Date finished: 14 October 2003

Title: Yours Am I?

Series: Saiyuki

Category: Humor

Pairing: Hakkai + Sanzo / Sanzo + Hakkai

Status: 3/?

Warning: PG-13 for the shounen-ai, language and other themes used here.

Standard disclaimers apply.

Additional A/N (16 October 2003): Made some changes on my redundant sentences and other grammatical mistakes. Thanks to sf for pointing them out to me.

'—denotes thoughts—' || /—denotes emphasis—/

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"Yours Am I?"

by Fall

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Part Three - "Vendetta: Genjo Sanzo strikes back?"

They were supposed to eat inside their rooms, with their food having been prepared by Hakkai, but as circumstances would have it, they ended up eating at a restaurant not far from where they were staying.

The circumstances had names, so to speak. They were called Son Goku and Sha Gojyo, each trying to out-do one another in "helping" a common friend.

Gojyo was seen ditching two women several blocks away from the inn. Judging from the pouting that was evident on their lovely features, he really had no plans of "keeping them company" as he had so pompously declared in front of a fair-haired monk a few minutes ago. But the women would not let him go that easily, so Gojyo just had to lie some more and promised to "raid" them tonight.

Gojyo was thinking that he was the cleverest and handsomest devil (no pun intended if there's one) that existed in all of Togenkyo…

He now had two lovely women believing whatever he said with that sensual mouth of his.

He was easily winning the bet with the saru.

He now had the corrupt monk fully indebted to him. (That is according to him, because at the moment he was not aware in the slightest of the monk's "reaction".) With a self-satisfied smirk still plastered on his face, he hid behind some trees and waited for Hakkai and Goku to pass by. He was not stupid to risk going back alone to the inn and making Sanzo think that the prospect of a rendezvous with the women had scared him away.

Speaking of Sanzo, the half-breed had something else in mind. It was rarely that he got the upper hand over the irascible monk, and Gojyo was enjoying it.

'Maybe an addition of fuel to the fire would be in order?' He thought, another quirk settling itself firmly on his mind as he approached Hakkai. The latter smiled at him and started a conversation about things like lunch and that night's after-dinner activities. 'After all, the more infuriated Sanzo gets with this, the more they would end up happily ever after…'

………..

Goku on the other hand was thinking that /he/ was the smartest person in all of Togenkyo.

First, he had made Hakkai buy him lots and lots of food.

Second, he had Hakkai buy Sanzo lots and lots of liquor.

Third, it was his idea that if they did not eat at the inn, Hakkai would not tire himself by cooking their lunch and cleaning after. He would then have enough time to spend with Sanzo and they would be so happy that they're going to thank Goku by tomorrow.

And fourth, he was going to win this bet. By tomorrow, Gojyo would know who was the smartest between them—and he would have to enslave himself under Goku's mastership.

A glazed rapture shone through his golden eyes as he gobbled up whatever there was on the table. This was lost on the rest of its occupants except for Hakkai, who was inwardly wondering what was happening with everyone.

Everyone was occupied. Goku was silently rhapsodizing about his apparent intelligence, while Gojyo and Sanzo were absolutely wary of each other. Sure, they often had a hostile air hovering between them most of the time, but this was different. It was as if they were aware of something that the other was not—if Hakkai did not know them, he was tempted to think that Gojyo was /waiting/ for Sanzo to move first and vice versa.

"Do you want more sake, Sanzo?" Hakkai asked, hoping to liven up the table.

" 'Ch." Sanzo merely pushed his cup towards Hakkai, who made to fill it. However, the bottle was empty.

"Sumimasen. I didn't notice it at all." Hakkai smiled apologetically. "I'll get some more over at the counter."

"Matte, Hakkai. I'll get it," Gojyo cut in.

Sanzo was eyeing Gojyo with a wariness that made Hakkai chuckle silently. When the half-youkai came back, he had two more bottles and a new cup.

"Oi, Gojyo, what's with the new cup? You're letting me drink too? Wai~!"

"No, you bakazaru! It's for me."

Hakkai amusedly watched as Gojyo poured sake in his cup and did the same for Hakkai and Sanzo's empty cups. The half-breed never touched the cup he'd left, even if it still had some sake in it. And Sanzo just stared at the cup being handed to him, rather like how he would survey some filthy little youkai assassin.

" 'Ch," They heard Sanzo mutter.

This was going too well for Hakkai's amusement, and he had to exercise all the self-control he could muster if he did not want some people to glare at him for chuckling out loud. His emerald eyes surveyed Sanzo's untouched cup, to Gojyo's abandoned lunch (which he'd been eating tentatively before he'd left to get more sake), and to Goku's still bright eyes.

'Yare yare, desu ne.'

………..

