It was a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining, the birds singing and the flowers had just bloomed. The most perfect day for a wedding, but not any wedding... it was James and Lily's wedding, and everything had to be PERFECT: perfect weather, perfect flowers perfectly set, perfect tables with perfect tablecloth, a perfect arch and, of course, the perfect couple. Everyone was delighted but there was one, one single individual who thought it was too perfect, disgustingly perfect: Sirius Black.
He was leaning back on his rear chair legs watching the people entering to the Potter's backyard. He was listening to a conversation between James and a cousin of his, apparently a reporter, when the key word was spoken and a flame reborn in Sirius' heart.
"I'm the one who makes the interviews... (interviews... interviews... interviews...)" The word echoed inside his skull and his bored face changed. A smile gradually appeared on his face and his eyes lit with an evil glint... the time had come again... the time for him to come back... things were just too perfect.
He let his chair fall into all four legs with a loud bang and started walking to the house, muttering to himself. At first, James stared but then followed quickly.
"Hey! Padfoot, wait up! Where are you going?"
"The house... need quill and parchment..." muttered Sirius.
"Okay... I'm not asking what for... I'm going to the bathroom" said James and he started going upstairs as Sirius had grabbed a little notepad and a pen from over the fireplace.
All of a sudden, Sirius yelled "NO! Prongs, you can't go!" and after climbing the stairs in two steps, he pushed James away and magically locked himself inside the bathroom.
"Padfoot, open up! I need to go... you know I have to go when I'm nervous!"
"Just a sec, Prongsie! I'll be right out..."
He was grinning to his image in the mirror, his wand in his hand. The mirror was about to say something but changed after a bright flash.
"Hey, charming, long time no see..." said Sirius' image, winking.
"Hello, are you the best-man?" asked Sirius (like he didn't know.
"Oh, I happen to be, may I help you?" the image answered adopting a very a very serious and innocent look.
"I wonder if I can ask you some questions"
"Shoot, cutie"
"Ok, do you think that the fact that you are incredibly beautiful helped you to become the best-man?"
"I think I won because of my charming personality, but yes, obviously it helped a little bit, it never goes unnoticed"
"How can you be so sure?" Sirius questioned again.
"Well, haven't you noticed?"
"Of course I have!"
"So, that's it!" smiled the mirror.
Suddenly, the bathroom door banged.
"SIRIUS! OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR!" James bellowed and then whined "I've got only one suit!"
"Just one more sec, Jamie!" both Siriuses answered.
After a silent second James asked "Did you charm the mirror again?"
Flashblack
James walked into the boy's bathroom and stared at his image, but it cast him a deadly glare.
"Are you EVER going to do something about your hair?"
James stared nonplussed.
"You know, the Black kid could recommend you a special shampoo and..." in that exact second, Severus Snape walked into the bathroom too.
"Oh my God... I'm gonna break!" squeaked the mirror as James' image said "Yo, Snivelly!"
James looked at Snape's image who was now saying " Who do you think you are anyway? Sirius Black or something?"
"BLACK!!" screamed Snape and James at the same time.
"That's my name, don't wear it out!" said in unison the two images and a head that poked inside the bathroom.
End of Flashblack
"No... just wait!" said Sirius "Ok, last question... What hair products do you use?"
"None!" the mirror answered.
"Gosh! I really need to practice that" said Sirius removing the charm. When he opened the door, a jumping James hurried into the bathroom while the first victim was climbing the stairs.
"What's going on?" asked Remus.
"Moony!" Sirius smiled "Just the man I was looking for!"
"What now, Padfoot... did you lost the rings again?!"
"No Remmy, relax! They're here, safely kept in my... Oh-oh"
"Shit! Not again, Sirius!" Remus was about to lose it.
"Gotcha!" grinned Sirius, showing him a little black velvet box "Caught by the master!" he mocked, shaking the rings over Remus' head. Remus finally started breathing again.
"Damn you, Sirius! You almost scare me to death!"
"Yeah, ha ha... I know" laughed Sirius "Hey Moony! Wait!" he added as his friend intended to leave. "What now, Padfoot?" snorted Remus.
"Can I ask you some questions... not best man?" he muttered this last part under his breath.
"How did you call me?" asked Remus, puzzled.
"Remus, hem, the not best man, cof, cof" Sirius coughed.
"The not what?"
"Doesn't matter... did you feel bad when James told you that you weren't going to be the best man?"
"What? Why should I?" Remus was puzzled again.
"Because that attractive young man won and you didn't"
"Won? It's not a game, you git! It's James and Lily's wedding!"
"I know... but didn't you feel devastated for your loss?"
"Sirius! There's no loss! What's wrong with you, mate?!"
"Ok, Remmy, don't panic... don't you think that the best man's incredible beauty was what defeated you?"
"Oh, Padfoot, cut the crap... you're starting to sound like Prongs in fifth year!"
"Come on, Moony! Face it! That's the first step towards acceptation"
"Face what?!" asked Remus terribly close to exasperation.
"The fact that you're jealous of the gorgeous best man!"
"Why are you talking about yourself in the third person?"
"I'm talking about the jaunty best man!"
"whatever, psycho"
"Don't you just looove his hair?"
"Padfoot, don't you think you're starting to sound gay with yourself?" asked Remus.
"Hey! I'm asking the questions here, Mr. Not-best-man!"
"Oh! You're with the interview shit again?! You can't be serious!"
"What if I am?" asked Sirius defiantly.
"You'll mess up the whole ceremony! Lily's gonna slice you!" warned Remus.
"Come on! It'll be fun, you'll see!" cheered Sirius "Please Sirius, don't!" begged Remus "You can't stop me! Mwa haha! No one can!"
"Oh, yes I can!" said Remus while pushing Sirius into a broom closet "Colloportus!" he said and the door locked between them.
"Ha! Do you think that stupid charm is gonna stop me?, Behalf the power of Sirius Black, The almighty best man!" Sirius was laughing madly but stopped to ask "Hey, Moony, have you seen my wand?"
"No, best man, I'll take you out when you stop this stupidity"
"I SO don't care, ha, ha! I have the rings! You can't do anything without the..."
"Accio rings" said Remus in a bored voice, and two little gold rings flew to his hand from under the door.
"Argh! Damn you, Lupin!" Sirius yelled while punching the door furiously. Remus was already heading to the stairs where he met James, who was coming from the bathroom.
"It's the tenth time I go, I'm gonna be bloody dry when the time comes..." said James while walking down the stairs with Remus. "Have you seen Sirius? He left his wand in the bathroom..." James asked already going outside again, to the back-yard. Remus smiled.
"No... maybe he's in the broom closet again" he replied.
"Maybe" agreed James "Then when we need the rings we'll call him"
"No need to" Remus smiled again and showed him the rings "After the first time he lost them I wasn't going to give them back to him, was I?"
"Yeah, I guess not... that's why you're the clever one" James smiled and after patting his shoulder, started receiving the people's greetings again.
Meanwhile, in the top floor, Sirius was charging against the door and in the next room, Lily and her maid of honour, Aine, were getting ready.
"Are you dressed?" asked Lily.
"Yes, I am... do you need anything?" said Aine looking at Lily wrapped in a towel.
"Just something to drink... my mouth has gone dry!"
"Ok, I'll be right back" Aine replied and left the room. She closed Lily's door behind her but a loud bang drew her attention.
"Is anyone in there?" asked Aine to the broom closet door.
"I'm the best man! Can you help me out?" whined Sirius.
She took out her wand, muttered "Alohomora!" and the door unlocked. Sirius hurried out.
"Thank you!" he said and his eyes started rolling up and down the girl's graceful figure. "How you doin'?' he asked her, winking but was ignored.
"What were you doing inside the broom closet?" she asked.
"Remus locked me up"
"What? Why?"
"Jealous" answered Sirius simply and added "Where are you going anyway? Shouldn't you be with Lils?"
"She asked me to go and get her something to drink, She's really nervous!"
