Summary- Reference to the first chapter if you want a summary damnit.
Rating- R, because I curse too much for my own good.
Authoress Ramblings- Dear higher being of some sort! A third chapter already! Wow! This is absolutely amazing! Well, I would like to thank my beautiful reviewers for having such love for my work.....you guys seriously make my day, you honestly do.
The First Year- No, YOU are super SUPER great! I'm glad you had fun!
Zine- Yes....laugh your arse off, babe.....MUWAHAHA!
Oliver and libby- Yes, I do love you two (or maybe you're just one...hmmmm) and I'm sorry you were deprived of for 3 weeks. That must suck!
Lily- I love you too.....I will not ignore you because I love people that threaten me....it makes me work faster. Ai shiteru!
Bryjin- Thank you uber much! I'm glad I met your standards, and I'm SOO happy you reviewed my other story....I might even continue it now! I'm sorry the last chapter was so very short, but that kind of happens with me....I'll have a great idea and then I'll break it up into two ideas...I have no idea why I do this, but I do.
Thank you again guys! I really appreciate all this attention my story is getting! But seriously....I want you guys to make suggestions for the future, because otherwise I'll end up repeating things I've done in the past, and that's no fun, right? Oh, and again, I'm glad people responded well to Draco's Jerry Springer speech, because I was afraid I may have lost some readers with the insanity of it, but I guess insanity is in right now, so INSANITY YOU GET! MUWAHAHA! I've also decided to skip ahead a bit with my ideas (see what happens when you don't help me?) and I'm going to plant the seed of Alfred Hitchcock....ew, not in that way! Gross! Get that mind out of the gutter!
Chapter 3- Bumpkin USA Part 2
"What the bloody fuck is this?" Draco was baffled. He was just starting to get used to the wobbly water bed, when he realized there was a great big black box against one of the walls with strange antenae sticking out of the top. He picked up a small rectangular....thing....with buttons all over it, and began to hit some of the numbered buttons randomly. "What is this supposed to do, teach me my numbers?"
Harry looked in from the small bathroom that connected to the bedroom and rolled his eyes. "What do they teach you in muggle studies anyway? That's a remote control, Malfoy....it controls the telly?" Harry pointed to the black box, then returned to his previous task of washing his hands.
Draco noticed the power button on the 'remote', and pointed it at the television, turning it on. He noticed two different sets of 'up/down' arrows on the remote, and began to hit one of the 'up' arrows. Suddenly, the television's sound went up to an unbearable height, so Draco hit the 'down' arrow so the volume returned to normal. He then hit the other 'up' arrow, and soon the picture on the television was changing. Draco kept doing this until he stopped on what looked like a very raunchy channel indeed.
Meanwhile, Harry was starting to become frustrated with his enemy's lack of knowledge of the muggle world. 'Just stay calm, Harry, he's in the same boat as you...' his thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of cheesy 70s music and odd noises. Harry stood in the doorway between the bedroom and bathroom and dropped his jaw at what he saw. Malfoy was staring almost hypnotically at the screen, which showed two woman covered in whipped cream and getting 'help' cleaning it off by a rather robust man. Harry's face contorted in disgust and turned around back into the bathroom. "Malfoy, what are you watching?!"
The blonde jumped at the sound of Potter's voice and immediately changed the channel to a black and white film called 'Birds' that was apparently made by a very fat man. "It's 'Birds' Potter, even though it's really none of your business." Draco called out as his heart began to finally slow down from the jolt it had moments before.
Harry walked back into the bedroom area of the motel room and sat on the bed, making Malfoy bob up and down on it. He leaned back a bit with a bored expression on his face remembering seeing this movie once a long time ago. He had peeked through the slits on the door to the cupboard under the stairs, and he had watched the movie in a reflection of a mirror in the hall.
The two sat and watched the movie rather quietly.....well, they made uncomfortable sounds whenever someone was pecked to death, but other then that they were remotely silent. They were about to turn the TV off when another movie came on, only this one was called 'Psycho'. Harry found it amusing and kind of ironic that they were watching a movie about a crazed motel owner killing his customer while they were in a motel, but Draco found it very disturbing. "Malfoy, take a fucking shower, you stink!"
Draco stared at Potter for a few moments with an indignant glare on his face before he finally got himself up and went to take a shower. "Be sure to keep yourself contained, Potter, I know how much you want to see my great arse." Malfoy said nonchalantly from the bathroom as he began to strip out of his clothes and turn the shower on. "Ugh! This place is filthy! Leave it to you to get us stuck in a place with disgusting loos!"
