By Norwalker
Part 7 of ?
Rating : R for language, sexual situations and violence.
Category: Romance/Angst/Drama
Disclaimer: Most, if not all of the characters depicted here are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Inc. and Fox. This is a work of fiction; any similarities to anyone living or dead are purely coincidental.
Summary: Third in a series of stories started with " Summer of faith" and continued in "Seasons of faith". In the last book, Buffy died fighting Glorificus, the Hell goddess. This book picks up where that book ended. How does Faith deal with the loss of Buffy? How does life change for the scoobies? Buffy will be with them always, but is there more to it than just memories? Stay tuned.
Spoilers: Possible season 6 and season 7 spoilers. Hope you've watched them by now.
Timeline: Season 6, maybe season 7 and beyond( don't know yet).
WARNING: There is always the possibility of major character death. Romance between members of the same gender(duh). Sexual situations between members of the same gender. This is an Alternate Universe (AU) story. The real(by the series 'coda' ) relationship between Buffy and Faith never happened here. So if you're looking for the dark, knife wielding, don't give a crap about nothing but me Faith, She's not here.(ok, bit of an exaggeration, as we all know by now that Faith redeemed herself, but the "dark, evil" Faith never got a chance to live here). Violence happens. Adult themes( someday, I plan on being one, too). Sexual situations. All the usual stuff.
Tara pauses by the door to her and Willow's room. She's tired and cranky from this evening's(goddess, it's morning!) emotional roller coaster. Now she has to deal with Willow. She clenches her jaw, as she's wont to do in these kinds of situations. She opened the door to their room.
Willow's sitting on the bed, facing the wall, her head drooping, hands in her lap. Tara, despite her feelings, couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her. She looks… so lost. Tara stands there for a moment, hesitating. She's definitely tired and doesn't want any more fighting tonight. But she had to talk about this with Willow. There was no 'letting it slide' here. What Willow's done… what they've all done… is beyond wrong. Tara knows she's responsible here, too. She should've been more… forceful with Willow, getting her to reconsider at least what she was planning. She let her heart rule her head; she saw Faith suffering, Dawn's troubles, and Willow's passion, and gave in. She went along, even supported Willow's decision, overruling Xander's and Anya's doubts and objections. Now it came back to spit in their faces; they had a very confused and frightened Buffy on their hands, an angry slayer sleeping on the couch, and now she has Willow, and she suspects things are not going to be puppy dogs and chocolates up here. She sighs internally, and heads for the bed, half-hoping Willow won't say anything, but that hope's dashed before she can reach the foot of the bed.
" I suppose you're taking her side in all this" Willow says, not looking at Tara.
"Her side? There are sides now?" Tara says, speciously.
" You know what I mean. She's blaming me for Buffy coming back… wrong" Willow says, dejectedly.
"No, I'm not blaming just you. I'm blaming me, too" Tara says, softly
Willow looks at her in surprise. " That's … that's not right!" Willow says, " It… you're not at fault".
" I share some of the blame, Willow," Tara says, " I should've stopped you. I should've kept you from doing the spell. Instead " I went along with you… and we know the result now, don't we?" Tara sits on the other end of the bed.
" But… but we had to do it, Tara" Willow says, " We had to try. I mean, we didn't have any way of knowing that…Buffy was ok. She could've been tortured in some hell dimension. We couldn't just leave her there, could we?"
" Willow, stop it." Tara says, wearily, " stop with the ' we had to save Buffy ' speech."
"How were we supposed to know she was in a good place? " Willow protests." Faith knew. She didn't tell us. Why didn't she tell us that?"
" Would It have made a difference?" Tara asks. She turns around to look at Willow.
Willow hesitates for a split second, then says" Of course it would've."
"Don't lie to me, Willow. I can take a lot, but lying…" Tara says, turning away again.
"I'm not lying," Willow complains, " How can you say that?"
" Willow, we've been over this. I'm tired of repeating it. You've got some kind of obsession for Buffy" Tara says, her voice betraying some hurt, " I don't get it, but I guess… no, I just don't get it. You'd have found some other excuse to bring her back. The plain fact is, you wanted her back. More than any of us. Even Faith was beginning to accept she was gone. But you wouldn't".
"That's so not true" Willow asserts, " I did it because I had to do it."
" Yes. You 'had' to do it. You used forbidden magicks because you couldn't let it alone. You had to bring her back, at any cost!" Tara says, growing more and more upset.
"Yes, well, everything was wrong. Everybody was … upset. I had to fix it!" Willow says, excitedly, " I had to fix it".
" That's it exactly. You had to 'fix it' " Tara declares, " that's the whole problem, Willow. You're using way too much magic, for way too many things. That isn't what it's about!"