"James is too, but wouldn't you be nervous?" he asked, going down the stairs with her "Hum... can I ask you something?"
"As you like" Aine shrugged and walked into the kitchen.
"You're thinner than you used to be, don't you?" he asked.
"Yes, Sirius, I lost thirty pounds in the last three months"
"Oh... that's a little weight... you can see it though"
Aine rolled her eyes at Sirius as she poured pumpkin juice into a glass.
"And... since you're the maid of honour and I'm the best man, don't you think we should... get to know each other better?" he asked, staring at the ceiling.
"Sirius, we've been in the same class since we started going to Hogwarts... what's wrong with you?" she asked, kind of lost.
"Nothing..." he responded quickly "Is just that true love is hiding right in front of you, and you don't notice before it's too late..." Sirius was staring fixedly at the glass in Aine's hand and then looked up right into her eyes... She immediately looked away, blushed profusely and spilt some juice over her chest.
"Oh. my..." she said quickly grabbing a napkin to clean her dress.
"Let me help you!" said Sirius right away and put his hand over hers on the napkin. She blushed ten times more.
"Sirius! What's wrong with you?" she said moving his hand away from her.
"Nothing, except that you blinded me with your beauty"
"you've seen me your whole life!"
"But not in that dress!" Sirius explained promptly "Or with make up!"
"Oh! So when I take the dress off you won't be interested in getting to know each other better, will you?" Aine reproached.
"No! When you take off your dress is the best part..." said Sirius with a sexy smile and a glint in his eyes.
"I knew something like that was coming!" said Aine, really angry "You'll never change, Black!"
"Change what?!"
"Oh! Forget about it!"
"Wanna make out?"
"NO! When are you going to grow up?!" yelled Aine, while leaving the kitchen with the glass and some sandwiches.
'She must be going to Lily's bedroom... I have to get there first!' Sirius thought and immediately Dissaparated.
At that exact moment, Lily was clasping her bra and looking into the mirror, when she heard a loud crack and saw Sirius' image drooling next to hers.
"SIRIUS BLACK! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING HERE, PERVERTED PSYCHO?!"
"Nothing! I came to see Aine, she'll be here any minute now" said Sirius turning away from the blushing Lily and looking to the ceiling.
"Couldn't you knock?" asked Lily "This was easier... can I ask you something, Lils?"
"Oh... ok! But stay like that and don't peek til I put in my dress"
"Okay... are you aware that you're about to marry the one you used to call 'The most big headed git who ever breathed under the sorting hat'?"
"No, I don't think so. James has changed a lot in the last few years (not to thank some of his friends) and he used to be a big headed git, but not anymore... now he's very humble" answered Lily.
"Yeah... right, blame poor old Padfoot!... do you think he will really mean to swear he'll have and hold you?"
"Yes, of course!"
"In sickness and in health?"
"Yes"
"In poverty and in wealth?"
"In..."
"Ok, Sirius, that's enough!" finished Lily.
"Fine, Fine!... Have you realised that you will be Ms. Potter?... you'll be Ms. Lily Potter! I think it's nice... well... almost anything better than Evans, I mean, what are you? American or something?"
"What's going on, Sirius? Are you on Ritalin again?" she asked "No! I'm just asking questions!"
"Oh, no! Not the reporter thing again!" whined Lily "Oh, come on! You didn't end up thaat bad last time..."
Flashblack
(As/N: Just picture this) Lily covered with feathers and owl poo, pouting, a letter in her hand and her green eyes watery, about to shed the tears.
End of Flashblack
"Ok... maybe you did..." corrected Sirius "but now we're mature people (Lily snorted)... ok you are mature, but I swear I won't mess up your wedding!"
"Pinkie swear?"
"Yes, pinkie swear and Marauder promise" said Sirius holding up his pinkie.
"Ok, now you can turn... what do you think?"
Sirius faced Lily, who was smiling timidly and showing him her quite simple dress.
"Whoa..." said Sirius admiring her in awe "You look beautiful Lils..." The pink of her cheeks redden and Sirius asked "Come again, why James over me?"
"Because although you are cuter, looks isn't everything" recited Lily, she had now answered that question over thirty times with the same answer.
"I know... but I also have more money... and my I.Q. is higher!"
"Yes, Siri, but I love James" explained Lily, as if she was talking to a four year old.
"So... you don't love me?" asked Sirius, his eyes filling with tears as he sat on the bed.
"Oh! Of course I love you, darling! But not the way I love James" Lily said and as she sat next to him she put her arm around his shoulders.
"Which way do you love me?" enquired Sirius, bending uncomfortably to rest his much taller head over Lily's shoulder.
"hum... The same way you love James and Remus" she replied wisely.
"Ok... so you're not going to run away with me and Betsy?"
"Betsy?"
"You know Betsy! My flying motorcycle!" said Sirius smiling.
"Oh! Yes... Betsy... ('psycho'), Well... would you run away with Remus?"
"No"
"So?"
"Ok, fine, I get it... No making out either?" he asked hopefully but Lily shook her head.
"Only if you would make out with James" she said.
Sirius looked at her disgusted and then as he sighed, the door opened.
"Sorry I took so long" Aine apologised, while entering the room "Oh, Sirius, here! I found your wand in the bathroom"
"Thanks, Aine!" Sirius jumped up, took his wand and kissed Aine's cheek. "Good luck, Lils! See ya!" he said and left the bedroom.
Happily hopping down the stairs, he met his next victim.
"Hello, Ms. Evans!" waved Sirius.
"Hello, Sirius... what are you up to now?" the woman enquired.
"Moi? Up to something? You offended me!"
"Sorry, honey, didn't mean to, but you're always up to something"
"You know me just too well, Ms. E" said Sirius "I was wandering if I can ask you some questions..."
"Sure" said Lily's mother.
"Ok, first... what would you do if your grandson has James' hair?"
"Oh, I like his hair! It looks nice all messed up" she answered.
"Don't you prefer a nice tidy hair, like... I don't know... mine? For example?" asked Sirius trying to casually fix his hair to look cooler.
"Not really..."
"Oh! Come on! Don't you think I'm a better catch for your daughter?"
"Well... I don't know..."
"I'm better looking than James, have more money and my hair is tidier!" he said hopefully.
"I know, sweetheart, but it's up to Lily" Ms. Evans explained understandingly.
"Yeah... I know..." sighed Sirius then added cheerily "Hey, did you know that Lily wasn't a virgin when we graduated from Hogwarts?"
"SIRIUS!!" exclaimed Remus, who had just entered from the back yard with James while Mr. Evans entered from the kitchen.
James was astoundingly pale and his eyes were wide open, he stammered something about time and ran out again.
"Sirius, could you come here please?" said Remus through clenched teeth, grabbing Sirius' arm so tight that Sirius thought he was suffering his monthly transformation.
Mr. and Ms. Evans were left in the hall while Remus dragged Sirius into the kitchen.
"Are you completely out of your bloody mind?!" asked Remus.
"Ow... Moony! You're hurting my delicate arm!" whined Sirius girly.
"Sorry... but could you not ruin this?" Remus begged him.
"Ok, but only if I can carry the rings..."
"Fine, here they are" said Remus throwing the rings to the grinning best-man "Don't blow this, Sirius!!"
"Don't worry, I promised Lily I wouldn't and I never break a promise to a lady!" said Sirius leaving the house. Out in the backyard, Sirius spotted his favourite teacher.
"Minnie!"
"Hello, Sirius, How are you?" asked Prof. McGonagall politely.
"Better than ever, say, when is it going to be your turn?" asked Sirius "My turn for what?" enquired Prof. McGonagall.
"To get married!" answered Sirius as if it was the most obvious thing in the planet.
"When is it going to be yours?" she asked back.
"Duh! When I grow up and settle down! But don't change the topic, how about you? When will you and Albie take the next step?"
Prof. McGonagall blushed but quickly replied "When you stop calling us Minnie and Albie"
"But we're adults now, I can't call you 'Professor', can I?"
"Hi Professor!" waved Remus from the opposite end of the backyard. Prof. McGonagall waved back and glared at Sirius.
