1A/N Yikes! That last chapter really wasn't good. Sometimes it looks okay at first and then when I post I wish I could change my identity! :) And my Quick Edit is still not working, ever! Does anyone know how to fix that? So I couldn't make sure it sounded right. So I'm re-posting this chapter and writing it all over again. Just forget that last one was ever there. Look into the orb, humans!crash flash of light There!
So I really need a beta reader to read it before I post! Who volunteers? Please! I'll give you a lollipop!!
Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl, and never will, and will hereby give up, henceforth and for evermore, and I am saying this of my own free will, and certainly not because I am being paid a large pile of cash to stop annoying the lawyers ... hides large pile of cash ... I'll be at the mall now!
THREE (New, Improved, Less Dialogue, More Description {and more reviews, hopefully} :)
Holly sat at the foot of her makeshift cot, looking at her feet. Thinking only one thing. Why me? Why now? Why in the middle of Root's period of extremely bad temper? She scratched her head. Actually, Root was always in a bad temper.
"My life is over, my life is over," she sighed and rocked back and forth. She would probably get transferred to Traffic. Or even worse, she thought, biting her fingernails. Maintenance. She shuddered, imagining Haven's less-than-hygienic public streets.
Diana stood in the doorway, completely puzzled. Who was this human ... was she even human? She scratched her head. Well, she had seen a lot of midgets everywhere, but she was shorter than all of them. (Including her extremely strange cousin Benjy, measuring up at 3 and a half feet.) There must be something in the air here, she thought. But what was with those pointy ears? She looked like someone straight out of The Lord of the Rings.
No, this must be a dream, she told herself. Neighbors can't be this weird. She would wake up in L.A. safely at home, probably just having downed an enormous bag of Peppy's Pepper Pork Rinds. That made everyone have a bit ... weird dreams. It said so right on the package.
She pinched her finger, and when that didn't work, she tried banging her head on the metal door. Not an idea that would make her top ten of good ideas. "Ow," she said, clutching her sore head.
Holly looked up from what she was doing at that moment. Which was twisting up a piece of blanket and pretending it was Artemis's neck. It felt good. She suddenly noticed Diana banging her head repeatedly on the door. She frowned. There must be something in the air here.
"Who are you?" she asked warily of the stranger. She narrowed her eyes, having thought of something. Probably another one of Artemis's cohorts coming to interview her or what not. Her hands bunched up into tiny fists for the umpteenth time that day. "Look, I don't need to know how else I betrayed my people. Or any more of your pesticide-filled foods. So just let me out right now ... or I will make your next thousand years a living nightmare!" There, she thought. Wasn't that a good line? That would surely get them.
"Uh....," Diana was even more perplexed, if possible, for the umpteenth time this day. She had no idea what the tiny ... er, creature ... was talking about. She inched away to a safe distance. Which was about a mile down the hall.
"Wait. You're not ... one of them, are you?" Holly surveyed the human, who was scratching her head yet again.
"I-I d-don't t-think so,"stammered Diana, turning around. "I-I'll just l-leave now,"she said, and made towards her house. She planned to go home, unpack the microwave, and try to pretend all this never happened. Max's mind-numbing video games should help, she decided, grinning. If he ever miraculously got them set up.
"NO!" Holly practically yelled, and Diana turned back, startled, covering her ears at the sound. This human, albeit a bewildered one, might be her only shot at escaping. "Do you know what's going on?"
Diana could only shake her head. "And I-I don't t-think I really want to,"she added.
"Are you sure?" Holly presumed her career was pretty much like a pit slug deep-fried in the LEP canteen anyway, so there wasn't any harm in telling this human about their subterranean civilization. Right?
Diana hesitated. She knew she should help someone if they were in trouble, and this... elf?... certainly looked the part. But, did it mean risking her life? That big guy and that pale kid certainly scared the pork rinds out of her.
"Of course," she said finally, sitting down. She slid out her pocket-sized tape recorder. This would definitely make a great story for the Enquirer.
Artemis sat in his study at – where else? – his computer, monitoring any sign of life aboard the lone whaler out on the sea. He was enjoying – what else? – his favorite food, caviar, and feeling pretty pleased with himself. He was beginning to believe he actually could pull off this scheme.
In the middle of an incredibly good mouthful, Butler, tailed by Juliet, rushed in, panting as if just having run a marathon across Ireland. "We.... have.... some..... thing..... to.... tell... you," Juliet managed to gasp.
"This better be good,"muttered Artemis, hoping they hadn't interrupted his private lunch break for nothing. Juliet, having finally caught her breath first, started to explain.
"Artemis, there's, like, a girl, like, running around, like, all over, like –," Artemis rubbed his temples. Why did the world have to have teenagers?
