Rating- R for language and eventual stuff that isn't appropriate for younger readers.

Author Ramblings- I am so angry at for jumbling my notes at the end of chapter four together! I could just....OOO. I'm sorry about that, I really am. When I typed it out it was all organized and spaced nicely.....but jumbled it up and it was hard to understand what the fuck I was trying to say. Again, I apologize for that...I honestly do. Let's see.....hmm.....well, I got back into drawing, which is why this chapter has taken a while to get out. I drew this wonderful picture of a modern bohemian and then I got all these great pictures taken of me and I got pictures of my friend dressed as a zombie.....Now, to thank my beautiful reviewers!!!!!!!

Bad-Azz-Slytherin Chaos- I AGREE! I need more reviews damnit! But I won't get all angry about it....if I do then people won't read my story, now will they? Heh. Thank you, I pride myself in updating quickly, and I'm actually a lazy ass chick as well, lolo! I'm sorry to hear you're straight ::wink wink:: Just kidding! But I am really glad to hear you have nothing against gays.....I'm bisexual myself (closer to lesbian then straight actually) and I hate it when people get down on me for that. Oh, congrats on graduating! Finally, I would like to say "THANKS JESSICA!"

Bryjin- Thank you! I'm glad you got AIM! Yes, porn is FUNNY! Britney is a dirty slut whore, and I think you're right about the boobs thing. Yes, Tom Felton and Mr. Weasley are in The Borrowers....crazy? YES! The weirdest thing about it is that the bad guy is named 'Mr. Potter'.....so Tom Felton and Mr. Weasley fight Potter? That sounds kind of familiar.....

Zina- Don't worry, a psycho bitch is NOT going to follow them. I just liked having a psycho bitch at Wal-Mart. Draco's character I must admit is slightly OOC, but he's still fun, right? He's turning out to be the comedic relief! The slash is coming, don't worry....I just have to get them drunk first. I am updating now and I hope this was soon enough for you! Byes babe!

Fugazi- Ha ha, I made you review and you did it! MUWAHAHA! Yes....I'm sure there are many a spelling mistake like 'dessert' and 'desert', but it's because they're both spelled correctly so my computer doesn't check it and I don't read over these chapters very well and...er...yeah. I'm babbling, yay! I'm glad you liked the parchment, because I AM going to bring it back....probably for this chapter because I have no idea what to do really.

OK! Well, I'm glad I got so many reviews! OK, so read on...this chapter is most likely going to be full of randomized crap and stuff, so...yeah. Damnit! I'm being forced to order pizza! Shit! I hate ordering pizza! FFFUCK! Fuck, shit and other such explatives! Er...read on! Oh, and disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER..OR WAL-MART OR ANYTHING ELSE REALLY!

Chapter 5- Ironic

They couldn't believe their eyes. They had parked the car right there, and it was gone....Gone, gone gone. What kind of poor bastard would steal a car in a Wal-Mart parking lot?! Harry sighed heavily and began to rummage through their bags for the duffle bags and two backpacks he bought while in the store. He pulled them out and began to open all of the other items from the plastic cases they were packaged in and he started to pack them into the bags. Draco sat down on a rail for returned carts and looked around with a sharp look in his eyes.

"Why don't we just take another car?" Draco mused while adjusting his rather uncomfortable position on the bar.

Harry looked up and smirked deviously. "Pole dancing there, Malfoy?" A metal can hit his head seconds later. He sighed and put that into Draco's backpack, then threw it to him. "I don't think we should do that.....let's just bum a ride like we were doing before." The boy-who- lived stood up, brushed his knees and legs of any dirt and began to head to the nearest road. "I'm not sure where we can try to go this time, but let's just keep moving." He turned back to see Malfoy taking his precious time getting down from the cart returns pole and following him to the road. Potter sprinted back to him, unceremoniously shoved him off of the pole and began to almost drag him towards the road. "WE HAVE TO KEEP MOVING."

Draco slapped Harry's arms and hands until he was let go of, then stood and brushed himself off. "What the bloody fuck is wrong with you, Potter?!" He gave Harry a cold glare before opening his backpack and rummaging through what the other boy had put into it. He stopped when he found a large wad of the supposed money. He looked over to Harry, who was frantically trying to pick up a ride, and was about to say something to him when a large truck pulled up beside the road and the windows rolled down.

A head with a 'Foxy Grandpa' hat and gold teeth stuck its head out of the passenger's window. "Well, fancy meetin' you boys here again." Baxter opened the passenger's door and waved the boys in, who gladly jumped on and buckled up. "So where you boys headin' this time?" Baxter asked as he started the huge truck up and began to plow on.

Harry was about to answer, but Draco beat him to it. "Take us to Ontario." He said as he fished through his backpack for the Alanis Morissette CD.