The boy-who-lived leaned back on the water bed and bit with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Would you like help cleaning?" Harry asked. Draco looked out over to the bed and onto Harry, who proceeded to lick his lips suggestively.
The blonde turned a flaming red as he saw this and jumped back a good three feet. "You wank!" Draco yelled out an octave higher then usual while Harry sat back, laughed his lungs out and enjoyed the movie.
Draco had had just about enough of this crap. He was absolutely sick of Potter! He wanted to leave this god-forsaken place back to England and NEVER return. His feet felt grimy on the floor of the shower and it looked like the soap had been used. What a bloody dump. Draco was in the process of cleaning his bar of soap when he heard someone enter the bathroom. "Get the fuck out Potty!" He was really pissed off now- first he has to take him away from England, now he has to disturb his shower? This was complete bullshit. He stopped when he heard hard, labored breathing coming from the other side of the shower curtain. He tensed a bit as he saw the silhouette of someone on the other side who appeared to be holding something in their hand. Malfoy's heart raced as the person began to slowly pull the shower curtain back.
"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT, POTTY!" Draco screamed as he hit the person hard on the head with the old bar of soap. Harry slumped onto the ground and with the shower curtain still in hand, pulling it down with him. Draco turned off the water and heaved Potter into the bathtub, curtain and all. "You should have listened, Potter." He mumbled as he grabbed the object the unconcious boy had been holding-a toothbrush (complimentary of the motel) and tossed it into a corner of the bathroom. He walked over to the small, dingy counter in front of the large bathroom mirrors and began to hit the bar of soap still clenched in his hand against the counter, but stopped when the counter began to crack. He threw the piece of soap onto the sleeping form of Harry Potter, slipped his pants on and walked back into the bedroom area of the motel room.
The Slytherin jumped onto the water bed and swayed for a few minutes before it lulled him into a deep and dreamless sleep.
Draco woke the next day feeling fine and dandy- that is until a loud ringing reminded him rudely of exactly where he was. He looked over to the ringing contraption on the nightstand and warily picked it up. He pressed all of the buttons a few times, picked up a part of it that was connected to a coiled wire of some sort, then threw the annoyance across the room, where it crashed against a wall and made one final 'DING!' before falling silent.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Harry was beginning to come-to with a very bad headache and a dull ringing in his ears. He sat up, held his head and rubbed his temples, but the ringing wouldn't stop. He was about to try something like running his head under some water, or maybe trying to lie down a bit longer when he heard a loud 'crash' coming from the other part of the room. The raven haired boy jumped to his feet and ran into the bedroom area only to be greeted by a pissed off Draco Malfoy glaring bitterly at a heap of plastic and mechanical pieces on the floor. Harry followed his gaze and stopped when he realized what had happened.
"You smashed the phone?!" Harry yelled out at Malfoy, who jumped a bit as if he didn't remember Potter being with him.
Draco soon caught his cool again and looked at Harry with glazed, sleepy eyes. "It was making too much noise." He mumbled before hoisting himself out of the bed. "You finally woke up, you stupid arse."
Harry rolled his eyes indignantly and sat on the water bed with his head in hands. "You knock me out with a piece of soap, and follow up by killing the telephone....right....I'm stupid, hmm?"
Malfoy growled angrily as he began a search for the clothes he had taken off so he could take his shower, and stopped when he noticed his boxers were plastered onto Harry's back. "Give me my underwear, Potter." He said snidely and held out his hand impatiently. When Potter only looked at him with a confused look on his face, Draco walked behind Potter and yanked his boxers off of his back on his own. "Wait until the other Slytherins hear how the-boy-who-fuckin'-had-to-live slept on my underwear in a BATHTUB." His laughter pierced the morning air while Harry picked up the alarm clock threateningly before they were stopped by a sharp knocking on their door.
"Hey open up, I'm here for today's payment." The man from behind the counter called out grouchily through the wooden door. "You guys forgot to drop any deposit yesterday, so I had to come today.....now open the door."
Draco and Harry exchanged panicked looks as one important thought crossed their mind- they did not have muggle money. Harry motioned for Draco to get into the bed, who's face blanched for a moment before he did so. Potter then walked over to the door and opened it up. "Sorry to keep you waiting, we were uh....busy." He jerked his head into the direction of the bed, and the man at the door looked over. "We were just getting ready, weren't we.....er.....darling?" Harry choked out as the motel owner stepped into the room.
Malfoy threw a fake smile on his face and forced a laugh out. "We left the money in the on sugar lump, let's go get it." He then slipped out from underneath the covers of the water bed and hurried over to Potter, who was already taking steps back to get out of the room. The motel owner began to sit down on the water bed, but stopped when he noticed the broken phone on the floor.