"Ok, maybe I could. But that's not me! That's Remmy, I haven't called you 'professor' ever since we left Hogwarts because now you're not my professor, you're my good friend Minerva McGonagall and the best short for Minerva is Minnie" he concluded.
"Thanks for that enlightening explanation, Sirius"
"You're welcome, Minnie. By the way, can I ask you something?" he asked her with puppy eyes.
"It depends... ('Come on!') well... alright" said Prof. McGonagall fearing she would regret that a little later.
"Great! First question: You're missing us terribly, aren't you?"
"Missing YOU?! In my class? I don't think so, it's nice to have girl's attention for a change" she answered.
"But don't you miss any of us?" Sirius asked again "Sure, I miss Remus and Lily... but you and James..." she shook her head apologetically.
"Don't you miss our good humour?" "Your pranks, you mean?... well, I'm most surely not supposed to say this but yes, you got used to them... It's weird not to have you around" she admitted.
"Ha! I knew it! You can't live without us!" Prof. McGonagall was about to say something but didn't, she just smiled.
"Next question: Have you found a nice nick for your Animagi? Because I could kindly give you some interesting ideas"
"No, thank you"
"How about Ms. Whiskers?"
"No"
"Tabby?"
"No"
"Meowsy?"
"No"
"I know! Pussy!"
"NO, BLACK, STOP IT!" yelled Prof. McGonagall.
"What's the matter now, Minerva?" asked Prof. Dumbledore, arriving.
"Hey, Albie!"
"Hello, Sirius, what have you done now?" enquired Dumbledore.
"Nothing! I'm just asking Minnie some questions..."
"Oh! You're interviewing people again?" asked the headmaster.
"Yep, and I was going to ask you right after Minnie" said Sirius "Ok, you can ask him now, I want to talk to..." began Prof. McGonagall but Sirius interrupted her while grabbing her arm to make her stay.
"No! I'm not done with you yet!" he smiled evilly. Prof. McGonagall sighed deeply.
"Ok, I'll ask you both together... now, How old were you, Albie, when Minnie was born? You were like... twenty, weren't you? Don't you think it's quite... how could I say this kindly?... disgusting, that's the word, to see you two dating when you had already finished Hogwarts when she was still drooling over her mother's shoulder?"
"But we're not dating!" said Prof. McGonagall exasperatedly.
"You're not? You're just... Ew!" said Sirius "No, we..." started she but Dumbledore stopped her and slowly shook his head as Sirius was scratching his eyes furiously and whining "Ew! Bad mental image!"
"Are you ok, Sirius?" asked Prof. Dumbledore.
"Inhale, exhale... bunnies hopping in the green prairies... yes, I'm fine..."
"When you are as old as we are, twenty years is nothing" said the headmaster.
"So when we reach your age Remus could be dating... Andromeda's daughter, for example?" Sirius questioned.
"He could"
"Okay... if you say so... Let's change the topic, Albie, have you overcome your obsession towards lemon drops?" as Sirius was saying this, Dumbledore was taking a lemon drop from his robes. He looked at Sirius and offered "Lemon drop?" while Prof. McGonagall was shaking her head.
"I still don't love them, Al, but thanks anyway..." replied Sirius, awkwardly.
"How's Remus with his chocolate?" asked McGonagall concerned.
"He's fine, but hasn't admitted it yet" answered Sirius "That's too bad" said Prof. McGonagall.
"Ok, last question to Albie: Don't you think Minnie's Animagi needs a cool nickname?" said Sirius eyeing Prof. McGonagall from one side.
"Oh! Look Sirius! I think James was calling you from near the cake table!" said she hurrying Sirius to go.
"But he hasn't answered my..."
"I SAID GO AND SEE, BLACK!!"
"Ok... no need to get violent, see you around!" waved Sirius and headed to the cake table. Prof. McGonagall sighed deeply again.
"I think Meowsy is nice, don't you, Minnie?"
"Oh, shut up, Albie" finished Minerva and walked away as Dumbledore smiled.
At that exact moment, Sirius had reached the cake table and was looking around for James. Suddenly he realised that a hand from under the table was tugging the hem of his trousers.
Sirius lowered and looked under the table. James was crouched and hugging his knees, horror stamped in his face and fear under his hazel eyes.
"Hey Prongs! What..." Sirius couldn't finish the sentence because James had put his hands around his throat.
"What in this bloody world made you say THAT to Lily's folks?" asked James, his voice shaking just like him.
"... best... man... dying!" choked Sirius while turning blue. James let him go and stared waiting for an answer.
"I didn't know they didn't know!"
"You didn't know?"
"No, I didn't know!"
"Well, they didn't know!"
"I didn't know!"
"I know..."
"Know what?"
"That you didn't know"
"I didn't know what?"
"Stop it, Sirius!"
"Ok, but only because I'm scared of you now" said Sirius.
"Wanna come in?" asked James moving aside.
"Yeah, but let me ask you some questions"
"Are they as dangerous as the last time?" enquired James.
"Erm... kind of... but last time you survived!" said Sirius "You're right... I'm ready"
Sirius grinned as he sat on the ground next to James under the table and asked "First, Have you told Lily about your son's hair problems?"
"No, but I'll tell her"
"When?" asked Sirius, scribbling in the notebook.
"When she tells me she's pregnant" replied James "She's pregnant?! Weren't you two protecting yourselves?" reproached Sirius.
"No, she's not! When she gets pregnant I'll tell her about the hair..."
"That's what you think..." muttered Sirius "What?"
"I said, Oh, ok..." lied Sirius "Next question, do you remember our deal?"
"Which one?"
"Well... obviously not the one about eating Lily's last cookie or stepping on Wormtail's tail only once a full moon each" said Sirius "Oh! The one about my child's godfather? Of course I remember! What about it?" asked James.
"Is it still on?"
"Yeah! If it's a boy, you'll be the godfather and..."
"No! I'm the godfather if it's a girl!" corrected Sirius "Oh! Right, if it's a boy, it's Moony, fine with me" said James "It's fair... and I will take good care of her because we don't want any horny teenager like you to don't even let her finish school before he..."
"Ok, Padfoot, I got it" said James before Sirius could complement his significant gestures with an inappropriate word "and don't you dare to talk like that about my unborn daughter..."
"I won't! She's my unborn goddaughter too!" said Sirius horrified. "Hey, I'm hungry... what's over the table?" he asked while throwing his hand out trying to reach for anything that didn't move. But before James could warn him, Sirius' hand returned covered in pastry.
"Whoops..."
"For Merlin's beard, Sirius! You've messed the cake!"
"No, I haven't! It's just an insignificant spot" said Sirius "Come on, help me turn the cake so the messed part will be facing the other way and no one will ever notice we were the ones who did this"
"We?!" asked James, looking at Sirius in disbelief.
"We, you, whatever..." said Sirius and James eyes rolled onto the sky, I mean... under part of the table.
Both stretched both of their arms out and soon there were four hands covered in pastry.
"See? I told you it was 'we'" said Sirius grinning.
"Oh, shut up Padfoot! Get the cake under the table and we'll fix it in a second" said James grumpily glaring at his best man.
Sirius crawled from under the table, and trying his best to look innocent, took his wand out and made the cake disappear with a little puff sound. He returned to under the table where James was attempting his best to keep the second and third floor from collapsing.
"Come on! Get in before someone sees you!" said James moving to let Sirius in. But it was too late, Remus' head appeared next to Sirius.
"Padf... Oh, no! You too, Prongs?" said Remus horrified "What are you doing to the cake??"
"Get in, Moony!" ushered James "We must fix this before Lily notices"
"Just like the good old days, right Marauders?" asked Sirius grinning as widely as his mouth muscles allowed him to and squishing next to James so Remus could enter.
After just a couple of minutes Sirius got pretty bored and started playing with the little bride and groom dolls over the cake.
"She doesn't look a lot like Lily, does she? I mean... Lily's hair is red not yellow! And could you please look at her eyes?!"
