Crying Out

Part II- Spinner's POV

A/N: Well, here's the second part. I re-uploaded the first part because some of the words got cut off and it was bothering me when I reread it.

It's always been easy for me to pretend like things are okay. It's always been easy for me to hide my true feelings and make a joke out of every situation I got myself into.

I thought that maybe she was different and that maybe she would be the one person to see me for who I really am. I was now realizing how truly wrong I was.

In the beginning it everything was great between us. We were forming a relationship that, honestly, lasted much longer than I thought it would. She always had to be perfect, to be strong. And in a sense, I could understand that.

Slowly, I fell in love Paige Michalchuk, though I rarely admitted it to anyone. After all, I was Spinner Mason, the kid who couldn't understand real emotion. People underestimated my ability to understand the things around me. They didn't believe that I was capable of loving someone other than myself.

I had thought she was the greatest person in the world. I was very wrong. We were always there for each other, but she didn't want to hear it anymore.

Because I depress her.

I suppose I could take that as a sign of caring...she didn't want to see me upset. I just didn't want to run off and take my mind off of it, like she had suggested. I wanted to talk to her, the one person in the world who I thought had understood me like no one else did. Or so I thought. I thought she'd want to be there for me when I needed her. When I wanted to talk about something meaningful to me, she wanted to push me away. I'd never understand her.

It sounds stupid, I guess, but it was all the truth.

I know it wasn't my fault that we got into that argument. And nothing anyone said would change my mind.

A few days after our fight, I find myself spending most of my time at Jimmy's house, trying to ignore my feelings. I didn't want to get all emotional and sappy. I want to move on.

Hazel Aden, Jimmy's girlfriend apparently feels the need to spend all of her free time at his place, too. I can't stand her sometimes. Ever since she got here, all she's been talking about is Paige. Everything keeps reminding me of her. It's not helping. Not at all.

I resist the urge to tell her to shut up as we're all sitting on the couch watching TV, with her commenting on everything every five seconds.

"Ooh, Paige and I used to watch this show together all time."

I think she's doing it on purpose. Maybe Paige somehow brainwashed her to believe that it was me who was wrong.

Or she could just not know.

No, Paige and Hazel were best friends. They were always telling each other everything.

I go into the kitchen and grab the can of spray cheese I left on the counter. I guzzle it down and flop back on the couch. Hazel crinkles up her nose and lets out a sound of disgust. I ignore it.

Jimmy decides that he's bored and suggests we all go out.

"Sounds great," Hazel agrees cheerfully. "Just give me a minute." She walks out of the room, and down the hall to the bathroom.

I strongly oppose the idea of going out in public with them together. "That's okay, dude, I really don't feel like playing third wheel." I grab the remote from the crack of the couch and begin flipping through the channels.

"You need some air, man. The outside world will do you good. Trust me," Jimmy replies, yanking me up off the couch. I try to object, but he's already throwing my coat at me.

"Dude..."

"Dude," he says, mocking me, "you're going. Being trapped up in the house all day is not healthy."

I try to think of how to reply to that when my cell phone starts to ring. I reach over to pick it up from the coffee table. A part of me hopes that it's Paige calling, wanting to sort things out, saving me from the wrath of Jimmy and Hazel. But it's not. It's...Ashley Kerwin?

"Um, hello," I say, a bit confused. When did I ever get a call from her?

"Hey, Spinner. It's Ash. I was just calling to see if you and Paige wanted to do something today. She's not answering her phone, though and I was wondering if you knew what was going on with her?" she said friendlily.

I'm not as freaked out anymore, now that I know she'd called Paige before calling me. But it was still kind of creepy with Ash being...nice. And to me. Ashley Kerwin and I were hardly even friends. I was always forced to be civil to her because she was friends with Paige. She could be okay sometimes, but most of the time she was very hard to deal with.

"No, I haven't talked to her today," I say. She obviously doesn't know what happened between us. "We're not really on speaking terms right now."

She pauses for a moment and then replies with a simple, "Oh."