Butler cut her off. "The neighbors' girl is still in the house,"he clarified.
"Exactly what I was saying," said his sister a bit angrily. Butler shook his head. Why did the world have to have sisters? And where had his famous soldier's sense been? He couldn't believe he had let that girl just saunter in without thinking.
"Teenagers. Can't trust them as far as you can throw them," he said. And he meant that. Literally.
"Excuse me? For your information, I am a teenager!" Juliet yelled hotly.
"I didn't mean –," Butler said quickly.
"Of course you didn't. You're the one who let her in!"
"Is that so? Well, you're the one who –," Butler was at a loss for words. This rarely, if ever, happened. Most people generally stopped talking once they were in sight of him.
Artemis rubbed his temples again. These two were obviously not helping at all. What was he paying them for? "Ahem," he said. Both stopped mid-name call. "Right. Butler, fix the problem," he said shortly.
"I'm on it," he said, running off after Diana, a bit ashamed. Which also didn't happen often.
Artemis could feel his plan falling apart about his ears. Why did the world have to have neighbors? But, Butler would take care of it, he told himself, biting into another spoonful of caviar. Right?
Juliet ran upstairs, silently fuming. "Why can't I ever be on it?" she muttered, returning to punching the glossy picture of Artemis.
"... and we live underground, and our city is called Haven," Holly was explaining to a flummoxed Diana. "Uh, are you buying this?"
Diana couldn't believe a word of what she was hearing. "This – this is a joke, right?" she asked, staring wide-eyed at Holly. "Am I supposed to believe that a twelve-year-old boy orchestrated an entire operation.... and that there's an entire civilization living under out feet?" This was stranger than Super SciFi Channel's Strangest Strange Things marathon. She scratched her head thoughtfully. "You sound exactly like Max when he's doing his science project."
"Ah... uh... yeah. Basically,"Holly replied. Diana shook her head in disbelief. "I-I'm twelve, and I can't get my brother to give me back my two dollars!"she sighed.
"All right," she said, after taking it all in, and began working on a plausible explanation. Her parents would never believe this. "I believe you." She thought for a moment. "You sound exactly like my dad."
"Well, now we can leave," she said happily, and swung her hands to the door. Holly didn't move. Diana gestured toward the exit again. "As in, you know, walk through that opening in the wall."
"It's not that simple."Holly sighed. Perhaps she wouldn't be able to go home after all. And now she had gotten this human involved, too.
"Why not?" Diana asked. It seemed simple enough. Holly remembered she hadn't told this human about this particular law, the one all fairies had scribbled "D'Arvit" repeatedly over in their Books so the writing was barely legible.
"We have to do everything humans tell us while in their dwellings." Diana remembered hearing something like that once.
"Wait, there was this movie once, and this girl had to do everything everyone said, and there was a prince and a fairy godmother – and, oh yeah, Max spilled Coke and Goobers all over my new shirt –," she trailed off. Holly clearly wasn't interested in last month's human movies when she was stuck in a tiny basement room with a twelve-year-old movie fanatic.
"Say, do you have to hop on one foot or chop your head off? Or – or –," Holly glared at her. "Uh, right." She started thinking of a plan, but couldn't figure one that wouldn't involve the FBI, CIA, or... whatever they had here. Or all three.
Holly was rocking back and forth, repeating "My life is over, my life is over" again and again. "Calm down, calm down, calm down," Diana said. As if her words carried immeasurable power, Holly immediately stopped. As if by an invisible force. Like magic....
"Wait! What if I told you you could leave?" she offered. Holly considered it for a minute, and said yes. After all, she wouldn't burst into smithereens. Right?
"Alright," Diana cleared her throat importantly, as if about to proclaim the end to world hunger. "Uh, what's your name?"
"Holly. Holly Short."
"Holly... Short," she repeated, stifling a giggle. Unsuccessfully. "That explains a lo–," she stopped short when Holly gave her a dark look. "Right. Holly... Short, go out of here – or do whatever else you want."
Holly stood up, went over to the door, and gingerly tried to step out. Her magic still felt intact, and, apparently, her lunch wasn't on the parquet, so she assumed it had worked.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she smiled and hugged Diana – or, rather, Diana's feet, considering she was two feet and three inches shorter.
"Now, we can leave," said Diana brightly, and both turned to walk out the door.
That was when – precisely at that moment – the door slammed shut.
Whoa!! Almost THREE pages! This is a record for me! Yeah!! Woo hoo! ..... uh, yeah.
Well, what do you think? Better, right? Do you think I could be a writer once, or should I keep my day job, as Max would say?
Please, please review. Wait, I have a better idea! Holly? uses mesmer Reader ... you ... will... review!!
There! Now review! Hmm... I hope this works over the Internet. Holly shakes head Shh! Don't tell them!