The library was dark and dusty, but the magical feline didn't found it as something that would decrease his interest to keep flying from one bookshelf to another in order to find his book of the day. Books were his only source of entertainment though. Spinel didn't really have many things to do when Ruby Moon and Eriol were off in school doing their work.
It had been only a couple of months since the three of them moved from London to Tomoeda to make the new Card Mistress transformed all the Clow Cards. Surely Eriol-sama was having fun –he said it himself how fun it was to tease his own descendant. And as for Ruby Moon, the hyperactive moon guardian seemed not having any trouble to get adjusted in her (his –Spinel still believed) new school as a normal human. Especially when it dealt with Kinomoto Touya. The genki girl could be really good in acting like the usual girls who adored this high school hunk. Well, though Touya –as Ruby Moon said – had known that Nakuru Akizuki wasn't merely an ordinary girl.
But still, Spinel's master and working colleagues were having fun.
And thank goodness, that he was having fun too. Books that Clow Reed had in the library were interesting –and good that there were lots of them.
That day, he decided to read something about Latin magic, when suddenly a book caught his attention.
It was a small but thick book. The cover was dark maroon and velvet was its cover's fabric. There was actually nothing really special about it, but the fact how that book could just 'invited' him to read it, was what making Spinel to take it from the dusty bookshelf.
The feline then flied to his favorite couch, and opened the first page of the book.
He later recognized it as a journal. Clow's journal –he concluded. Well, there was no other reason why the journal could be there. It surely had been in Clow's library for long time –because the aging had made the pages turned yellow.
Spinel actually had these pro-contras in his head. Looking into someone's journal had never been a polite thing to do. Especially when this someone was the most powerful sorcerer in the world – who would definitely not writing usual stuffs in his journal. And what about Eriol? His present master had been way too kind to him and the sun guardian didn't want to disappoint him. Could it be called a betrayal if he checked out his master's other half's previous inner thought?
And what would Ruby Moon think if she saw him doing sneaky things?
Spinel thought about it before finally came into a realization.
Evil schemes his master had done to Sakura were surely more absurd than just satisfying the feline's curiosity, right? And besides, Eriol had practically told his two guardians all his secrets. The pale-skinned Londoner had let them to travel in his mind (something he did to make things easier. Eriol sometimes complained how hard it was to make Nakuru understand something)
Whatever his reason was, Spinel read the journal still.
August 25, 1886The family that came to me asking for future reading went home with the same furious looks on their faces.
I wonder. Was it because I said that one of them would be dead?
Hhh. It's always because of that. Always because I'm telling the truth.
Was it wrong? They were the one who looked for me so I could read their life prophecies. I told them what would really happen. The tallest among them –he looked like the first son or something – would die before this year ended.
That family went away without even paying me a cent.
What? Couldn't accept death? That was something unstoppable even. They should have known their risks of asking their prophecies.
I had thought that today would be another boring day, but well, it wasn't.
It wasn't at all.
Well… there is this girl. She's new to this neighborhood. Her house is a few blocks away from my mansion and she was exploring her new region today.
I was looking out from the second story window up there –I don't know why, but I guess something had ordered me to do it – and I saw her.
She surely is breathtakingly beautiful.
And when she nodded up to see me… I saw her clear violet eyes. So beautiful. And then she smiled.
Really. Smiled.
Something that anyone never done to me.
Even my mother has never smiled at me.
Oh yes. My mother was frightened with me remember?
But back again… this girl… is different.
Maybe it's just because she hasn't known who I am. I, the great sorcerer Clow Reed. I, the one who knows it all. The one that is looked for, and avoided at the same time.
Hey.
Did I say something about knowing it all?
I even don't know her name, right?
August 26, 1886Although that I could find out her name with using my magic (and even knowing more than only this beauty's name), I didn't.
I wanted to ask it by myself. I wanted to greet her. To know her even more, personally.
And without using my gifted ability.
So this morning I walked out, and met her.
She smiled, and told me that she was new around the block and wanted to get well with other people.
She asked for my name.
I was surprised, though I managed to cover it with my usual poise and just replied quickly –telling her my name. She beamed and then introduced herself.
Her name was Tomoyo.
Tomoyo Dakiya, to be exact.
And she was the very first girl who voluntarily offered a friendship to me.
Spinel turned the later pages. They were mostly telling about the growing friendship between Clow Reed and this Tomoyo girl. From celebrating the girl's birthday, until inviting her to his house to test his credibility as a wizard who could make delicious foods without using magic.