"What about them, Padfoot?" asked Remus, not paying the slightest attention to his friend.
"Give me a break, Rem! They're black!! If Lily's eyes were black, I'd sell Betsy to a junkyard!" almost yelled Sirius angrily.
James took the little doll from him and touched it with his wand. Her eyes changes until they had Lily's eyes beautiful green colour.
"Happy now?" asked James.
"Ooh... Lemme do the hair!" cried Sirius as he was taking the bride-doll back and then touched it with his wand. Her hair become like Lily's.
"This guy doesn't look like me either" chided James, now taking the groom-doll.
"How about now?" he asked after he had made the doll taller, his shoulders broader and his hair black and messy. Sirius threw a bark of laughter "Keep dreaming, Prongs!" he said and touched the doll with his wand, changing everything James had done except for the hair and adding round glasses and hazel eyes. "Now, that's you" said Sirius showing him the doll and James laughed too.
"And going back to Lily..." said Sirius smirking dangerously while taking again the bride-doll "She's way hotter than that" he said and after the touch of his wand, the doll looked... let's just say she looked like she had been a red-haired green-eyed copy of Pamela Anderson before she took her implants out.
"Lily's not like that!" said Remus, touching the bride-doll with his wand and returning it to its real-Lily-looking way.
"Party pooper" muttered James under his breath, putting the dolls back to their places in the fixed cake. It wasn't looking like it used to but at least the top floor weren't going to fall down... right away.
"Nice work, Moony" praised James stretching his legs under the table after Sirius magically took the cake back to its place with dolls and everything.
"I think the dolls were a nice touch, don't you, Prongs?" asked Sirius, when suddenly a fourth head poked under the table.
"Ooh... a Marauder meeting!" said Peter "Can I come in?"
"Sorry, Wormtail, but we were just about to leave" replied James while crawling out, followed by Remus and Sirius.
"Besides the Priest will be here in any moment, now" said Remus, standing up.
"Oh, That's what I came here to tell you!" said Peter suddenly remembering what he had to do "You have to go! He's waiting and you must wait for Lily!"
"It's time?!" asked James, his eyes widening again fearfully "Wait! I have to go to the bathroom!" he cried an octave higher than his usual.
"No bloody way, mate!" said Remus, seizing one of James' arms as Sirius got hold of the other.
"What are you? A man or a rat? No offence, Wormtail" apologised Sirius quickly.
"Non taken"
"So? Man or mouse?" Sirius asked again holding James with Remus, who was trying to pull his way back to the house.
"Can I have some cheese?" whined James, his feet stamped on the ground.
"Let's move, Prongs!" pushed Remus and he and Sirius started dragging James while Peter walked tiredly beside them.
Five minutes later, everyone was sitting except for James, who was muttering to himself '...I'm a stag, not a rat, stags don't run away, stags marry and live happily for ever after and I'm a stag not a rat...' and shivering from head to toe; the Priest and Sirius, who was looking at the notes he had taken, standing next to James.
At that exact moment, a plump witch started playing the organ. James shivered even more. 'I'm a stag, not a rat. I'm a stag, not a rat...' he thought frantically with his eyes closed. When he opened them again, he saw a little girl walking down the aisle, carrying a bunch of lilies. 'I'm a stag, not a rat. I'm sgat, I mean a stag, not a rat...' he thought again while Aine was passing and smiling comfortingly. 'I'm a stag, not a'
Every thought in his mind froze at the sight of Lily. He looked at his right and saw Sirius smiling at him too. Before James could even ask, Sirius answered in a whisper "Nope, mate, that's no angel... that's your Lils" James was smiling by now and couldn't stop looking at Lily.
When the Priest was speaking, Sirius realised how perfect things were (again) and (again) he decided to do something about it. He just waited for the right time to come.
"... and if anyone here today has a reason for why this young couple cannot be united in holy matrimony, let it speak now, or forever hold your tongue."
James and Lily immediately looked at Sirius, like begging him to shut up. On the other hand, Remus was also looking at Sirius, but his face wasn't actually saying "Please, shut up"... It was more like an "open-your-bloody-mouth-and-I-will-bloody-kill-you" face. But the temptation was too strong and Sirius couldn't resist it.
"Excuse me, Mr Priest... Sir?" everyone's gazes diverted to Sirius "Can I have a word with you for just a second?"
"Does it have to be NOW, son?" he asked, politely but notoriously angry.
"Yes, Father... otherwise it'll be too late" said Sirius, looking down.
Everyone was staring at Sirius talking to the Priest, asking themselves what he was going to do now. After a moment, they returned to their places and the Priest asked for the rings as if nothing had happened. Sirius gave the rings to James as rehearsed, and to his best friend's and everyone's surprise, he took the Priest's place. They stared in amazement as Sirius grinned.
"James Potter" Sirius began "Do you take this woman, Lily Evans, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, till death do you part?"
"I do" said James, looking at Sirius trying to figure out what was happening.
"Lily Evans; Do you take this man, James Potter, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, till death do you part?" asked Sirius again, now looking at Lily.
"I do" answered Lily, awkwardly looking at Sirius too.
He went back to his place next to James grinning while the priest took his own place back and smiling at Lily and James said "By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride..."
James looked from the priest to Sirius and back to the priest and back to Sirius several times before he shrugged and kissed Lily tenderly making everyone else forget about that minor happening and clap at the happy couple.
After the wedding came the feast and that was when James, Lily and Remus asked Sirius what had gone on between him and the priest.
"Oh, that..." said Sirius "I just asked him if he could let me ask the question because you're my bestest friends ever"
"And he just let you?" asked Lily "Well... maybe I added a little... colour to the story" admitted Sirius looking away and playing with his goblet.
"What did you tell him?!" asked Remus now "Erm... not much, just that I was... kinda... studying to become a priest..."
"What?" said James between surprise and laughter, although Lily was looking terrified.
"Sirius! You can't lie to a priest!" said she "Why?" he asked, looking confused "Because it's like lying to your mother!"
"So?" asked Sirius again, still looking confused.
"No, hon, bad example" said James patting Lily's head as she hid her face behind her hands, sobbing.
"It's like lying to Betsy!" quickly explained Remus "Holy sh&%$, is it that bad?" questioned Sirius truly horrified "What I can't believe is that he bought that... because you suck at lying, Padfoot" wondered Remus now more to himself than to the others.
"But I practised!" whined Sirius "Besides... that's not all I told him..."
"What else?" asked James still containing his laughter.
"Nothing... hum... too far from the truth..." answered Sirius, looking away "What exactly?" asked Remus "Well... what's with all the questioning anyway?" enquired Sirius "Padfoot..." warned Remus. Sirius sighed.
"Ok, ok... I just told him I was mortally ill, and probably wouldn't last to take my exam... but I know I was selfish, I love you two too much... I'm sorry" confessed Sirius looking at his toes. James' laughter finally popped out, with Remus' and Lily's.
"Hey! I thought you were going to kill me or... hurt Betsy!" said Sirius "No!" said Lily "It was very sweet of you, Siri!"
"Yes, Siri, stupid but sweet" mocked Remus, laughing "Don't be mean, Moony!" said Lily frowning at him and then turned to Sirius again, said "Thanks Padfoot" and hugged him.
"You deserve this and more" Sirius replied hugging her back.
"Let me handle the "more"" said James taking Lily and kissing her.
"Hey, Mr. Best man!" called Remus, while James and Lily were kissing "Shouldn't you make a toast?"
"Ooh... yeah! A toast!" said Sirius "Hey! May I have your attention? Here! Yes, hi... It's me, Sirius Black and I would like to make a toast... for the bride and groom, who happen to be my two best friends in the whole world, who had taught me not only about love and friendship itself, but also about respect, humility, and a little bit of cooking although I suck anyway... For Lily and James Potter, who are now taking another step into the path where their lives will continue by each other's side, for ever after... like in fairy tales!... or at least until Lily finds something better. Jamie, Lils, I really love you, guys, never ever change nor forget that I'll be there for you whenever you need me, because you deserve the best... I love you both... People! For the bride and groom!!"
