Chapter 3:

The vampires once again made their inane comment while Xander watched them. As they reverted to their demonic faces, he briefly wondered how they actually did that and if it hurt them. Shaking off the absurd question, he looked at the fight that was progressing before his eyes.

The two vampires, who he decided to call Blond and Short, had split up in order to take on Dawn as she moved in a fighting stance, Short was the first to make his move. As the vampire closed in on Dawn he tried to grab the hand with which she was holding the knife. Although he clearly didn't understand the real danger the knife presented, he was smart enough to realize that being cut by it would hurt.

Dawn however had clearly gotten better at fighting vampires, when Short grabbed her hand she closed the remaining gap between them and, lifting her knee, hit him where it hurt. Xander could only hiss in sympathetic pain as the vampire made a strange keening noise while bending over and grabbing his crotch with both hands. Dawn however wasn't inclined to give up this advantage and with a fast move, she planted the knife in his back. Blond, who had momentarily stiffened, as he too suffered from sympathetic pain, snapped out of his daze and moved in with a loud roar of anger.

Dawn however didn't seem to notice this as she was looking at the ashes that were all that remained of the former vampire. Xander moved in front of Dawn and for a moment he could see a smile on her face, indicating the pleasure she received from this fight. He tried to shout at her to look behind as Blond's long strides were quickly eating up the remaining distance between the two of them, but she didn't appear to hear him.

However when the vampire tried a flying kick on her, she suddenly rolled to the side, ensuring Blond missed her and upon landing was out of balance. This lack of balance was enhanced when she swept his feet from under him. This was obviously the end of the fight as the vampire fell on his back hard enough to expel whatever air an undead creature had in his lungs. Had he been given a moment to recover, the fight might have continued, but Dawn had started moving even before he hit the ground and for the second time in minutes, the knife destroyed a vampire.

. . . .

It was 2 o'clock the next day when Dawn's patience had reached its end.

"Okay," the brunette told him, laying aside the file she had been studying, "now I want to know what happened last night."

Xander had been dreading this moment ever since waking up and he was grateful to Dawn for giving him until now to come up with an answer. "I froze."

"I noticed that, but why?"

"I was terrified when I saw the vampires."

"Why? You've never really been afraid of them."

"Oh, I was afraid often enough, only a fool wouldn't be afraid. I was just good at hiding it." Xander told her "I made jokes about the danger of the week, but most of the time I was afraid to face them. After all, most things we fought are so much stronger and faster then me. But I stood with the others because it was important, not just because we would save the world, but also because it was something I was good at and I could feel I wasn't the screw-up my parents believed me to be."

"You were never a screw-up." Dawn protested.

"Well, my parents thought I was, but that doesn't really matter anyway. When I fought, I didn't consciously do it for that reason, it's just that in the past year I've had a lot of time to think about that sort of thing. And that was a possibility I came up with, back then I mainly did it because I wanted to save the world.

"Anyway, yesterday when we encountered the vampires I was ready to stake them, until I saw their faces." After this he was silent for a while, although he noticed Dawn wanting to ask the question burning on her tongue. It was true what he had told her, he had spent a lot of time thinking things over the past year and he wasn't all to happy with everything he had found out about himself.

Finally though the silence became too much for Dawn and she asked him quietly "What happened when you saw their faces?"

He knew what the answer was though he didn't tell her immediately; first he moved his hand to the glass replacement where once he had a real eye. Moving his finger gently over the eyelid he could feel the reason he froze the day before.

"When I saw them, I saw everything I had lost because of them. Everybody I cared about that had died because of the demons. I saw Jesse die at my hands, I saw Buffy die, I felt Caleb put his finger in my eye and I was scared. I had lost so much, and I really didn't want to lose anything else so I froze."

Confessing this had been hard for him, he knew that Dawn would try to understand since she had lost a lot as well, but it was unlikely that she really could. He didn't care about the loss of material possessions and while she too had lost people it was unlikely she had ever spent a lot of time thinking about it.

The girl did indeed look a little confused when she asked him "I know that you have lost a lot, but it never stopped you before did it?"

"No, but I never had a year to think about it either." Seeing she didn't understand what he meant he tried to explain it better. "While in Sunnydale there was almost always someone we needed to fight and we never really got any time to think about what we had lost. After the battle with the First though, there wasn't really any need for me to continue because we had so many Slayers now and they made it clear a normal person wasn't really needed for the fighting thing.