"But…what's magic for, if not to make right what's wrong?" Willow says.
" That's the point, Willow. You're not using magic that way. You're using it to manipulate things to be how you want them." Tara says, " You used some very dark and powerful magicks to pull this off, and it went wrong. Resurrection spells almost never go right. The only reason I thought this MIGHT work is because Buffy's death wasn't natural… not in the order of things. But even so, it … went very wrong, and now we've got to live with the consequences. Our motives weren't pure… your motives weren't pure. Don't you see that?"
"No, you're wrong. This wasn't right. This was wrong," Willow says, " She shouldn't have died. It wasn't right that she died. I was just trying to put right what went wrong. I don't understand why you can't see that. Why don't you support me in this?"
" Willow, what was done was wrong," Tara says, " She died. She shouldn't have been brought back. What am I supposed to do, just be quiet and say nothing?" Tara asks, pointedly.
" Maybe you should just be quiet!" Willow says, heatedly
Tara looks at her like she can't believe she said that. " If I didn't care about you, I would!" She says, hurt. She turns her back on Willow.
An uncomfortable silence develops between them. But Willow realizes she's gone too far. She finally speaks.
"Tara, I'm sorry" She says, turning towards Tara.
Tara just looks at her skeptically. " I'm tired, Willow. It's been a long night. Lets just go to sleep". Tara gets up, pulls back the covers and slides into bed. She's tired of talking about this.
Willow's not ready to give up.
" Tara, I really only meant it for the best" She pleads, trying to win Tara over. But it's too late in the evening, Tara is too upset and tired.
" I mean it Willow. I don't want to talk about it anymore tonight. I'm tired, I need to sleep". She turns away from Willow, pulling up the covers. Willow looks at Tara's back, realizing this isn't over yet. She sighs, and lies down on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
It's not my fault. I did everything I could.
( That's right, a small voice in her head agrees it's not your fault).
I was only trying to make things right
( Yes. We know who's fault it's. it's her fault).
Yes, it's her fault.
Another pair of eyes are wide awake, staring at the ceiling
Dawn Summers watches the moonlight patterns play across her ceiling. All the time, her mind, restless, is trying to digest what she hears. They thought she's asleep… but who can sleep through all the noise? But she knows that if she gets up, goes out there, they'd only cover it up, try to hide what's going on from her. So she quietly lies in her bed, faking sleep when someone cones down the hall. And she listened.
What she hears throws her mind into turmoil. She can't believe it, it isn't true. But it's true…
Buffy is ALIVE!
Buffy is alive, but WRONG???
Buffy doesn't remember anything? Who she is, who Faith is, who anyone is?( Who I am?).
Willow did some spell, and brought her back. But it went wrong. Very wrong. Buffy came back, but without any idea of who she is. She's like a stranger. How can that be? How could she come back, but not know who she is? I mean, if she can't remember anything, how can she talk? This was all way above Dawn's head. But she hears the angry reactions, and she understands that clearly enough. Faith's totally pissed off. Buffy's angry, and sounded scared, too. Will? She sounds… defensive and angry at Faith… Tara too, as she hears them fighting next door. Tara seems to be the only one dealing with it… but she sounds confused, and tired. And upset at Will. So, how do I feel about this?
She doesn't know. She feels… numb. She still can't really believe it. I mean, it sounded like Buffy. Her voice, anyway. But … was it really her? I mean, she doesn't know who she is, so how could it be her? how'm I supposed to deal with this? Who's the 'older' sister now, if Buffy isn't… herself? How do I treat her? Do I listen to her when she tries to tell me to do something? Will she even bother? Will she even care?
Dawn thinks of Faith. Poor Faith! This must be killing her. Buffy's back, and she doesn't even know her. Dawn feels empathy for Faith… loving someone, and not being noticed. Even though it Faith that doesn't notice her. She doesn't want Faith miserable. And she doesn't want Faith by default. If it could happen, if she could see me as Dawn, as someone special, oh yeah I'd love that. But I don't want to be a substitute for Buffy. When Buffy was gone, different story. I could be patient, I could wait 'til I was older, and Faith would see me as…sigh, but that can't happen. She loves Buffy, even if it's hopeless. She'll never see me now… I'll always be in Buffy's shadow. The kid. The P-nut. Dawn lay watching the shifting light patterns on her ceiling. She wasn't mad at Faith. Or Buffy. She was, however, angry at Willow. Why'd you do it, Will? Bring Buffy back? The worst thing, the absolute worst, is you brought her back not knowing who she is, who any of us are. She' s not my sister, she's not Faith's lover. How's she gonna be happy this way? How're any of us gonna be happy this way?