"For the bride and groom!" a hundred voices echoed and Sirius smiled, looking happier than ever.
He was leaning back on his rear chair legs watching the people entering to the Potter's backyard. He was listening to a conversation between James and a cousin of his, apparently a reporter, when the key word was spoken and a flame reborn in Sirius' heart.
"I'm the one who makes the interviews... (interviews... interviews... interviews...)" The word echoed inside his skull and his bored face changed. A smile gradually appeared on his face and his eyes lit with an evil glint... the time had come again... the time for him to come back... things were just too perfect.
He let his chair fall into all four legs with a loud bang and started walking to the house, muttering to himself. At first, James stared but then followed quickly.
"Hey! Padfoot, wait up! Where are you going?"
"The house... need quill and parchment..." muttered Sirius.
"Okay... I'm not asking what for... I'm going to the bathroom" said James and he started going upstairs as Sirius had grabbed a little notepad and a pen from over the fireplace.
All of a sudden, Sirius yelled "NO! Prongs, you can't go!" and after climbing the stairs in two steps, he pushed James away and magically locked himself inside the bathroom.
"Padfoot, open up! I need to go... you know I have to go when I'm nervous!"
"Just a sec, Prongsie! I'll be right out..."
He was grinning to his image in the mirror, his wand in his hand. The mirror was about to say something but changed after a bright flash.
"Hey, charming, long time no see..." said Sirius' image, winking.
"Hello, are you the best-man?" asked Sirius (like he didn't know.
"Oh, I happen to be, may I help you?" the image answered adopting a very a very serious and innocent look.
"I wonder if I can ask you some questions"
"Shoot, cutie"
"Ok, do you think that the fact that you are incredibly beautiful helped you to become the best-man?"
"I think I won because of my charming personality, but yes, obviously it helped a little bit, it never goes unnoticed"
"How can you be so sure?" Sirius questioned again.
"Well, haven't you noticed?"
"Of course I have!"
"So, that's it!" smiled the mirror.
Suddenly, the bathroom door banged.
"SIRIUS! OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR!" James bellowed and then whined "I've got only one suit!"
"Just one more sec, Jamie!" both Siriuses answered.
After a silent second James asked "Did you charm the mirror again?"
Flashblack
James walked into the boy's bathroom and stared at his image, but it cast him a deadly glare.
"Are you EVER going to do something about your hair?"
James stared nonplussed.
"You know, the Black kid could recommend you a special shampoo and..." in that exact second, Severus Snape walked into the bathroom too.
"Oh my God... I'm gonna break!" squeaked the mirror as James' image said "Yo, Snivelly!"
James looked at Snape's image who was now saying " Who do you think you are anyway? Sirius Black or something?"
"BLACK!!" screamed Snape and James at the same time.
"That's my name, don't wear it out!" said in unison the two images and a head that poked inside the bathroom.
End of Flashblack
"No... just wait!" said Sirius "Ok, last question... What hair products do you use?"
"None!" the mirror answered.
"Gosh! I really need to practice that" said Sirius removing the charm. When he opened the door, a jumping James hurried into the bathroom while the first victim was climbing the stairs.
"What's going on?" asked Remus.
"Moony!" Sirius smiled "Just the man I was looking for!"
"What now, Padfoot... did you lost the rings again?!"
"No Remmy, relax! They're here, safely kept in my... Oh-oh"
"Shit! Not again, Sirius!" Remus was about to lose it.
"Gotcha!" grinned Sirius, showing him a little black velvet box "Caught by the master!" he mocked, shaking the rings over Remus' head. Remus finally started breathing again.
"Damn you, Sirius! You almost scare me to death!"
"Yeah, ha ha... I know" laughed Sirius "Hey Moony! Wait!" he added as his friend intended to leave. "What now, Padfoot?" snorted Remus.
"Can I ask you some questions... not best man?" he muttered this last part under his breath.
"How did you call me?" asked Remus, puzzled.
"Remus, hem, the not best man, cof, cof" Sirius coughed.
"The not what?"
"Doesn't matter... did you feel bad when James told you that you weren't going to be the best man?"
"What? Why should I?" Remus was puzzled again.
"Because that attractive young man won and you didn't"
"Won? It's not a game, you git! It's James and Lily's wedding!"
"I know... but didn't you feel devastated for your loss?"
"Sirius! There's no loss! What's wrong with you, mate?!"
"Ok, Remmy, don't panic... don't you think that the best man's incredible beauty was what defeated you?"
"Oh, Padfoot, cut the crap... you're starting to sound like Prongs in fifth year!"
"Come on, Moony! Face it! That's the first step towards acceptation"
"Face what?!" asked Remus terribly close to exasperation.
"The fact that you're jealous of the gorgeous best man!"
"Why are you talking about yourself in the third person?"
"I'm talking about the jaunty best man!"
"whatever, psycho"
"Don't you just looove his hair?"
"Padfoot, don't you think you're starting to sound gay with yourself?" asked Remus.
"Hey! I'm asking the questions here, Mr. Not-best-man!"
"Oh! You're with the interview shit again?! You can't be serious!"
"What if I am?" asked Sirius defiantly.
"You'll mess up the whole ceremony! Lily's gonna slice you!" warned Remus.
"Come on! It'll be fun, you'll see!" cheered Sirius "Please Sirius, don't!" begged Remus "You can't stop me! Mwa haha! No one can!"
"Oh, yes I can!" said Remus while pushing Sirius into a broom closet "Colloportus!" he said and the door locked between them.
"Ha! Do you think that stupid charm is gonna stop me?, Behalf the power of Sirius Black, The almighty best man!" Sirius was laughing madly but stopped to ask "Hey, Moony, have you seen my wand?"
"No, best man, I'll take you out when you stop this stupidity"
"I SO don't care, ha, ha! I have the rings! You can't do anything without the..."
"Accio rings" said Remus in a bored voice, and two little gold rings flew to his hand from under the door.
"Argh! Damn you, Lupin!" Sirius yelled while punching the door furiously. Remus was already heading to the stairs where he met James, who was coming from the bathroom.
"It's the tenth time I go, I'm gonna be bloody dry when the time comes..." said James while walking down the stairs with Remus. "Have you seen Sirius? He left his wand in the bathroom..." James asked already going outside again, to the back-yard. Remus smiled.
"No... maybe he's in the broom closet again" he replied.
"Maybe" agreed James "Then when we need the rings we'll call him"
"No need to" Remus smiled again and showed him the rings "After the first time he lost them I wasn't going to give them back to him, was I?"
"Yeah, I guess not... that's why you're the clever one" James smiled and after patting his shoulder, started receiving the people's greetings again.
Meanwhile, in the top floor, Sirius was charging against the door and in the next room, Lily and her maid of honour, Aine, were getting ready.
"Are you dressed?" asked Lily.
"Yes, I am... do you need anything?" said Aine looking at Lily wrapped in a towel.
"Just something to drink... my mouth has gone dry!"
"Ok, I'll be right back" Aine replied and left the room. She closed Lily's door behind her but a loud bang drew her attention.
"Is anyone in there?" asked Aine to the broom closet door.
"I'm the best man! Can you help me out?" whined Sirius.
She took out her wand, muttered "Alohomora!" and the door unlocked. Sirius hurried out.
"Thank you!" he said and his eyes started rolling up and down the girl's graceful figure. "How you doin'?' he asked her, winking but was ignored.
"What were you doing inside the broom closet?" she asked.
"Remus locked me up"
"What? Why?"
"Jealous" answered Sirius simply and added "Where are you going anyway? Shouldn't you be with Lils?"
"She asked me to go and get her something to drink, She's really nervous!"
"James is too, but wouldn't you be nervous?" he asked, going down the stairs with her "Hum... can I ask you something?"
"As you like" Aine shrugged and walked into the kitchen.
"You're thinner than you used to be, don't you?" he asked.