'Koroshiteyaro.' Sanzo kept chanting in his head as he glared at Gojyo. Apparently, the half-youkai was enjoying Hakkai's attentions so thoroughly that Sanzo had this insane urge to discard his gun and tear Gojyo into pieces with his bare hands.

No wait, that wouldn't be very much in character for Genjo Sanzo. So let's just say that while Gojyo was apparently enjoying keeping Hakkai's attentions to himself, Sanzo was seen furiously reading his newspaper.

They'd left the restaurant and returned to the inn, and were now sitting in Sanzo and Hakkai's room. As if it wasn't enough that he barely enjoyed their lunch by having to watch Gojyo's every move against him—now he was subjected to watching Gojyo flirt with Hakkai.

It was insane, but Sanzo's hands itched to get to his gun. His amethyst eyes appeared to be fixed on the newspaper he was reading, but anyone who'd known him for over three years would know that when Genjo Sanzo is furiously reading his newspaper, he was wrathfully subjecting someone into torture in his mind (not the hentai type).

There was a crash, and then a cry. Looking up, he saw Goku had knocked several brown parcels off the table, sending a dozen or so liquors crashing down the stone floor.

"Gomen!" The boy quickly cried out. Immediately, Hakkai broke off his conversation with Gojyo and hurried over to Goku's side. After checking that the boy hadn't been cut from the shattered pieces of glass, he proceeded to clean the mess.

"Hakkai…"

"Daijoubu, Goku. There are some left, and Sanzo would live with," And Hakkai counted the remaining bottles. "…three bottles."

Gojyo uttered something close to a snort, but Sanzo wasn't sure. He was more intent in watching the bakazaru's face. He saw something pass the boy's face, something that looked suspiciously like a smirk.

It annoyed him a lot. Here, the bakazaru was smirking because of the bottles he'd smashed. Probably deliberate. The hentai kappa was having the time of his life, pushing his patience to its limits. And here he was watching the two of them unconsciously drawing Hakkai's attentions to themselves…

'Aha. So that's what's been making you grumpy all these time. Hakkai's attention indeed.' A small voice maliciously quipped in his mind.

'Urusai,' Sanzo shot back silently. 'I'm not thinking of that in the way you are implying.'

He wasn't thinking of that. He was thinking of other important things, such as getting revenge on a certain crimson-haired half-breed. He folded up the newspaper he'd been trying in vain to read, and stood up from his chair.

"Sanzo?"

"I'll be back before sundown."

………..

He knew the one place to go where he could get what he needs to get back at Gojyo. The half-breed deserved it. And just as he was getting close to his goal, he saw the two women that Gojyo had been flaunting this morning.

'This is going to be easy.'

………..

Gojyo surveyed the scene before him contemptuously. While he'd been having the time of his life knowing that the monk was furious with the way he was conducting a conversation with Hakkai, the bakazaru had to be clumsy. Now, Hakkai's attention was diverted, the monk had decided to go out, and Goku had convinced Hakkai to accompany him out and buy more liquor. His malicious enjoyment was thwarted because of the saru's timely clumsiness.

He was alone in the room with nothing to do. He stretched out onto the window seat and tried to while away the time. He was actually bored with the way things were going.

'Convenient—just when the monk's right hand was twitching,' Gojyo thought dryly. He recalled the scene wherein Goku continued to ramble non-stop about how he was sorry, with Hakkai cleaning up the mess. Then his eyes went from the now empty chair, to the windows where he and Hakkai were previously talking, and to the table where the bottles had been knocked off.

'Wait a minute,' Gojyo started to think, suspicion brewing in his mind. 'Timely clumsiness?'

He could almost imagine Goku gleefully accepting orders from his master. He was his pet saru, after all. Shaking his head, he smirked inwardly at the apparent foolishness of the monk. 'He thinks he can repay me like this—he must be stupider than I thought. Blondes.' [1] He smirked to himself.

………..

He must have dozed off because incessant knocking at the door awakened him. He walked to the door with an annoyed face, ready to kick the ass of the one who disturbed his sleep. Never mind that this was Sanzo and Hakkai's room, not his.

"Excuse me, is there someone here named Sha Gojyo?" A pretty little blonde asked nervously.

Gojyo's spirit rose faster than if he was guzzling down a dozen beers. The woman was prettier than most he'd seen, even sexier. 'And blonde too,' a nagging thought reminded him.

"I'm Sha Gojyo, my dear. Come in and make yourself at home." The half-breed practically defeated Hakkai in terms of courtesy. "What does a pretty damsel like you want, to come looking for a guy such as me?"

"More of, 'Are you blind and stupid to have come looking for a guy such as me?' ", Goku mimicked from the door.

'Since when did the bakazaru come back? I thought he was out with Hakkai…'

"I beg your pardon?"