Baxter smiled and rubbed his shaggy chin. "Why Ontario?" He asked them while he kept his eyes on the road.

Draco pulled out the CD he was looking for and began to rip off the plastic sheet that was over it. "Because it sounds good on the radio." He answered matter-of-factly. He pulled out the lyrics book and handed the CD to Harry. "Baxter, is it all right if we put on a CD?" Draco asked in his most charming voice. Baxter smiled and said it was all right; glancing at the two boys every once in a while as he answered. "Potter, but the CD on." Draco commanded as he began to read the lyrics. Harry sighed and did so without complaint, and decided to sit back while he listened to the music- after all, what's more calming then some music?

LATER......

"IT'S LIKE RAAAAIIIIIIIN, ON YOUR WEDDING DAY! IT'S A FREE RIIIIDE, WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY PAYED! IT'S THE GOOD ADVIIIIICE, THAT YOU JUST DIDN'T TAKE! WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT, IT FIGURES!!!!!!!!!"

What Harry REALLY found ironic was that this music didn't soothe him at all......it aggravated him to no end as it became increasingly obvious that Baxter was also a huge fan of Alanis Morissette.....such a fan, in fact, that he knew all of her lyrics...by heart......and loved to sing along......JUST LIKE MALFOY. It wasn't that they were bad singers (even though Baxter was pretty flat) and it wasn't that they sung along to Alanis Morissette.....it was the fact that they ONLY sang along to Alanis Morissette and that this was possibly the hundredth time they had played 'Feast On Scraps'. Harry was excruciatingly close to either killing Malfoy and Baxter, or killing himself.

"Baxter, where are we right now?" Harry asked over the roaring music to their driver. Baxter turned around and looked at Harry as though he forgot he was there, then turned back with a smile on his face.

"We're just outside of Henderson, Nevada." He then pulled off to the side of the road and turned off the music, which Draco took out of the CD player and put away. Baxter turned in his seat so he was facing both the boys and began to talk to them. "Have you two boys ever thought of being with a man? Ever thought of having sex with one before?"

Harry and Draco exchanged looks of confusion and terror before shaking their heads 'no'. Baxter fixed himself up in his seat and continued. "Listen boys...I'd really like it if you guys came with me to Salt Lake City."

Harry grabbed their bags and backpacks in a flash and opened the door to the truck. "Sorry Baxter, but we're really got to get off here.....we forgot we had some business to take care of in Henderson. Come on, Malfoy!" He jumped out of the truck with Draco close by him and frantically walked in the opposite direction that Baxter's truck was going. "Oh dear MERLIN that was so disturbing." He turned to his comrade, who only nodded mutely. "We've got to get another ride, though....do you know any place we can try to go to?"

Draco lay back on the ground next to their bags and racked his brain for any place other then Ontario that he had heard of. "Viva Las Vegas." He finally answered as his heart finally began to calm down. Harry pulled out a piece of parchment from Draco's school bag (which would have normally angered the blonde, but under the circumstances, he didn't mind much) and wrote 'Viva Las Vegas' on it with a marker he had bought from Wal-Mart.

The two boys didn't have to wait long before they were picked up by a couple that were going on vacation to another part of Henderson, Nevada. The two boys piled into the back of the car and began to try to convince the couple to take them all the way to Vegas. "But it's Viva Las Vegas, and Vegas is the perfect place to stay with nice resorts and nice workers in the casinos..." Draco was actually the one who was really trying to convince them, with Harry adding in little tidbits of anything he had ever heard of this 'Vegas'. "People get married there all the time, so it must be nice!"

The couple just kept laughing to themselves with every reason why they should go to Vegas instead. "I'm sorry, but we have family here in Henderson, so I don't think we can possibly take you boys all the way to Vegas!" The two boys fell back with miserable looks on their faces as they watched the sun sink lower and lower into the horizen. The man that was driving eventually pulled over when it was particularly dark and turned around to the boys in the back. "It's the end of the line!" He chimed out happily as Draco and Harry pulled themselves out of the car, grabbed their luggage and gave their thanks.

Harry turned to Draco, who was looking around them in the dark. The boy-who-lived placed his hands on his hips and sat down on one of the duffle bags. "Well, at least this can't get any worse."

That's when it happened- Draco royally snapped. He stormed over to the other boy, kicked the duffle bag out from under his arse and began to scream at him. "It can't get any worse?! IT CAN'T GET ANY WORSE?!!! First you relocate us BOTH to America and force me to hitch-hike. Then we have to stay in a DISGUSTING motel where you try to scare the shit out of me by imitating a fucking MOVIE! Then, lo and behold, we don't have any money, so we have to steal a fucking car that has weird things that make things explode inside of it, plus a hand full of what I'm guessing is stolen money, from the way you keep acting about it. Then we drive to a huge store where we meet a psychotic woman and you embarrass the hell out of me! We finally leave the store only to find our ride has been stolen and we have to hitch-hike again! But it's OK, we get picked up by our crazy truck-driving friend Baxter, but oops! He's a fucking PEDOPHILE! Then we get picked up by a couple in Henderson, Nowhereville USA where they drop us off on the side of a more-or-less abandoned road IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT with no fucking idea where we are!"

