Summary- Read the summary in the first fooking chapter if you want it!
Sheesh!
Rating- R, because I curse too much for my own bloody good
Authoress Ramblings- This story is getting more reviews then I ever thought it would....I am so bloody happy you could not imagine. I'm so glad you all liked the last chapter, and yes I must say, I also enjoyed Draco watching porn. Also I would like to point out that like Jerry Springer I have never watched a porno....OK, I lie, I have once, but I swear it was only for a few seconds but even that much I thought was absolutely hilarious! Porno is just funny, I'm sorry, but you can't deny it...it is. Let me see.....well I am uber glad you guys are reviewing, and to show my gratitude I shall respond to your lovely reviews!
Zina- I think I misspelled your name in the last chapter....I'm sorry! Anyhow, I'm glad you are still laughing your arse off babe, and I'm also really glad you liked the Psycho reference. There will be more Alfred Hitchcock jokes coming, so watch out!
Tweak- I'm calling you by your chat-o name just because that's where I know you from and all that jazz. I'm glad you liked it, and I had a feeling you would enjoy the Jerry Springer thing. Keep reading this! I'm sure you'll at least enjoy it before it gets slashified.
eyes0nme19- Hee hee, thank you! I'm glad you think it's very funny!
Bryjin- Yay! You are close to being my new bestest friend! I pride myself in being fast at updating....if I weren't something tells me I would lose a lot of readers! Yes, this will get slashy soon, as I ADORE slash with a strong, obsessive passion! The slashy part will be funny at first, and will start through sheer randomosity (I love slash like that) but I'll probably have a sappy chapter where they do something they shouldn't be doing (wink wink). To answer your question, I'm not fluent in Japanese, but I know a bit. I'm nearly fluent in nadsats (the laguage in 'A Clockwork Orange'), I know a line of Hebrew (I'm Jewish....woo), a pinch of French and Spanish, a dash of German and a huge honkin' dose of Brit slang. Mix it all together and you get the way I speak....and I wonder why people can't understand me! If you want to know more about me, then check out my bio.....if you already did that then I don't know! Heh....umm......feel free to keep asking questions through reviews I suppose, or if you have AIM then IM me. If you don't have AIM then GET AIM. It's fun. My IM address is AnarchyMoose100.....so go ahead and contact me if you so desire. I may update the other story, but don't count on it.
Bad-Azz-SlytherinChaos AKA Jessica- Thank you very much! Yes, this will be slash eventually, and H/D is also my all-time favorite pairing....I lurve it to death. Have you read 'Secrets of the Forbidden Broomcloset'? It's SOO good! I love that story! Until I started this story the only reason I would get online was to see if that story was updated or not....then I got a funny idea and well.....this random piece of insanity was born.
Neko- I'm sorry your mum nearly killed you, but I am glad my story cracks you up. Yes, Draco going all crazy WAS very fun...in this chapter he goes all crazy again, because crazy Draco=laughs.
Thank you once again for reviewing my story....you guys are the best, you really are. You know, I'm thinking if you all want me to....I could possibly put a chapter in here about myself, because I'm a pretty funny person too you know. But if not that's OK......understandable if you only like me for my writing. ::sniffles!:: Well anyhow, I hope you all like this chapter....it's already becoming hard for me to write, so if it turns out it sucks ass, then just go back to chapter 2 and laugh your arse off until chapter 5 comes out. Go on then, READ!
Chapter 4- Bird-B-Gone Spray vs. Alanis Morissette
"-And that was 'Toxic' by Brittney Spears." The man on the radio sounded like he was on a huge sugar high of sorts. Draco looked at the radio in the car they took and his face contorted in disgust.
"I thought the muggle music back home was shit, but this stuff makes it sound like something angels would fucking sing. Who is this Brittney, and why does she suck so badly?!" Draco had been like this for the past hour. Bickering, griping......basically he was being a complete yarbles- less bastard child. Every song that came on he hated. Everything in the scenery he thought was dull. Harry was THIS close to kicking him out of the car....but if he did that then he would have to go home to very pissed off Slytherins, and they were angry enough at him to begin with. He was just about to snap at Malfoy for being so obnoxious when the blonde turned up the volume on the radio. "As much as I hate to admit it, I like this one."
