bludger, another. Sirius swung heavily at them, causing them to knock one of the Ravenclaw Beaters nearly off his broom. James looped the goal posts, the Ravenclaw Seeker hot on his tail. Sarah battled furiously with Kelvin for the Quaffle. She had it, and headed to the goal posts. Frank saved it! The Ravenclaw Seeker was drawing closer to the Snitch, James slammed into him, causing him to veer off course. He reached out his hand, rose from his broomstick, and made a spectacular catch, the tiny golden ball fluttering against his fist as he did a loop-de-loop and rose, triumphant, into the air.

The stadium erupted with shouts and cheers, scarlet banners and flags were waved, and Remus grabbed Lily from the waist and spun her around. Peter was bouncing up and down, yelling himself hoarse. Below, the teams were shaking hands, the Ravenclaws congratulating the Gryffindors dejectedly. Sirius couldn't seem to stop grinning. The applauding and cheering of the crowd was filling him with an explosive happiness. We're going to the final match, a chance for the Cup!! He looked over at Sarah, who was shaking hands with Kelvin. Sirius walked up behind her, speaking softly into her ear.

"Good game, dearest." She turned and smiled at him. "And you," she replied. His smile faded a bit as he looked at her face.

"You're disappointed?"

"No," she lied, "I'll be there to cheer you on when you win the Cup." She grinned at him and hugged him. He closed his eyes and hugged her back, sensing her mood change as she shared his joy.

A flash of violet light came through Sirius's closed eyelids. His grey eyes shot open a second before a blinding jet of light came from out of nowhere and hit Sarah on the side of the head, glancing off. She slumped into his arms, dead weight. His mind seemed to have shut down, his senses dull.

"Sarah!" He panicked, holding her up. His stomach clenched up as he called over his shoulder for Madam Hooch. She ran over quickly, muttered something to herself, and conjured a stretcher. Sirius didn't let her aid him as he lifted her onto it. She still hadn't moved. The stretcher started do drift toward the castle, Sirius stayed next to it, walking quickly to keep close to it, his broom and bat forgotten on the field.

"Who cast it?" Sirius said to James without taking his eyes off Sarah's face. His face was set because he was sure he already knew the answer.

"Slytherin." said James, "It came from Slytherin, mate. Do you suppose it was—" but he was stopped short with a meaningful glance at Madam Hooch. He added more quietly, "We'll figure it out, Padfoot. Don't worry."

Sirius nodded shortly, his fists clenched in worry. He took a deep breath, trying to force himself to think rationally. It was a hex. Just a hex. But a horrible wave of hatred rose up in him at whoever had cast it. I'll make him sorry. he thought savagely.

"What—What is it?" he asked Madam Hooch.

"Nothing life-threatening." she replied shortly. He rolled his eyes when she wasn't looking. They reached the castle doors, and Sirius refused to be shaken off, but stayed next to her all the way to the infirmary. James, Frank, and the Ravenclaw team were behind him. Madam Pomfrey bustled out of her office, casting an experienced eye over the situation. She put Sarah into a bed near the end of the ward, and Sirius knelt beside her. The bruise on her head was purple now. Madam Pomfrey tutted and pointed her wand at it. Sarah, still not conscious, winced and stirred at it faded. Sirius noticed that he had the blankets of the bed clenched in his hands, and released them. He wanted to know what was wrong with her! He looked up at Madam Pomfrey.

"Will she be alright? Who did this? Is it just a hex? Will she be able to walk? Is she in a coma? Are you sure she's alright?!?" he shot off, waiting impatiently for her response.

"Hush." she said sternly, and Sirius fell silent, chewing on his lip and sweeping his hair back out of his face. He fidgeted, and took Sarah's hand.

"Will she—"he began, but Madam Pomfrey cut him off.

"It was a hex, Mister Black. And it could have been a lot worse. Lucky for her, it seemed to have only caught the side of her head. Now, if you cannot be quiet, you will leave this ward immediately! Miss Finn will be fine." She reassured him, an odd smile on her face. Was it admiration?

"Hush." she said again, resuming her huffy state.

She turned her back and walked quickly into her office, returning with a bottle of foul-smelling potion. She gave the potion to Sarah, who sputtered and coughed before opening her eyes. Sirius's stomach flooded with cool relief.

"Ouch," said Sarah, touching the spot on her head where the spell had hit. Sirius grinned, delighted that she still had the power of speech.

"Yes, dear. It will hurt for the rest of the day, but it should be fine by nightfall. Now, do you want to stay here and rest or do you suppose you can make it back to your dormitory?" asked Madam Pomfrey.

"Oh, I'll be fine," Sarah said, sitting up slowly.

"Are you sure dear? Perhaps it would be better if you stayed the night..."

"No, really." said Sarah, "I'm fine." She smiled weakly at Sirius as he helped her to her feet and thanked the nurse.

"Its no trouble at all, dear. Don't you worry, they'll catch whoever it was that hexed you. Now, I want all of you out before you wake my other patients." She shooed them out with one hand, screwing the top back onto the potion bottle with the other.

The Ravenclaw team trickled out, tailed by the Gryffindors and Sarah. She had her arm around Sirius's shoulders, and his arm was wrapped around her back, helping her walk on her still slightly wobbly legs. Sirius was feeling rather faint himself, he was so relieved. Out in the corridor, the Ravenclaw team congratulated James flatly, reassured Sarah, and headed back to the Pitch and the locker rooms. The six friends wound their way down the corridor, where they stopped in front of a large tapestry. James pulled it aside with a flourish. It revealed a secret passageway. This lead on a short way to another corridor, which held nothing but a stretch of bare wall... at first. Sarah shot a quizzical look at Sirius, who only laughed in reply, its bark-like sound ringing against the walls. Remus and James stared fixedly at the wall, and Sarah caught Lily's eye. The two girls silently agreed. They're mad. Lily suppressed her giggles. Just then, a worn wooden door appeared in the wall directly in front of Remus. The girls stopped laughing, and Sarah broke away from Sirius to walk curiously into the room.

It was a quiet place, furnished with a collection of comfortable-looking sea-blue armchairs, strewn with pillows. There was a table in front of the grate, boasting a vase of white flowers. The grate held no fire, but instead a dozen candles, their light flickering against the white stone. The walls were a spicy green color. Sarah gasped in delight, followed shortly by Lily. The boys filed in behind them, and the door closed with a satisfying click. They all took seats around the room, Sirius lounging on the loveseat with Sarah's head on his shoulder, James on the hearth, Remus, Lily, and Peter on a long, low couch.

"What is this place?" asked Lily wonderingly.

"Well, we don't really know." said James, "But we've named it the Room of Requirement. And I have an idea."