"Yes, Sirius, I lost thirty pounds in the last three months"
"Oh... that's a little weight... you can see it though"
Aine rolled her eyes at Sirius as she poured pumpkin juice into a glass.
"And... since you're the maid of honour and I'm the best man, don't you think we should... get to know each other better?" he asked, staring at the ceiling.
"Sirius, we've been in the same class since we started going to Hogwarts... what's wrong with you?" she asked, kind of lost.
"Nothing..." he responded quickly "Is just that true love is hiding right in front of you, and you don't notice before it's too late..." Sirius was staring fixedly at the glass in Aine's hand and then looked up right into her eyes... She immediately looked away, blushed profusely and spilt some juice over her chest.
"Oh. my..." she said quickly grabbing a napkin to clean her dress.
"Let me help you!" said Sirius right away and put his hand over hers on the napkin. She blushed ten times more.
"Sirius! What's wrong with you?" she said moving his hand away from her.
"Nothing, except that you blinded me with your beauty"
"you've seen me your whole life!"
"But not in that dress!" Sirius explained promptly "Or with make up!"
"Oh! So when I take the dress off you won't be interested in getting to know each other better, will you?" Aine reproached.
"No! When you take off your dress is the best part..." said Sirius with a sexy smile and a glint in his eyes.
"I knew something like that was coming!" said Aine, really angry "You'll never change, Black!"
"Change what?!"
"Oh! Forget about it!"
"Wanna make out?"
"NO! When are you going to grow up?!" yelled Aine, while leaving the kitchen with the glass and some sandwiches.
'She must be going to Lily's bedroom... I have to get there first!' Sirius thought and immediately Dissaparated.
At that exact moment, Lily was clasping her bra and looking into the mirror, when she heard a loud crack and saw Sirius' image drooling next to hers.
"SIRIUS BLACK! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING HERE, PERVERTED PSYCHO?!"
"Nothing! I came to see Aine, she'll be here any minute now" said Sirius turning away from the blushing Lily and looking to the ceiling.
"Couldn't you knock?" asked Lily "This was easier... can I ask you something, Lils?"
"Oh... ok! But stay like that and don't peek til I put in my dress"
"Okay... are you aware that you're about to marry the one you used to call 'The most big headed git who ever breathed under the sorting hat'?"
"No, I don't think so. James has changed a lot in the last few years (not to thank some of his friends) and he used to be a big headed git, but not anymore... now he's very humble" answered Lily.
"Yeah... right, blame poor old Padfoot!... do you think he will really mean to swear he'll have and hold you?"
"Yes, of course!"
"In sickness and in health?"
"Yes"
"In poverty and in wealth?"
"In..."
"Ok, Sirius, that's enough!" finished Lily.
"Fine, Fine!... Have you realised that you will be Ms. Potter?... you'll be Ms. Lily Potter! I think it's nice... well... almost anything better than Evans, I mean, what are you? American or something?"
"What's going on, Sirius? Are you on Ritalin again?" she asked "No! I'm just asking questions!"
"Oh, no! Not the reporter thing again!" whined Lily "Oh, come on! You didn't end up thaat bad last time..."
Flashblack
(As/N: Just picture this) Lily covered with feathers and owl poo, pouting, a letter in her hand and her green eyes watery, about to shed the tears.
End of Flashblack
"Ok... maybe you did..." corrected Sirius "but now we're mature people (Lily snorted)... ok you are mature, but I swear I won't mess up your wedding!"
"Pinkie swear?"
"Yes, pinkie swear and Marauder promise" said Sirius holding up his pinkie.
"Ok, now you can turn... what do you think?"
Sirius faced Lily, who was smiling timidly and showing him her quite simple dress.
"Whoa..." said Sirius admiring her in awe "You look beautiful Lils..." The pink of her cheeks redden and Sirius asked "Come again, why James over me?"
"Because although you are cuter, looks isn't everything" recited Lily, she had now answered that question over thirty times with the same answer.
"I know... but I also have more money... and my I.Q. is higher!"
"Yes, Siri, but I love James" explained Lily, as if she was talking to a four year old.
"So... you don't love me?" asked Sirius, his eyes filling with tears as he sat on the bed.
"Oh! Of course I love you, darling! But not the way I love James" Lily said and as she sat next to him she put her arm around his shoulders.
"Which way do you love me?" enquired Sirius, bending uncomfortably to rest his much taller head over Lily's shoulder.
"hum... The same way you love James and Remus" she replied wisely.
"Ok... so you're not going to run away with me and Betsy?"
"Betsy?"
"You know Betsy! My flying motorcycle!" said Sirius smiling.
"Oh! Yes... Betsy... ('psycho'), Well... would you run away with Remus?"
"No"
"So?"
"Ok, fine, I get it... No making out either?" he asked hopefully but Lily shook her head.
"Only if you would make out with James" she said.
Sirius looked at her disgusted and then as he sighed, the door opened.
"Sorry I took so long" Aine apologised, while entering the room "Oh, Sirius, here! I found your wand in the bathroom"
"Thanks, Aine!" Sirius jumped up, took his wand and kissed Aine's cheek. "Good luck, Lils! See ya!" he said and left the bedroom.
Happily hopping down the stairs, he met his next victim.
"Hello, Ms. Evans!" waved Sirius.
"Hello, Sirius... what are you up to now?" the woman enquired.
"Moi? Up to something? You offended me!"
"Sorry, honey, didn't mean to, but you're always up to something"
"You know me just too well, Ms. E" said Sirius "I was wandering if I can ask you some questions..."
"Sure" said Lily's mother.
"Ok, first... what would you do if your grandson has James' hair?"
"Oh, I like his hair! It looks nice all messed up" she answered.
"Don't you prefer a nice tidy hair, like... I don't know... mine? For example?" asked Sirius trying to casually fix his hair to look cooler.
"Not really..."
"Oh! Come on! Don't you think I'm a better catch for your daughter?"
"Well... I don't know..."
"I'm better looking than James, have more money and my hair is tidier!" he said hopefully.
"I know, sweetheart, but it's up to Lily" Ms. Evans explained understandingly.
"Yeah... I know..." sighed Sirius then added cheerily "Hey, did you know that Lily wasn't a virgin when we graduated from Hogwarts?"
"SIRIUS!!" exclaimed Remus, who had just entered from the back yard with James while Mr. Evans entered from the kitchen.
James was astoundingly pale and his eyes were wide open, he stammered something about time and ran out again.
"Sirius, could you come here please?" said Remus through clenched teeth, grabbing Sirius' arm so tight that Sirius thought he was suffering his monthly transformation.
Mr. and Ms. Evans were left in the hall while Remus dragged Sirius into the kitchen.
"Are you completely out of your bloody mind?!" asked Remus.
"Ow... Moony! You're hurting my delicate arm!" whined Sirius girly.
"Sorry... but could you not ruin this?" Remus begged him.
"Ok, but only if I can carry the rings..."
"Fine, here they are" said Remus throwing the rings to the grinning best-man "Don't blow this, Sirius!!"
"Don't worry, I promised Lily I wouldn't and I never break a promise to a lady!" said Sirius leaving the house. Out in the backyard, Sirius spotted his favourite teacher.
"Minnie!"
"Hello, Sirius, How are you?" asked Prof. McGonagall politely.
"Better than ever, say, when is it going to be your turn?" asked Sirius "My turn for what?" enquired Prof. McGonagall.
"To get married!" answered Sirius as if it was the most obvious thing in the planet.
"When is it going to be yours?" she asked back.
"Duh! When I grow up and settle down! But don't change the topic, how about you? When will you and Albie take the next step?"
Prof. McGonagall blushed but quickly replied "When you stop calling us Minnie and Albie"
"But we're adults now, I can't call you 'Professor', can I?"
"Hi Professor!" waved Remus from the opposite end of the backyard. Prof. McGonagall waved back and glared at Sirius.
"Ok, maybe I could. But that's not me! That's Remmy, I haven't called you 'professor' ever since we left Hogwarts because now you're not my professor, you're my good friend Minerva McGonagall and the best short for Minerva is Minnie" he concluded.