"I spent the entire year creating a real life away from the demons and vampires, but in doing so I became afraid of losing what little I had left. I knew the others were fighting daily but at first I listened to them and later I was afraid that I would only get in the way during a fight. That doesn't mean I didn't help at all, just not with the fighting. In fact the only vampire I have seen in the past year was Angel, when I went to LA in order to visit Cordy's grave."

He closed his eye at the memory of that event. Selfish Cordelia who as a child he had considered his archenemy, until he found out what an archenemy really was, and who he then came to care for. First as a friend and later even more, until that faithful day where he had betrayed her trust. Losing her to the fight as well had been one of the things that made him even more determined not to lose anyone else.

"Is that why you didn't want to accept this mission? Because you were afraid?"

She was sometimes too clever by half. "Yes."

"And you didn't want me to come with you because you were afraid that something might happen to me."

"Yes."

"And Buffy? You never doubted her abilities before."

"The less people involved in this mess, the less chance anyone dies." By now he had turned his back to her so he wouldn't have to see the expression on her face. Either pity or disgust would probably shatter what little control he had at the moment.

The sound of Dawn's soft voice luckily contained neither when she asked him "If you fear all this, why did you accept to do this mission. I understand now why you didn't want to at first, but what made you change your mind?"

"You know the reason."

"Perhaps, but I want to hear you say it."

Before he answered her, he could feel her moving to sit next to him and put an arm around him. Nonetheless he still refused to look at her. "That bastard was going to kill her, without knowing if she was actually guilty of whatever crime he believes she will commit. This is the United States, we might have some faults but we do not kill someone because of their thoughts."

"In other words, you are willing to put aside your own fears if it means you can save someone."

Xander wildly shook his head "No, if I were like that I would have done it when he said it would save the world. I have become a coward and the only reason I dragged us here is because I couldn't face it if someone else died because of what I did or didn't do."

"Xander look at me," He could feel Dawn grab his chin and turn his head towards her. "Now open your eyes." When he still refused to do so he heard her sigh "Okay, be stubborn about it. Look, I'm not to good at the speech thing, but what I'm gonna tell you is the truth. Do you believe that?"

Even while nodding his head to indicate that he did, he had his doubts about what he was going to hear.

"Okay then, you have always been brave, since I've known you I have looked up to you, even if you discount that silly crush. Among all those super-powered people, you were the only normal person and yet you fought next to them, you stood against the worst the universe had to offer and you won. Yes, sometimes the cost was high and you felt as if nothing had really been of any use, but think about what would have happened if you hadn't stood there. Would we still be around here if you had not done what you did? And that hasn't changed, you are still that same brave person who would do anything to save his friends."

During this speech she had moved behind him and Xander could now feel her arms encircling him trying to give him the comfort he so desperately needed, while tears streamed down his face.

"Let's start with Jesse, I never met him, but from what I heard he was a nice guy right?"

"The best." Was Xander's soft reply.

"The best, but he was turned before you even realized what vampires really are. So you couldn't do anything about that, but you did end his suffering or would you have preferred it if he had been cursed like Angel or Spike? Is that what you would have wanted to happen to him?"

Xander could only shake his head in denial, while he didn't like either vampire he wouldn't wish their fate on his worst enemy.

"So even though you lost him, you still saved him." Now Xander finally understood what it was that Dawn was trying to do, by reminding him of the positive side of things she tried to boost his self-image.

And indeed for the next couple of hours Dawn kept up a monologue that reminded Xander of all the positive things that had happened because of his fight against demonkind, while trying to put a mostly positive spin on the bad things. But even though some of the things she said made sense, she couldn't put everything right. Anya might have died heroically, but she still died. He might have saved the world by stopping Willow, but that didn't mean the wound left by her betrayal of him could ever be truly healed.

When Dawn was finished however, he smiled at her before thanking her for the good job she had done and how he felt a lot better now, while inwardly he cursed himself for lying to her.

. . . .

That night they once again went to look for the mystical bar that they were sure was somewhere in the city. This time however it seemed like luck was on their hands as they spotted a demon before they even reached the first cemetery.

The blue-skinned demon was of a race unknown to both of them so instead of approaching him to ask for directions, and possibly having to kill him, they started following the demon in the hope he would lead them to the bar.

