By: TheGreyLady (immaculatecalypso@hotmail.com)
Chapter 14~ Pallid Delusions
Three days later, she and Severus did what they did best. They pretended like nothing had ever happened. Harry and Ron noticed the careful distance kept between the pair but chose again not to question it. Flamel had gone to Malta to bury Albus and thus far he hadn't returned. With their fugitive status, no one could join him. She got the odd feeling that he preferred it that way.
Hermione didn't feel prepared to read the book Albus had given her but she needed distraction. Flamel had given it to her before his departure with no qualm but had advised her to be careful about reading the book. She hesitantly opened to the first page and was mildly shocked to see only a page of symbols:
Βιβλίο από σκοτάδι
She cast a translation charm to no avail. The book was somehow guarded against it, guarded so well that even a revealing charm wouldn't tell her how to break it. Cursing openly, she quickly flipped through the other pages. The entire book was in Greek, a language she'd considered pointless to learn as most ancient Wizarding texts were written in Latin.
Naturally, the language I decided not to study would wind up being the one I need, she thought bitterly. It wasn't the only language she'd not studied; the book could have been written in Japanese and she'd still be clueless as to its contents. Academic prodigy or not, she couldn't learn every language.
Searching the bookshelves for a Greek to English dictionary, she was unsurprised that Flamel didn't own one. The man was probably fluent in the language… pity he wasn't here. Harry and Ron were unfamiliar with the language as well-- surprise, surprise. Severus probably wouldn't be able to translate it either, not that she would even consider asking him. On a whim, she took a quill and wrote the word "blood" on a piece of parchment and cast a reverse-translation charm.
The particles of ink began to move of her volition and she found herself confronted with another strange set of symbols:
αίμα
A few of the pages were skimmed as she looked for the word. She had no idea how many rituals and spells in the book mentioned it. She mentally narrowed her search and printed the word "heart" onto the sheet before casting the charm.
That, frighteningly, hadn't narrowed her search field by much.
Disgusted, she placed the book upon the table once more, deciding that scanning though what she believed to be dark rituals was not the best way to ease her mind. She'd seen Severus twice today and both times he had pointedly ignored her. She knew that she had done the right thing. Why the hell did it have to seem like the stupidest mistake she could have made? Severus had made himself vulnerable for her… and she'd spurned him in a moment of self-righteousness. She couldn't help but wonder if he had actually wanted to use her as a distraction… but lately it seemed like her thinking wasn't accomplishing anything.
Ask Albus.
Looking at Harry and Ron, she was torn between planning the next move in this game and collapsing into a weeping heap. They were in this because of her. Even if they didn't have the courtesy to be indignant about it, they were going to go to jail for her. Not saying a word, she rose and went back to her room. She needed to be alone with her grief.
As she cried on her bed, her misery contorted into anger. Anger at herself, anger at the Ministry, anger at Severus… and sadly, there was nothing she could do to change it. Even as her fingers itched to break many of the beautiful baubles in her room, she sat quietly. She wouldn't lash out at an inanimate object. It was too cliché.
A soft knock sounded at her door. Part of her hoped it was Severus even as the door opened and revealed two young men. Ron and Harry looked awful but she couldn't imagine she was exactly a sight for sore eyes. They'd brought her dinner. Though she was far from hungry, she ate it anyway to ease the minds of her companions. She couldn't remember eating since Albus died.
The three sat on her bed and reminisced about their days at Hogwarts. They shared memories of Albus. This was the closest thing to closure they could get. The words were as soft as the candlelight in the room and soothed her just the same. A lull came in the conversation and everyone knew what needed to be said next.
It was Harry who had the courage to say it. "What do we do now?"
Ron sighed, "I'm out of ideas."
"Aren't we all?" Hermione said solemnly. "I'm going to go through the book Albus gave me again. If we know what we're up against then we have a higher chance of survival. In any case, it is an uphill battle."
