DISCLAIMER: The names, places, things are Tolkien's. I think we can all figure out what is who's.

AN: hehe, thanks for the reviews!! =]

Chapter 19: My Words Exactly

The moon hung snugly in the deep, dark sky, shining a bright light on the seaside City. Lothiriel stared silently at the moon, so many thoughts running through her mind. She had been deadly quiet during dinner, as Narthan had been the guest for the evening. Her mind would draw blank whenever he would direct a question to her, or attempt to make some sort of small talk with her. How could he act as if they had only met this night? The idea was shocking and angered her. Though she did not speak much to him, she had an endless number of questions to ask.

It seemed that at that moment, she had her chance, for he appeared in front of her as she sat quietly on a bench in the garden. At first, she only stared at him, and he only started in return, but finally he mustered up the courage to speak.

"Do you mind?" he asked, motioning to the side of the bench that was vacant.

Lothiriel turned her head slightly to glance at the spot. "'Tis not my bench, you may do as you please," she replied smugly. Narthan only shook his head lightly and took a seat next to her, resting his hands on his knees and inhaling a deep breath.

"It is a fine night, is it not? The breeze is quit pleasing."

"I suppose," Lothiriel retorted, crossing her arms. "Are you to stay for the night?" she asked, as if disgusted by the idea.

"What brings you to such a question?" was his reply, looking out into the sky rather than looking to her, his tone calm and relaxed.

"The fact that you are still here. I would have thought that by now at least one of my brothers would have said something to scare you away."

He chuckled lightly, and continued to answer. "Had it not been for your Father's diplomatic approach to the entire situation, I believe that by now, they would have. Though, I could not escape Elphir's proud tone, Erchirion's lack of conversation, and Amrothos' glares."

Lothiriel turned away, for she could feel tears beginning to well up in her eyes. Just being in his presence was enough to build her emotions. For years, she had defended him to her family, trying desperately to justify his leaving her, more so for herself than for anyone else. Though she moved on with her life, deep down she secretly hoped for the day when he would return and shed light on why it was exactly that he had left. Now that he finally returned, however, she could not help but feel angry with him, especially since he returned as Narthan, not as Ceredir. It was as if his coming back was simply by chance; a simple trip in the agenda of his new life.

"Lothiriel?"

She turned to see him looking towards her intently. Before she responded, she tried quickly to wipe away her tears, in hopes that maybe he had not noticed, or he would not mention the fact that she was crying.

"Lothiriel, are you well?"

"How could you so nonchalantly ask me such a question? What do you think, Ceredir? Do you honestly think that I am well?"

Ceredir paused for a moment, and offered the ends of his tunic to wipe her cheeks with. Lothiriel only scoffed with frustration, thinking he offered it in jest.

"No, I suppose I do not. This is all happening so fast; months before I had imagined everything to come about quite differently."

"Did you expect a warm embrace as a welcome? Well, you even denied me that gesture when you arrived, Narthan of Pelargir," Lothiriel said coldly, as Ceredir winced at her words.

"Lothiriel, I know that you are angry with me, but I had hoped that you surpassed that anger and had forgiven me for my offense to you."

"I had surpassed it, but seeing you here, having you here now, I cannot help but feel... hurt. Every emotion I felt when I finally realized that you would not return has come rushing back to me, and I suddenly feel sick to my stomach at the sight of you."

"I understand you, Lothiriel, and I am sorry I make you feel that way now, but I only ask that you forgive me, and pardon my actions. I never meant to intentionally hurt you."

At this point Lothiriel was starting to sob. He had no idea just how much hurt he had caused her. She had loved him so much. The wound from his leaving her never really healed entirely.

"Why did you leave, Ceredir? Had I done something wrong?"

Ceredir turned to her, and quickly took her hands within his own. "Oh, no Lothiriel, it was nothing like that. After Elphir found us that night at the tavern, I had a talk with your Father. He asked me to leave Dol Amroth, to give you some space because you were quite young at the time, and because he worried that you were rushing into things too quickly."

"My Father?" Lothiriel asked, puzzled. "He has never told me this before."

"I do not think he would, but do not blame him, Lothiriel. He said he would send me post when he saw it fit for me to return into your life, and he kept his word. It was I who chose not to come when he beckoned."

"But... but why? Did you not love me, Ceredir?"

"On the contrary, Lothiriel, I loved you very much. But the words of Elphir echoed in my mind. He told me that I was not good enough for you." He chuckled towards the end, and then continued. "When your Father's letter came, I was between work in Pelargir. I took to being the town drunk, turning to ale to comfort the emptiness I felt, and I could not keep up responsibilities. The night I read the letter, I felt beside myself. I wanted to return as quickly as possible, but I realized that I could not. I had become lower than what your brother saw unfit to marry you, and times were troubled then. I had no horse, no money, no weapon to assure some sort of safety. Everything I had was lost."

"Did you not trust me to love you despite the fact?"

"I only thought that you deserved better. It has taken me years to build the persona of Narthan of Pelargir, the renowned ship maker and now emissary for the bustling harbour. I always planned to return to Dol Amroth, though, now that I have it feels like it was too soon of a return."

There was an awkward silence between the two, but finally Lothiriel spoke, quite meekly. "I would have waited for you forever."

Ceredir smiled warmly, caressing her cheek as she closed her eyes to the touch. "I know it." Again there was an awkward silence, and again Lothiriel spoke.

"I have to know, Ceredir. Do you still love me?" she asked, sitting up straight to address him, her shoulders tense and expression blanketed with questioning.

"What does it matter, Lothiriel. Your Father tells me that you've come to fancy the newly crowned King of Rohan."

"Tell me, Ceredir, I need to know."

"And if I told you, what then would you do Lothiriel? If I said no, would you hide the breaking of your heart? Or if I said yes, would you return with me to Pelargir?"

"Give me your answer, and we shall see what my reaction is."

Ceredir paused for some time, being cautious when choosing his words. Lothiriel tried to read his expression, as Ceredir tried to read hers. Finally, he spoke. "Then yes, Lothiriel, I still love you."

Lothiriel kept silent for a moment, the revelation rendering her speechless for the time being. But finally she found her voice and spoke. "What is it then that you expect of me?" she asked slowly, tears causing her voice to crack.

"Like I said, if I asked, would you return with me to Pelargir, and eventually become my wife?"

Her thoughts became frantic. A life with Ceredir; was this all she's ever wanted? In her heart she loved him deeply, but differently. She imagined a life with Ceredir, and as she did a sharp pang in her stomach surfaced, for she realized it would mean a life without Eomer. Even the thought of it made her nauseated. Did she want Ceredir as a husband, and Eomer as a dear friend? No. No, no and no. The answer screamed through her soul. If anything, at least one good thing resulted from Ceredir's departure: she discovered that she could live without him.

"N-no. No I cannot," she stammered, and Ceredir smiled warmly, to her surprise.

"Good, because I will not ask it of you."

"What? But you just said..."

"Yes, I love you Lothiriel, but it is not the kind of love where I wish to join my life with yours. You were my first love, a dear love, though not my greatest; but for what it is worth, I cherish you always for that."

Lothiriel smiled widely, tears streaming down her cheek as she jumped to embrace him.

"My words exactly," she breathed, sobbing now with tears of joy, for she felt like an unfinished chapter in her life had finally been completed. She was no longer bound by her past; she had only to look to the future.

hope you enjoyed =]