It seems as if she was about to say more, but I was distracted by Jimmy asking who it was.

"Ashley," I mouth and his eyebrows shoot up.

"Better wipe that look of jealousy off your face before your girlfriend comes back," I smirk, after covering the mouthpiece. He doesn't find it particularly funny.

"Man, that was so two years ago," he replies, avoiding eye contact with me.

Uh-oh.

A second later he adds, "If you don't want to be a third wheel, ask her to come along."

Something tells me that wouldn't be such a good idea.

"Spinner? Are you there?" I hear Ashley ask as I remove my hand from the phone.

"Um, yeah," I answer. "Hey, me and Jimmy and Hazel are about to go out. You said you were thinking of going out anyways. Care to join us?" I offer, finally deciding it'd be nice to have someone along who could wallow in depression with me. After all, she would know all about troubles in the love department. She wallowed and wept for what seemed like months after Craig cheated on her.

At first I thought she was going to decline. I don't think the three of us would have been her top choices of people to spend a weekend with. She's silent for a moment, but then agrees. We decide to meet her outside the Dot, that way it'd be easier for us all to get together.

I hang up the phone and Hazel finally comes back from the bathroom and we leave.

Hazel and Jimmy are practically all over each other on the walk there. Ashley's standing by the curb, smiling as she notices us. It looks as if she's been there for a while. We say hello and everything, and Jimmy opens the door for us to go through. I stop before entering though.

Through the window, I see Paige. And she's sitting in the corner of the Dot with her brother, Dylan and with Marco Del Rossi as well. She's staring at the table as Dylan is talking, glancing from her to Marco.

I resist the urge to go in and march over to her table and demand that we talk. I can't do that as much as I want to. It wasn't my fault. It was her fault. She did this to me. It may be selfish, but I couldn't let her win and get away with something else again. I'd done that way too much.

I make my entrance with Ashley, her talking about something that had happened to her on the way here. I wasn't really paying attention. My focus was on Paige. But I looked at her and laughed, and when I looked back over at Paige, her eyes were fixated onto mine. Jimmy and Hazel entered behind us, but were already picking out a seat.

I see Paige stand up, trying not to focus her gaze on anywhere in particular. Before she leaves, she gives me a long, cold stare. It's hard to make eye contact with her. I look away, trying to ignore her presence. I'm here with my real friends. Friends who care about me...right?

She storms out of the Dot, brushing past me. I have the urge to run after her, to give her a piece of my mind. She looks so sad, so heartbroken. I have to realize that she did this to herself.

She doesn't care about you, Spinner, I tell myself. Ashley's looking behind her, probably in the same situation as me. Unsure if she should go after her.

Jimmy and Hazel call us over to a table they found. I look at Ashley and she looks back at me, her eyes questioning. She doesn't have the slightest clue what's going on between me and Paige. But I'm here to get my mind off of her. I force myself not to look out the window for Paige while I'm sitting here at this table with these people.

Paige is your past, I tell myself. She doesn't love you. She's never loved you. You were just stupid enough to fall for one of her tricks. You deserve to feel this way.

I'm too caught up in my thoughts that I don't hear Ashley calling my name.

"Are you okay?" she asks gently, placing a hand on my arm.

I nod shortly and reply, "Great." I make a couple corny jokes throughout the time we were there, but I still feel hollow inside. Jimmy and Hazel seem to be enjoying themselves. I remember when Paige and I had that. But that was a long time ago. Or it felt like a long time at least.

I decide to walk home by myself when we depart. I can't stand being around people. It's too cold out. My face burns. The wind whips at my body and I jam my hands in my coat pockets and look behind me one last time, almost expecting to see Paige there. My hopes are letdown because nobody's there. She's not there.

You deserve this, I remind myself, letting out a stream of icy breath from my mouth. You deserve this.

A/N: Well, here's the second part. I'm not sure how accurately it follows the first part...hopefully good enough! I don't really like this that much...It's kind of...blah-ish. I think I could have done better. Well, hopefully you all like it! Review please!