Sorry it has once again taken me a long time to update but is it me or do teachers always pile the homework on when you really can't be arsed? This chapter would have gone up last night but FF.net was being naughty!
Wow the reviews for this chapter, it was close on the eviction front this time however the person who is evicted lost by one vote!
Thanks goes to the Oracles and Minnie Maiden for the help and the following:
slayer-gate~ *Bows down to you* Wow thank you for your accolades, god if only I was god, that could be so cool, I'd make Ants purple and Yellow so you can see them easier when they are invading your house. Anyway I'm glad there are some new readers on board and I'm glad you like this and hope you continue to enjoy it!
Regret1017~ Thank you for the suggestion as you will see it has become quiet a major sequence in this chapter, we have an equivalent to Rose O'Donnell over here and her name is Lisa Riley, so the visual was funny when I wrote it!
ice-maiden9191~ Thanks for you vote! I must confess I ain't Remy's biggest fan I think it was attempting (poorly) to write his accent that killed off my feelings of goodwill for him!
Sally~ Thanks for the compliment!
Kitsune Jagan~ I've tried my best at adding my Romyness, I really did try, I don't think I've succeeded but there is *Some* in there at least. It better than nothing right? *Looks guilty*
Oddisee ~ Did you ever get this far? I sure hope you did! Your right though there are tons of chapters its longer than I expected but it does take me ages to update so its been going on for what feels like YEARS! I don't like Scott and Jean either (as if it isn't noticeable! Lol) I think Scott and Jean suck shoe!
Cris-X~ I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't just get you to write the last few chapters coz your ideas are so much better then mine hence why I have used a lot of them and why I am going to use the ones I didn't use this time in the next chapter. All you did was say one word in some cases and a whole mini plot attacked me! Keep the ideas flowing! Oh and you wanted more Kat, you've got her…don't blame me for the consequences tho!
Trunksblue~ I don't know how I managed to turn Rogue grouchy, I've probably been watching to much Evo or something, but every fic needs a mood sod though most of the time its Scott, Jean and the Professor (in my fics anyway) but they aint in here anymore so Rogue seemed a suitable candidate. I agree poor Logan…and its gonna keep getting worse!
Oh and Rogue-Demon and Pyromaniac666 also get a huge holler! HOLLER! lOl! Check out both their fic's especially the Jean and Scott haters out there!
Day 17 in the X Big Brotherhood Mansion-Eviction, task and Party
6:02AM
The housemates are awoken by claxons, well all the housemates except Victor who was having a snack of ham and milk in the kitchen.
"What in t' name if satan is goin' on 'ere?" Logan growls, rubbing his eyes like a sleepy bear, as he follows Hank, who is carrying Bobby in a fireman's lift, into the kitchen.
They arrive just in time to witness Kat being dragged away by Piotr, who has a firm grip of her hair as she sucks her thumb, Pete follows behind puffing on a cancer stick.
"How did she get in?" Hank asks throwing Bobby, forgotten now the crisis is averted, on the stove, a movement that Victor eye's interestedly as a small stream of drool dribbles down his chin.
Snapping back to the here and now Victor shrugs, seeming to be oblivious to the fact that Kat had been braiding his hair moments earlier.
"Where are Remy and Rogue?" Bobby says suddenly jerking awake after a globule of spit hits him straight in the eye.
"I don't know the Cajun didn't make it to bed last night" Victor says washing his bowl and fork up, albeit with his tongue.
They all look at each other for a moment
"I wonder" They all muse in unison except Bobby who yells "FROMAGE EQUALS CHEESE!"
Victor pats Bobby absentmindedly on the head thrusting a frozen sausage in the general direction of Bobby's mouth, in fact inserting it up his nose.
Slowly but deliberately Logan, Victor and Hank tiptoe to the edge of their realm, when they make it to the threshold of their chosen destination they look amongst themselves, no one wanting to break the doom like silence that hangs around them like a quilt.
