He sat down beside it, his long, black hair blowing gently in the light breeze. Slowly, as if time was going in slow motion, the man ran his fingers over the inscription, the tips of his tanned fingers memorizing it. Carefully, he rearranged and placed fresh flowers at the base of the large, marble stone. After a brief moment of silence, he lifted the journal from his side, carefully opening it to the first page. A small smile twitched at his lips as he looked at it, but his purple eyes remained lost, distant and sad. As he sat beside the stone, he silently read to himself…
May 22nd, 1997
Dear Journal,
Today is my 16th birthday! I'm so happy! It seemed like this day would never come, but it finally has. I spent the morning brushing Buyo and then eating the Birthday breakfast Mama cooked for me. After that I met up with Sango and Miroku, they are so in love…
Sango got me a new bow and some arrows, Miroku got me a dildo…I threw it away the second I realized what it was. Gross!!
May 23rd, 1997
Dear Journal,
Sango told me she has found a guy for me to date, but I've never met him. I'm kinda nervous, I've never been on a date before. She won't tell me who it is or where we are going, just that our date is in two days and that I'm supposed to meet him in front of the highschool.
May 24th, 1997
Dear Journal,
Sango still won't tell. We bought a new outfit for me today, a sundress with sakura leaves on it. I hope this guy doesn't try to kiss me on the first date…and I hope I like him.
May 25th, 1997
Dear Journal,
I'm waiting here for my supposed date. He was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago! I already don't like this guy and I haven't even met him! Well, I see someone coming up the street, it could be him. I don't want him to see this journal and think I'm a little kid. I'll write later!
I'm back from my date now. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I learned his name is Inuyasha, and he's 18! But, Journal, he has to be the cutest boy I have ever seen… He has long, wild black hair that looks so silky and soft and he has the most gorgeous eyes, purple. I fear I've got a crush on him already…am I moving too quickly, we have only met once…? We went to the movies and dinner, he paid. He wasn't exactly the most charming, he's not Miroku of course, but there was something about him that made me agree to another date, its this Saturday.
I'd better go to bed now, its getting late.
May 26th, 1997
Dear Journal,
Not much happened today. I told Sango about my date with Inuyasha and she said we make a good match. I don't know if we do, but Sango knows a lot more about dating and guys than I ever will.
May 30th, 1997
Dear Journal,
Today is Saturday. I just got back from another date with Inuyasha. I feel like I like him more than I did before! He took me to the park. While we were walking along the path in the woods, Journal, I did something very bold! I reached out and grabbed his hand! I think I saw him blush but I know my face must have looked like a tomato! We held hand the rest of the evening…am I moving too fast?
June 16th, 1997
Dear Journal,
School is out for the summer now and I've been busy. I meet Inuyasha for lunch everyday at the diner down the road from me. Sango thinks we are an item now, a couple! I don't know…should I ask him? He hasn't kissed me…maybe he doesn't want to…maybe I'm unkissable…I'll ask Sango tomorrow.
June 20th, 1997
Dear Journal,
I know I haven't been writing, Journal, but there hasn't been too much to tell lately. I had a dream last night, Inuyasha was in it. He was very romantic, he kissed me in it! Is it wrong of me to have such dreams? I think I'll keep that a secret from Sango.
June 21st, 1997
Dear Journal,
At lunch today, Inuyasha asked me to be his girlfriend! I was so happy and I just know I was blushing. I agreed and hugged him… I've wanted to hug him for a while. I think I love him…
June 29th, 1997
Dear Journal,
I couldn't meet Inuyasha for lunch today so I had Sango tell him so. I had to go to the doctors, I don't like the doctors. Since my last entry I've been having odd feelings in my stomach and chest, they really hurt. I told Mama and she took me to the doctors. The doctor felt my stomach and he had a weird expression, then he took some blood samples and said he'd call when he knew what was wrong. I hope he gets me the medicine soon, my stomach is really hurting.
July 5th, 1997
Dear Journal,
I had the most wonderful day! Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku and I all went to the fair and we stayed for the fireworks! While we were standing there, watching them, Inuyasha put his arm around me and held me close to him. I was so embarrassed but he was warm and it felt nice. Inuyasha walked me home afterwards, Mama likes him so does Souta but Grandpa thinks he's a demon!
Inuyasha is just so amazing… I hope he stays with me forever! Is that childish of me? Hold on Journal, Mama is calling me.