"What the-?" He asked under his breath. He stood up from the water bed and walked into the bathroom, seeing the damage done there. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" He screamed out as he stormed back into the other part of the motel room. "YOU FUCKING QUEERS! WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
The owner of the motel stopped in his tirade with an angry red face and fists clenched. He tore down the curtains hung on the window and looked outside to see that the two boys had jumped a car and were driving away haphazardly. The owner stepped back and sat heavily on the water bed. "That's it. No more cousin's baby's daddy's and their lesbian lovers, no sir."
Holy shiznet......this chapter was hard to write, I must admit. It was hard to get the same type of humor I've been using into it, but you've got to admit...even though it was a different kind of funny, that was still pretty funny. I'm really glad I forced myself to make this chapter longer, even though something tells me I'm going to get complaints that this chapter was too short. Keep in mind my readers, this particular chapter is taking up 5 typed pages, and the other two took up......3? Something like that. Fuck I'm hungry. I think I'm going to write the next chapter through the perspective of Hermione and Ron, but then again I might not. I'm not sure. Oh, and I want to warn you now- I am most likely going to make this a slash fic, it's just taking me a long time. Um...lemme see...well again I would like to thank everyone that has reviewed my stories so far, and I want you to know I honestly appreciate it! Keep reviewing, and I am dead serious when i say this-
MAKE SUGGESTIONS FOR STUFF THAT CAN HAPPEN.
Honestly, this story will be complete shit if it keeps up like this, because my creative juices are making a very tangy lemonade indeed (that's a slightly inside joke of mine....it means that I have creative ideas, but they're not appropriate for mixed company, if you catch my drift). Let me see......um....I'm going to talk about inspirations. Whoo. Jhonen Vasquez, Family Guy and my own sick humor are responsible for this story, and I want to make this quite obvious. Oh, and Jerry Springer of course. Hey, who out there is watching 'I Love the 90s' on VH1? That is the funniest shit man, all of those 'I Love the (insert decade)' shows are great. Well.....uh......yeah. I apologize for this chapter, just because I think it was a little weird....yeah. Well, review anymoose!
Over and out from Whoa Tamo, the Psychic Spade
PS- Heroine is so passe.
Rating- R, because I curse too much for my own good.
Authoress Ramblings- Dear higher being of some sort! A third chapter already! Wow! This is absolutely amazing! Well, I would like to thank my beautiful reviewers for having such love for my work.....you guys seriously make my day, you honestly do.
The First Year- No, YOU are super SUPER great! I'm glad you had fun!
Zine- Yes....laugh your arse off, babe.....MUWAHAHA!
Oliver and libby- Yes, I do love you two (or maybe you're just one...hmmmm) and I'm sorry you were deprived of for 3 weeks. That must suck!
Lily- I love you too.....I will not ignore you because I love people that threaten me....it makes me work faster. Ai shiteru!
Bryjin- Thank you uber much! I'm glad I met your standards, and I'm SOO happy you reviewed my other story....I might even continue it now! I'm sorry the last chapter was so very short, but that kind of happens with me....I'll have a great idea and then I'll break it up into two ideas...I have no idea why I do this, but I do.
Thank you again guys! I really appreciate all this attention my story is getting! But seriously....I want you guys to make suggestions for the future, because otherwise I'll end up repeating things I've done in the past, and that's no fun, right? Oh, and again, I'm glad people responded well to Draco's Jerry Springer speech, because I was afraid I may have lost some readers with the insanity of it, but I guess insanity is in right now, so INSANITY YOU GET! MUWAHAHA! I've also decided to skip ahead a bit with my ideas (see what happens when you don't help me?) and I'm going to plant the seed of Alfred Hitchcock....ew, not in that way! Gross! Get that mind out of the gutter!
Chapter 3- Bumpkin USA Part 2
"What the bloody fuck is this?" Draco was baffled. He was just starting to get used to the wobbly water bed, when he realized there was a great big black box against one of the walls with strange antenae sticking out of the top. He picked up a small rectangular....thing....with buttons all over it, and began to hit some of the numbered buttons randomly. "What is this supposed to do, teach me my numbers?"
Harry looked in from the small bathroom that connected to the bedroom and rolled his eyes. "What do they teach you in muggle studies anyway? That's a remote control, Malfoy....it controls the telly?" Harry pointed to the black box, then returned to his previous task of washing his hands.
