The Author: Dumbledore's Bad Day
Albus Dumbledore was having a very normal morning. He got out of bed, looked at his night-robe (a very becoming sparkly mauve) and decided that it was nice enough that he wanted to share. He went down to breakfast without getting changed. He crunched his bacon merrily and twinkled at everyone who caught his eye.
Later, reinstalled behind his desk in his office, he ingested five cups of tea and reached for his morning mail. He tried to ignore Fawkes, who coughed brokenly from his perch in the corner, very near his Burning Period.
It was at this relaxed juncture that everything started to go awry. There came a loud crash from just outside his office door, followed by muffled expletives and a polite tap on the door. The door swung open before Dumbledore could respond, and in stepped a young woman with short brown hair with a small leather satchel and no-nonsense green robes. She was straightening said robes as she entered, and it appeared to Dumbledore that she had fallen through the roof of his tower and hit the floor in his waiting chamber with a resounding bump. It certainly explained the noise.
"I beg your pardon, but—" the Headmaster began, but was cut off abruptly.
"I'm here to make some changes deemed appropriate by the Ministry of Authors," the woman interrupted tersely. "I require some rooms, full run of the school, and absolute secrecy."
Dumbledore goggled uncharacteristically for a moment. "I—I don't think I can just…"
An impatient sigh escaped the woman, and she muttered to herself, "For once I'd like to get one where they didn't argue…" She snapped her fingers three times briskly.
"Rewrite!" she said.
The office door opened, and a stunningly beautiful teenager poked her blonde head in.
"Um, excuse me, sir?" She spoke with an accent. It seemed to be one from North America, with a very creative hint of Irish and French.
Dumbledore shook his head once or twice. The girl blinked innocently. Brushing off the unsettling feeling that something very unexplainable had just happened, he smiled in a grandfatherly way. "Come in, my dear," he said.
The unknown and (dare we say) mysterious stranger stepped in and posed in a sunbeam that somehow broken through the thick clouds outside. Her hair, which required an in-depth description because blonde didn't really cover it, was a rich gold that seemed to carry the fresh scent of a mountain meadow on a summer afternoon. She had a pale, smooth complexion, with rosebud lips, a high, fair forehead, and delicately blush-stained cheeks. As she moved forward to take a seat (with swaying grace, naturally), Dumbledore noted that her eyes hovered between silver and purple, before settling on an enchanting sea-green.
"What can I do for you, my dear?" he asked paternally, being forced by very strict PG-13 Moderation rules not to just jump her under-aged bones and have done.
"Well," spoke the girl softly, "I'm an exchange student from a small, unknown magical academy which was recently overtaken by Voldemort for reasons unimportant to the plot."
"Ah, say no more!" cried Dumbledore jubilantly, all the while being very impressed by her unspeakable bravery in uttering the Dark Lord's name, "We'll just give you a private Sorting and have your ensconced in your classes in no time!"
The Sorting Hat was soon placed on the Mary S—mysterious exchange student's glistening head and the Sorting was underway.
'Oh, God, no…' moaned the Sorting Hat, 'I thought I was done with you Sue-types!'
'Listen, Hat, just cut the chit-chat and Sort me. None of this Sparklypoo crap, either. I want Slytherin!' She muttered nastily in her head.
'Technically, I can't just give you what you—' the Hat started cautiously.
'Oh, I'm sorry, didn't I mentioned? I have a full Certificate of Authorship with the MoA,' the girl added sweetly.
"SLYTHERIN!" bellowed the Hat loudly.
"Ah, my dear," Dumbledore beamed happily, "Congratulations! I'm sure you'll fit right in. And," he added as an afterthought, "We'll put you in with the Sixth Years for your convenience, so that you'll have plenty of classes with our main characters."
"Oh, that's so sweet of you! Thank you, thank you!" She leaned over and kissed his cheek, and surreptitiously waved her hand in front of his face.
"And separate rooms, too, since I'm sure you have a dark, troubling and very mysterious background that requires you to have a lot of person space," the Headmaster said a minute later. He summoned up a house-elf to lead the new girl to her rooms.
The girl exited the room, leaving behind a vaguely troubled old man. Dumbledore had an uncertain feeling that, for some reason unbeknownst to him, doom was near. He also had a very curious urge to go and show Minerva McGonagall just why he was titled the "Headmaster".
As if in foreshadow, Fawkes chose that moment to combust.
A/N: I chose to add it at the bottom this time around, so that you don't have to read it if you don't want. I got this plot bunny while doing the dishes, and it just wouldn't die. I've got a few chapters planned. If should go like: Dumbledore (the Beginning), Main Characters, Secondary Characters, Snape (the Ending), and Epilogue.
Disclaimers: It's mostly JKR's. The Ministry of Authors is mine. Don't Sue, there's already way too much of her in this story.
Sparklypoo: A house exclusively for Mary Sues. The idea's not mine, I got it here: http :piratemonkeysinc . com / ms1.htm (As always, take out the spaces.)