Dawn's too restless. She can't lie here anymore. It's quiet now, the rest of the house having settled down. She throws off the covers, and slips out of bed. She quietly crosses the room and enters the hallway, crossing to Buffy's room. She tries the doorknob, and it's open. She peeks in. The lamp by the bed is still burning, and Buffy is lying on top of the covers, sleeping. She feels the tug at her heart strings. No matter how annoying Buffy could be; how much she treated Dawn like a kid, Dawn still loved her. Seeing her sleeping, she looked so… innocent. Dawn quietly steals over, and best she can, covers her sister with the blankets. She has an urge to kiss her, but refrains. After what she's heard, doesn't want to wake her up and put the house back on bedlam mode again. She quietly leaves Buffy's room and heads downstairs.
She makes for the kitchen, planning on doing a little late night snacking. She nearly runs into Faith, also unable to sleep, has the same idea.
"Hey, P-nut" Faith says, backing up a bit to avoid ramming into Dawn, " Doing a late night fridge raid?"
" Yeah" Dawn says, covering, " got the tummy rumbles". She heads towards the fridge.
"Ummm… we didn't wake you, did we?" Faith asks, a bit concerned. She's hoping she can break the news to Dawn gently.
"Ummm…" Dawn stalls. Wanting to talk, and not wanting to talk. It's all kind of confused for her
Faith looks at her, and guesses the truth. " How much did you hear, P-nut?" She asks.
" Uhhh… pretty much most of it, I think" Dawn says. Faith winces. So not how she wanted her to learn about it. She goes over and puts her arm on Dawn's shoulder.
" You ok, Dawn?" She asks, seriously.
Dawn looks at her, and nods. " Just kinda major weirded, you know?" Dawn says, " How can she not remember anything?".
"Wish I knew, P-nut…damn, sorry, Dawn, I keep forgetting…" Faith smiles sheepishly." Something went wrong… must've gone wrong in the spell Willow performed." But get her to own up to it? Oh yeah, that'll happen… in the next millennium, maybe. She looks at Dawn, who looks rather confused… maybe a little lost. " Hey, wanna talk about it?" Faith asks.
"Kinda late, Faith, " Dawn says, " You need some sleep, and I got school in the morning". Huh? What the hell am I saying?
" Aw, screw it. Gonna blow off work tomorrow" Faith says, " Wanna be here for B. If ya want, I'll write you a note for school. Getting pretty good at signing Buffy's name now". She chuckles, " Not every day your sister comes back from the dead". As soon as the words leave her mouth, she winces. God, Faith, stupid much? Kid's probably freakin' already. Dummy!
"That's just it, Faith" Dawn says, seeming to take the 'back from the dead' comment a lot calmer than Faith expected, " Is it really Buffy? Ok, that sounded stupid. What I mean is, since she doesn't remember anything, is she really still Buffy?"
"Gee, Dawn. Just ask me an easy one why don't ya?" Faith says, brow furrowed. " Look, I'm no like philosopher or deep thinker type. Not a newsflash there, I know. But…Ok, ummm… lets say you have a favorite CD?" Dawn looks at her quizzically, " It's just an example, Dawn. I mean, you like this CD a whole bunch. The music really talks to you; you've listened to it so many times, you can hear it in your head, ok?" Faith looks at Dawn, who nods. " One day, you look for that CD, but you've misplaced it. It's gone, you can't find it anywhere. You're bummed" Dawn gives Faith a sidelong glance. Faith continues" Ok, ok, there's a point here. Even though you can't play that CD anymore, is the music really gone?" Dawn shrugs, " I don't think so, Dawn" Faith says, " I think it's still here" She points at her head, " You can still hear the music. You know in your heart how the music made you feel. That doesn't change, just cause the CD is lost." Faith looks at Dawn to see if she's following, but Dawn looks at her like ' what does that got to do with Buffy?' … Faith sighs, and continues. " That's kinda like Buffy. She's sorta lost. But she's not gone, not really. Not as long as we hear her music in our heads and heart… She's still Buffy, we just gotta find her. Get it?" Faith sees the light come on in Dawn's eyes. She's a bright kid… always knew that one. " So what we gotta do, Dawn, is find that CD…got it?" Dawn nods. Faith smiles at her.
"So, what're we gonna do, Faith?" Dawn asks," I mean, how're we gonna make Buffy Buffy again?"
" Boy, you're just full of easy questions today, aren't ya, P-nut?" Faith says, then winces. " Damn, I did it again. I'm really trying here, Dawn… but sometimes I…." Dawn interrupts her.
" Look, Faith, it's no big. It's ok if you call me P-nut… I was just in a weird mood that morning" Dawn says. Dawn actually likes it when Faith calls her that. Why she made a deal of it, she'll never know. Oh, yeah, I wanted her to stop thinkin' of me as a kid… but… It's kinda nice she's gotta a pet name for me. It's special for me. Ok, Dawn, obsess much?