The Sun Guardian frowned. Wasn't there someone named Tomoyo too in the circle of friendship the new Card Mistress was having? And the present living Tomoyo –Spinel later realized – had the very exact descriptions as Clow had written in his journal about Tomoyo Dakiya.
Whether it was only a strange coincidence or not, Spinel couldn't decide if he didn't finish reading Clow's journal.
September 17, 1886Tomoyo and I were having lunch together again this afternoon. We're getting close. And I think I like her.
No.
I think I'm falling in love with her.
Sure she's 20 years younger than me, but love surely is blind, right?
…
Is it?
What about if she doesn't love me? Sure, she is very nice to me –though she has known the fact that I am the avoided mage. But will she accept the love from someone way older than she is?
Thinking about Tomoyo makes me crazy. It is driving me crazy.
Less think, more act.
Well, at least that's what he has advised me.
Yeah. He. My sister's adopted son. Who else will have the guts to tell me what to do except my oh-so-smart, cocky 'nephew'? He had just come back from Austria and decided to stay here for a couple of weeks.
Anyway, I told him all about Tomoyo. About my feeling towards the girl, and asking his advice.
He laughed.
Laughed.
Later I found out that I laughed with him also.
It was odd, but I should have known that this weird boy had his own peculiar way to just contaminate my mind with what-he-thinks as his rational thoughts.
But that was why he could be the one who understand me.
I hate to say this, but I will have no doubt to trust my life to that Eriol Hiiragizawa boy.
The blue-furred cat almost dropped the journal in surprise. How could that be? How could his current master appear in Clow's life even before Clow decided to reincarnate himself? Spinel couldn't think of it as a coincidence anymore.
Clow Reed and Eriol Hiiragizawa supposed to be one same person, right?
Well, the hell with my guilt towards Eriol-sama, Spinel thought.
September 20, 1886For the first time, I realized that this really is a small world after all.
When I introduced Eriol to Tomoyo, they both exchanged surprised glances. Eriol later said that they were childhood friends. They met in the same orphan house and used to be good friends, until a rich, old lady came and adopted Tomoyo as her child. They lost contact ever since.
Actually, it's a good news. With Eriol knowing Tomoyo already, I can ask him to match make me with her, and it will be easier for me to develop my relationship with Tomoyo.
I told my plan to Eriol, and he agreed.
He smiled and said that it was good that I can love.
Gah. Such a cocky boy, isn't he?
Though there's something bothering me.
I saw it. Maybe he didn't know that I noticed, but beneath Eriol's smile there was… what? I can't really explain.
But for a moment, pain was shown in his pale face.
There were only blank pages after that. The thick book was empty, until the later pages nearing the end of the book. There was still one last entry.
October 3, 1886
People has never liked me, I know that. Not that I really mind. I have been used in such situations. And at first, I thought I would be okay. I would be okay as long as I had them. Two people that I loved the most. Eriol and Tomoyo.
But they betrayed me too.
Or at least, that was what I thought at first.
But no matter whether it could be called a betrayal or not, it still hurt me so.
It was a windy night. Eriol told me that I had better confessed my feeling to Tomoyo soon, so I did.
With a bouquet of white roses, I was ready to propose her. I couldn't have been more nervous than that time. Her house was only a few blocks from my mansion, but with that nerve I was feeling, it took me longer to reach her house.
The servant told me that her mistress was in the garden backside, so I went there.
And yes, I saw her. Just as beautiful as ever.
Only that she wasn't alone.
Eriol was with her.
And they were hugging each other. They didn't realize my presence.
Both of them had smile on their faces.
But only with one look, I knew immediately those weren't happy smile.
A tear was rolling down on Tomoyo's cheek, and Eriol had that kind of empty look on his blue eyes. Still, they both were smiling.
Suddenly I realized.
The way they hugged each other, their auras, their tears, their smile…
It wasn't just a friendly hug.
I knew. They loved each other.
And definitely more than a friend's love.
Then, I felt empty. I felt mad. Hurt. Betrayed. I was betrayed.
I couldn't control my anger and body.
I took a step forward, and they must have realized my presence, because they quickly dropped their embrace and looked at me with shocked expression.
Eriol shouted my name and said that it was just a misunderstanding.
Misunderstanding? Did he think I was that fool? That smug guy never learned his mistakes.