"007 TO THE COOKIE MONSTER, COOKIE MONSTER DO YOU READ ME?" No one that is except Bobby, who is jumping up and down on the chair, whilst talking in to his shoe walkie talkie style.
This time it is Hank who moves swiftly to silence the petulant James Bond impersonator, by kicking him in the head thus knocking him out for the count. He then returns with a silent grace to his place beside Victor at the doorway to all they have never known.
It is Logan who steps forward to do the honours and remove the barrier that separates them from knowledge.
*BANG*
"Oh great go fer the stealthy approach huh runt, why use a doorknob when you can bash the door down?" Victor hisses angrily at Logan who had hitherto been looking rather proud of himself.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"
The three men turn guiltily from one another to look at where Remy had been curled lovingly around Rogue (who was under the sheets and he was on top so as to avoid skin to skin contact), and where now Rogue is sat upright screeching and Remy is snoring softly.
"Ew Remy you spent the night in the Girls room…what were you thinking you'll be all contaminated now!" Bobby whimpers in a state of shock at what his eyes reveal to him, having come out of his 'trauma' induced coma early only to fall straight into another one as soon as the words are uttered.
8:00AM
The housemates having arisen early due to the 'Kat attack' are now amusing themselves, some grouchier than others. Rogue is whinging about a lack of privacy to Remy who is gazing lovingly below her neckline, Victor is doing his favourite thing; antagonising the fish by beaming through the Perspex at them and tapping upon it periodically while Logan is cleaning his boots grumbling to himself about 'Accursed dog hearing' in the Kitchen. Hank is similarly engaging in his favourite activity, swinging in his Twinkie tree, taking just enough time out to have a delightfully sugary snack, Bobby, however, has found himself a new friend 'Roystan'.
"….and this is my favourite bench in the whole wide world. Oh and you see that Muppet in the big tree over there? He's my favourite blue Muppet in the whole wide world. This…" Bobby swings his 'friend' around to face the chicken run "…is my favourite chicken run in the whole wide world."
Roystan blinks appreciatively to where Clara Bella the chicken is scratching at the dust.
"EAAARRRGGHHH! TAKE THAT SLIME BALL!"
*Kapow*
"NO! ROYSTAN!" Bobby's yells hold a note of enough panic to send Hank running.
"Quick give him CPR Hank, go on, save him!"
Hank looks at Bobby with a mixture of worry and puzzlement before clearing his throat.
"Bobby you are aware that there is nothing wrong with your friend"
"How can you say that his all wet, and green looking" Bobby says peering at Roystan closely oblivious to the threat at his rear.
"CACAAW! CACAAW!"
With the screech barely emitted Bobby's right trainer bursts into flames, which Hank helpfully stamps out bringing the Big Brother mansions Bodyguards attention to the imminent 'threat' who is now talking to a flowerpot about the whether.
"KAT ALERT! KAT ALERT!" He nuclear sirens until the threat has been removed (with the clever deployment of a net) from the near vicinity.
"Oh my god I thought she'd killed you" Bobby sighs with obvious relief to Roystan. "Erm…Roystan speak to me buddy….Speak to me!"
"Ahem. Bobby you are aware that Roystan is in fact an amphibian, a frog if my observations prove accurate."
"Shhhh….you'll hurt his feelings"
9:33AM
The housemates are sat around the purple rug in the middle of the living area floor, glaring at each other menacingly
"Ribbit"
"You Ok Mon chere, Remy tink you ave a frog in the throat"
"Oh no that's just Roystan I don't think he likes living in my sock drawer much"
"I don't doubt it" Victor nods sagely.
Suddenly a claxon goes off as the room is infiltrated and slowly filled by Second Rate Celebrities anonymous and Kat.
"House party!" Come's the annoyingly happy high pitched voice.
"What you mean that this isn't a nudist beach party?" This time it's a horrifyingly familiar voice that speaks.