"Thanks, Dawnie" Faith says, still trying to avoid the "P" word. " I'm no shrink, Dawn. But I kinda think we're just gonna have to be patient with her, ease her back into her life. Try to remind her of who she is and all that stuff. I'm kinda flying blind here, P-nut, but I think that's the right thing to do. I'm thinking maybe that she's still in there, somewhere, and we just gotta bring her out, ya know?" Faith looks over at Dawn , who's frowning a little. " What?" She asks, concerned.
" You kinda said to Willow that that wasn't her anymore" Dawn says, her tone strange, " That she was just a shell… not the real Buffy. I don't get it"
Faith sighs, " I was really angry at Red, Dawn, and I kinda was upset and hurt. I'd found her wandering around Restfield, not knowing who she was. She was attacked by vamps, and was really scared." Faith pauses, then adds, " Ok, I was really scared too. For her… for me, too. Thing is Dawn, grownups kinda act like kids when their upset, ya know? I said some stuff that after I cooled down, I'm kinda not proud of. I've thought about it, and that's your sister Dawn, even if she's not like knowing it."
"Are you still mad at Willow?" Dawn asks.
" Yeah, I really am, Dawn" Faith says. She sees Dawn's surprise, and explains, " It's not because of Buffy not remembering stuff, Dawn. OK, we can sorta fix that, I guess. But… she really messed with things she shouldn't have messed with. What she did… it was wrong Dawn, do you understand?" Faith searches Dawn's face, but sees she's clueless, so she goes on, "I'm no witch, but the stuff … the magic she used… is forbidden Dawn. There's got to be a reason. I… I've heard stories of people playing with resurrection spells. And … it came out really wrong. That coulda happened with B, Dawn."
"But it didn't, Faith. Not really" Dawn says, pleading Willow's case, sort of, " It turned out ok…well, mostly".
" That was pure luck, Dawn. Despite what Red said, it might've gone very differently. Buffy could've come back deformed…or worse… much worse" Faith doesn't want to scare Dawn by elaborating, "If that'd happened, then what? Could I … just let her suffer…or be a danger? What would I have to do, Dawnie? I woulda had to do something that…oh, God…I'd hate to do. And you'd hate me for doing it… think I could live with that?" Faith is really upset, feeling tears stinging her eyes. She stands and walks away from the table so Dawn can't see.
Dawn, hating seeing Faith so upset, goes over to Faith. She puts her hand on Faith's shoulder, rubbing it, trying to soothe her. She says quietly, "It's ok, Faith. She's ok. She's ok".
Faith puts her hand on Dawns, squeezing it lightly. She turns, smiling a little sadly, " Thanks. Who's the adult here, huh?" She says, teasingly." Things worked out ok, more or less, like you said. But it might not have. What Red did was… wrong, Dawn. Do you understand? She never should've done it. Ever!" Faith adds emphasis at the end.
"But…" Dawn begins. Faith stops her.
" No, Dawn. No buts. There's stuff you just don't mess with" Faith says, firmly. " Believe me," she softens her tone, " No one... wants Buffy back more than me. Knowing she's upstairs, sleeping? Makes my heart beat again, P-nut". She pauses, gathering her thoughts, " But life and death have reasons, Dawn. You don't mess with what's what there. What Red did was wrong, no matter WHAT the reason." Faith sees that Dawn still doesn't understand. " Ok, I have to tell you something. I shoulda told you before, but I guess I still have a hard time believing it myself. But you gotta understand this". Faith takes Dawn's hand, and leads her back to the dining room table.
Faith slowly tells her about her meeting with Buffy's spirit a few nights ago in the cemetery. Even now the memory brings back all the emotions she felt that night, and the tears brim in her eyes. By the time she's done, Dawn is looking at her, tears running down her cheeks. She grasps Faith's hand, and squeezes them tightly. The beauty of what happened touched her deep in her heart. They sit for a moment, both just letting their emotions run.
"You see , Dawn, she was happy" Faith finally says, her voice thick with emotion. " She was at peace. She came to try to ease our pain, and to give me a little hell for not paying enough attention to what was happening with you" She smiles at Dawn, who blushes and looks down. " No, she wasn't mad at you, baby, just sad. Me too". Impulsively, she gets up and goes to Dawn, giving her a huge hug. " P-nut, I don't say it enough, but I'm totally proud of you. I was really disappointed when I found out you'd been stealing, but you made me proud going and making restitution. You're a good girl, I really love you". Dawn, overwhelmed with emotion, starts to sob. Faith holds her, letting her cry. "Shhh…it's ok, honey, it's ok". She holds the younger Summers' sister, letting her do what she needs to do. Dawn cries, for herself, for Buffy and for Faith. Finally, she recovers herself, and looks at Faith, wide eyed… but finally understanding.
