Author's Note: This is just some general silliness sparked by someone asking Wolvertique yet another ridiculous question. What would happen if Storm had an LSD trip? The title is taken from the fact that if the following happened to anyone, regardless of how much it made everyone else laugh, that person would maintain till their dying day that it was Not Funny.
Storm moaned. The walls were slowly turning green. And wasn't the Professor unable to fly? Yet there he was, flapping over the couch, turning red and blue. He was too bright to look at, the brilliant red hurting her eyes.
She wiped the sweat from her brow and tried to calm down. None of this made sense. She just had one beer. It should not be affecting her this way. Her hand was turning into a large fish. Probably a haddock. Its flat eyes winked at her loudly. She screamed and tried to make her fingers come back by slamming the fish into the algae covered wall.
Someone was talking at her. It was ... a dog? A large golden retriever was talking to her. She screamed and jumped up onto the wall.
"What the hell is wrong with Storm?" Jubilee pulled back from the woman, who was screaming and clinging to the wall.
"I don't know," Rogue gasped, trying to keep Bobby from flying away as Storm's winds whipped through the room. "She usually has a better head than this."
Bobby gulped. "Did she take the Beck's in the back of the fridge?"
Rogue tightened her grip on Bobby and pulled him up to her face. "What did you do?"
He gave a weak smile. "Uhm...nothing?"
Kurt flew by, yelping. Rogue shook Bobby gently. "What did you DO, soon to be ex-Iceman?"
Sweat was pouring down Bobby's face. He gave a sheepish grin. "You see, Logan told my last date I had herpes, so I was gonna get even with him, and since he won't touch American beer ... I kinda spiked it with as much LSD as Remy could get for me."
"Remy?" Rogue let Bobby go, and he let out a "WHOA!" as he turned to ice and slammed through the wall into the kitchen. She flew to the ceiling and ripped Kurt down.
"Rogue?" The blue teleporter clung to her, frantic, as a mini-tornado developed in the living room and Storm screamed something about mushrooms.
"She's your girlfriend, Kurt. Calm her down." She hooked one of his arms around Storm's waist and flew off. The swamp rat had gone too far this time.
Kurt sighed and clung to Ororo, nervous and frightened. It's one thing to see your girlfriend use her powers against your enemies, but it's quite another to have her use them against you. He tried singing to her, gently, an old Romani lullaby his foster mother had used on him.
The strawberry flavored fog clinging to her skin melted away as the flute began playing. The music was amazing, more than she'd ever felt before. She could feel the music in her heart, pounding in her head. She began to cry. It was amazing.
He held on tighter as the sky split open and the rain came pouring down, in through the open windows, spattering onto the wall, driven by the wind. At least she was calming down. Well, kind of.
She sniffled and looked down to see Mystique clinging to her. Her skin felt red against Ororo's, and her eyes throbbed with a heartbeat she could taste. It tasted of melancholy and sadness. She cried with Mystique as the woman sang on, filling her mind with fluffy white flowers.
"Liebe?" He felt her arm holding him, and he relaxed a little. Her face was sad but perplexed, and she was looking at him, not through him.
"Mystique." That was not the word he wanted to hear from her.
"Nein. It is Kurt."
The song was the world. Mystique was the world. Ororo was the world, too. She smiled and bent to kiss the world in her arms. The world tasted like white zinfandel and roses.
The rain started softening, the wind died down, and she looked at him with love, then bent down for a kiss. He eagerly returned it. She was not particularly aggressive, normally, but he enjoyed the change in her.
The world pulled back from her. No. This was not going to happen. She pulled the world back to her. It had shrunk to the size of an apple. Mmm. It tasted like sunshine.
"Ororo?" He gasped as she pulled him close when he would have withdrawn, then began nibbling his skin.
She giggled. "And to think it all started with one kiss." She looked up at the ceiling. "Hi, Charles!" She waved at the ceiling, then gasped. "I don't know, they're turning into flowers." She turned to Kurt. "Apple of my eye of the world of my eye of the world …" She cut off and started giggling again as he stared at her, perplexed.
"Come with me." The apple pulled at the vines making up her arm. She could see the pull in straight black lines before it happened. It was interesting. The vines entwined with the apple and the apple was the vine and all was one and one was all. "This must be what it's like to be the Dalai Lama, only with more leaves." Wait. That wasn't right. "Leaving the world is easier than worlding the leaf."
She giggled. The cute and fluffy bunnies eating the cute and fluffy werewolf were enough. She did not need to speak. Vines did not speak anyway.
Kurt pulled Ororo, unresisting, down to the elevator so they could go down to the medical bay. Her eyes burned bright. The rain continued to fall, a light misting rain now, as she stared at the elevator buttons. "Do not worry, liebchen. We will have you all right."
The lamp post was silly. But it was a nice lamp post. Maybe it was the lamp post to the wardrobe. She patted it. It let off a smell like baked beans and hemp.
Kurt leaped back as Storm socked him in the arm hard. "Please, mein freund. I need that arm still."
The elevator doors opened, finally, and he shoved her inside. She moaned a little in protest.
The farmer had pulled her out by the roots! She was only trying to grow a little in his nice field of wheat. The gold of it still burned in her chest, the feeling of drawing water up from the soil pounded in her hands. She fell on him.
Storm fell over, crying again, curling into a ball at his feet. He had to force her up so he could get her to the medical bay.