Harry was about to ask what song he was talking about when his thoughts were QUITE rudely interrupted by the lyrics. "I want you to know, that I'm happy for you/I wish nothing but the best for you both/An older version of me/Is she perverted like me?/Will she go down on you in a theatre?" The-boy-who-lived shot a quick look at Draco, who had his eyes closed and was nodding his head to the music.
The driving of the two (AKA Harry) looked back at the road and gave an exasperated sigh. "Oh, of COURSE you like the really angry bitchy song! Oh, and movie theatre fucking sounds right up your alley, too! Look at your taste in porno!" Harry barked out over the music. Draco turned a bright red and was about to say something in return, but was cut off by his own scream. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Malfoy?!"
Draco jumped back from the his window and nearly knocked the car off the road when he crashed into Harry's right arm. "BIRDS! THEY'LL PECK MY EYES OUT!!"
Harry looked out the window only to see an abnormally large flock of birds that appeared to be chasing them. He slammed down on the brakes and hopped out of the car to escape Draco's screaming and watched as the flock of birds-which he soon realized were crows, so it was a murder-began to swoop down and attack the car......with lots, and lots of ammo. "UGH! Ruddy birds! Sod off ya bleedin' crows!" Harry yelled out at the birds as they continued to cover their car in a mess of bird poo. "Nasty buggers!" He screamed at them before he jumped back into the car, started it up and zoomed away from the flatulent birdies.
It had now been three hours since the bird incident, and Draco was still shook up over it. Harry had a feeling watching 'Birds' was going to bite him in the arse sooner or later (like watching 'Psycho' had) but he had no idea it would happen this soon. He was very frustrated with the other boy at this point, as he had taken up to writing on the parchment again and he was constantly flipping around the radio stations in search of more angry, bitter songs. He found a few with the bands Linkin Park, Korn and Metallica.....but he was mainly in search for that one very angry and very bitter song sung by that perverted woman he had heard.
"You know, our music back home is good, too." Harry pointed out to the blonde, but was answered with silence. He slapped Malfoy's hand away from the radio dial and turned it until he landed on a channel that only had music from the UK. He immediately regretted doing this, however, when he got an ear-load of the song's lyrics that was playing.
"The suburbs they are dreaming/They're a twinkle in her eye/She's been feeling frisky since her husband said 'good-bye'/She wears a low-cut T- shirt/Runs a little B&B/She's most accomodating when she's in her lingerie..." Draco stopped his glaring at Potter for changing the radio station and smirked evilly, while Harry put his head in his left hand as he steered on with his right.
Potter's stomach growled loudly, and he looked at the clock connected to the dashboard above the CD player. The time was 3:30, and he was bloody hungry. "Malfoy...stop scribbling on that parchment and check the car for money....or food. I'm starved." Harry muttered while rubbing his forehead with the hand holding his head. Draco only sighed in response, threw the parchment back into his school bag and begin to look around the car for any sort of money or food. He finally opened the glove compartment. "Well? Find anything yet?"
Draco kicked the glove compartment closed. "I only found huge wads of paper and weird metal things in this little compartment. Honestly.....why would anyone keep paper?" Harry slowly came to a stop and looked over to Draco with a questioning look on his face.
He un-buckled his seat belt and scared Malfoy as he practically climbed into the blonde's lap and reached out to the compartment. He opened it up and he stopped breathing. "Bloody hell......" He reached inside and pulled out the wad of money in there, and reached in again only to pull out a hand gun. Harry didn't even care when Draco shoved him back into his own seat, or when he grabbed the gun and began to fiddle around with it a bit. "Malfoy.....we're bloody rich!" Suddenly there was a huge 'BANG!!!!!!!' and there was a hole the size of a bullet in the roof of the car.
Harry turned to Draco, who had dropped the gun onto the floor of the car and was staring with shocked eyes at the hole in the roof. Harry looked up at it too and then back at the money, only half caring that someone probably heard that and would come to investigate it soon enough. This didn't last long, however, when he started putting the clues together- huge amount of cash, two guns......this money was most likely stolen. He stared at the money and groaned loudly. "We can fix that." Draco finally mumbled under his breath. The blonde looked out his window while Harry began to play with his morals about what to do with the money. Draco's eyes stopped on a billboard that was behind them and squinted at it. "Potter, stop mumbling and take a look." He said as he pointed to the billboard.