Her companions nodded again as another silence came into the conversation.
"Hermione," Ron said quietly, "What's going on with you and Snape?"
She groaned. She'd known this conversation was coming. "I don't know," she said. "I really don't know."
"Well, the both of you seem close… or seemed close…" Harry replied, trailing off as he realized that this was more than likely not a pleasant discussion for her.
"We became closer over the past few months. But…" she sighed, "Something happened the other night and, well, we aren't really speaking to each other now."
"Do I need to ask?" Harry said.
She released a breathy laugh and stated, "I'd rather you didn't, to be honest. It's funny, though. Now that I think about it, I barely know him." She shrugged nonchalantly, praying that her faked indifference would close the discussion.
"How do you mean?" Harry asked again. Apparently, they'd been right when they said that she couldn't act to save her life. Maybe she should take some acting lessons along with the art classes.
"I don't know anything about his past. I don't know why he joined Voldemort. I don't know why I…" she bit the words back. She didn't want Harry and Ron to know the depths of her feelings for the seemingly indifferent man. "… care for him as much as I do."
Ron grinned and elbowed her softly, "Well, we all know Snape, Hermione. Such a charmer, that one." A mock whimsical look crossed his face as he stood from the bed. His voice became a fanciful murmur, "That glossy black hair and those dark mysterious eyes…" The back of his hand came to rest on his forehead as he tilted his head to the ceiling. "Oh, Harry!" He pled, "Catch me, I'm falling!"
Unfortunately for Ron, Harry was unable to catch his "stricken" companion before he fell back and crashed onto the floor. Hermione gaped at Ron before succumbing to a fit of giggles. Harry's loud chuckle accompanied hers and soon enough Ron peeled himself away from the floor to join them.
Ron would have made one hell of a comedian. He was so much like George and Fred in that respect.
It reminded her of old times when the three of them hadn't been consumed in life-or-death missions to keep each other safe before Voldemort, before the end of their first year… before they even turned twelve-years old. My God, has life always been so serious? The odd thing was, she wouldn't exchange her friends for all the safety in the world.
The mirth was a pleasant change from the darkness that had been haunting her for the past few weeks.
Ron sobered and took on a more serious tone, "Hermione, Harry and me…" He paused as Hermione shot him a look of disapproval and sighed with disgust, "Harry and I can't exactly thrash Snape for being a prat. He'd…" Ron let the sentence drop off.
Harry laughed. "Kill us?" he suggested.
Ron chortled, "Yeah… that. But if you ever need to talk, we'll be here. All right?
Hermione's eyes began to tear up. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind," she said.
The boys both nodded. With nothing left to be said, Harry and Ron left after hugging Hermione. She rested against her pillows. Her heart much lighter, she began to actively analyze the situation again.
Everything about this screamed politics. It was a landscape she was unfamiliar with. Not a one in their group had the clout to fight this battle. That possibility had died three days ago. They didn't dare involve another person in this. Unless… Hermione jerked out of her bed and reached for Albus' book with a shaking hand and renewed vigor as a plan began racing though her mind.
It was just stupid enough to work.
* * *
Hermione researched into the night, formulating and refining the plan in her mind. Even at its perfection, the idea itself bordered on madness. Well, she thought, sanity hasn't gotten me too far with this. Soon enough, the sun's rays were peeping through her window. She reluctantly waited until ten to call everyone into a meeting.
She looked down at her finished work. Without a doubt, this would either clear their names or kill them… or both. They would have to pay for their reprieve… and the cost was incredibly high. If it worked they could all lead a semblance of normal lives. If it failed they wouldn't have a life to live. She was planning a game against the Devil; she could only hope that she'd win.
"Are you going to enlighten us to the meaning of this meeting, Miss Granger?" Severus said. Surprise, he was back to calling her by her surname.
"There may still be a way to fix this," she said. Everyone immediately knew what "this" referred to.