I grabbed the key and transformed it into my staff. With anger, I pointed it to them. Eriol quickly stepped in front of Tomoyo –protecting her.
Huh, did you think it was such a sweet act, Eriol? For I didn't think so.
I cast a spell and a fast white light came from my staff. And then it was that fast.
I killed them.
Their bodies were on the ground. There was no blood, but I thought it must be very painful. The spell that I cast would destroy the intern organ inside their body. Without blood, still. Then, I made their body disappeared and I erased peoples' memory about Tomoyo and Eriol's existences in this world.
I was pretty surprised that I still could think clear.
I smiled.
Nah.
That's for betraying me.
I know I should have realized. Nobody loved me. Nobody would care for me.
Nobody…
Spinel closed the book with his slightly shivering paws.
Were all things written in that book for real? But again, how could that be?
"Hello, Spinel Sun,"
A powerful yet misty aura appeared. There was someone strong in the room with him. The called guardian quickly transformed himself into his real form and turned around to see who was calling his name.
He didn't know whether it was a surprise or not. He was certainly still amazed on how this intruder could sneak into his barrier, but if it was dealing with him, there was almost nothing impossible to do.
"Clow Reed," the panther murmured.
"Yes. It's me, Spinel Sun,"
"What are you doing here?" Spinel said in between growl, as he lowered his dark body in ready-to-attack position.
The longhaired man smiled and then spoke, "Don't worry, Spinel. I'm not a real living thing. The Clow Reed you see now is only… some kind of a recorder feature."
When he saw the almost covered confusion in the panther's eyes, Clow added, "Well, I've forecasted that my half-reincarnation would create you as his guardian. And that you would read my journal. I just… thought that I needed to clarify some things,"
Spinel glared at Clow. His eyes flickered with the mix of embarrassment and defensiveness, but he later said, "Indeed."
Clow was still smiling. "So, what do you want to know?"
"The journal… is it true that all you've written in it?"
"… Yes. It all really happened when I was still tempered and not mature,"
"Funny, remembering the fact that you were nearing 40 when you wrote it," retorted Spinel.
The magician's smile dropped a bit. "It was mistakes that I was doing," he closed his eyes. "I'm sure that you've acknowledged my reasons to reincarnate again in this world?"
"To make Sakura transformed all the cards?"
"Yes. And to fix my faults I've done in past,"
When Spinel didn't give any comments, Clow continued his words. "You know? Regrets always come later. After I killed Tomoyo Dakiya and Eriol Hiiragizawa, I had just realized how fool I was. Killing two of the most important peoples in my life just because of slight jealousy. And it was later also when I was aware that my feeling towards Tomoyo was only a fatherly love. Silly, wasn't it?"
"They were the only people who could ever understand me, and it wouldn't be fair for them if they had to die before feeling the bigger happiness they should have felt –if I hadn't been a fool to kill them. I was filled with guilt, and decided to give them what they should have,"
"When this project about Sakura and the cards entered my mind, I had thought about reincarnating myself. Only that I added the later idea. As you know, Spinel. I reincarnated myself into two people. One was Kinomoto Fujitaka, and the other was your master,"
Spinel never had his eyes left Clow's shadowy features. The black panther was figuring out a thing or two.
"You know that half part of your master is me. But do you realize who is the other half of him?"
Realization stroked the Sun Guardian.
"So the other half of Eriol-sama…"
"Yes. The other half is the Eriol you found out by reading my journal. Your master isn't only my reincarnation. But he's also the reincarnation of the Hiiragizawa Eriol from my time,"
"… Master has never told me that,"
"That's because I have sealed all his memory about being the reincarnation of himself. He would have never remembered about Tomoyo Dakiya or his previous life as Eriol Hiiragizawa,"
"…That's impossible,"
Clow nodded his head to ensure the panther. "Soon… after your master finishes his jobs to help Sakura and shares his power to Fujitaka Kinomoto, then his job as my reincarnation is done. The Clow Reed inside of him will disappear and it will be totally him. The reincarnated and new Eriol Hiiragizawa… with the life he should has,"
Spinel paused, before continuing. "And… about Tomoyo Dakiya… is she…"
"Tomoyo Dakiya is also reincarnated. To be Tomoyo Daidouji –the Card Mistress' best friend. But I have sealed her memories also,"
"… Why are you doing this?" asked Spinel.