"ARGH! IT'S SCOOTER!" Logan yells in as manly a manner as he can muster as he runs around the rug before falling over the sofa.
"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!" This time Rogue yells the blatantly obvious.
"Housemates this is Big Brother, due to the overwhelming numbers of the obese in the room it has been decided that the effective removal of the intruders shall be your task for the day. You may use the Kat'b'gone spray that is located under the bathroom sink."
Bobby, in a flash of inspiration, creates an ice slide over the mass of bodies as a way for the housemates to get into the bathroom to equip themselves.
9:36AM ~ Task Time
Rogue peers cautiously under the sink and pulls a pair of sullied boxers out between two fingers. The camera zooms in on the name tag sown lovingly into the boxers; it reads 'Property of Scott Summers'.
"So that is where his pants went" Rogue says flinging them over hre shoulder where they hit Logan straight in the face.
"Oh a hat!" Bobby exclaims grabbing the boxers and pulling them over his head.
"Erm guys there ain't nothing under here but 8 Lemons"
"Lemons?!"
"Housemates it is me GOD!..."
Bobby hastily throws himself on the floor in a loving salute to his 'creator', while Remy tells everyone to look busy
"…I have always wanted to say that. *Ahem* This is big Brother…the lemons are to be cut in half and squirted into the eyes of your opponents."
Bobby suddenly holds aloft a lemon "Behold the Kat'b'Gone spray of god!"
A minute later…
The housemates emerge from the Bathroom armed and ready for warfare. They get off to a poor start as they are fought back by the Shrieks and drones coming from Scott and Kat, who it seems, have embarked on another Sonny and Cher moment. Rogue however weathered by a similar shriek of her own surges forward squirting Rosie O'Donnell in the eye, resulting in the death of several others as they are trampled into the floor.
Following her lead Bobby surges forward upon his trusted steed-Kitty. He squirts first a second rate (as well as well known alcoholic) chat show host and then a fat little turkey that has popped along for the ride.
However Rogue quickly finds herself becoming increasingly overwhelmed by Chris Judd's 'Dance of Death'.
Remy upon noticing this quickly springs into action with a battle cry of "Hands off of her!" which is quickly followed by a yell of "EPPP! MAN DOWN MAN DOWN!"
With this he rolls on the floor pawing at his unique eyes with his gloved hands, he has, it seems, been caught in the crossfire of his squirt.
Hank and Logan, who up to this point have been cheering on the other housemates, look at each other and shrug before bundling in.
An hour later….
It has taken a while but the housemates are down to their last two opponents, and for that matter their last slice of lemon.
Kat and Scott beam with pride as they let rip with yet another rendition of Diana Krall's 'Cry me a river', well the audience can only assume it is this song.
Bobby looks at Kat pityingly "Hey Kitty can't we keep her?"
"We can't kid we ain't got t' right documentation and we ain't had the shots either."
Bobby looks heartbroken for a moment before noticing a 'friendly' face at the patio doors.
"I'll take this one" Logan says bravely, circling around the strawberry blonde menace brandishing the lemon.
Kat gurgles happily as she looks into the faces of her 'adoring' crowd.
*Pfffssst*
As the lemon juice hits her eyes, Kat hits the floor and writhes around like a cat fish out of water (or should that be a 'Kat fish'?). Her writhing is complemented perfectly by her hissing and the clawing of her eyes that has drawn blood.
Scott having noticed Logan looking at him maliciously drops to the floor and joins Kat in her writhing.
"I hadn't even squirted him yet!"
Piotr and Pete peer around the corner of the main door, having assessed the risk to their health as minimal, they stride in and Piotr picks up the pair and throws one over each shoulder.
"Is it me or is Scott paying far too much attention to Piotrs butt?" Rogue asks dusting herself off.
The audience suddenly hear an angry thick Russian accent yell "Do not Pinch me"
This is followed by a manic giggle of "Haha! Scott pinched transformer mans big metal bumper…BUTT!"
