Author: Panika feat. Pyres

Notes: Another gloomy and dark fic from me. I've been a little lazy on the updating side, but I'll promise to write faster from now on!

I'd like to dedicate this story to my cousin; she's always told me not to give up and encouraged me when I've felt unsure. Thank you, Dark! Also, all my reviewers deserve huge thanks for their support, you've helped me a lot, you all know who you are!

If you like this fic, please read my Blood Lies in a Puddle of Blood too. It's a lot like this.

The Swans Sing When They Die

Barry walked into the room with a thick iron door, wearing a patient's white dress, the floor felt cold against his bare feet, every time he took a step the puddles made a splashing sound under his feet. The room where he had got into was one of the many rooms in that hallway, all of them had a thick iron door and bars, they were like prison sells except that in every room there was a surveillance camera like with mental patients.

Barry looked around the room, it was the messiest of them all, the bed had been turned over, there was water on the floor more than anywhere else, pieces of torn cloth were here and there, some coagulated blood too. He grimaced as he stepped on a broken mirror, mixed with blood. It was as if someone had broken it intentionally, the pieces were shattered around the floor in a triangular shape.

As he turned the bed around he found a wet book. Some of the pages were too wet to read, but most of it was readable. He opened it from the middle and recognized the hand writing immediately and his eyes watered, but he didn't lose hope. It could be that Moira was still alive.

He browsed to the beginning of the book and began reading eagerly.

--going on here. I'm scared, but I know that my father will start worrying about me and come and save me. Maybe I'm just being optimistic, but I have to be; if I lose hope, I lose my sanity. This place is a madhouse.

Aug 20/2004

This is my second day here, in the morning they took me to a room filled with mirrors and men with white lab coats. Then they tied me to a hospital bed and injected me with something. My arm's been sore the whole day, normally when I touch my hand I can feel my heart beating, but right now I can see my entire arm pulsating. And I'm scared. I'm trying to calm myself down with stories, such as Little Red Riding Hood and so on.

I wish I knew where Polly is. They won't let me see her, but I can hear her screaming. I fear the worst.

Aug 21/2004

I remember my dad used to tell me this story about Swans, how an ugly little duck was born and then it became so beautiful even though others picked on it.

And then I remember how he told me that swans sing when they die. I've heard so many screams here, so much pain, the hollow corridors make the screams echo and I think I'm going crazy, knowing that as long as I'm here, wearing this white dress I'll be a test subject just like all the others. And I will go crazy. I have to think about something nice, like the swans and the story dad used to tell me.

Aug 24/2004

Yesterday I just lost it for a while, I tried to break free of this iron room and hurt myself with the mirror I have here, I cut myself just to see how much I bleed and screamed. I think about Dad's story all the time. I've tried to make myself believe that all those screams are swans singing. Maybe there's my salvation.

I wonder how Chris is… And did Jill ever hint him about my feelings. I know she likes him too, but she keeps her promises. I wish Chris would come and save me, then I could call him my hero and I could tell him myself how I feel.

I've lost count of days. Yesterday I slept really late, it was already dark when I woke up and when I tried to ask the time, the guard would just swear and tell me to shut up.

Today the scientists came in and watched me eat. I found it offensive, but didn't care about them because I was hungry. The food was horrible. I think it was pulsating on my plate, but I was too hungry to think about it. They hadn't fed me in three days just to see how it affects my sanity. It really helps me to think of those screams as swans singing. I think that's the only thing that's keeping me sane anymore.

I haven't heard about Polly in a long time. I think she's gone to a better place. It makes me so sad, I cried for hours and when the scientists asked my why I just screamed at them, I wanted to kill them for keeping me away from my little sister.

Today I couldn't hear any swans singing and when I asked why from the scientists, they all started to write something down with incredible speed and asked me more questions about swans. But I didn't want to tell them, because they were nasty and they injected me with different things. When I didn't tell them they told the guard not to let me have any food. I decided; I will not eat, I'll starve.

Maybe then this ends.

I was visited by a person they all called "Sir Spencer" but he didn't talk to me. He just looked at me, his bodyguards were between us. He asked some questions from the guard and then got mad. He ordered me to be fed, he wanted me to stay alive. I think he said something like; "If she's similar to Lisa in any way, you better keep her alive!" Of course, I have no idea who Lisa is, but I bet she's just another test subject.

Today the swans are singing again. I was poked with different kinds of needles and for the first time in a few months, I was let to walk my way to the lab, surrounded with bodyguards. On my way there I think I wasn't meant to see anything, but there was one room where the swans were singing and I saw how red liquid splashed on the window next to me. I don't know what went into me, but I pushed the bodyguards away and glued my body against the window, licking the blood although it was on the other side of the glass. I just wanted to have that strength in that blood, have that life in myself. It scares me. My thoughts scare me.

I have no idea why did the blood draw me to it…. What's happening to me?

I broke the mirror so that I couldn't see myself as whole. I hate the mirrors; they remind me of that swan room. I cried right after that, but then I saw myself, my new self, as the scientists say, my better self. I was a little confused, but I'm okay.

I tried to speak to my new self today, but then I realized that she doesn't have any blood. I cut my wrists to give her my blood, but then the scientists ran in and tied my wounds. Right after they went I tore the bandages off. The bleeding's not hurting, anyway. I just like to watch my wrists as they bleed.

I actually spoke to my new self and I was happy. She looked at me with her many thousand eyes from the floor and we spoke for a long time. She told me that she would like to hear me sing like the beautiful voices on the corridors.

Today "Sir Spencer" came and told the guard to take me to the Lab. I'm so excited. Maybe this is my day to sing. It's been long since I sang the last time, I was with dad singing Christmas Carols to our neighbours.

I wish daddy could see me sing.

The book fell on the floor from Barry's hands and he started to sob, he couldn't hold himself together anymore. His precious daughter had maybe been killed and before her death, she had gone crazy. She had created a friend equal to herself to ease her pain, her "better self", that triangular bloody pile of mirror pieces.

He blamed himself for taking the girls on a vacation to Europe after the incident in the mansion. He had thought that a trip to southern Germany, the fresh mountain air and beautiful views would've taken his and his daughters minds off what had happened in Raccoon City, but now Moira was probably dead and Polly was maybe on a cloud, watching down at him.

He heard rustling from the corridor, coming towards him.

He saw the zombie in the doorway, lunging towards him, but he didn't care. His precious daughters had been killed; he had nothing to live for anymore. He just closed his eyes and waited for the zombie to come and eat him and turn him into one of them.

The Swans Sing When They Die

There it is, I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading; I'd love your reviews!