"Thanks for that enlightening explanation, Sirius"
"You're welcome, Minnie. By the way, can I ask you something?" he asked her with puppy eyes.
"It depends... ('Come on!') well... alright" said Prof. McGonagall fearing she would regret that a little later.
"Great! First question: You're missing us terribly, aren't you?"
"Missing YOU?! In my class? I don't think so, it's nice to have girl's attention for a change" she answered.
"But don't you miss any of us?" Sirius asked again "Sure, I miss Remus and Lily... but you and James..." she shook her head apologetically.
"Don't you miss our good humour?" "Your pranks, you mean?... well, I'm most surely not supposed to say this but yes, you got used to them... It's weird not to have you around" she admitted.
"Ha! I knew it! You can't live without us!" Prof. McGonagall was about to say something but didn't, she just smiled.
"Next question: Have you found a nice nick for your Animagi? Because I could kindly give you some interesting ideas"
"No, thank you"
"How about Ms. Whiskers?"
"No"
"Tabby?"
"No"
"Meowsy?"
"No"
"I know! Pussy!"
"NO, BLACK, STOP IT!" yelled Prof. McGonagall.
"What's the matter now, Minerva?" asked Prof. Dumbledore, arriving.
"Hey, Albie!"
"Hello, Sirius, what have you done now?" enquired Dumbledore.
"Nothing! I'm just asking Minnie some questions..."
"Oh! You're interviewing people again?" asked the headmaster.
"Yep, and I was going to ask you right after Minnie" said Sirius "Ok, you can ask him now, I want to talk to..." began Prof. McGonagall but Sirius interrupted her while grabbing her arm to make her stay.
"No! I'm not done with you yet!" he smiled evilly. Prof. McGonagall sighed deeply.
"Ok, I'll ask you both together... now, How old were you, Albie, when Minnie was born? You were like... twenty, weren't you? Don't you think it's quite... how could I say this kindly?... disgusting, that's the word, to see you two dating when you had already finished Hogwarts when she was still drooling over her mother's shoulder?"
"But we're not dating!" said Prof. McGonagall exasperatedly.
"You're not? You're just... Ew!" said Sirius "No, we..." started she but Dumbledore stopped her and slowly shook his head as Sirius was scratching his eyes furiously and whining "Ew! Bad mental image!"
"Are you ok, Sirius?" asked Prof. Dumbledore.
"Inhale, exhale... bunnies hopping in the green prairies... yes, I'm fine..."
"When you are as old as we are, twenty years is nothing" said the headmaster.
"So when we reach your age Remus could be dating... Andromeda's daughter, for example?" Sirius questioned.
"He could"
"Okay... if you say so... Let's change the topic, Albie, have you overcome your obsession towards lemon drops?" as Sirius was saying this, Dumbledore was taking a lemon drop from his robes. He looked at Sirius and offered "Lemon drop?" while Prof. McGonagall was shaking her head.
"I still don't love them, Al, but thanks anyway..." replied Sirius, awkwardly.
"How's Remus with his chocolate?" asked McGonagall concerned.
"He's fine, but hasn't admitted it yet" answered Sirius "That's too bad" said Prof. McGonagall.
"Ok, last question to Albie: Don't you think Minnie's Animagi needs a cool nickname?" said Sirius eyeing Prof. McGonagall from one side.
"Oh! Look Sirius! I think James was calling you from near the cake table!" said she hurrying Sirius to go.
"But he hasn't answered my..."
"I SAID GO AND SEE, BLACK!!"
"Ok... no need to get violent, see you around!" waved Sirius and headed to the cake table. Prof. McGonagall sighed deeply again.
"I think Meowsy is nice, don't you, Minnie?"
"Oh, shut up, Albie" finished Minerva and walked away as Dumbledore smiled.
At that exact moment, Sirius had reached the cake table and was looking around for James. Suddenly he realised that a hand from under the table was tugging the hem of his trousers.
Sirius lowered and looked under the table. James was crouched and hugging his knees, horror stamped in his face and fear under his hazel eyes.
"Hey Prongs! What..." Sirius couldn't finish the sentence because James had put his hands around his throat.
"What in this bloody world made you say THAT to Lily's folks?" asked James, his voice shaking just like him.
"... best... man... dying!" choked Sirius while turning blue. James let him go and stared waiting for an answer.
"I didn't know they didn't know!"
"You didn't know?"
"No, I didn't know!"
"Well, they didn't know!"
"I didn't know!"
"I know..."
"Know what?"
"That you didn't know"
"I didn't know what?"
"Stop it, Sirius!"
"Ok, but only because I'm scared of you now" said Sirius.
"Wanna come in?" asked James moving aside.
"Yeah, but let me ask you some questions"
"Are they as dangerous as the last time?" enquired James.
"Erm... kind of... but last time you survived!" said Sirius "You're right... I'm ready"
Sirius grinned as he sat on the ground next to James under the table and asked "First, Have you told Lily about your son's hair problems?"
"No, but I'll tell her"
"When?" asked Sirius, scribbling in the notebook.
"When she tells me she's pregnant" replied James "She's pregnant?! Weren't you two protecting yourselves?" reproached Sirius.
"No, she's not! When she gets pregnant I'll tell her about the hair..."
"That's what you think..." muttered Sirius "What?"
"I said, Oh, ok..." lied Sirius "Next question, do you remember our deal?"
"Which one?"
"Well... obviously not the one about eating Lily's last cookie or stepping on Wormtail's tail only once a full moon each" said Sirius "Oh! The one about my child's godfather? Of course I remember! What about it?" asked James.
"Is it still on?"
"Yeah! If it's a boy, you'll be the godfather and..."
"No! I'm the godfather if it's a girl!" corrected Sirius "Oh! Right, if it's a boy, it's Moony, fine with me" said James "It's fair... and I will take good care of her because we don't want any horny teenager like you to don't even let her finish school before he..."
"Ok, Padfoot, I got it" said James before Sirius could complement his significant gestures with an inappropriate word "and don't you dare to talk like that about my unborn daughter..."
"I won't! She's my unborn goddaughter too!" said Sirius horrified. "Hey, I'm hungry... what's over the table?" he asked while throwing his hand out trying to reach for anything that didn't move. But before James could warn him, Sirius' hand returned covered in pastry.
"Whoops..."
"For Merlin's beard, Sirius! You've messed the cake!"
"No, I haven't! It's just an insignificant spot" said Sirius "Come on, help me turn the cake so the messed part will be facing the other way and no one will ever notice we were the ones who did this"
"We?!" asked James, looking at Sirius in disbelief.
"We, you, whatever..." said Sirius and James eyes rolled onto the sky, I mean... under part of the table.
Both stretched both of their arms out and soon there were four hands covered in pastry.
"See? I told you it was 'we'" said Sirius grinning.
"Oh, shut up Padfoot! Get the cake under the table and we'll fix it in a second" said James grumpily glaring at his best man.
Sirius crawled from under the table, and trying his best to look innocent, took his wand out and made the cake disappear with a little puff sound. He returned to under the table where James was attempting his best to keep the second and third floor from collapsing.
"Come on! Get in before someone sees you!" said James moving to let Sirius in. But it was too late, Remus' head appeared next to Sirius.
"Padf... Oh, no! You too, Prongs?" said Remus horrified "What are you doing to the cake??"
"Get in, Moony!" ushered James "We must fix this before Lily notices"
"Just like the good old days, right Marauders?" asked Sirius grinning as widely as his mouth muscles allowed him to and squishing next to James so Remus could enter.
After just a couple of minutes Sirius got pretty bored and started playing with the little bride and groom dolls over the cake.
"She doesn't look a lot like Lily, does she? I mean... Lily's hair is red not yellow! And could you please look at her eyes?!"
"What about them, Padfoot?" asked Remus, not paying the slightest attention to his friend.
"Give me a break, Rem! They're black!! If Lily's eyes were black, I'd sell Betsy to a junkyard!" almost yelled Sirius angrily.
