Title: The Great Mistake... Silly Humans, Trix are for Cows!
Rating: Pg-13... maybe R (Minor Language, Mentions of Drug-Use and "Sexual Situations")
Summary: Harry and Ron are on a mission... but will a bovinal incident drive them from the path!?
Genre: Humor
Pairings: None
Time Frame: After 3rd year, I do suppose.
Status: To Be Continued?!?!
Disclaimer: All belongs to Warner Bro- I mean JK... j/k! wow, puns
Author's Note: Don't ask me what the hell I was thinking....

Harry and Ron trotted down Diagon Ally, looking around shiftily. If Mrs. Weasly caught them, they would be utterly dead. Dead like bacon. Just think... that used to be a live, mooing cow... unless it was mute. At least they weren't mute cows destined to be bacon.

But they very well could be if Mrs. Weasly caught them... so she better not. They not so stealthily slipped into the Leaky Cauldron, Ron tripping on the door. A hippie who appeared to be stoned said, before stumbling away "That's trippin, man."

They took seats near the stairs and waited for their opportunity... during this time period, another hippie showed up. He sat next to them and pulled out his "wand". He then proceeded to smoke his wand, getting higher by the minute. The rainbow colored smoke pouring from all his orifices was highly disturbing, but it didn't stop our heroes. They had a mission.

"Harry..." Ron whispered, gesturing at the hippie "Do you think he'd notice if we started?"

"Maybe..." Harry scrutinized the man in front of them, who now appeared to be on the verge of toppling out of his seat. "But probably not... let's do it."

Harry pulled out his own wand, while watching Ron do the same. He eyed his friend's wand dubiously, considering the condition it was in, then shrugged. He shifted in his seat, trying to see the door while simultaneously tugging at a wedgie. It didn't help much... and at that moment he swore that he would enact bloody revenge on that dreadfully cruel Madame Malkin for not mentioning that Magical Robes shrank in Muggle Washing Machines. Shrank a lot.

They began chanting quietly, if intently... "El satano mia grande, pulande! Shrelk-don misan, pulande! Pulande, Spy Dur Mean, milea! El de'villay, el mucho Gafee Yald... Krondike Var! Pulande, En Sin Ka, Pulande!" their tempo was fairly constant, Harry making up for Ron's stutters. He was quite stuttery, if you must know. The hippie didn't.... he didn't really notice much at this point.

"Uno...Deux...EEETHRAY!!!!" They both thrust their wands into the air, the gesture immediately followed by a deafening farting sound.

"Phase 1... complete." They said unanimously, satisfied at the success of it.

As most patrons turned to find the source of the noise, a noticeable red head at the bar turned to look at them, eyes smoldering as she stared at the boys. Harry at first, naturally, thought that she was smoldering with desire, being as ruggedly handsome as he was. Ron, naturally, thought the same, but was jealous of Harry rugged handsomeness, completed with that nicely disfiguring scar. Oh how he wished to have such a disfigurement...

Both were surprised, after several moments, to recognize Mrs. Weasly. She was most definitely NOT smoldering with desire. The hippie might be, but they were too scared to notice HIM....

"NOOOOOOOO!!!" they both screamed, even as their bodies began to remold themselves... now of the bovine persuasion. The knocked over the chairs, table and hippie ("Woah, I seriously need to get off this shit!") before ceasing their growth.

Ron was a red cow, to no one's surprise. However, Harry felt an unexpected weight on his stomach area... well, he couldn't really tell anymore where his stomach was, seeing as he now had four of them.

"Woah, I'm hung well as a cow!" he mooed loudly... too loudly (at least he wasn't mute). The rest of the patrons who weren't already staring because of the fart were staring now... the mooing was understandable to magical types and blatantly obvious to those that spoke Cow. However, Harry had a nice deluded chain of thought that they were all staring at his cow-hotness. He was in a happy place, he was.

Cow-Ron's eyes were bugged out as he stared at Harry-Cow's underside. "Dude...." Harry shifted, trying to see his new and improved package and consequently raise his ego, but was shocked to find....

"UDDERS?!?" he bellowed in anger, shaking the aforementioned appendage in his rage.

"Dude, there something you wanna tell me?" mooed Ron over the uproarious laughter of the hippie. The circumstance was definitely not helped as a menacing red-haired witch approached with a big ass butcher knife...

Author's Follow-up: TBC!?!? Oh Em Gee!!!!