"Don't mind him, kids say the darnest things you know," [2] Gojyo laughed to cover his mortification. Behind his back, he gave the bakazaru a death threat with his left hand.

"Goku, that wasn't polite. Apologize to the pretty young lady." Gojyo tried his best to imitate Hakkai's way.

"But it was for you, you hent—!" Goku was cut by the way Gojyo's hand was warning him. It must have been effective, because it made the boy approach the pretty young lady and say, "Look, nee-chan. That wasn't meant to offend you. I'm sorry."

"Oh, how sweet of you! Daijoubu, I didn't take offense," The pretty young lady was saying now. "Gojyo-san, you are lucky to belong to a happy family." [3]

"Belong to a what?" Gojyo sputtered, almost biting out in half the cigarette he was lighting.

"A family. You are brothers, right?"

And the two "brothers" looked at each other. Gojyo decided that the pretty young lady was human. So she didn't know the difference between a youkai and a half-breed.

'Are all humans like this?' Gojyor reflected. The pretty young lady was, well, more than pretty, but it seems she lacked somewhere in the facilities section. 'Think of it. Sanzo is human, but he's quite dumb remember? So is this pretty young lady. She's human and quite dumb but she is—'

"Blonde." Gojyo muttered.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Betsuni. What is it again that you needed from me, my fair lady?"

And the pretty young lady launched into a story of how someone was stalking her, and how she was afraid of said stalker. Gojyo didn't notice that the pretty young lady was flinching with every look that he gave her whenever she said the word "stalker".

"Do you know who he is? Can you describe him to me?"

"I uh, I—" The pretty young lady stuttered. Then she suddenly blurted out, "But you will come home with me now, right?"

"I…will?" Gojyo asked, looking at the pretty young lady's physique. 'Damn, she's really gorgeous. I just hope she'd be willing—after all, I don't take unwilling virgins.'

"Gojyo says he will," Goku suddenly interjected. "Gojyo would never turn down a nice young lady when she /needs/ him."

Different thoughts danced in Gojyo's mind as the pretty young lady latched onto his arms and quickly dragged him out of the inn. For one thing, he couldn't believe his luck: the prey had sought the spider herself. On the other hand, he really /couldn't/ believe his luck.

'Look, if she is really in need of someone to help her, she could have asked the two of you. And decent girls won't come running to you for help—they'd run to their boyfriends first.' Argued the logical side of his mind.

'But she was the one who went to see me first in Sanzo and Hakkai's room.' His other unnamed side defended.

'Point taken—but don't you see? How could she have known you would be there? If she'd asked the innkeeper where Sha Gojyo's room is, he couldn't have told her where your companions slept right?'

But he merely brushed this off his mind as the pretty young lady led him into a pretty little house and made him sit in the comfortable pretty little puffy couch. Further logical thoughts left him when the pretty young lady locked the door and started to remove her pretty little accessories.

She was a pretty young thing all right. Actually, she was too /young/. He must have been tricked by the way the girl had worn her hair. And Sha Gojyo, even if he was the handsomest and cleverest devil in all of Togenkyo, knew when he shouldn't let his desires overcome him. He was virile and all that, but he was a gentleman at heart.

' 'Ch too young. Maybe in three years or so, but not now.'

He started to say that to the pretty young lady (who was now opening the zipper of her long frilly dress), but found that his throat was too dry. So he absent-mindedly drank some water off the glass she'd put down earlier for him.

'That was the stupidest thing I ever did,' was the first thing that lodged on his mind, as his vision blurred and he saw the pretty young lady looking at him in horror, while someone—was it a man?—assured her that Gojyo would live. Suddenly, he wished he'd chosen logical instincts over the carnal when he could. He'd already been wary of the monk's every act. He should have known better to be wary of /everyone/.

Sha Gojyo, 22, single and available, was suddenly headed to his doom. Or so he thought—no one knew except the one who told the pretty young lady [4]…

"One down, two more to go."

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To be continued…

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[1] I have nothing against blondes. I love them to bits, especially Yuki Eiri and Genjo Sanzo. Actually, I'm biased when it comes to them.

[2] That line came from a show I am sure existed. Although I don't remember which one it was…

[3] I wonder where I got that idea…*pokes someone named 'superfish'*

[4] I simply refuse to omit that phrase. I'm having a fit just saying it…no, seriously, it's a sarcastic reference on my part.

A/N: Longer when compared to the last two installments. This is a humor fic, in case anyone is wondering. All characters were depicted in the craziest way I could come up with—I mean, if Sanzo angsts here because of the rain, then this can't be a humor fic.

Thank you to those who've been reminding me to update this fic. You know who you are. *glomps*

Review comments and constructive criticisms are welcome.