Harry turned around in his seat and stared out through the back windshield at the billboard for a place called 'Wal-Mart'. He turned to the money again and threw the bundle back into the glove compartment before putting his seatbelt back on. "How far is it to Wal-Mart?" Harry asked hurriedly as he started getting ready to drive off again.
Draco turned back around in his seat and stretched. "It says it's four miles back in the opposite direction.....whatever the bloody fuck a mile is."
Harry nodded with a crazed glint in his eye before slamming his foot onto the gas pedal and swerving the car around in a half doughnut, and began to drive off into the other direction with Malfoy screaming at him all the way.
They finally reached the Wal-Mart with Draco in a very pissy mood, but Harry didn't care-he was going to buy as much supplies as they would need and drive the fuck away before anyone could track down that they had this most-likely stolen money. He wandered over to where the food was, and began to fill carts to the brim with random food things, then he walked around the entire store picking up things here and there. He stopped when he reached the entertainment section and saw Malfoy talking to a woman at the register. He wheeled over to them and listened in to their conversation...if you could call it that.
"Look, it's a woman singing and she sounds really pissed on, I didn't catch her fucking name, you've got to help me out here!" Draco's face was a bit red and he was glaring daggers into the woman 'helping' him. The blonde looked over and saw Harry, then sighed. "Finally! OK, he can help out, he heard the lyrics....didn't you, Potter?"
Harry sighed, nodded his head and began to explain the lyrics to the woman who stopped him and ran into a row of CDs, then returned with a CD by a woman named Alanis Morissette. "This is 'Jagged Little Pill' by Alanis Morissette.....the song you were talking about was 'You Oughta Know'." The woman behind the register said. Draco nodded impatiently and was about to take the CD from her when the woman began to speak again. "Yeah, you know it's funny you mentioned that song, because I played that to my ex-husband only last week! That man is so crazy, you know that? I mean he kept telling me this shit like 'You have issues' and 'I want a divorce' and 'I got a restriction notice' and 'I'll call the cops on you if you keep calling this number'. I mean for crying out loud, what kind of fruit loop was he, huh?"
Harry looked scared, but Draco only snatched the CD from the woman, threw it into the cart and began to head over to the movie section. The boy-who-lived followed him with a look of paranoia on his face and glanced over the movies with the blonde while keep a look-out for that woman behind the register. "Hmm.....get these movies, they look interesting." Draco said as he looked over the Alanis Morissette CD with interest.
Harry flipped through the movie titles and sighed when he hadn't heard of any of these titles. 'Donnie Darko', 'Fargo', 'The Big Lebowski', 'Resevoir Dogs', 'Resident Evil' and 'Dazed and Confused'. Harry turned to Draco, who was now looking at the movie 'The Borrowers'. "Malfoy, why did you get these movies?"
Draco looked up from the movie he was holding and rolled his eyes. "Well after our little experience with 'Birds' and 'Psycho', I thought we could use some good....less terrifying film experience. Oh, and Potter, if you ever mention anything that's happened so far to ANYONE back at Hogwarts, I swear I will cut off your yarbles and make them your eyes, understood?" Harry nodded with a sly smile on his face while Draco continued. "Those movies had good things about them on the front, so we're getting them. Now hurry it up and get in line, Potter. I have Bird-B-Gone to find."
The other boy looked at Draco and raised an eyebrow. "What the bloody fuck is Bird-B-Gone?"
Malfoy sighed in an aggravated way. "I saw it on the....telly....last night. It's guaranteed to keep birds away from whatever you spray it on, or you get a complete refund."
"When the bloody fuck did you see that? Was it before you knocked me out but after you watched porn, or was it before you killed the phone and after you knocked me out with soap?" Harry looked at Draco with a smug look on his face while the latter flipped him the bird and walked off. Harry waited until Draco was far enough away from him that he could make a clean get-away, but the boy could still hear him when he yelled out what made everyone in the store stare at Harry and Draco with great suspicion. "Don't worry! I won't tell anyone about our special movie experience in the motel, either!!!"