11:59AM
Bobby has been tapping the glass of the patio doors ever since the successful completion of the task.
"Bobby what are you doing?" Victor calls from where he and the other housemates are playing snap.
"Nothing" Its said innocent enough, however the mad 'Ribbiting' coming from his general direction belies that innocence.
Suddenly the patio doors smash and frogs flow in, like a giant green tidal wave.
"EP!" Is the only sound heard above the "Ribbets"
The camera focuses in on where Logan is being dragged along by the 'tide'.
"A PLAGUE!" Is Remy's only contribution to the situation.
"Actually they are here to save their friend Harriet from the depths of a smelly dungeon…" Hank informs the housemates; finger held aloft "…that would be your sock drawer then Bobby"
"How do ya know that's what their sayin'?" Victor asks munching happily on a frogs leg.
"I had a spare 5 minutes about two years ago and decided to learn the language of the frog."
"Who's Harriet?" Is the next question thrown in by Bobby, who has escaped being dragged under by the stampeding frogs by sitting on Victors head.
"It appears your friend Roystan is in fact a female frog, known affectionately be her close friends and relatives as 'Harriet'" Hank is now hanging from the strip light with his feet, watching, demurely, as the frogs make their way to the Guys Bedroom, only to emerge seconds later Harriet 'crowd surfing' her way to the patio doors, where she makes her break for freedom.
The housemates look blankly among themselves as the last frog leaves the mansion.
"Well now ah've seen it all" Rogue says getting down from the top of the cupboard.
2:21PM
By way of congratulating the housemates on the successful completion of their task Big Brother has awarded them a themed party. The theme of this party has been decided by the evicted housemates, the arguments ranged from characters from musicals to animals, however Jean decided it should be Disney characters and prodded about psychically with the other evictees until they agreed.
Rogue is the first to emerge into the living area, which is decorated with an enchanted castle motif. She glares at her striped hair in the mirror and rolls her eyes when Remy wraps his arms around her from behind, garbed in his Hercules gears.
"Remy think dat the fake fur suit Roguey's skin tone"
Rogue just scowls at Remy before growling "Ah am not like Cruella De Ville"
"Remy never said you were, he think you look belle"
Bobby and Hank suddenly race from the guy's bedroom and crash in a heap by the table, where the latest Twinkie crop (the only food at the party) sits waiting to be devoured. They begin to stuff the Twinkies in their face as fast and as many as they can, as if there is soon to be a famine.
"Who are you guys meanta be exactly?" Rogue asks head cocked on one side as she tries to recall a Disney movie where a green blob with horns and a shag pile rug imitation featured.
Bobby points to the label he has written on in crayon and stuck to the bottom of his foot. It reads 'Mike – Monsters Inc.' There is a similar one stuck to the sole of Hanks foot with pink gum which reads 'Sulley – Monsters Inc.' Neither stopped filling their mouth cavities for more then the second it took to grab another Twinkie and Hank had Twinkie crumbs gumming up his fur.
Big Brother suddenly pumps the Mansion full of music, music from Disney films that is. The first song is "Kiss the girl", which Remy takes as a hint. Remy therefore throws his arms around his new 'girlfriend' and puckers up.
*Slam*
"You lookin' to be in a coma swamp rat?" Rogues says as she removes her fist from his slightly expanded stomach.
Remy lies on the floor and gasps for breath as Hank and Bobby look on both with a Twinkie halfway to their mouth, both with a pile of crumbs on the floor in front of them which have tumbled from their gaping pie holes.
"Remy just seizing da moment chere" Remy protests from where he is doubled over.
"I don't…." The argument is cut short as Logan enters the room; a scowl is fixed on his face like year old concrete.
Hank and Bobby's heads whip around from where they were staring open mouthed at Remy and Rogue, to stare instead at Logan.
"I think I speak for us all when I say; what the hell is going on?"
