Chappie Three: If I Were Gay

At the Wheeler Residence

Joey and Tristian stumbled into the house together, at four a.m. Rowenna muttered something incoherent as she shut the door and locked it, walking up the stairs to her room.

"Wha was dat?" Joey slurred.

"The blankets are in the…TV?" Tristian asked, poking the TV repeatedly.

After about twenty minuets of the two of them trying to get the blankets out of the black box, Rowenna came back down and got the blankets out from UNDERNEATH the TV and pulled out the couch for them.

"I do hope you can undress yourselves." Rowenna muttered, walking back upstairs. "Make sure you take off your belts first."

An interesting thirty five minuets later, and Joey and Tristian were in boxers, sitting on the pulled out bed, blankets thrown over themselves. They were on the verge of passing out. "Ay Tristian, I got somethin' to tell you."

"What is it Jo?" He asked, leaning his head on Joey's shoulder. "You can tell me any…anyfing ol' pal."

"It's weird…but…" Joey paused, as if looking for the right words, and instead, he grabbed Rowenna's guitar and plucked the strings, playing a chord. "Here we are, dear old friend. You and I, drunk again. Laughs have been had, and tears have been shed…maybe the whisky's gone to my head…"

He paused, looking at Tristian. Tristian smiled, looking at him. Joey stood up, still playing the guitar in tune. "But if I were gay, I would give you my heart! And if I were gay, you'd be my work of art! And if I were gay, we would swim in romance." He looked down at Tristian, who's hands were slowly moving up Joey's leg.

"But I'm not gay, so get your hands out of my pants." Tristian sighed, putting his hand back on his own lap, as Joey continued, swaying a bit.

"It's not that I don't care, I do. I just don't see myself in you…Another time, another scene…I'd be right behind you, if you know what I mean?" Joey winked, and Tristian laughed. "'Cause if I were gay, I would give you my soul! And if I were gay, I would give you my whole…being." Joey added nervously.

"And if I were gay we would tear down the walls! But I'm not gay, so won't you stop cupping my ba…hand." He said, looking down at Tristian, who's hands were snapped back into his lap immediately.

"We've never hugged, we've never kissed. I've never been intimate with your fist…but you have opened brand new doors! Get over here and drop…your…drawers!" Joey screamed, throwing the guitar down and leaping onto Tristian, kissing him deeply. Tristian did not mind the action.

However, Rowenna did, and she grabbed a broom from the kitchen, whacking them both with it.

"No, no, no, no, no, no! You dumb asses! Not while you're drunk, and sure as hell NOT on my COUCH!" She screamed, whacking them again and again.