Mama is a liar. She said they got the results back from the doctors and I have cancer. People my age don't get cancer! She said its in my lungs and they aren't sure if they can treat it. Mama was crying…was she really lying? Am I going to die? I'm not going to tell anyone else. Mama must be lying, it's nothing.
July 10th, 1997
Dear Journal,
Inuyasha took me on a hot air balloon ride! I was so shocked, it went so high! But…Journal…Inuyasha finally kissed me! It was something I can't even describe with words. Amazing, breath taking, none of those work! He had whispered my name and I turned around to look at him, but I tripped and fell against him. His arms went around me and he leaned down and kissed me! It sounds so fairy tale like but I know it really happened, my lips are still tingling. I love Inuyasha, I'm sure of it.
July 20th, 1997
Dear Journal,
I went to the doctors again, for my treatment. Mama wasn't lying…I really do have cancer. I'm scared but they said they would try their hardest to treat it. Mama cries all the time now, am I making Mama cry? The pain in my chest hurts, sometimes its not there at all and sometimes its really painful.
July 25th 1997
Dear Journal,
Sango and Miroku finally got together. I'm so happy for them even though I think they've been a couple since the first grade! I'm still getting treatments at the doctors, I'm going to get better they say.
August 10th, 1997
Dear Journal,
Inuyasha and I now have our own 'Spot'. It's the old tree in my yard. We sit under it everyday, sometimes we just sit there, sometimes he kisses me too. I like when he kisses me. I told him today, about the cancer. He thought I was joking at first, but then he was worried. I told him it was OK and that I was gonna get better. He held me close then and we just stayed like that a while. I will be OK as long as I have Inuyasha.
August 20th, 1997
Dear Journal,
Why am I feeling so weak? Today I couldn't even get out of bed. Mama has told Sango and Miroku and they came to see me… Inuyasha didn't come. Why didn't Inuyasha come to see me? Does he not love me anymore…? The doctors are still trying to treat me and they keep saying I'll be OK…but I don't feel OK…I need Inuyasha.
August 31st, 1997
Dear Journal,
The say the cancer is spreading. The treatment isn't working. Mama was crying again, she told me I'm going to die. Am I really going to die? Everyone dies…but I'm only 16. I asked how long I was going to live, they said they weren't sure.
I saw Inuyasha today, we were his room. I told him what Mama said and he put his hand on my cheek and kissed me again… It was a different kind of kiss from before, Journal. Inuyasha asked me if I was a virgin and I told him I was. Then he asked if I wanted to die a virgin, I was confused but I told him no…he kissed me again after that, Journal. I'm not a virgin anymore.
September 15th, 1997
Dear Journal,
Mama told me to spend time doing the things I want to do, since we aren't sure how long I have. I'm not as scared as I was before because Inuyasha said he'll always be with me. I always want to be with Inuyasha too. I made a list like Mama said of things I want to do before it happens, I had a hard time thinking about it.
1. Create something that people can remember me by.
2. Finally learn to swim.
3. Tell Inuyasha that I love him.
That's all I can think of for now.
November 11h, 1997
Dear Journal,
I told Inuyasha I couldn't swim. He took me to the local pool. He told me I was pretty in my swimsuit and I blushed…he's always making me blush. Inuyasha took my hand and led me into the pool, I was so scared but he was there, so I knew I'd be OK.
We stayed in the shallow end the whole day and I learned the doggy paddle. I told Inuyasha it made me think of him since the way he sat sometimes was doggish. I'm supposed to meet him everyday until I can swim.
November 19th, 1997
Dear Journal,
Today I learned to float on my back! I was so happy, Inuyasha said he was happy for me too. He took me home and we had dinner with my family. Inuyasha doesn't have a family just his older brother, Sesshoumaru. I never asked why and he's never told me. That's another thing I'd like to do before I die. Learn more about Inuyasha's past.
The pains in my chest have stopped, I thought I was cured but the doctors just say it's a period where I won't feel the pain, but it means I only have less than a year left. I'm scared again.
November 28th, 1997
Dear Journal,
I asked Inuyasha about his family. He looked sad and I felt bad for asking. I was about to tell him to forget it when he told me. His Father had died in a car accident trying to get to the hospital from work the day Inuyasha was born. His Mother died when he was 4 while she was on a business trip. It turns out his Mother was a very powerful woman and some people didn't like her. She was shot. I felt bad for Inuyasha but he told me not to. He told me he didn't want to ever loose me and for one of the first times, I cried. I don't want to loose Inuyasha either.