"Where did he go?" Xander asked after they had turned a corner to find the demon had disappeared.

Dawn looked as confused as he did "Maybe it's one of those places you can't see the entrance of, there were a couple of those in Europe."

"How would we know where to go then?"

"Well, I guess it would have to be in this street, just look for open and empty places."

They looked around to see if they could spot anything that met those requirements, but couldn't find anything, until from behind them came a voice that sounded so shrill it sent shivers up Xander's back.

"Why were you following me?"

Xander immediately turned around to confront the demon they had been following. "Following you? Ah, why would you think that? We weren't following you, we were just walking."

"Do not lie to me, I heard you speaking of me."

Realizing that only the truth would work Xander told the demon "Okay, we were indeed following you."

"Why?" The tone of the demon's voice clearly indicated the answer should be good.

Out of the corner of his eye, Xander noticed that Dawn had once again taken hold of her knife and he almost froze again as he realized that this would probably lead to a fight, another chance to lose someone important to him.

He also knew that he was the only one who had a chance to stop this fight from happening and he would attempt to do so. "We're looking for a place and we hoped that you could lead us there."

This obviously wasn't the answer the demon had wanted to hear, and he moved in what appeared to be a fighting stance, a move which Xander noticed was copied by Dawn.

"What place, and why?"

"A demon bar, we're looking for someone and we thought we might be able to get some information there."

"Hunters!" the demon hissed.

"No! We aren't hunting for demons."

This confused the demon enough to stop it from attacking "Then why do you want to go there for information?"

"We are looking for a sorceress, Torala."

"I have heard of the name, and you believe that you can find information about her at Vlad's, that's probably true. But why do you wish to find her? She is dangerous to anger."

This wasn't a question Xander had expected, so he gave the only answer he could "A badly dressed guy with a false name told us to."

The demon's hideous face broke into a grin at that "Ah, I have heard of him as well. You are working for one of the Nameless, that is good. I will lead you to the bar, but do not follow me again after that or I will kill you." And with those words the demon turned around and started walking.

Sharing a look with Dawn made it clear that she understood the sudden change in the demon's mood as much as he did. But since he was going to lead them to where they wanted to go they set out after the demon. He had taken three steps before something that the demon had said connected in his mind.

"What kind of name is Vlad's?"

. . . .

When they had arrived, their guide merely pointed to the bar, told them that was the place they were looking for and left. The two of them looked after him for a moment, before turning towards the bar. "Well, we finally found it."

"Yes, you were right about it and according to our blue friend we should be able to find the information we need in here." He answered the smug looking Dawn.

"Hmpff, talk about hiding in plain sight, this looks more like some gothic place then an actual demon bar."

"Yeah, well let's just hope Dracula isn't really inside. Being reduced to eating bugs once in a lifetime is enough for me."

. . . .

When they entered the bar however, they encountered something stranger then Dracula.

"You have got to be kidding me." Was Xander's first comment about the bar. Where they had expected to find only a couple of vampires and demons, there seemed to be a party going on. There was a swinging mass of beings dancing to the music provided by a live band, the most disconcerting fact however wasn't the dancing, but the fact that about half of the beings there were dressed-up humans.

While the two of them watched in revulsion how the different species interacted, a red-skinned devil look-alike approached them. When he went to stand in front of them with a frown on his face, it took them a moment to recognize him as a human.

"Why aren't you dressed up? Nobody is allowed in here unless they look like a demon of some sorts."

Xander looked at the man, who obviously worked there "Do they even know that half of the 'people' in here aren't?"

"Aren't what?"

"People, I mean look at them, they're looking at the humans as if they are selecting their next meal."

"Oh that," the man was obviously unconcerned about this, "some of them will probably find out tonight, it might be too late for them by then, but hey, that's life."

He once again fixed them with a glare "But that still doesn't excuse you for not wearing a costume. So I would ask you to leave, and not return until you do."

"Oh, but we are wearing costumes." Dawn told him with a smile that gave Xander an uneasy feeling, especially when he noticed her stroking her hidden knife.

"Really." The man's disbelief was clearly audible. "And what are you dressed as then?"

The smile hadn't left her face when she told him "I'm a Slayer, and he's my Watcher. We want some information and were told this was the place to go."