Shit that was a lot harder to write then you think.....a LOT harder to write. If you're wondering about the title, it's only like that because I had nothing else to title it really. I'm not sure why I think this chapter is so bloody funny....it's even more different then the last chapter. And why is Harry such a fucking prude? I'm not sure why! But damnit, we love him anyway, right?......right? Well anymoose, I'm sorry if this chapter is a little shittier then the other three.....it was so fucking hard to write and I had to plant SO many seeds into it so that later chapters would make sense. I tried my best though......I really did. OK so I didn't exactly try my best, but fuck, you do better under these circumstances! Shit! I smell chili...I'm hoping I'm not hallucinating like I was last night when I smelled split pea soup, but it ended up being someone's fart. They smell the same damnit! Ugh! God I am not pleased with this chapter at all....I'm really not. Well I just fixed it up, so I hope it's good now. Like I said, this chapter was VERY hard to write you know. Very......very very hard. Damnit I want chili.....OH! I would also like to make the following notes!
Brittney Spears- I just wanted to make it obvious that I SO love Brittney Spears! I even have her picture on my wal.....NOT! She is a skanky dirty little whore and I despise her wretching that she passes off as music. She's a bitch and I want her to die. Though I will admit I have her picture....it's on my dart board next to Avril Lavigne (poser bitch) and Relina Peacecraft (anime bitch). Alanis Morissette- Alanis on the other hand I do like....I like her a lot. I've been getting into her and I think 'You Oughta Know' (the song Draco was listening to) is a very powerful, angry and bitchy song. I do not think she is a perverted bitter woman......I think she was just angry, like me. Birds- OK......that incident with Draco actually happened to me. I was at the car lot with my dad, and I had just watched 'Birds' for the first time...and I'm minding my own business standing next to a blood-red car (which my dad owns now) and next thing I know I see this huge murder of crows.....and it was like they were STARING at me. It was so fucking creepy that I freaked out and started screaming.....eventually my dad had to take me home. Yarbles- READ 'A CLOCKWORK ORANGE' DAMN YOU! Yarbles is one of the many slang words used, and it quite literally means 'balls'. "The suburbs they are dreaming/They're a twinkle in her eye..."- That is a wonderful song by a great British group called Blur, and the song is 'Stereotypes' off of their 'The Great Escape' album. It's an uber good song and I want you all to check out Blur....right now. I'm serious, check them out bitches. "Harry began to play with his morals..."- I have an image of a little devil Harry and a little angel Harry, one on each shoulder, telling him what to do. I'd say the devil Harry won. "Whatever the bloody fuck a mile is."- Note, they are BRITISH. In Britain they do not go by 'miles'.....they go by 'kilometers' because like the rest of the world, they go by the metric system, which is a thousand times easier to understand then our system. So, it's only natural for Draco to have no fucking idea what a mile is supposed to be. Register woman- GODS I love her. There's something about bad people who don't know they're bad people that makes me laugh on the inside. Bird-B-Gone- I am not about to completely expose what Bird-B-Gone is, but I'll tell you this...Bird-B-Gone is something I personally made up, it's a spray and it does strange things.......this is in here just so I can remind you I made this product up, so don't go looking for it and ask before using it in a story. Donnie Darko, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, Resevoir Dogs, Resident Evil and Dazed and Confused- I love these movies with a strong and fiery passion. No, I am absolutely serious this time. I love these movies so bloody much. I also wanted to point out that 'Dazed and Confused' and 'Resident Evil' both have the wonderful Milla Jovovich acting in them, and she's on the cover of both movies. I originally was going to have Draco have a secret crush on her, because those two movies aren't exactly....well, they're not like covered in great reviews and award winnings like the others. I decided against the Milla Jovovich crush on Draco's behalf, because he wouldn't know who the fuck she is in the wizarding world, but I would like to point out that I sort-of more-or-less have a thing for Milla Jovovich....I mean sure, I have her picture on my wall, big deal.....she's hot, OK?! The Borrowers- AHAHA! Now why the fuck would I put this movie in with those other violent (and stoner) movies? For one VERY good reason. Watch that movie.......then watch Harry Potter.....there are two actors who are in both movies. First of all Tom Felton plays Peagreen and Draco Malfoy, so I HAD to have Draco grab the movie if not solely for that reason. The other actor plays the exterminator, and he plays Mr. Weasley. I love Tom Felton with a fiery passion as well, so that's why I know that piece of useless shit about his career....he was also in the remake of 'Anna and the King' and he played Louis....he is cute in all the movies I've seen him in, too. Especially The Borrowers, though! If you have not seen it, then go watch it! He is adorable!
Well that took forever. I hope you liked my notes, and trust me....they are worth reading! REVIEW PLEASE! Oh, and one last thing ::people groan:: shut up....I just wanted to apologize for this chapter taking longer then the others. I had cleaning to do, so forgive me.