"What's your plan?" Harry asked, leaning forward and focusing all his attention onto her.
"We have to buy our safety," she said. "It's as simple as that."
Severus snorted softly, "I hardly think Fudge is going to accept any meager bribe we could offer. He has all the wizards' tax money."
Hermione ignored his tone and continued, "We aren't going to Fudge. We can't win that battle. We need allies who can."
"Hermione, no one in Britain is going to help us, save maybe Luna," Ron said, tapping his skull and whistling to convey what he thought of that idea. "And even when she had The Quibbler put out that story on Harry, it was met with skepticism." Hermione nodded and allowed a small smile to creep onto her face. Ron narrowed his eyes at this decidedly inappropriate action. "What are you proposing?"
"One or two of us has to go back to that room," she answered, taking great lengths to avoid looking at the men. "We take pictures of it and go to the American Bureau of Magic. Then we plead for amnesty. If we get status as political refugees, the Ministry can't touch us. That will at least bring about some resolution on that issue."
"Why don't we just forego the room and head to America now?" Ron cut in, "That's the part I'm the most uncomfortable with."
Severus responded before Hermione got the chance. "Going to American with accusations and no proof will only have us handed over to the Ministry on a silver platter. Hermione's right. We need evidence." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It sounds good and well in theory but the fact is if we're denied protection from the Americans, we'll essentially be turning ourselves in. Not to mention what could happen if we get caught in the Ministry or if something happens in that room."
"I know," Hermione conceded. "But it's the only plan we've got."
Everyone fell silent for a moment, each contemplating the repercussions of these foolhardy actions. They knew she was right. They knew that by harboring themselves in America they would be safe. Perhaps the Americans could even fight that battle for them.
Severus sighed in defeat, "So, who's going?"
"I am," Harry, Ron, and Hermione said in unison.
Hermione groaned before anyone else could respond, "We've only got one invisibility cloak. We three can't fit beneath it anymore. I think Harry and I should go. We've been there before and we both know how to operate Muggle equipment. The fewer people that go, the less the chances are of being caught."
"True," Ron responded. "But the room is dangerous. The fewer people that go, the greater the chances of someone being injured. It would also be helpful to use magical equipment as well in the event that Muggle technology is guarded against."
Hermione became angered at Ron's logic, she didn't want Ron and Severus involved in this any more. "The fact remains that we've only one invisibility cloak. That means only two of us can go and this is my plan. So you all need to decide who will go with me."
"Nicholas has one," Severus said quietly, his tone clearly conveying that he was uncomfortable with the entire situation. She gave an indignant huff. For someone who wanted nothing to do with her, he was certainly getting in the way of her plan. "So we all go."
She huffed angrily at Severus' stubbornness. She didn't want him going anywhere near that room; it was very possible he could panic or, even worse, remember. Even if the mind needed the body to interpret signals, there was still a huge chance that Severus could simply be repressing what was down there.
"Fine then, Severus," she spit the name even though to pained her, "what do you suppose we should do?"
"We wait. Soon enough the Autumnal Equinox will take place. The Ministry won't be open."
It made sense. She knew that it made sense… but then anger she felt for him presupposed ay sort of logic. "This is my plan and I say that you aren't going!" As soon as the words escaped her lips, she felt like a petulant child, not exactly the persona she'd been aiming for. She hastily excused herself and retreated to her bedroom.
Once there, she slammed her hands onto the dresser and looked at herself in the mirror, willing her composure to return.
"You cannot stop me," Severus' voice sounded from the doorway. She hadn't even heard him enter.
She brandished her wand and replied, "Would you like to place a wager on that?"
Before she could have given him acceptable time to respond, a muttered charm cast her wand from her hand. As she turned to see her wand hit the wall, Severus had captured both her wrists within one of his own. His wand hovered threateningly at her throat.
"Yes. I would," he sneered.
She swallowed nervously, "I don't want you to go, Severus."