January 1st, 1998
Dear Journal,
For the past few weeks, I've been sleeping a lot. Mama said Sango and Miroku would visit all the time and Inuyasha refused to leave my side, he didn't even want to eat or sleep, but Mama made him. The doctors say I have a few months and I probably won't have the energy to get out of bed much. I hope I live until my birthday…
January 24th, 1998
Dear Journal,
I could finally get out of bed again today. Inuyasha took me to the park again and we sat on the swings. It was mostly silent between us, but that's OK because as long as I'm with him, I'll get better.
February 28th, 1998
Dear Journal,
The pain is awful. Sometimes I wish I was dead already so it wouldn't hurt anymore. Inuyasha is with me all the time, I think I should tell him that I love him because I think I'm going to die soon.
Journal, does it hurt to die? What happens when you die? Mama tells me you go to Heaven and become an Angel… Inuyasha says I am an Angel already, I'm his Angel he says.
March 20th, 1998
Dear Journal,
I have less and less energy everyday now, I am having trouble even holding my pencil to write this.
I told Inuyasha I loved him. He was here and I was in a lot of pain, he was holding my hand and looking at me. I love his eyes…I wish they didn't look so sad all the time. I want to see him smile before I die. When I told him I loved him, he said he loved me too. After I die, will Inuyasha get a new girlfriend and forget all about me? He probably will. I hope Inuyasha never forgets me, though.
April 3rd, 1998
Dear Journal,
I saw it. Inuyasha's smile. We were talking about our childhoods, to help keep my mind off the pain. He was telling me about his Mother, she sounded like a nice woman, he said she would have liked me. He smiled when he talked about her…He has a wonderful smile. He promised he'd never forget me, I hope he doesn't.
I got some pictures from Sango today, she took them last summer. They are of Inuyasha and me. I put my favorite one in the front of this journal. It's of Inuyasha and me holding hands under our tree.
April 7th, 1998
Dear Journal,
Today while I was with Inuyasha under our tree, I broke down. We were talking and I got quiet, Inuyasha asked me what was wrong. I said I didn't want to die. Inuyasha pulled me into his arms and ran his fingers through my hair, holding me tight. I knew I must have looked weak crying like that but I couldn't help it. I don't want to die! That's what I kept saying and Inuyasha kept telling me it would be OK and he was whispering my name a lot. I think he cried too, Journal, because my neck felt a little wet where he had his face pressed. I think it would be best for me to just die so Inuyasha and my family won't be in pain anymore. Sango and Miroku too…Sango cries whenever we talk. I'm really too young to die, Journal…please let this all be a cruel joke. Please let me live to grow old with Inuyasha and have kids…please Journal…please God…please…
April 17th, 1998
Dear Journal,
Mama spent some time with me today, she cried again. She said the doctors think it could be any day now. I'm scared, but I'm ready for the pain to stop. I've decided I want Inuyasha to have this journal when I die, so he can always remember.
May 22nd, 1998
Dear Journal,
I just woke up, I think I've been sleeping a while. Inuyasha is sleeping in the chair beside me, he looks so peaceful. The pain in my chest really hurts…I am 17 today my calendar says. I lost track of the time since I sleep so much.
I'm sitting under our tree now, the wind feels nice. It was hard to get out here, I fell a few times, my body is weak.. It's hard to breathe, Journal, my lungs are filled but not with air…Is this what death feels like?
I'm really tired and I think it's time for me to sleep. I don't think I'll be waking back up…but that's OK, I'm ready to go now. I have written on the cover of my journal that I want Inuyasha to have it.
Please remember me, Inuyasha…Goodbye.
Inuyasha slowly closed the journal, a few tears slipping down his cheeks. That's how they found her, sitting under the tree, a peaceful smile on her face, this journal on her lap, Inuyasha thought as he looked to the stone again. A short poem was inscribed on the back of the stone, written by Inuyasha himself after Kagome had died.
Kagome Higurashi
May 22nd 1981 - May 22nd 1988
When I heard what happened to you,
I didn't believe it could be true.
Something like this didn't happen to me,
No…it just couldn't be.
But it was true,
God's Angels had come for you.
It just goes to show you that life's a race,
And your life went at a faster pace.
You finished first,
The prize the worst.
God's Angels came and took you away,
That Tuesday morning, in late May.
Well, this is my new one shot. I hope everyone liked it. I had this idea when I was trying to fall asleep the other day and it just wouldn't go away. That poem is my own, original work so please don't steal it. It's called "God's Angels".
Thank you for reading.
Kagome-chan5