Rating- R, because I curse too much for my own bloody good
Authoress Ramblings- This story is getting more reviews then I ever thought it would....I am so bloody happy you could not imagine. I'm so glad you all liked the last chapter, and yes I must say, I also enjoyed Draco watching porn. Also I would like to point out that like Jerry Springer I have never watched a porno....OK, I lie, I have once, but I swear it was only for a few seconds but even that much I thought was absolutely hilarious! Porno is just funny, I'm sorry, but you can't deny it...it is. Let me see.....well I am uber glad you guys are reviewing, and to show my gratitude I shall respond to your lovely reviews!
Zina- I think I misspelled your name in the last chapter....I'm sorry! Anyhow, I'm glad you are still laughing your arse off babe, and I'm also really glad you liked the Psycho reference. There will be more Alfred Hitchcock jokes coming, so watch out!
Tweak- I'm calling you by your chat-o name just because that's where I know you from and all that jazz. I'm glad you liked it, and I had a feeling you would enjoy the Jerry Springer thing. Keep reading this! I'm sure you'll at least enjoy it before it gets slashified.
eyes0nme19- Hee hee, thank you! I'm glad you think it's very funny!
Bryjin- Yay! You are close to being my new bestest friend! I pride myself in being fast at updating....if I weren't something tells me I would lose a lot of readers! Yes, this will get slashy soon, as I ADORE slash with a strong, obsessive passion! The slashy part will be funny at first, and will start through sheer randomosity (I love slash like that) but I'll probably have a sappy chapter where they do something they shouldn't be doing (wink wink). To answer your question, I'm not fluent in Japanese, but I know a bit. I'm nearly fluent in nadsats (the laguage in 'A Clockwork Orange'), I know a line of Hebrew (I'm Jewish....woo), a pinch of French and Spanish, a dash of German and a huge honkin' dose of Brit slang. Mix it all together and you get the way I speak....and I wonder why people can't understand me! If you want to know more about me, then check out my bio.....if you already did that then I don't know! Heh....umm......feel free to keep asking questions through reviews I suppose, or if you have AIM then IM me. If you don't have AIM then GET AIM. It's fun. My IM address is AnarchyMoose100.....so go ahead and contact me if you so desire. I may update the other story, but don't count on it.
Bad-Azz-SlytherinChaos AKA Jessica- Thank you very much! Yes, this will be slash eventually, and H/D is also my all-time favorite pairing....I lurve it to death. Have you read 'Secrets of the Forbidden Broomcloset'? It's SOO good! I love that story! Until I started this story the only reason I would get online was to see if that story was updated or not....then I got a funny idea and well.....this random piece of insanity was born.
Neko- I'm sorry your mum nearly killed you, but I am glad my story cracks you up. Yes, Draco going all crazy WAS very fun...in this chapter he goes all crazy again, because crazy Draco=laughs.
Thank you once again for reviewing my story....you guys are the best, you really are. You know, I'm thinking if you all want me to....I could possibly put a chapter in here about myself, because I'm a pretty funny person too you know. But if not that's OK......understandable if you only like me for my writing. ::sniffles!:: Well anyhow, I hope you all like this chapter....it's already becoming hard for me to write, so if it turns out it sucks ass, then just go back to chapter 2 and laugh your arse off until chapter 5 comes out. Go on then, READ!
Chapter 4- Bird-B-Gone Spray vs. Alanis Morissette
"-And that was 'Toxic' by Brittney Spears." The man on the radio sounded like he was on a huge sugar high of sorts. Draco looked at the radio in the car they took and his face contorted in disgust.
"I thought the muggle music back home was shit, but this stuff makes it sound like something angels would fucking sing. Who is this Brittney, and why does she suck so badly?!" Draco had been like this for the past hour. Bickering, griping......basically he was being a complete yarbles- less bastard child. Every song that came on he hated. Everything in the scenery he thought was dull. Harry was THIS close to kicking him out of the car....but if he did that then he would have to go home to very pissed off Slytherins, and they were angry enough at him to begin with. He was just about to snap at Malfoy for being so obnoxious when the blonde turned up the volume on the radio. "As much as I hate to admit it, I like this one."