James took the little doll from him and touched it with his wand. Her eyes changes until they had Lily's eyes beautiful green colour.
"Happy now?" asked James.
"Ooh... Lemme do the hair!" cried Sirius as he was taking the bride-doll back and then touched it with his wand. Her hair become like Lily's.
"This guy doesn't look like me either" chided James, now taking the groom-doll.
"How about now?" he asked after he had made the doll taller, his shoulders broader and his hair black and messy. Sirius threw a bark of laughter "Keep dreaming, Prongs!" he said and touched the doll with his wand, changing everything James had done except for the hair and adding round glasses and hazel eyes. "Now, that's you" said Sirius showing him the doll and James laughed too.
"And going back to Lily..." said Sirius smirking dangerously while taking again the bride-doll "She's way hotter than that" he said and after the touch of his wand, the doll looked... let's just say she looked like she had been a red-haired green-eyed copy of Pamela Anderson before she took her implants out.
"Lily's not like that!" said Remus, touching the bride-doll with his wand and returning it to its real-Lily-looking way.
"Party pooper" muttered James under his breath, putting the dolls back to their places in the fixed cake. It wasn't looking like it used to but at least the top floor weren't going to fall down... right away.
"Nice work, Moony" praised James stretching his legs under the table after Sirius magically took the cake back to its place with dolls and everything.
"I think the dolls were a nice touch, don't you, Prongs?" asked Sirius, when suddenly a fourth head poked under the table.
"Ooh... a Marauder meeting!" said Peter "Can I come in?"
"Sorry, Wormtail, but we were just about to leave" replied James while crawling out, followed by Remus and Sirius.
"Besides the Priest will be here in any moment, now" said Remus, standing up.
"Oh, That's what I came here to tell you!" said Peter suddenly remembering what he had to do "You have to go! He's waiting and you must wait for Lily!"
"It's time?!" asked James, his eyes widening again fearfully "Wait! I have to go to the bathroom!" he cried an octave higher than his usual.
"No bloody way, mate!" said Remus, seizing one of James' arms as Sirius got hold of the other.
"What are you? A man or a rat? No offence, Wormtail" apologised Sirius quickly.
"Non taken"
"So? Man or mouse?" Sirius asked again holding James with Remus, who was trying to pull his way back to the house.
"Can I have some cheese?" whined James, his feet stamped on the ground.
"Let's move, Prongs!" pushed Remus and he and Sirius started dragging James while Peter walked tiredly beside them.
Five minutes later, everyone was sitting except for James, who was muttering to himself '...I'm a stag, not a rat, stags don't run away, stags marry and live happily for ever after and I'm a stag not a rat...' and shivering from head to toe; the Priest and Sirius, who was looking at the notes he had taken, standing next to James.
At that exact moment, a plump witch started playing the organ. James shivered even more. 'I'm a stag, not a rat. I'm a stag, not a rat...' he thought frantically with his eyes closed. When he opened them again, he saw a little girl walking down the aisle, carrying a bunch of lilies. 'I'm a stag, not a rat. I'm sgat, I mean a stag, not a rat...' he thought again while Aine was passing and smiling comfortingly. 'I'm a stag, not a'
Every thought in his mind froze at the sight of Lily. He looked at his right and saw Sirius smiling at him too. Before James could even ask, Sirius answered in a whisper "Nope, mate, that's no angel... that's your Lils" James was smiling by now and couldn't stop looking at Lily.
When the Priest was speaking, Sirius realised how perfect things were (again) and (again) he decided to do something about it. He just waited for the right time to come.
"... and if anyone here today has a reason for why this young couple cannot be united in holy matrimony, let it speak now, or forever hold your tongue."
James and Lily immediately looked at Sirius, like begging him to shut up. On the other hand, Remus was also looking at Sirius, but his face wasn't actually saying "Please, shut up"... It was more like an "open-your-bloody-mouth-and-I-will-bloody-kill-you" face. But the temptation was too strong and Sirius couldn't resist it.
"Excuse me, Mr Priest... Sir?" everyone's gazes diverted to Sirius "Can I have a word with you for just a second?"
"Does it have to be NOW, son?" he asked, politely but notoriously angry.
"Yes, Father... otherwise it'll be too late" said Sirius, looking down.
Everyone was staring at Sirius talking to the Priest, asking themselves what he was going to do now. After a moment, they returned to their places and the Priest asked for the rings as if nothing had happened. Sirius gave the rings to James as rehearsed, and to his best friend's and everyone's surprise, he took the Priest's place. They stared in amazement as Sirius grinned.
"James Potter" Sirius began "Do you take this woman, Lily Evans, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, till death do you part?"
"I do" said James, looking at Sirius trying to figure out what was happening.
"Lily Evans; Do you take this man, James Potter, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, till death do you part?" asked Sirius again, now looking at Lily.
"I do" answered Lily, awkwardly looking at Sirius too.
He went back to his place next to James grinning while the priest took his own place back and smiling at Lily and James said "By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride..."
James looked from the priest to Sirius and back to the priest and back to Sirius several times before he shrugged and kissed Lily tenderly making everyone else forget about that minor happening and clap at the happy couple.
After the wedding came the feast and that was when James, Lily and Remus asked Sirius what had gone on between him and the priest.
"Oh, that..." said Sirius "I just asked him if he could let me ask the question because you're my bestest friends ever"
"And he just let you?" asked Lily "Well... maybe I added a little... colour to the story" admitted Sirius looking away and playing with his goblet.
"What did you tell him?!" asked Remus now "Erm... not much, just that I was... kinda... studying to become a priest..."
"What?" said James between surprise and laughter, although Lily was looking terrified.
"Sirius! You can't lie to a priest!" said she "Why?" he asked, looking confused "Because it's like lying to your mother!"
"So?" asked Sirius again, still looking confused.
"No, hon, bad example" said James patting Lily's head as she hid her face behind her hands, sobbing.
"It's like lying to Betsy!" quickly explained Remus "Holy sh&%$, is it that bad?" questioned Sirius truly horrified "What I can't believe is that he bought that... because you suck at lying, Padfoot" wondered Remus now more to himself than to the others.
"But I practised!" whined Sirius "Besides... that's not all I told him..."
"What else?" asked James still containing his laughter.
"Nothing... hum... too far from the truth..." answered Sirius, looking away "What exactly?" asked Remus "Well... what's with all the questioning anyway?" enquired Sirius "Padfoot..." warned Remus. Sirius sighed.
"Ok, ok... I just told him I was mortally ill, and probably wouldn't last to take my exam... but I know I was selfish, I love you two too much... I'm sorry" confessed Sirius looking at his toes. James' laughter finally popped out, with Remus' and Lily's.
"Hey! I thought you were going to kill me or... hurt Betsy!" said Sirius "No!" said Lily "It was very sweet of you, Siri!"
"Yes, Siri, stupid but sweet" mocked Remus, laughing "Don't be mean, Moony!" said Lily frowning at him and then turned to Sirius again, said "Thanks Padfoot" and hugged him.
"You deserve this and more" Sirius replied hugging her back.
"Let me handle the "more"" said James taking Lily and kissing her.
"Hey, Mr. Best man!" called Remus, while James and Lily were kissing "Shouldn't you make a toast?"
"Ooh... yeah! A toast!" said Sirius "Hey! May I have your attention? Here! Yes, hi... It's me, Sirius Black and I would like to make a toast... for the bride and groom, who happen to be my two best friends in the whole world, who had taught me not only about love and friendship itself, but also about respect, humility, and a little bit of cooking although I suck anyway... For Lily and James Potter, who are now taking another step into the path where their lives will continue by each other's side, for ever after... like in fairy tales!... or at least until Lily finds something better. Jamie, Lils, I really love you, guys, never ever change nor forget that I'll be there for you whenever you need me, because you deserve the best... I love you both... People! For the bride and groom!!"
"For the bride and groom!" a hundred voices echoed and Sirius smiled, looking happier than ever.