Monday

March 4, 2002

Santa Monica, California

Kim folded the note carefully and waited for Mr. Garza to turn his back before she tossed the note onto Sandy Kaylor's desk. As if he sensed the movement her Algebra teacher turned around suddenly and looked around at the class. Kim kept her eyes firmly on the blackboard and even pretended to write down a few equations until Mr. Garza turned back around.

She hated Algebra, it had to be the most pointless subject in the world. Kim wasn't going to be a scientist or mathematician so she didn't understand why she had to waste her time on this. Algebra was only useful for getting into even higher maths for which she would never have any practical use for -- it was all bullshit!

Her best friend Janet was thinking about being a fashion designer one day. She had books full of these great drawings. Several juniors were even having their prom dresses made from her designs. Janet had a lot of talent and was definitely going to be a famous one day. She had told Kim that they could go into business together. Kim could be her model.

Not that Kim really thought she ever would be a model but it was fun to dream about that kind of thing.

She had to meet with a guidance counselor next week about her grades. Thanks to her A's in English and Biology she wasn't in danger of failing but her GPA had taken a huge nosedive since last year. Kim knew that she would get the usual round of questions - What are your plans after college? What do you want to do with your life? Honestly, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do when she "grew up." She hated the feeling that she had to have her whole life planned out by the time she was eighteen. She had a hard enough time planning out her life on a day-to-day basis let alone for the next fifty years.

Kim had thought about going to a Culinary Arts school. She liked to cook although if she did that every day she might not like it as much. She loved working with kids and baby-sitting. She was always complimented for how good she was with kids -- most people were surprised to find out she was an only child. Maybe she could be an elementary school teacher or something similar.

She had really gotten into the show "Alias". Despite the fact that it was so obviously unrealistic when it came to what life was like for a CIA agent it made her think about joining the CIA one day. She had even looked at the CIA's official website to see what kind of degrees they wanted.

She probably wouldn't do it though. Truth be told she was too wimpy to go into something like that. Kim was certain that the life of an average CIA agent wasn't half as insane as they were on tv with all the torture and shoot-outs but it was still a little scary. Her dad had told her that the actual work was a lot more tedious than Hollywood made it out to be. Kim had a feeling he told her that so she wouldn't worry about him. She couldn't see her dad staying behind a desk all day pushing papers.

And it wasn't a desk job that had ruined her family.

Her dad had gone away on a business trip about two years ago and when he came home two months later everything was different. She hadn't seen it at first or maybe she had but she had just tried to ignore what was going on at home. She had always been close to both her parents but it had gotten really weird being around them so instead she kept busy. She became more involved with school -- joining nearly every club there was till she spent more time at school or with her friends that at home. It was so uncomfortable there. Kim's mom was anxious all the time -- it drove her crazy!

Then there were the fights late at night when her parents thought Kim was asleep. Her mom pleading with her dad to open up or to go see a counselor and her dad yelling at mom to just leave it alone and that everything was fine. Kim started sleeping with her headphones on around then. It was so bad between them that her dad had moved out of the house last August.

Then it was just Kim and her mom and that was not a good situation. Her mom seemed to throw all of the nervous energy she had focused on her dad onto Kim. She was always on Kim's case about something -- her attitude, her clothes, her schoolwork. It was now her turn to argue with her mom to lay off her case.

They had had some really nasty arguments -- like the one they had a couple weeks before Christmas. Her mom was on her case about Kim's then-boyfriend Vincent. She hadn't told her mom she was seeing the high school senior because she knew her mom would flip out when she found out he was a nineteen year-old. Unfortunately, her mom was home early one night and saw Vincent dropping her off from a date and then came the interrogation. Who is that boy? Why don't I know about him? He drives? How old is he?

When her mom found out the answer to that last question she made Kim break up with him. That really set Kim off. It wasn't the fact that her mom told her to break up with Vincent - he was a horny jerk and she was thinking of dumping him anyway. It was the fact that her mom wanted to dictate her love life when she couldn't even manage her own! It was the fact that she was always prying and treated her like such a baby.

Her mom was the reason her dad had left. Kim suspected that her mom had asked him to move out and that even if she didn't her dad would have eventually left anyway to get away from her constant nagging. She told her mom that the reason her dad didn't want to open up to her was because she was "so pushy and annoying" and that she was the reason her dad wouldn't come back home. Her mom had been furious and left the room. Later Kim had heard her crying in the bathroom and she had felt horrible.

Those feelings dissipated when she overheard her mom talking with the new "best friend" Phil. Kim wasn't totally certain but she had a feeling he was the same guy she had seen dropping her mom off a few nights before they had their fight. The same man she saw her mom kissing on their doorstep.

Yeah, her mom was real broken up about the separation from her dad.

She was convinced her parents were going to get a divorce and was actually wishing they'd just hurry up and tell her. However, after the holidays things changed and her mom was on the phone with her dad almost every night. Last Monday she had woken up and found her dad downstairs in the kitchen making pancakes -- he was home.

Kim was glad that he was home but it was still weird. Before it had been difficult because of the tension between her parents but now it was difficult because of the problems she was having with her parents. She felt so different and almost detached from them. The relationship between her and her mom was still adversarial and while she and her dad actually fought less now than they ever had there was still this distance between them. She had always been daddy's little girl and she had always had this adoration for her father but that had changed. She didn't feel as close to him and Kim didn't think she ever would again. It was just so awkward and weird.

She had been telling Janet about all the drama at home last Friday during lunch when she just broke down. Kim never was one to cry easily but there she was -- in the middle of the lunchroom -- just sobbing. Janet had decided that Kim needed some time to loosen up and forget about school and her family so they were going to sneak out and go partying tonight.

She was kind of nervous about that. She and Janet had snuck out before to meet up with Janet's other friends but that was always from Janet's house when she was spending the night. This time she had to sneak out of her own house with her dad home. It was going to be tough but Kim was a little excited about seeing if she could get away with it - almost more than she was about the actual partying.

Kim felt that she might as well enjoy herself now. Once her parents saw her Algebra grades she'd probably be under house arrest till summer.