Harry was about to ask what song he was talking about when his thoughts were QUITE rudely interrupted by the lyrics. "I want you to know, that I'm happy for you/I wish nothing but the best for you both/An older version of me/Is she perverted like me?/Will she go down on you in a theatre?" The-boy-who-lived shot a quick look at Draco, who had his eyes closed and was nodding his head to the music.
The driving of the two (AKA Harry) looked back at the road and gave an exasperated sigh. "Oh, of COURSE you like the really angry bitchy song! Oh, and movie theatre fucking sounds right up your alley, too! Look at your taste in porno!" Harry barked out over the music. Draco turned a bright red and was about to say something in return, but was cut off by his own scream. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Malfoy?!"
Draco jumped back from the his window and nearly knocked the car off the road when he crashed into Harry's right arm. "BIRDS! THEY'LL PECK MY EYES OUT!!"
Harry looked out the window only to see an abnormally large flock of birds that appeared to be chasing them. He slammed down on the brakes and hopped out of the car to escape Draco's screaming and watched as the flock of birds-which he soon realized were crows, so it was a murder-began to swoop down and attack the car......with lots, and lots of ammo. "UGH! Ruddy birds! Sod off ya bleedin' crows!" Harry yelled out at the birds as they continued to cover their car in a mess of bird poo. "Nasty buggers!" He screamed at them before he jumped back into the car, started it up and zoomed away from the flatulent birdies.
It had now been three hours since the bird incident, and Draco was still shook up over it. Harry had a feeling watching 'Birds' was going to bite him in the arse sooner or later (like watching 'Psycho' had) but he had no idea it would happen this soon. He was very frustrated with the other boy at this point, as he had taken up to writing on the parchment again and he was constantly flipping around the radio stations in search of more angry, bitter songs. He found a few with the bands Linkin Park, Korn and Metallica.....but he was mainly in search for that one very angry and very bitter song sung by that perverted woman he had heard.
"You know, our music back home is good, too." Harry pointed out to the blonde, but was answered with silence. He slapped Malfoy's hand away from the radio dial and turned it until he landed on a channel that only had music from the UK. He immediately regretted doing this, however, when he got an ear-load of the song's lyrics that was playing.
"The suburbs they are dreaming/They're a twinkle in her eye/She's been feeling frisky since her husband said 'good-bye'/She wears a low-cut T- shirt/Runs a little B&B/She's most accomodating when she's in her lingerie..." Draco stopped his glaring at Potter for changing the radio station and smirked evilly, while Harry put his head in his left hand as he steered on with his right.
Potter's stomach growled loudly, and he looked at the clock connected to the dashboard above the CD player. The time was 3:30, and he was bloody hungry. "Malfoy...stop scribbling on that parchment and check the car for money....or food. I'm starved." Harry muttered while rubbing his forehead with the hand holding his head. Draco only sighed in response, threw the parchment back into his school bag and begin to look around the car for any sort of money or food. He finally opened the glove compartment. "Well? Find anything yet?"
Draco kicked the glove compartment closed. "I only found huge wads of paper and weird metal things in this little compartment. Honestly.....why would anyone keep paper?" Harry slowly came to a stop and looked over to Draco with a questioning look on his face.
He un-buckled his seat belt and scared Malfoy as he practically climbed into the blonde's lap and reached out to the compartment. He opened it up and he stopped breathing. "Bloody hell......" He reached inside and pulled out the wad of money in there, and reached in again only to pull out a hand gun. Harry didn't even care when Draco shoved him back into his own seat, or when he grabbed the gun and began to fiddle around with it a bit. "Malfoy.....we're bloody rich!" Suddenly there was a huge 'BANG!!!!!!!' and there was a hole the size of a bullet in the roof of the car.
Harry turned to Draco, who had dropped the gun onto the floor of the car and was staring with shocked eyes at the hole in the roof. Harry looked up at it too and then back at the money, only half caring that someone probably heard that and would come to investigate it soon enough. This didn't last long, however, when he started putting the clues together- huge amount of cash, two guns......this money was most likely stolen. He stared at the money and groaned loudly. "We can fix that." Draco finally mumbled under his breath. The blonde looked out his window while Harry began to play with his morals about what to do with the money. Draco's eyes stopped on a billboard that was behind them and squinted at it. "Potter, stop mumbling and take a look." He said as he pointed to the billboard.
Harry turned around in his seat and stared out through the back windshield at the billboard for a place called 'Wal-Mart'. He turned to the money again and threw the bundle back into the glove compartment before putting his seatbelt back on. "How far is it to Wal-Mart?" Harry asked hurriedly as he started getting ready to drive off again.
