L'Enfant Préoccupé
Chapter Twenty – Years Ago...
By RoseRed

My 20th chapter! Ooh, I'm excited. Sorry this has taken such a dreadfully long time, but here it is. Enjoy!

Severus was starring at a wall. He'd been sitting like that for many minutes, still as an animal waiting to strike. Nobody that saw him would have guessed that his battle was on the inside.

(Many years ago)

Severus was pacing inside his London flat, starring at the bathroom door. Jenna was on the otherside, chewing on her lower lip. "Jenna?" Severus said quietly, whatever she answered was going to change their life.

"Not yet, Severus! Stop being so impatient!" Jenna was not loving life. Things had been great while the pair was still at Hogwarts, safely within the school walls. Nothing could touch them back then. Nothing. Now, they were on their own, barely surviving. Though Severus would never tell her where he went so late at night, Jenna knew. She knew that her husband was out, working for the Dark Lord. There was nothing she could do about it. All of his talks about not agreeing with his family, had all been lies. Severus went out and killed people like her mother.

Severus knocked again, "Jen, please, tell me something."

"I'll tell you as soon as I know!" Jenna sobbed, her life was falling apart. She had been hoping so hard for a baby, but now that it was becoming a reality, she was scared. She knew that the Dark Lord couldn't possibly approve of Severus being married to a half-blood, much less having a child with one. She couldn't imagine why he hadn't harmed Severus or her yet. Then it hit her, the only way to keep her family together was to get rid of the baby. If Severus' lord ever found out, he would surely kill them all. She couldn't let that happen.

She opened the door a crack, "Severus, I'm sorry. I know how much this meant to you."

"You mean... there's no baby?"

"No. No baby."

Severus didn't answer at first, then, "It'll be fine. Don't worry about a thing." Jenna starred into his dark eyes, not believeing him. She knew how much he wanted a legacy, but she also knew that it just wasn't worth risking their lives over. Later, she would get rid of the baby.

(Present)

Severus sunk slowly into his chair, about to reach for another glass of liquer, when a soft tap at his window alerted him. In an instance he reached the owl and took her small letter. With an soft hoot she was off and Severus returned to the chair. With shaking fingures, something rare for the aging potion's master, he realized that he hoped beyond everything that this letter was from Harry. He needed it to be from Harry. Severus knew that what had happened earlier was his fault. Harry had come to him hoping to start a relationship with him.

Shakily, he tore the seal.

--Pro... Sev... Severus,
Look at this, I don't even know what I should address you as. How strange it all seams. How odd it feels that such a short time has passed since I felt a strange new sensation; joy. The joy I felt when you held me in your arms, so secure and safe and warm. Nothing could harm me at that moment. I was so contet lying there, breathing in the scent of you. I know you want me to leave you alone and pretend nothing happened, but the fact is it did! I have never felt as safe as I did in your arms. Not once before in my life. Please, Severus, save us.

I don't give a damn what the world thinks of us. I never have. We can keep it a secret, we can. I know you believe that something terrible will happen to us, but I know we can work through it. I feel it in my heart.

It's crazy, but I want you. Only you.

--Harry

Harry sealed the letter and gave it to Hedwig, telling her to give it to Severus immediately. He didn't know what he was going to do. If Severus ever found out about Ellyn, it would be disastrous. Then again, not telling him would feel like they were starting their whole relationship on top of a lie! That is to say that Severus would even want him back. There was so much that Severus had to deal with, it was no wonder if was scared to start a relationship with Harry.

Harry was jolted back to reality by a tap from Hedwig. His heart was racing so fast, it was all he could hear. He reached for the letter, the seal that of the one person he wanted to hear from.

--Meet me in 10 minutes.

Severus was pacing. Harry would be here soon. It was now or never. Did he want the boy of not? He knew he did. Could he stand the pain of losing someone again? He didn't think so.

(Flashback)

Severus saw a scrap of paper lying on the floor. He picked it up to throw it away and saw what changed his life forever.

Ms. Constance,
Your appointment is scheduled for June 15th at 2 pm.

Clearview Center

Severus knew instantly what it meant. Clearview Center was what the Muggles' called an abortion clinic, he'd come across the definition in his research. Severus walked slowly towards the bedroom he shared with Jenna. She was lying on her back on the bed, looking so delicate and small in her slumber. Severus sighed and shut the door. He needed to think, needed to clear his mind. Maybe Jenna hadn't gone through with it. But, oh! How to approach the subject?

As he walked out, his eyes flickered to their calendar, filled jointly with little notes and reminders. The date glared at Severus, almost burning his eyes with it's sterile black on white; June 17th.