"We never should've pulled her from that, Dawnie, do you see?" Faith says. Dawn looks at Faith, bewildered.
" But you didn't have anything to do with it , Faith" Dawn says. " Me either".
"No, we didn't. I'm not holding you at all responsible. But I gotta take some blame, I guess" Faith says, remorsefully, " If I hadn't been so selfish, wanting her back… if I'd accepted what had happened… things might be different. Me grieving so hard I think just gave Red another excuse for to do what she did." Faith looks at Dawn, " What happened, it was wrong, you understand that now?" Dawn nods.
" Are you gonna make it up with Willow?" Dawn asks. She's upset with Willow for what she did, but she knows she'll forgive her. But she's not so sure about Faith, and she loves them both. She doesn't want to see unhappiness in her family.
Faith looks at her, and she can't help chuckling, " God, Dawn, you're just asking one tough question after another! You got a real future as a prosecutor, you know that? ". She stops, carefully considering her answer, " Dawn, I can forgive Willow what she did… I mean, the spell bringing back Buffy. I'm kinda … no, I'm really angry she did it, but …well, it's hard to stay mad at her for doing it. I really think she believes she did it for good reasons." She pauses…this is the really hard part," P-nut, even with everything we do, there's a good chance that we'll never get the 'real' Buffy entirely back. Our relationships with her are going to be… different. " She sees Dawn's face, and rushes on to reassure her," I think in time, you guys will re-bond as sisters. I know you will… what you two have is special and unbreakable". Faith's face gets a poignant expression, " what Buffy and I had was special, too. But… I'm not so sure we'll ever get that back." Faith feels the tears again, and turns her head away. It just hurts too much to share. She feels Dawn's hand on hers, and, with effort, tamps down her pain, " It's gone, Dawnie. Like it never was. Whatever Buffy can give me now, that's what I've got to take." Faith sighs, then continues, " Dawn, I want YOU to make it up with Red. She loves you , I know she does. But… I just can't. She took something from me more precious than my life, honey. I wish… I really wish, I could be better about this. This is kinda petty of me, I guess. I want to be a better example for you, but I just can't. I just can't". She stops to pull herself together. Sighing, she continues, "Guess I'm not such a great role model. I don't hate her, Dawn," Faith tries to reassure Dawn… maybe herself, " But right now I really, really don't like her too much."
Dawn looks at Faith , her heart breaking for many reasons. She realizes that no matter what happened, Faith could never have the depth of feeling for her that she still has for her sister. But more, she realizes that Faith's heart is breaking, and that kills her more than she'd like to admit. What Faith and Buffy had, though they fought a whole bunch, was rarer than rare. In a moment of real maturity, she realizes that her own feelings for Faith are pale in comparison to Faith's love of Buffy… and she suspects, Buffy's love of Faith. Seeing her… them… hurt like this is… it aches. As self-centered a 15 year old as she is, Dawn truly loves the people around her. What's happening to them here is , in her mind, not tolerable. Somehow, someway she's going to do something to fix it.
"Hey, P-nut…don't be going away from me too, now" Faith teases her. " Wakey-wakey, girlfriend".
Dawn smiles at Faith. "Sorry, tired I guess…" she lies.
"Yeah, it's really late. You and me, we better get a few hours before the sun makes its appearance, huh? I mean… us hot chick gotta get our beauty sleep… don't ya think?" Faith smirks, and Dawn giggles. " Anyway, we won't be much good to B if were Zombies in the mornin'… right?"
"Yeah, right, " Dawn half smiles. She gets up to head for the stair, then turns around, runs back and gives Faith a huge, tight hug. Faith…taken aback, hugs her back. " Thanks, Faith" Dawn says, kissing her cheek.
"No problem, kiddo" Faith says, really touched. " Did it help any?".
"You betcha!" Dawn says sincerely. More than you know, Faith.
Dawn walks upstairs towards her room. She's still sorting out all she learned tonight, but one thing is paramount in her mind. Her family is in trouble, and she's got to help. I gotta do somethin'. But what? No ones gonna listen to me, they think I'm just a kid. Then the light goes on in Dawn's head. But I know someone who they'll listen to!
Excited now, she looks around her room, trying to remember where she put that phone number. Finally, after a big search, she finds it. She goes over to the phone in her room. She'd made a big deal on her last birthday…before her mom died… to have a phone of her own. It'd been a tough battle, but her mom finally gave in when she realized she'd get her own phone back. She'd blocked long distance calls, but Dawn had bought a phone card, just for that reason. Not always as dumb as they think I am! She was going to make this right. But she needed help, and she knows just where to get it.