Harry glared daggers into the other boy and looked up only to have rain drops fall onto his head. "And it's raining."

The blonde threw his hands into the air and was soon cold and wet. "AND IT'S RAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed with all of his might before collapsing onto the ground shivering with cold. "We d-don't even know where the f-f-fuck we are."

The raven haired of the two collected their bags and lightly kicked Draco, who was still curled on the ground shaking. "Come on...I see a tree behind those gates. Let's go stay under that until the storm ends, then we can find a new ride tomorrow."

The two boys trudged through mud and other disgusting grime, every once in a while tripping over some big oddly shaped rocks before they fell underneath the tree Harry had pointed out and curled into the fetal position. "I h-h-heard somewhere that natural body heat can keep people warm better then almost anything elssse...." Draco stuttered and hissed out through chatting teeth. He was steadily turning white, and his lips were turning an unhealthy shade of blue.

Harry nodded his head and without thinking of anything but that he wanted to get warmer and fast, he hugged onto the other boy. "J-j-jeeze you're cold." Harry mumbled out to Draco, but never got any sort of answer as the aforementioned had already fallen asleep. The boy-who-lived leaned against the tree and dug his heels into the mud, trying to figure out exactly where they were before he drifted to sleep.

THE NEXT DAY....

"Maybe they fell out of their coffins." Harry opened his eyes slowly to try to figure out who had said this, and was greeted by two dirty looking men holding shovels. "Hold on Ern, I think this one's still alive...can't say much for the other one, though." Harry began to register what had happened last night, and he immediately shot his head over to the boy laying next to him. Draco had slid away from him last night, and he still looked white. "Ern...poke 'im'."

One of them men, who Harry assumed was 'Ern', began to lightly poke Draco with his shovel. The sleeping boy slowly stirred and woke up, then turned to look at the two men while he began to brush mud off of his clothes and face. "Excuse me...wh-where are we?" Draco asked feebly to the two men.

The other one that wasn't Ern looked down at the two boys with confused looks on their faces. "Well son, you're in The Henderson Cemetary and Funeral Parlour."

Harry and Draco jumped to their feet and looked all around them, only to be greeted by thousands upon THOUSANDS of graves. Tombstones, grave markers, flowers......even where they had spent the night there was a grave. The boys grabbed their things, gave a quick apology, and ran out over to the road. When they finally reached the road they saw a sign nailed to a post that read "Las Vegas- Three Miles Ahead".

Draco stared at the sign in utter disbelief before rounding on the other boy. "Oh yes...let's go stay under that tree through those gates, after all, our destination is ONLY three miles away!!!!!! WE COULD HAVE WALKED!!!!!!!!" The blonde yanked off his backpack that he had slipped on and began to beat the other boy with it.

Harry held up his arms in defense and eventually settled for kicking the other away. He sighed heavily and grabbed the bags from the ground. "Come on already, let's just go!"

The boys walked on in silence, their thoughts too fogged by what had happened to even think of a good retort to give to the other.....that is until Draco's mind finally caught up. "EWWWW!"

Harry turned around to the other boy and sighed in bitter defeat. "What is so gross?"

Draco began to brush his arms off frantically and he hugged his arms around himself. "YOU TOUCHED ME!"

Harry's expression turned to that of a smug one. "Funny......you were dieing to get all over me last night, you know...." He dodged a blow to the head from the other's backpack just in time, then he began to sing under his breath. "And isn't it ironic...don't you think? A little too ironic...and yeah! I really do think....it's like raaaaiiiin, on your wedding day..."

Yes yes, I know, this chapter was really disturbing and weird, but keep in mind this hitch-hiking incident ACTUALLY HAPPENED. OK, so it was my dad, and sure, he was alone, and OK, he was going to New York instead of Las Vegas.....but still, all that happened here happened to him more-or-less. I came up with the title from the song 'Ironic' by Alanis Morissette, which Baxter and Draco sang on the truck ride, and Harry was singing at the very end. I thought it fit this chapter pretty well, hee.....besides, who can pass up Harry being an arse about Draco singing it, but having him sing it when Draco is being an arse? I dunno, I just like weird just like that....if you didn't get it then go find the song, or at LEAST the lyrics to the song. I dunno, this chapter was way different as well, so I hope you all liked it! Please review, and if you have any suggestions, PLEASE make them damnit! Oh, and 'Ern' is short for 'Ernie'.