Draco noticed the power button on the 'remote', and pointed it at the television, turning it on. He noticed two different sets of 'up/down' arrows on the remote, and began to hit one of the 'up' arrows. Suddenly, the television's sound went up to an unbearable height, so Draco hit the 'down' arrow so the volume returned to normal. He then hit the other 'up' arrow, and soon the picture on the television was changing. Draco kept doing this until he stopped on what looked like a very raunchy channel indeed.
Meanwhile, Harry was starting to become frustrated with his enemy's lack of knowledge of the muggle world. 'Just stay calm, Harry, he's in the same boat as you...' his thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of cheesy 70s music and odd noises. Harry stood in the doorway between the bedroom and bathroom and dropped his jaw at what he saw. Malfoy was staring almost hypnotically at the screen, which showed two woman covered in whipped cream and getting 'help' cleaning it off by a rather robust man. Harry's face contorted in disgust and turned around back into the bathroom. "Malfoy, what are you watching?!"
The blonde jumped at the sound of Potter's voice and immediately changed the channel to a black and white film called 'Birds' that was apparently made by a very fat man. "It's 'Birds' Potter, even though it's really none of your business." Draco called out as his heart began to finally slow down from the jolt it had moments before.
Harry walked back into the bedroom area of the motel room and sat on the bed, making Malfoy bob up and down on it. He leaned back a bit with a bored expression on his face remembering seeing this movie once a long time ago. He had peeked through the slits on the door to the cupboard under the stairs, and he had watched the movie in a reflection of a mirror in the hall.
The two sat and watched the movie rather quietly.....well, they made uncomfortable sounds whenever someone was pecked to death, but other then that they were remotely silent. They were about to turn the TV off when another movie came on, only this one was called 'Psycho'. Harry found it amusing and kind of ironic that they were watching a movie about a crazed motel owner killing his customer while they were in a motel, but Draco found it very disturbing. "Malfoy, take a fucking shower, you stink!"
Draco stared at Potter for a few moments with an indignant glare on his face before he finally got himself up and went to take a shower. "Be sure to keep yourself contained, Potter, I know how much you want to see my great arse." Malfoy said nonchalantly from the bathroom as he began to strip out of his clothes and turn the shower on. "Ugh! This place is filthy! Leave it to you to get us stuck in a place with disgusting loos!"
The boy-who-lived leaned back on the water bed and bit with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Would you like help cleaning?" Harry asked. Draco looked out over to the bed and onto Harry, who proceeded to lick his lips suggestively.
The blonde turned a flaming red as he saw this and jumped back a good three feet. "You wank!" Draco yelled out an octave higher then usual while Harry sat back, laughed his lungs out and enjoyed the movie.
Draco had had just about enough of this crap. He was absolutely sick of Potter! He wanted to leave this god-forsaken place back to England and NEVER return. His feet felt grimy on the floor of the shower and it looked like the soap had been used. What a bloody dump. Draco was in the process of cleaning his bar of soap when he heard someone enter the bathroom. "Get the fuck out Potty!" He was really pissed off now- first he has to take him away from England, now he has to disturb his shower? This was complete bullshit. He stopped when he heard hard, labored breathing coming from the other side of the shower curtain. He tensed a bit as he saw the silhouette of someone on the other side who appeared to be holding something in their hand. Malfoy's heart raced as the person began to slowly pull the shower curtain back.
"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT, POTTY!" Draco screamed as he hit the person hard on the head with the old bar of soap. Harry slumped onto the ground and with the shower curtain still in hand, pulling it down with him. Draco turned off the water and heaved Potter into the bathtub, curtain and all. "You should have listened, Potter." He mumbled as he grabbed the object the unconcious boy had been holding-a toothbrush (complimentary of the motel) and tossed it into a corner of the bathroom. He walked over to the small, dingy counter in front of the large bathroom mirrors and began to hit the bar of soap still clenched in his hand against the counter, but stopped when the counter began to crack. He threw the piece of soap onto the sleeping form of Harry Potter, slipped his pants on and walked back into the bedroom area of the motel room.
The Slytherin jumped onto the water bed and swayed for a few minutes before it lulled him into a deep and dreamless sleep.
Draco woke the next day feeling fine and dandy- that is until a loud ringing reminded him rudely of exactly where he was. He looked over to the ringing contraption on the nightstand and warily picked it up. He pressed all of the buttons a few times, picked up a part of it that was connected to a coiled wire of some sort, then threw the annoyance across the room, where it crashed against a wall and made one final 'DING!' before falling silent.