Bobby begins to choke on some Twinkie crumbs as he stares at Logan, Hank helpfully whacks him on the back his eyes however never waver from the shorter man.
"The runts hadta dress as Lil Bo Peep from Toy Story coz that was t' only costume that would fit." Victor informs the group as he emerges from the guy's bedroom dressed as Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' and very fetching he looks too.
The group shut there mouths for a moment of synchronised shock at Logan's appearance before bursting into laughter, laughter that kicks starts the party, causing Hank to do the Twist with Logan, Victor to hand jive with Bobby and making Remy and Rogue make up and dance slowly in perfect synchrony.
An hour later…
The party is still humming, the liquor is still flowing but Logan has disappeared in search of a better costume. It is not long however before Winnie the Pooh comes to through the door leading from the bathroom to the living area.
Victor is the first one to great the portly yellow bear. "Well if it aint the runt, looks like they found ya a better costume then"
The one dressed in the yellow bear out fit clutching a honey pit protectively nods rapidly to indicate his pleasure.
"So what did you say to Big Brother to get them to get you a better costume?" Bobby asks trying to swipe a handful of honey.
Before he could answer the sound of the diary room door slamming can be heard and Little Bo Peep can be seen marching towards the group wearing her heavy duty army boots.
"OH NO TWO LOGANS!" Bobby wails in delight before whispering to Victor "I always knew they cloned people in the diary room."
Winnie the Pooh however, upon seeing the real Logan enter the room, indicates to the door and awaits apprehension from Peter and Piotr. The capture of the errant bear is achieved quickly and efficiently (by Piotr at least, Peter simply puffs a cigarette).
"They can't do that to Pooh Bear!" Bobby exclaims in disgust "That's it I've had enough of this tyranny, I am going to make a stand."
4:00PM
Bobby is sat by the Mansion exit wearing a placard that reads "Woodland creatures from books and movies have feelings too and you shouldn't mess with the...".
"What are you doing there Robert?"
"I'm protesting for the rights of Woodland creatures as I feel they have been unfairly dismissed from our humble abode on the grounds of their being…bears!" Bobby informs Hank passionately.
"Why is there the letter 'M' written on your head in yoghurt?"
"I run out of room on the board" He shakes his head as if Hank was losing his genius all over again.
Hank stands there staring back at Bobby for a minute "Can I join you?"
"Sure thing. But one question…why?"
"Well as you aware I am oft mistaken for that furry individual Big Foot and when I inevitably get caught by scientists they do degrading tests on me and stick things up…er…things" Hank takes a few moments to compose himself "So as you see, I, more than anyone, know what these unfortunate creatures have experienced."
Bobby pats the floor next to him indicating that Hank should sit; Hank promptly sits in a heap on the floor where Bobby proceeds to throw his arms around him.
"Its ok Hank, we'll nail the bastards!"
4:46PM
Bobby and Hank have turned Bobby's Placard into a big paper aeroplane which they have thrown up into the fan where it has become wedged. Both are now sat whistling innocently as Victor approaches.
"I hear ya protestin' bout the shortage of food, well real food." Victor says eyeing Hank warily as he just continues to whistle.
"Can I join ya?" Victor asks as he slumps down beside Hank without awaiting an answer.
6:03PM
The protest group is playing a three way game of thumb war, where everyone fights everyone at the same time, the winner so far is Victor whose claws have wounded both of the other competitors. The threesome are engaged in this riveting battle, pausing only momentarily to cry in either frustration or delight.
"What ya doin'?" Logan asks leaning against the wall, trying to look manly, an effort ruined by the Little Bo Peep outfit.
Bobby looks at him quickly "Protesting…aww see now you've made me lose" Bobby pouts grumpily, refusing to answer anymore questions Logan may have for fear of losing.
Logan chuckles, rubbing his hand over the stubble on his chin "I get it, yer protesting about t' lack of hotties in t' mansion, in that case I fink I'll join ya!"