She picks up the receiver and starts dialing.
Tara feels like she's at a tennis match.
Her head has been swiveling back and forth so much, watching Willow and Faith studiously avoid each other, she's afraid she's going to get whiplash. Willow is at the dining room table, nose in a book. Tara suspects she using it more as a shield than reading it. Faith is standing in the kitchen, looking exhausted, and holding a mug of coffee. She's staring out the window. They have barely spoken, only when absolutely necessary to avoid a collision, and then it was so frosty, the freezer couldn't match it. She suddenly realizes she forgot something in when she was comparing them: they're both as hard-headed as rocks. Neither would give an inch. But this little love-fest has gotta end Tara thinks Dawn and Buffy are going to come down soon.
" Umm… I know you two … " Tara refrains from calling them what she wants to call them, " are still angry. But Dawn and Buffy are going to be coming down soon. So, you're BOTH going to have to make the effort to be civil to each other. Don't have to be kissy-face, but this isn't gonna fly, either" Tara says, firmly.
"You're right" Faith addresses Tara agreeably, " When B and P-nut come down, we gotta make sorta nice. But for now, we aint got squat to say to each other. Do we, Red?" Faith shoots the question to Willow.
Willow doesn't look up from her book. " No, we don't" She mutters something under her breath.
" I'm sorry?" Faith says, her tone cold, " I didn't hear that?"
" I said" Willow says, looking up. Her expression is oh-so-not –friendly, " Why do you do that? Give people stupid-ass nicknames. Kinda childish, don't you think?"
"Cuz I do" Faith says, her expression hardening. "Wanna make somethin' of it, Will-Oh?"
"Don't even start with me, Faith" Willow says, standing up. Her face is flushing red. " I'm so not in the mood for your attitude!"
"Watcha gonna do about it, witch?" Faith challenges, putting down her coffee. She moves towards the dining room table.
" Just watch me, slayer!" Willow starts for the kitchen.
"STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU!" Tara blocks them both. She is livid. She's done being patient with these…babies.
" You two are worse than Dawn. Worse than children!" Tara says, her voice angry. Faith and Willow look at her, both chastened. " There's a lot more at stake here than you're egos. Stop it, stop it NOW!!!". Both women back off.
"She started it" Faith says, complaining.
"Yeah, well…you're a poop head!" Willow mutters.
"So mature" Tara says, her tone indicating a minor apocalypse would be visited on the two of them if they didn't stop acting like children. " Listen closely. The two of you will start acting like adults, or I'll… turn you both into frogs!" Tara descends into silliness as she reaches the end of her patience.
Willow blanches, and backs off. Faith, seeing Willow's reaction, almost chuckles… until she sees Tara's expression. She's NOT kidding! Faith thinks, backing off.
" If the two of you will stop acting like 6 year olds, we still have to consider Dawn. What're we going to tell her about Buffy?" Tara asks, looking at the other two 'adults' .
Faith, sipping her now lukewarm coffee, drops the bomb. "She already knows." The pixie in Faith can't resist chuckling at the expression on the other two women's faces.
"What? When?" Tara says, surprised
" How…?" Is all Willow can manage.
"Last night, after you two went to bed. Since I've been moved to the couch, we kinda ran into each other going for a snack" Faith says, enjoying this immensely. Her tone turns serious, " Did you really believe she would sleep through all of that going on last night? She knew about Buffy, and we talked about it". Faith sips her coffee.
"Really?" Tara asks," How did she take it?"
"She's ok with it. Very mature about it" Faith says, unable to resist the dig.
" What did you say?" Willow asks, suspicious." What did you tell her?"
"Why don't you ask me?" Dawn says brightly, coming down the stairs. All three women turn to her.
"Hi, Dawnie" Tara smiles.
"Hey, Dawnie" Willow says, also smiling
"Hiya, Dawn" Faith says, grinning into her cup.
"Morning, Faith" She walks to Faith and gives her a hug. Willow shoots Faith daggers from her eyes. She walks to Tara, " Hi, Tara!" She hugs her too. Willow looks glum, thinking she's going to be left out of the hugs. Dawn smiles, and walks over to Willow, hugging her and kissing her forehead. " G'morning, Willow" She says, standing next to her. Willow brightens up immediately.