"And what is a Slayer, how can I know if you're dressed like one if I don't know what it is?" the devil asked while Xander noticed that the demons closest to them had stopped dancing and were looking at them. His sight might not be what it once was but he could still smell trouble coming and this smelled really bad.

"Dawn." He tried to warn his friend to stop talking about Slayers, but it was already too late as a vampire was coming towards them.

The great hulking vampire stopped in front of the girl and sneered down at her. "We don't want your kind here. If you leave now, I won't kill you."

Okay, Xander thought, that was new. The vampire had to be really stupid to believe something like that would work with a real Slayer, on the other hand he might be lucky in this case as there was no real Slayer around. He looked at the demons taking an interest in the conversation before turning to Dawn, trying to figure out what she was planning when she spoke.

"Do you really believe that will work? I could kill you without any trouble and you think to threaten me. Were I here for anything but information you wouldn't be anything other than food for a vacuum cleaner, now stand aside."

He had really hoped Dawn wouldn't say something like that, they were in a bar full of demons who would like nothing more than the slightest excuse to kill them and she was baiting the biggest bastard of them all. Obviously the vampire thought the same thing as he turned his head to look at his fellow demons in surprise.

That was when Dawn struck, at a speed he didn't know she was capable of. Xander saw her pull the knife out of her pants and stick it in the vampire's heart. The surprise on its face turned to shock before he exploded into dust and Dawn turned to the red painted human.

"That is what a Slayer is. We kill demons." She slowly turned her head to look at all the demons and humans that were staring at her before she said. "We're here for information, is there anyone else beside dusty here who has a problem with that?"

The blood-thirsty look on her face must have convinced the demons they shouldn't have a problem with it and they made sure to keep away from them. Xander meanwhile was surprised that he hadn't recognized sooner that Dawn was trying to bluff their way through and followed her until they reached the man that the, now terrified, devil look-alike had pointed out.

As they joined him at his table he told them they could call him Abe but also made it clear that he had no love for Slayers and would prefer to see them leave. In Xander's opinion it was starting to look as if everyone suddenly hated Slayers, which he thought was ridiculous since they spent their lives trying to save to world.

"Now, what do you want?" asked the man who told them to call him Abe.

"Torala, a sorceress, what do you know of her?" Xander asked.

"Torala, yes I've heard of her. What do you want of her?"

"None of your business." Interjected Dawn.

"It is my business if I say it is, answer my question and I'll answer yours."

What happened next was something Xander had never expected to see. Dawn suddenly leaned forward and with one hand grabbed Abe's arm while she used the knife in the other to spear his hand to the table. "Answer the question."

The man couldn't do anything but look in shock at the knife sticking out of his hand however, and when Dawn didn't receive an immediate answer she started to twist it a little. This caused a reaction as the man started to shriek in pain. "Now, answer the question."

Xander had no idea what to do, sweet and carefree Dawn had suddenly turned into someone capable of torturing a fellow human being. Interfering with what she was doing would most likely call the entire bar down on them so he just sat there, trying to look as if her behavior was something to be expected.

The man however did know what to do by now and started telling them about the sorceress, while pleading her to stop. Thinking about his friend's behavior Xander missed most what he told them, but when Dawn suddenly pulled the knife free and walked out he quickly followed her.

"What the hell was that?" He yelled at her once they had exited the bar.

"We needed the information, now we have it." The unconcerned looking girl told him before starting to walk back to the hotel.

She hadn't reached two steps however, before Xander took her by the arm and spun her around to demand a better explanation. A question that never left his mouth, as she took the knife and cut him across the chest.

Xander slowly sunk to his knees in pain, while Dawn stepped back with a horrified look on her face, alternatively looking at him and the bloody knife.

All he could ask her was "Why?" but instead of answering she turned around and ran into the night.

-----------------------

Post-fic comments: Finally things start to happen. Thank you for coming this far with the reading and I also want to thank those of you who have given me feedback. Especially GotWolfy who pointed out that the last scene of the previous chapter might not have entirely gotten over as I intended it to. Because of that I rewrote the explanation part of this chapter which I hope will explain most of Xander's behavior.
If not, let me know… In fact, since it's my birthday today and none of you can be bothered to show up I'd like to have feedback instead of presents anyway :-) Just let me know what you think of it, both the good and the bad.

Era1 I'm afraid I can't answer those questions since they will indeed be answered in the rest of the fic but thanks for asking them anyway and I hope you'll like them once they're given.