6:13PM
"Housemates this is Big Brother, please assemble in the living area ready for evictions"
Rogue and Remy are already in the required room, unwilling for their shared moment to end, the party it seems had bonded them closer than ever. Rogue's gloved hand is held loosely in Remy's own, as he leads her to the 'cuddle chair', to await the arrival of the others…only they others don't come come.
"Wonder where they ave got to" Rogue wonders aloud, still coupled with Remy at the hand she goes off in search of her fellow housemates.
"Look Kitty its Remy and Rogue!" Bobby announces tugging on Victor's sleeve.
"Milady…" Hank bows elaborately before nodding at Remy "…good sir"
"Remy and Rogue be wonderin' what ya been doin'?"
"We're holding a protest, we're gonna ignore everything Big Brother tells us to do, even the eviction" Bobby informs them excitedly.
"What d'ya fink swap rat? We gonna join 'em?"
Remy looks at Rogue as if she has said something dirty before coming to a conclusion.
"Ok"
6:29PM
"Big Brother demands you go to the living room to await the eviction announcement…NOW!"
"Sorry bub, but you're playin' wit' the big boys now and we aint answerin' to no one" Logan shouts up to the nearest camera, his eyes showing bloodlust.
"That was your final warning…" and with that said Piotr and Pete burst threw the door, not realising that Kat has entered too, after sneaking between Piotr's legs.
"ARGH! THE HEAVIES!"
"ARGH! KAT!"
The cries are in perfect synchrony with each other as if practiced.
"Remove Rogue, Rogue is to be evicted" Big Brothers yell's into the guys earpieces, it can be heard by the housemates and the audience.
"Erm excuse me but it is not your problem in which to become involved" Hank tells the two bodyguards cum bouncers, finger held aloft, as the strides towards Rogue.
"Yeah leave her alone or ya'll ave these *snickt* to answer to" Logan waves his claws in Pete's face; Pete however looks unperturbed and puffs smoke in Logan's face.
Pete, Logan and Piotr stare at each other for a moment before engaging in a brutal 'fight to the death' or in this case eviction, resulting in Logans rather bloody defeat.
"You brutes" Bobby wails horrified at his fellow protestor's battered appearance "its people like you, hurting innocent woodland creatures, we were protesting about in the first place."
"Hank, help the runt, yer a doctor aint ya?"
Hank bounds forward to do Victors bidding eagerly, he has to stop short of Logan's body however, as a ear shattering screech is heard.
"Argh he's going to eat me!"
The wail belongs to none other that Kat Jacobs and it quickly followed by *Pffssstt*.
"Help, Beast down! Beast down!" Hank wails as he writhes on the floor protecting his eyes with a large paw cum hand.
"Beast buddy what has she done to you?" Bobby kneels on the floor next to his fallen comrade.
"Pepper spray…in the eyes"
The housemates have no time to rest on their laurels however, as Rogue is stealthily grabbed by the large Russian causing Remy to get angry…and upset.
"Put her down!" He demands pointing at the floor, and when he senses that that course of action has failed he adds a cheesy grin and "Please"
The Russian merely throws Rogue over his shoulder in a fireman's lift.
"Don't fight for me Remy, I'm not worth it, save yourself, win the game." Rogues calls to him in a fair imitation of a damsel in distress.
"I love you Belle" Remy sniffles as he crumples to the floor over come with grief.
"God its like bloody beauty an' the Beast in 'ere" Victor grumbles, but not in a mean way, as his eyes look suspiciously damp.
With that Piotr leaves, closely followed by Pete who grabs Kats hair as he walks by where she is hiding scared behind a pot plant.
"What an interesting day" Bobby says as he springs up from the floor and dusts himself off.
Ok vote who you want out in a surprise eviction that the housemates are unaware of! Any thing you want to put the housemates through next let me know, as its not long before the final guys so make the most of it! Please Review!