" I heard you all last night. If you really want to hide stuff from me, you better take the arguments somewhere else" She grins at them, and watches as three 'adult' women blush pink. " Buffy's back, she doesn't remember any of us, and everybody is all so pissy at each other! That about covers it?" She surveys the group, so enjoying the temporary moral superiority she's feeling. " Faith said something went wrong with the spell" Willow shoots another set of daggers at Faith, as Dawn continues, " But she said that I shouldn't blame you, Willow, cuz you meant well. You wanted to make things right, and it was a mistake, and we should forgive you". Willow almost chokes, and looks at Faith, surprised. Tara is surprised too…maybe a little pleased. Faith is surprised, cause that isn't exactly what she said… but she decides not to dispute it… not now, anyway. " Any questions?" Dawn asks. No one says anything
Faith, however, is suspicious. Something's up…Dawn is just TOO chipper and bright this morning. Her nose itches, cause she knows that until she finds out exactly WHAT Dawn is up to, it's going to bug her.
Willow is confused. Faith defended her? No way! But she can't help feeling some doubts about what she's done…which she quickly squelches… I did the right thing, I know I did. They just don't see it yet.
Tara is relieved. Dawn is taking it so well. Better than two others I can name. She was so afraid Dawn was going to have a major freak-out. But she seems to accept it. She sighs happily. At least ONE member of this household is sort of mature.
"So, what're we gonna do about Buffy?" Dawn asks, breaking the silence. She looks around the group.
"I'm working on it , Dawnie. I'm trying to see if I can find a memory restoration spell…" Willow answers, but is interrupted by Faith.
" No more magic, Will-Oh" Faith says, adamantly. Her face sets. Willow looks at her. flustered.
" You don't know everything, Faith" Willow says, her face also setting.
" Maybe, Willow, we should try without magic first?" Tara says diplomatically, going to Willow.
Willow looks at Tara, and then at Dawn, who for the first time looks upset. She caves, for now.
" Ok… maybe we'll try it Faith's way first" She concedes, not so gracefully." But that still leaves the question, what to do about Buffy."
" It's a tasty problem, I'll admit" Faith says, shrugging.
" Not too tasty, I hope. Gee, you guys aren't cannibals, are you? I just wanted to get some breakfast… not be breakfast" Buffy's voice floats into the kitchen. The group, surprised, turns and sees Buffy standing at the doorway, looking unsure of herself.
"BUFFY! " Dawn cries, running and nearly knocking over Buffy in an enthusiastic hug. Buffy, startled, throws her arms in the air…then slowly wraps them around Dawn.
"Uhhh… Hi… you're…ummm….Dawn, right?" Buffy says, struggling for the name. " My sister?"
" You remember me?" Dawn says, pleased.
"Uhhh… Tara…I think…Tara?" Buffy asks. Tara nods. Buffy continues, " Tara kinda pointed you out to me last night. Sorry" She says, sounding genuinely sorry.
" Oh" Dawn says, a little disappointed. "Well, you'll remember me soon, I know it " She adds, trying to keep positive.
Tara and Willow join Dawn by Buffy, giving her a group hug. Which she seems to enjoy at first. Faith, a strange expression on her face, hangs back.
"Uh…guys… this is nice…but…can't breathe…" Buffy says, gasping. Everyone laughs a little, and backs off. Buffy looks at the three of them, and smiles. She notices Faith hanging back, and calls out. "Hey, aren't you glad to see me?" She asks, her brow furrowed.
Faith puts on a smile. " Of course. Good morning, Buffy" She says… but still stays back.
"Gee, I guess Buffy…she… er… I… must be popular?" Buffy asks, confused. A little more by Faith's less than enthusiastic greeting. She senses something's wrong.
" Don't get a swelled head about it, Buffy" Dawn interjects. " It's just we're happy to see you, and you're not freaking out".
Buffy looks at Dawn with a half-smirk, half grin. " You really ARE my sister, aren't you?"
" You're smarter sister" Dawn says, grinning back. Buffy rolls her eyes.
"So…ummm…what's for breakfast?" Buffy asks. She looks a little guilty, " I can have breakfast, right?" She's still really unsure about what's the what here.
" Of course" Tara says, taking Buffy's hand. " I'll make some eggs". She leads Buffy into the kitchen. Dawn and Willow follow.
" Umm… I got some stuff I gotta do outside, ok?" Faith says, her voice sounding a little funny, " I'll see you guys later" Without any ceremony, she walks out the back door.
"Did I do something wrong?" Buffy says, bewildered and apologetic. She looks at the others.
"No, of course not, Buffy" Willow says, reassuring her.
" No…you didn't , Buffy" Tara agrees.
"Buffy?" Dawn adds, "Ummm… she loved…loves you very much. It's kinda hard for her, all of this. I guess she's still getting used to it…so, try to be patient with her, ok?"
" Oh, god… I'm sorry" Buffy says, looking upset. " I'm really sorry!"
" No…no…Buffy" Dawn says, quietly, " It's not your fault." Seeing Willow, she adds, " Not anyone's fault. Just… I don't know… try to understand, if you can. I'll go talk to her." Dawn finishes, turning towards the door. She feels a restraining hand on her arm.