"Unfortunate," he replied. "I'm still going."
"Why do you even care?" she dared to ask.
He snorted. "Because my freedom depends on your success." He said it as though it was the most obvious fact in the world.
Her jaw dropped. For one of the few times in her life, she found herself completely incapable of speech. His cold words sent a shiver through her as hurt's icy tendrils froze her logical side. She didn't know what she had expected him to say; she wasn't looking for a declaration of undying love… but those words, for some reason, painfully reminded her why she'd wanted to avoid caring for the man in the first place.
A look of bewilderment crossed Severus' face as she fought back the tears and wrenched her arms free. He softly called her name as she left the room. She wasn't going to cry in front of him, she wouldn't let him know how much he'd hurt her. Though her dignity was tattered, she wouldn't offer it up to him.
She stood on the terrace, breathing harshly in a futile attempt to quell the emotions flooding her mind. The sticky summer night engulfed her like a warm, wet blanket. The door behind her opened and she heard Severus approach her slowly. The heavy sound of his footsteps had become familiar to her. He only let his steps be heard when he wanted his presence known. It made her feel worse.
She leaned against the balcony, refusing to acknowledge him. He said nothing, did nothing. A sigh of defeat passed from her lips as she said, "If you want to come, you can come."
"Why does it matter to you?" he said.
She turned her head and spat, "Because I have too much vested in this to fail." She hoped the words stung him. He grunted; she had no doubts that he suspected more. She turned away again and let her words drift to the open sea, "You've done enough. There's no need to put you in harm's way again."
"I've a better chance of handling what's in there than you," he said. "You know it."
"Well, call me moral, then," she replied. Silence stood between the pair like a concrete wall and she was content to leave it there. Even an intangible barrier could help her gain precious distance from him.
"I don't want you hurt," Severus stated quietly, as if the words were painful for him to say. Something deep inside of her softened at those words and they soothed her tense body in a way she didn't think simple speech was capable of. His footsteps sounded faintly against the stone floor and two arms clasped her waist, pulling her into his body.
Proclamations of love itched to leap from her still tongue but she resisted. There were no words; for one of the few times in her life, there didn't need to be.
Once again, there was no apology. Severus was a man of few regrets and no excuses. The fact that he was silently trying to make amends touched her. She allowed herself to lean on his frame and entwine her fingers with his. Tilting her head back to stare at the silent, silver stars, she didn't repress the small smile that formed on her lips when she saw him doing the same.
Author's Notes- I'd like to say, for starters, that I'm really shocked with the positive reaction I've received. Not one flame reached the reviews or my mailbox. I'm also assuming that no one took a hit out on me (which also makes me very happy!) because I'm still alive.
Ten points (as promised) goes to Moaning Myrtle, Orin Leland, Tamara, and pyewacket from aff.net. From L&L.net- jeslyn_nighthawk, loopyloonyluna, jonelin, and LadyFlashB. From ff.net- Risi (not that I'm surprised) and Alynna Lis Eachann (again, not surprised). All of you caught that "Her name was Lenore and she loved birds," was a direct reference to Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven.
Like I've already told all of you, I'm huge on irony and literary references.
I'd like to personally thank everyone who has stayed with the story and encouraged me to exercise my artistic liberties as a writer. I was indeed very afraid to put the chapter out and I was met with nothing but praise and support. Thank you all.
Albus' death was really hard for me to write (I believe nobody reading this chapter cried as hard as I did when I wrote it.) I lost a dear friend of mine to cancer a while ago and I can't say that he wasn't a part of this.
I felt like it would be too excessive. It didn't move the plot along; it just emphasized the grief. I may toss it in when I can write it but I'm happy (as I can be) with the chapter now, so I'm probably just going to let it stand as is.
Thanks for reading!
By the by- Check out WriterLady1031's fic "The Way Back Home." It's nifty!
Thank you's will be up as soon as I get the time.