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Harry was beginning to come-to with a very bad headache and a dull ringing in his ears. He sat up, held his head and rubbed his temples, but the ringing wouldn't stop. He was about to try something like running his head under some water, or maybe trying to lie down a bit longer when he heard a loud 'crash' coming from the other part of the room. The raven haired boy jumped to his feet and ran into the bedroom area only to be greeted by a pissed off Draco Malfoy glaring bitterly at a heap of plastic and mechanical pieces on the floor. Harry followed his gaze and stopped when he realized what had happened.
"You smashed the phone?!" Harry yelled out at Malfoy, who jumped a bit as if he didn't remember Potter being with him.
Draco soon caught his cool again and looked at Harry with glazed, sleepy eyes. "It was making too much noise." He mumbled before hoisting himself out of the bed. "You finally woke up, you stupid arse."
Harry rolled his eyes indignantly and sat on the water bed with his head in hands. "You knock me out with a piece of soap, and follow up by killing the telephone....right....I'm stupid, hmm?"
Malfoy growled angrily as he began a search for the clothes he had taken off so he could take his shower, and stopped when he noticed his boxers were plastered onto Harry's back. "Give me my underwear, Potter." He said snidely and held out his hand impatiently. When Potter only looked at him with a confused look on his face, Draco walked behind Potter and yanked his boxers off of his back on his own. "Wait until the other Slytherins hear how the-boy-who-fuckin'-had-to-live slept on my underwear in a BATHTUB." His laughter pierced the morning air while Harry picked up the alarm clock threateningly before they were stopped by a sharp knocking on their door.
"Hey open up, I'm here for today's payment." The man from behind the counter called out grouchily through the wooden door. "You guys forgot to drop any deposit yesterday, so I had to come today.....now open the door."
Draco and Harry exchanged panicked looks as one important thought crossed their mind- they did not have muggle money. Harry motioned for Draco to get into the bed, who's face blanched for a moment before he did so. Potter then walked over to the door and opened it up. "Sorry to keep you waiting, we were uh....busy." He jerked his head into the direction of the bed, and the man at the door looked over. "We were just getting ready, weren't we.....er.....darling?" Harry choked out as the motel owner stepped into the room.
Malfoy threw a fake smile on his face and forced a laugh out. "We left the money in the on sugar lump, let's go get it." He then slipped out from underneath the covers of the water bed and hurried over to Potter, who was already taking steps back to get out of the room. The motel owner began to sit down on the water bed, but stopped when he noticed the broken phone on the floor.
"What the-?" He asked under his breath. He stood up from the water bed and walked into the bathroom, seeing the damage done there. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" He screamed out as he stormed back into the other part of the motel room. "YOU FUCKING QUEERS! WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
The owner of the motel stopped in his tirade with an angry red face and fists clenched. He tore down the curtains hung on the window and looked outside to see that the two boys had jumped a car and were driving away haphazardly. The owner stepped back and sat heavily on the water bed. "That's it. No more cousin's baby's daddy's and their lesbian lovers, no sir."
Holy shiznet......this chapter was hard to write, I must admit. It was hard to get the same type of humor I've been using into it, but you've got to admit...even though it was a different kind of funny, that was still pretty funny. I'm really glad I forced myself to make this chapter longer, even though something tells me I'm going to get complaints that this chapter was too short. Keep in mind my readers, this particular chapter is taking up 5 typed pages, and the other two took up......3? Something like that. Fuck I'm hungry. I think I'm going to write the next chapter through the perspective of Hermione and Ron, but then again I might not. I'm not sure. Oh, and I want to warn you now- I am most likely going to make this a slash fic, it's just taking me a long time. Um...lemme see...well again I would like to thank everyone that has reviewed my stories so far, and I want you to know I honestly appreciate it! Keep reviewing, and I am dead serious when i say this-
MAKE SUGGESTIONS FOR STUFF THAT CAN HAPPEN.
Honestly, this story will be complete shit if it keeps up like this, because my creative juices are making a very tangy lemonade indeed (that's a slightly inside joke of mine....it means that I have creative ideas, but they're not appropriate for mixed company, if you catch my drift). Let me see......um....I'm going to talk about inspirations. Whoo. Jhonen Vasquez, Family Guy and my own sick humor are responsible for this story, and I want to make this quite obvious. Oh, and Jerry Springer of course. Hey, who out there is watching 'I Love the 90s' on VH1? That is the funniest shit man, all of those 'I Love the (insert decade)' shows are great. Well.....uh......yeah. I apologize for this chapter, just because I think it was a little weird....yeah. Well, review anymoose!
Over and out from Whoa Tamo, the Psychic Spade
PS- Heroine is so passe.