" No… Dawn?" Buffy says, quietly, " I think… I think I should talk to her…" She trails off
Before Dawn can argue, Buffy is out the door.
Buffy finds Faith by the garage.
She's squatting down on the grass, picking at it. Buffy can't help but feel a twinge of remorse. She looks so lost and sad. Buffy stands quietly watching her for a few minutes, reflecting.
I wish I could remember her. I looked at all the pictures in our room. God, we seemed so happy! She's gotta be special…she's still grieving over me, and I'm alive. At least, if I'm really the woman she loves. I just don't know. But I know something's there… cause I can feel it. I feel.. a special…something for her. Did the first time I saw her in the graveyard. Oh, that's so romantic! " How'd you meet?" " In the graveyard" . Can you say wiggins?. She treated me so… like I was precious. Look at her. She's miserable. This is gotta suck for her. Why do I want to make it better for her? Dawn can't have been lying. There musta been something really special between us. I just can't remember it!!! Dammit, I hate this to death!!
Buffy, not wanting to startle Faith, clears her throat. Faith looks up, and is on her feet in a flash, pasting on a smile. God, I wish she wouldn't try so hard.
" Hey" Buffy says, trying to scope out Faith. " You ok?"
" Hey" Faith replies, " Yeah. I'm great. Just got done what I needed to do".
" Ok, " Buffy says, letting her slide on the lie," So, aren't you coming back inside?".
" No… I …Umm… figure I'll get something on the way to work" Faith says, " kinda late as is".
"Oh… going to work" Buffy says, feeling… disappointed?… she continues, " So…where do you work?"
" Lots of places… though right now, at the school site. Where they're building the high school. I work in construction" Faith says, trying to be casual about all this…and feeling so uncasual.
" Construction? Really?" Buffy says, " You must be strong!"
" Yeah, I guess. Never thought about it" Faith says, adding, " You're pretty strong, too".
Buffy laughs. " C'mon, me? I'm just a girl!"
" Uh-huh" Faith says, " Boy, have you got a lot to learn". Faith looks around, and grabs her hammer lying on the sidewalk. Without warning, she throws it at Buffy. " Here, catch"
Buffy yelps, but instinctively catches it. She looks angrily at Faith. " You coulda killed me with that!". Faith just grins.
" Trust me, no way that woulda hit you!" Faith says.
Buffy stares at the hammer in her hand. She didn't even think about catching it…she just did.
" Wow" She says softly.
" Yeah, wow" Faith says, her voice getting that strange register in it again. " Look, can you toss that back? I gotta go".
Buffy tosses it, and is amazed how easily she does it. Without even looking, Faith catches it, and Buffy is even more amazed.
"Seeya later, B" Faith says, walking towards the garage.
Oh no you don't! You don't get away THAT easily!
" You really loved her…me… didn't you?" Buffy calls out. Faith freezes. She doesn't turn, but her shoulders slump…and her fists clench.
"Yeah? So? That's …past" Faith says, starting to move away.
" That's it? You don't love …me… anymore?" Buffy asks.
Faith whirls around. " What do you want from me?" She asks, her voice hurting, " Why are you doing this?"
" I want to know who I am… and who better to teach me that than you?" Buffy says, equally hurting. " but you seem like you're just giving up on me already!" She turns and starts walking quickly back to the house.
" B… B! Buffy! Wait… Buffy, wait!" Faith runs after her, catching her before she reaches the house. She sees tears in Buffy's eyes, and her heart melts. " I'm… I'm sorry" Faith says" I… it just…I can't… When you came down this morning…what you said…the way you said it… it was so much like you… the old you. I… I couldn't deal. I … I know you can't feel the way you did for me once. I know that. But I can't help how I feel for you. It's.. not right…cuz…I don't want to make it harder for you… and you might find you love someone else. I don't want to make it hard for you. Don't you see? I… don't want to hurt you… never, ever. But… sometimes it hurts being close to you…this is too much…sorry… sorry…god, I'm so sorry!" Faith tries not to cry, but the tears start dropping down her cheeks.
Buffy reaches up, and gently brushes away some tears. She looks at her fingertips in wonder. She has a strange, but soft expression on her face.
" All I'm asking, Faith" Buffy says, softly, " is don't give up so quickly. I don't know what … or how… I'll feel about you yet. But… whatever we had musta been special. I get that. So, for whatever we had, please, don't give up on me yet!" She looks at Faith, who's looking back at her. She leans in, and kisses her softly on the cheek. She turns on her heel, and runs into the house, leaving Faith to stand in the garden.
Touching her cheek where Buffy kissed her.
To be continued.