"As I said, I need to fix the mistakes I've made in the past. They deserve happiness,"
"But how could they be happy if you sealed their memories? They won't know that they are actually…"
"They will slowly regain back their memories. The woman from that Tsukimine Shrine that is close with your master right now… she'll be the one who help both of Tomoyo and Eriol to remember again," Clow stopped talking –this time for quite a long time. At least until he chuckled.
"Those two people may have been only people who can understand me. Only they didn't understand one thing,"
"What?"
Clow smiled sadly. "I've never wanted them to sacrificed their happiness for me,"
It was break time, and the other Tomoeda Elementarty students were gleefully outside –eating their lunch. It was a wonderfully bright day –Eriol wouldn't have to wonder why they could be so that enthusiastic. He actually could also felt the sun's warm rays on his pale skin, but being a good student he was, he had to finish the job that had been given to him. And that was, bringing the stock of papers to Midori-sensei's office.
"Such a beautiful day, isn't it, Hiiragizawa-kun?" a melodious voice sounded not too far from him.
"It surely is, Daidouji-san," he politely replied as looking to his left, where his classmate was. She was also, being ordered to bring papers to the same office Eriol was heading to.
Daidouji Tomoyo. There really was something about this little violet eyed beauty had that made Eriol feel to have some certain bonds with her. But it couldn't be. She had not have any magical power, and they had never met before. It must be something caused by her unexplainable pleasant aura –the one similar like Kinomoto Sakura, but still slightly different.
The young sorcerer then realized that Tomoyo had stopped walking and was looking at the outside of the window instead.
Eriol didn't need to see who was capturing her attention. He had already known what was attracting her so. Some months sitting behind the ebony haired girl was quite for a basic observation and knowing, that this girl was simply falling in love with her own cousin. And knowing also that it would always be Sakura who can catch her attention.
The Cherry Blossom –outside, down there – was with Syaoran Li, and they were baiting their fingers together. Sakura was smiling brightly, while the Chinese Wolf was slightly bowing his head to hide his reddening face.
Eriol turned his attention back to the violet-eyed girl. There was this question he had been meaning to ask to this Daidouji girl.
"You always like this," he began. "You're always protective towards Sakura,"
She turned around and smiled. Her eyes twinkled as if finding the current situation and his previous words as something funny.
"Just like you, right, Hiiragizawa-kun?"
He widened his eyes.
And slowly smiled. She had never failed to amaze him.
He then realized something.
"Aah, it's weird," she said before he could say his own confusion.
"What?"
"I don't know. But I think I have been in similar situation with you,"
"Eh?"
"Don't mind. It can't be, right? We've never met each other before you were transferred here,"
He thought about it. Sure, she was true. But there was something odd. He felt something hidden on the back of his mind.
And it wasn't part of Clow's memory.
"Come on, Hiiragizawa-kun. Midori-sensei must be waiting for us,"
"Aah… yes," and he followed Tomoyo to Midori-sensei's office.
"Clow is coming here. He will propose you," Eriol began. He nodded up to see the lilac-eyed beauty before him. She. The one whom he had loved ever since their first meeting at the orphan house, until now. And he was going to let her go.
"Will you accept his propose?" he asked again.
Tomoyo slowly bowed her head. "… Yes. Clow deserves happiness. He has been in pain for too long,"
Eriol stared at her sadly, but later then he chuckled. "You always like this. You're always think of other people's happiness on top of you own happiness,"
Tomoyo smiled.
"Just like you, right, Eriol? You also sacrifice your own happiness for him,"
His lips curved into a small smile. A hurt smile. "I'm sorry, Tomoyo. If only I can make you happy… I… now I could only wish for your happiness with Clow,"
"Thank you. And I wish for your happiness too, Eriol," she said. A tear was rolling down on her pale cheeks. But the smile was still pasted on her face.
His heart wrenched. He knew they weren't destined to be together. They had to forfeit their love for this certain magician they together had cared for.
"May I ask for one last hug?" he said.
"S-sure," she replied as letting his warm arms enveloped around her slender figure and embracing her tightly. She hugged him back in return.
If their love wasn't destined to be at that time…
There would always be the next time.
The End.
A/n: I know it was weird. And as you noticed, the part where the present Tomoyo and Eriol were talking in the corridor is taken from manga vol.11. It's the only most romantic (I still call it romantic, don't know why) scenes between ET and I have long wanted to make a story with that scene included.
About Clow… he was still immature at the beginning of the
journal's entries. Yes. He was already 40, but say that he gained his maturity
after that incident including ET in their former life.
Er… review?