A/N: don't have any. Haven't updated for yonks, apologies for that and if it doesn't match your expectations, I'm a tad out of practice. But I'm starting to get back into the swing of this whole writing business. Enjoy.

Extremely Bizarre Events

Otherwise known as This Author likes to write when sleep-deprived...

Chapter Seven, actually known as Mr Snuggles Drops In To Say Hello And Add The Death Threats And Maniacal Laughs That Voldemort Did Not Cover

And the story continues...

Harry looked, and at last, he Saw (yup. Capital letters and all. really into the Seeing at the moment). A thin line, of lemon sherbet, leading away from the cardboard cutout that was now Professor Dumbledore.

And so, they followed it. And because I'm a really coool writer, you know, and I just want to develop the plot (i.e. get the characters to snog) and, and add some unexpected twists (i.e. getting someone to snog Dobby) and get to the good bits (more snogging), I'm gonna skip vital plot details (like the fact that surely someone would have stepped over or blown the sherbet out of the way, and, why is everyone co-operating all of a sudden???)

The cigar smoke swirled, mysteriously, enticingly around the crowded room (mysteriously, because nobody seemed to be smoking a cigar). A few minutes later, the smoke cleared (much coughing on the part of the students has been edited out. By the way, Asiopi Enterprises take no responsibility whatsoever for damage caused by second-hand smoke. What second-hand smoke? I know not of what you speak!) to reveal a man. In a suit. A black suit. A rather familiar-looking man with greasy, black hair...

"My name" he began, in a thickly accented Italian voice (I got him a voice coach, okay?) iz Snuggles. Mr. Snuggles. And I am here to challenge you to a game. Ze game of cards." (Umm...I don't quite know how it became quasi-French/Russian either. ahem. weell, continuing...)

at this point, Harry (two-dimensional silly little hero-boy that he is. Grrr!) interrupted. "Umm...professor Snape? We KNOW who you are..."

"be quiet, you insolent leetle maggot! my name, it eez not Snape! It eez Snuggles!! Mr. Snuggles!!!! And I shall rule ze world!!!!!!"

"Umm...okay, professor. if you say so." replied Harry (whilst motioning towards Ron and Hermione that he thought Snape was completely bonkers, just in case they were slower on the uptake than him. which, in Ron's case, was probably true...)

"and I challenge you, to ze game of ze cards. if you vin, you vill be allowed to live. if you lose...you vill die!"

"oh no, not THIS again! is it COMPLETELY impossible to hang around with Potter and NOT have one's life threatened?" drawled Malfoy (or, as i like to put it, WHINED Malfoy. whiny little snobby peroxide-addict) "it totally RUINS my nails" (queer, oh so QUEER, hehehe)

"I shall be helped in zis by my assistant, Miz Snookums!" said Mr Snuggles, pointing to the woman who had magically (umm. yeah. magical universe, right?) appeared, dressed in a sparkly, gold-sequined piece of clothing that barely even existed, leaning on his armchair, with her arms draped around him. The students from Hogwarts gasped (with good reason, too). The person draped on the chair was...

Dun dun dah!

A/N: yeah. That's a nice place to leave it, no? hehehe. Review if you loff me, review if you hate me. Dang it, just review! And...

Prizes and a cookie to anyone who can guess who Miz Snookums is. I think I've made it fairly easy. Anyone who can guess the answer behind the answer gets lots of cookies. This is because, well, you wont. But try, anyway. :D