From now on, this story shall be known as:

Extremely Bizarre Events- How not to write Harry Potter Fanfiction

Also known as This Author Likes to Write When Sleep-Deprived...

Moony is Me: you really think so? Awww! How can I refuse the sad puppy dog eye look? (note to all readers: flattery will get you everywhere)

Chrisoriented: that is high praise indeed (again with the flattery )

Sailor J-chan/2xH 4ever/Psycho: glad you like it :D

shortyfaillace- here ya go, i'm continuing!



Chapter Three: Hermione gets...sexy! Yes, I know, it disturbs me too.

Flick.

The rolled-up piece of paper hit the back of Harry's head. He paid no attention to it.

Flick.

And another. This time Hermione looks up at Harry and gives him a Look (they always seem to be capitalised, don't they? I don't really know why, but they get the job done. meh) It seemed to say to him: "don't pay any attention to them, Harry. They're just sad Slytherin (again with the alliterations! Go me!) losers. It took Harry a while to realise that Hermione's Look seemed to say this because she was actually speaking to him. Unfortunately for Harry, his attention had, until this point, not been on Hermione's face, but instead a good few inches lower (this happens even though Harry and Hermione's relationship has remained purely platonic up to this point. Let's just say he got a sudden attack of hormones or something. And Hermione? The author has suddenly decided to jumpstart and fast forward her development by a couple of years, stating that she will figure out a way to make this necessary to the plot) which Hermione, interestingly enough, seemed to have developed over the summer when neither Harry or Ron was looking. (but boy were they looking now)

With an exasperated shake of her head which made her sleek, sexy hair (where did the bushiness go? I hear you ask. Has she acquired a wig? No, says I, the author has simply chosen to forget that little fact and make all her characters super-sexy. And yup- I am the queen of alliteration! Bow down and worship me!!! yes...well. want some more story and less of me now?) shimmer sexily (of course) around her sexy (you should be getting used to this by now) body.

"Harry!" she snapped, clicking her fingers in front of his face to get his attention. "are you actually listening to me?" (you'd think after five years of being best friends with two boys, she wouldn't need to ask. But I kinda need an excuse to get her to storm out, so...let's pretend she's stupid for now)

"yeah...course I am, mione" (why? Why do people persist in calling her MIONE??? She has a NAME, you know!!!)

"no you aren't! you never listen to me!" Hermione suddenly burst into tears and ran out of the train compartment (sexily) , muttering something about hating and Harry (because she is not level-headed at all and does this every time she has an argument with Harry and/or Ron and/or Ferret Boy).

Harry, Ron and Draco (and possible Blaise, if it's a he) watched her as she left, sexily (yeah, i'm torturing you, but i promise to stop soon) swinging her hips and showing off her (these don't exist in real life, folks, so I wouldn't go looking for one) perfectly-proportioned hourglass figure to all the boys (let me just point out that a) this type of body shape is achieved only by those who have either had plastic surgery or are just too damn lucky and that b) at this point all the girls (and possibly Blaise) were watching her go with looks that could kill).

"since when did the mudblood get so sexy?" called out Malfoy(he really needs to get some new insults, doesn't he?)

"she's not a mudblood, ferret boy! Watch your mouth!" came the heated reply from Harry (yeah, he needs some new ones too. And he needs to learn what a rhetorical question is as well, no? note: yes, that was a rhetorical question. No, don't answer it.)

"ooh, looks like SOMEONE has a crush on Granger." Shouted Pansy Parkinson (yeah, she'll only be taken out of the cupboard for occasional snide remarks)

"wicked!" said Ron (because the author is again at a loss about whether or not she should actually give him a decent line in her fic or not)

everyone turned to look at him, puzzled.

And dumbledore just sat in the corner, eating a lemon sherbet (yup. He needs to get something done about that addiction...) and twinkling his eyes (as usual). And he was doing this, might I add, SEXILY (ack! sexy dumbledore! i need to stop writing this chapter. now!).

A/N: six reviews! Six in one day! Yay! does happy review dance

So now you know what to do to keep me happy... Just review!

I'm sorry for the fact that I've probably traumatised you with all that excessive sexiness, but earlier I read a fic in which EVERYONE got made sexy, which annoyed me, so I had to vent somewhere. There ya go. If you want more, be sure to tell me so.

also sorry that i didn't really do much plot there...just sorta..slipped my mind...(author emits nervous giggles) Ciao.

xox

Asiopi