Draco turned back around in his seat and stretched. "It says it's four miles back in the opposite direction.....whatever the bloody fuck a mile is."
Harry nodded with a crazed glint in his eye before slamming his foot onto the gas pedal and swerving the car around in a half doughnut, and began to drive off into the other direction with Malfoy screaming at him all the way.
They finally reached the Wal-Mart with Draco in a very pissy mood, but Harry didn't care-he was going to buy as much supplies as they would need and drive the fuck away before anyone could track down that they had this most-likely stolen money. He wandered over to where the food was, and began to fill carts to the brim with random food things, then he walked around the entire store picking up things here and there. He stopped when he reached the entertainment section and saw Malfoy talking to a woman at the register. He wheeled over to them and listened in to their conversation...if you could call it that.
"Look, it's a woman singing and she sounds really pissed on, I didn't catch her fucking name, you've got to help me out here!" Draco's face was a bit red and he was glaring daggers into the woman 'helping' him. The blonde looked over and saw Harry, then sighed. "Finally! OK, he can help out, he heard the lyrics....didn't you, Potter?"
Harry sighed, nodded his head and began to explain the lyrics to the woman who stopped him and ran into a row of CDs, then returned with a CD by a woman named Alanis Morissette. "This is 'Jagged Little Pill' by Alanis Morissette.....the song you were talking about was 'You Oughta Know'." The woman behind the register said. Draco nodded impatiently and was about to take the CD from her when the woman began to speak again. "Yeah, you know it's funny you mentioned that song, because I played that to my ex-husband only last week! That man is so crazy, you know that? I mean he kept telling me this shit like 'You have issues' and 'I want a divorce' and 'I got a restriction notice' and 'I'll call the cops on you if you keep calling this number'. I mean for crying out loud, what kind of fruit loop was he, huh?"
Harry looked scared, but Draco only snatched the CD from the woman, threw it into the cart and began to head over to the movie section. The boy-who-lived followed him with a look of paranoia on his face and glanced over the movies with the blonde while keep a look-out for that woman behind the register. "Hmm.....get these movies, they look interesting." Draco said as he looked over the Alanis Morissette CD with interest.
Harry flipped through the movie titles and sighed when he hadn't heard of any of these titles. 'Donnie Darko', 'Fargo', 'The Big Lebowski', 'Resevoir Dogs', 'Resident Evil' and 'Dazed and Confused'. Harry turned to Draco, who was now looking at the movie 'The Borrowers'. "Malfoy, why did you get these movies?"
Draco looked up from the movie he was holding and rolled his eyes. "Well after our little experience with 'Birds' and 'Psycho', I thought we could use some good....less terrifying film experience. Oh, and Potter, if you ever mention anything that's happened so far to ANYONE back at Hogwarts, I swear I will cut off your yarbles and make them your eyes, understood?" Harry nodded with a sly smile on his face while Draco continued. "Those movies had good things about them on the front, so we're getting them. Now hurry it up and get in line, Potter. I have Bird-B-Gone to find."
The other boy looked at Draco and raised an eyebrow. "What the bloody fuck is Bird-B-Gone?"
Malfoy sighed in an aggravated way. "I saw it on the....telly....last night. It's guaranteed to keep birds away from whatever you spray it on, or you get a complete refund."
"When the bloody fuck did you see that? Was it before you knocked me out but after you watched porn, or was it before you killed the phone and after you knocked me out with soap?" Harry looked at Draco with a smug look on his face while the latter flipped him the bird and walked off. Harry waited until Draco was far enough away from him that he could make a clean get-away, but the boy could still hear him when he yelled out what made everyone in the store stare at Harry and Draco with great suspicion. "Don't worry! I won't tell anyone about our special movie experience in the motel, either!!!"
Shit that was a lot harder to write then you think.....a LOT harder to write. If you're wondering about the title, it's only like that because I had nothing else to title it really. I'm not sure why I think this chapter is so bloody funny....it's even more different then the last chapter. And why is Harry such a fucking prude? I'm not sure why! But damnit, we love him anyway, right?......right? Well anymoose, I'm sorry if this chapter is a little shittier then the other three.....it was so fucking hard to write and I had to plant SO many seeds into it so that later chapters would make sense. I tried my best though......I really did. OK so I didn't exactly try my best, but fuck, you do better under these circumstances! Shit! I smell chili...I'm hoping I'm not hallucinating like I was last night when I smelled split pea soup, but it ended up being someone's fart. They smell the same damnit! Ugh! God I am not pleased with this chapter at all....I'm really not. Well I just fixed it up, so I hope it's good now. Like I said, this chapter was VERY hard to write you know. Very......very very hard. Damnit I want chili.....OH! I would also like to make the following notes!
