Disclaimer: Enterprise and her crew belong to Paramount. I'm just borrowing them for a while.

Bottled Up – Part 6

Late evening of the third day after he had awoken in sickbay, Trip stood outside the Captain's quarters. He had just been released by Dr. Phlox, who had made him promise to go straight to his quarters and sleep, but Trip figured he was only bending the rules a little bit by stopping off to see Jon on his way. Their quarters were on the same corridor, after all.

He had tried several times over the past three days to contact the Captain from sickbay, but Archer always seemed to be busy or unavailable. Trip knew the Captain was avoiding him, but he was still determined to have it out with his friend, and there was no way he was going to be able to sleep until he had seen Jon. He had been doing a lot of thinking while confined to sickbay, and had discovered that he had missed Jon a lot more than he had realised. Finding out that Jon had been watching over him while he had been unconscious had reminded him what a good friend and special person Jon was – that was, when he wasn't being a complete asshole, as he had been recently. But Trip had realised that he didn't want to be Jonathan Archer's friend any more – he wanted more. He had been so hurt when Jon had cut him out of his life, but he had never really bothered to analyse why. But now he had it all worked out – his misery had resulted from being rejected by the man he loved.

Raising his fist, Trip pounded on the door. "Come on, Jon, open up!" He didn't even know if Archer was in his quarters, but he wasn't leaving until he had spoken to the Captain. "We have to talk!" But the door remained firmly closed, and Trip realised that this was getting him nowhere. If Jon was in there, he obviously wasn't going to let Trip in. "Jon, I'm gonna wait out here until you speak to me, so you might as well open the door." But still the door remained closed. Trip steeled himself for a long wait. Even if the Captain wasn't in there, he would have to return sometime, and when he did, he would find Trip Tucker waiting for him. Trip settled himself on the floor by the door. He probably looked stupid, and this was definitely breaking his promise to Phlox, but he didn't care. He would talk to Jon even if it killed him.

Inside his quarters, Archer waited for the pounding on the door to resume, but when it didn't he sighed with relief. Trip must have left – he obviously needed his rest, and Archer gave no credence to the threat to stay outside until he showed up. The truth was, he desperately wanted to open the door, take Trip in his arms, and show him how much he was glad his friend was okay. But he knew that Trip would run a mile from such behaviour, alienating him from Archer even more.

So Archer left the door closed, and remained alone with his thoughts, eventually dropping into a troubled sleep.

Throwing yet another bundle of clean clothes on the floor, Archer cursed loudly. He had had a restless night, and as a consequence had overslept. He was on duty in ten minutes and couldn't find his left boot, having turned his quarters upside down looking for it. Turning away from his closet in frustration, he suddenly spied it wedged down the side of his bedside cabinet. Retrieving it, he pulled it on to his foot and hurried over to the door. Slapping the button to open it, he tried to step outside…and nearly stumbled over an obstacle on the threshold. Looking down, he realised that he had nearly tripped over his Chief Engineer, who was lying curled up in front of his door, sound asleep. Evidently, Trip's threat hadn't been so empty after all.

Looking down at his best friend, Archer felt a wave of tenderness sweep over him. Trip looked a lot younger when he was asleep. His cheeks were slightly flushed, and his sandy hair was tousled. And judging by the tension in his limbs, he had obviously been sleeping on the hard floor all night. Guilt overtook Archer at having put his best friend through this, especially when Trip was still recovering from his extensive injuries.

Bending down, Archer shook Trip's shoulder gently. "Trip? Come on, buddy, rise and shine."

Trip stirred. "Where am I?" he mumbled sleepily, and then, as his eyes flickered open: "Jon? That you?"

"Yes Trip, it's me. Come on, get up. You need a shower and some breakfast." Taking Trip's arm, Archer guided him into his quarters.

Archer waited nervously for Trip to emerge from the shower. The two of them hadn't really spoken when they had got inside the Captain's quarters. Trip had simply obeyed Archer's instruction to get himself cleaned up, disappearing into the bathroom. And now Archer was terrified that the shower was going to bring Trip to his senses, and that he was going to be on the receiving end of a tirade from a very angry engineer.

The sound of the water shutting off alerted Archer to the fact that Trip would be reappearing any minute. He barely had time to compose his thoughts before Trip emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel with his hair sticking out in all directions. Archer was again struck by the desire to take Trip in his arms – didn't the man realise how damn sexy he looked? But instead he braced himself for a torrent of abuse…

…and was surprised when instead Trip perched on the edge of Archer's bed and sighed wearily. "What's goin' on Jon?" he asked simply.

Archer found himself lost for words. "Oh Trip, I'm so sorry," he said at last. "What I did to you was awful. And completely the wrong thing to do – I see that now."

"But why on earth did you do it?"

"To keep you safe."

"To keep me safe!"

"I couldn't bear to see you in sickbay, fighting for your life yet again. It seemed like every time you left this ship, you ended up nearly getting killed, and I couldn't let that happen any more."

"I'm a big boy, Jon. I can take care of myself, y'know," said Trip. "And in case you hadn't noticed, keeping me on the ship didn't work out real well in the end. What are you gonna do next? Confine me to my quarters, only to have some alien virus get at me through the ventilation system?"

"I know, Trip. I know it was stupid. But like I said…"

"You wanted to keep me safe, I know. But that doesn't explain why you cut me out of your life so completely."

"Because I knew that every time I saw you, you would demand an explanation. An explanation I couldn't give you."

"And why is that, Jon?"

"Because I knew it would make you hate me more than you already did."

"Oh, I'm not sure that would have been possible," Trip joked. However, at the haunted look in Archer's eyes, he realised that this was no laughing matter. "So, are you gonna explain it to me now?"

Archer gulped. He suddenly realised that he hadn't planned on the conversation going this far. But now he was backed into a corner. There was no way he could refuse Trip's request now without alienating him again. So he took a deep breath, and plunged in.

"It was because I love you, Trip." Hesitantly, Archer looked up, afraid of the disgust he might see in the other man's eyes. And he wasn't disappointed. Trip's face clearly showed that he was having a hard time resisting knocking Jon on his ass, and walking out there and then. But surprisingly, Trip didn't seem to be disgusted – just angry.

"Because you love me!" he said bitterly. "You confine me to the ship and cut me out of your life because you love me! You've got a damn funny way of showing your feelings, Jon."

Trip couldn't believe it. Here was Jon telling him the thing that he had recently come to realise he wanted to hear most in the whole world, but he was also telling him that this love had made him ruin Trip's life. How on earth could that be called love? Jon's emotions had obviously become a little twisted being stuck out here in space.

"I don't think you know what love is, Jon," he said furiously. "Love is when you care about another person no matter what. Love is when you trust the other person with your innermost feelin's. Love is when you want to be with them even if they're tryin' cut you out of their life through some stupid, misguided attempt to protect themselves. Because that's what you were tryin' to do, Jon. Protect yourself, not me!"

Archer knew that what Trip was saying was true. He had been trying to protect himself, thinking that if he didn't have to see Trip, whether injured or healthy, he would be able to keep his feelings under better control. He felt ashamed, and realised that he had lost his best friend more completely than he ever would have through letting him go on a stupid away mission. Then his brain clicked into gear, and he registered the rest of what Trip had said. "Love is when you want to be with someone even if they're trying to cut you out of their life." And he realised who Trip was referring to.

"Are you saying that you love me, Trip?"

Trip sighed. "No, Jon. I don't love you. I love the Jonathan Archer who would have trusted me with his feelings. The Jonathan Archer who wouldn't have ignored me just to protect himself." With this parting shot, Trip gathered up his crumpled clothes, and strode out the door.