Brittney Spears- I just wanted to make it obvious that I SO love Brittney Spears! I even have her picture on my wal.....NOT! She is a skanky dirty little whore and I despise her wretching that she passes off as music. She's a bitch and I want her to die. Though I will admit I have her picture....it's on my dart board next to Avril Lavigne (poser bitch) and Relina Peacecraft (anime bitch). Alanis Morissette- Alanis on the other hand I do like....I like her a lot. I've been getting into her and I think 'You Oughta Know' (the song Draco was listening to) is a very powerful, angry and bitchy song. I do not think she is a perverted bitter woman......I think she was just angry, like me. Birds- OK......that incident with Draco actually happened to me. I was at the car lot with my dad, and I had just watched 'Birds' for the first time...and I'm minding my own business standing next to a blood-red car (which my dad owns now) and next thing I know I see this huge murder of crows.....and it was like they were STARING at me. It was so fucking creepy that I freaked out and started screaming.....eventually my dad had to take me home. Yarbles- READ 'A CLOCKWORK ORANGE' DAMN YOU! Yarbles is one of the many slang words used, and it quite literally means 'balls'. "The suburbs they are dreaming/They're a twinkle in her eye..."- That is a wonderful song by a great British group called Blur, and the song is 'Stereotypes' off of their 'The Great Escape' album. It's an uber good song and I want you all to check out Blur....right now. I'm serious, check them out bitches. "Harry began to play with his morals..."- I have an image of a little devil Harry and a little angel Harry, one on each shoulder, telling him what to do. I'd say the devil Harry won. "Whatever the bloody fuck a mile is."- Note, they are BRITISH. In Britain they do not go by 'miles'.....they go by 'kilometers' because like the rest of the world, they go by the metric system, which is a thousand times easier to understand then our system. So, it's only natural for Draco to have no fucking idea what a mile is supposed to be. Register woman- GODS I love her. There's something about bad people who don't know they're bad people that makes me laugh on the inside. Bird-B-Gone- I am not about to completely expose what Bird-B-Gone is, but I'll tell you this...Bird-B-Gone is something I personally made up, it's a spray and it does strange things.......this is in here just so I can remind you I made this product up, so don't go looking for it and ask before using it in a story. Donnie Darko, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, Resevoir Dogs, Resident Evil and Dazed and Confused- I love these movies with a strong and fiery passion. No, I am absolutely serious this time. I love these movies so bloody much. I also wanted to point out that 'Dazed and Confused' and 'Resident Evil' both have the wonderful Milla Jovovich acting in them, and she's on the cover of both movies. I originally was going to have Draco have a secret crush on her, because those two movies aren't exactly....well, they're not like covered in great reviews and award winnings like the others. I decided against the Milla Jovovich crush on Draco's behalf, because he wouldn't know who the fuck she is in the wizarding world, but I would like to point out that I sort-of more-or-less have a thing for Milla Jovovich....I mean sure, I have her picture on my wall, big deal.....she's hot, OK?! The Borrowers- AHAHA! Now why the fuck would I put this movie in with those other violent (and stoner) movies? For one VERY good reason. Watch that movie.......then watch Harry Potter.....there are two actors who are in both movies. First of all Tom Felton plays Peagreen and Draco Malfoy, so I HAD to have Draco grab the movie if not solely for that reason. The other actor plays the exterminator, and he plays Mr. Weasley. I love Tom Felton with a fiery passion as well, so that's why I know that piece of useless shit about his career....he was also in the remake of 'Anna and the King' and he played Louis....he is cute in all the movies I've seen him in, too. Especially The Borrowers, though! If you have not seen it, then go watch it! He is adorable!
Well that took forever. I hope you liked my notes, and trust me....they are worth reading! REVIEW PLEASE! Oh, and one last thing ::people groan:: shut up....I just wanted to apologize for this chapter taking longer then the others. I had cleaning to do, so forgive me.