Warning: Rating for cursing, eventual slash and suicidal tendencies.
Disclaimer: I still don't own them. Shocker, right?
Author's Note: Sorry a bit later then I thought...New Years Eve THAT'S WHAT I BLAME, here's the next chapter
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Itey lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. He had never noticed how cracked the paint was. How the cracks seemed to form pictures...he could trace them now. Memorized them with his mind. There had been nothing else to do...How many days had he been lying there now? Three? Four? Itey didn't really care...it didn't really matter, did it?
The tears had stopped now but the thoughts hadn't. It was as though a cork had been removed from a bottle of wine and somebody had begun to pour, slowly at first but faster as the days progressed. Memories haunted his sleep, disrupting the only escape from reality he had.
He couldn't believe that this had happened to him. It always seemed to happen to HIM, he never seemed to be good enough for anybody. Nobody wanted him...Nobody ever wanted him...
"Hey Itey."
Itey turned over to see a lanky brunette, leaning against the post of his bed. His black eyes were cold and his face was hard, unsmiling and cruel.
"Skittery?" he whispered, his chapped lips cracking at the effort of speech.
"That's right kid," the boy said, a disgusting smile crossing his lips. "It's me. How ya been? You look like shit."
"Why're you here?" Itey asked, his voice croaking, as it hadn't been used for the past three days.
"To tell you you're right."
"What?"
"Well, you were thinking about how nobody likes you right?" Skittery started walking towards Itey nonchalantly, his black eyes burning holes into Itey's. "And I just wanted to tell you how right you were. Remember how I told you that? Remember back in High School when we broke up?"
Itey's facial expressions didn't change but he felt his heart clench at the memory of Skittery, his first boyfriend. The boy who had left him to be with Snitch. The one who had told Itey he was good as a fling, but would never hold anybody's attention for long because he was too annoying. Too wimpy. Too whiney. Too stupid...A sad excuse for a human being. That's what he called him when Itey asked why he was leaving him...
"Yes Itey, I can see you remember everything I said. Did you think that would change as you got older? Pie Eater left YOU to be with a girl you don't even know. You loved him, didn't you? Felt safe with him. Thought you two would be spending the rest of your meaningless lives together, didn't you? I know you did."
Itey started to shake at his words. Why did this hurt so much, why did it hurt?
"And Jack!" Itey's stomach dropped when he said his name. The name of the boy who he could never have and always wanted...the only one who could put up with his randomness and make him feel special with one look...one unintentional look...
"Jack didn't even give a thought about you. Never liked you, did he? Never loved you. Remember what he did the night you were going to tell him? The night you TOLD him you had something important to tell him after his big track meet?"
The memory hit him as hard as if Skittery had slapped him across the face.
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Sixteen-year-old Itey sat in a booth at a local Pizza Hut, waiting for Jack to arrive. He was tearing the straw which had come with his Pepsi, his hands shaking slightly. He kept swallowing hard, shaking his head. Whispered words left his lips, words of self-encouragement, a one-sided pep talk.
"Just say it Itey...Jack, I think you are the sexiest man alive...damnit you fool, no you can't just say it like that...all right...all right, it's Jack, I reallyreallyreally like you...no wonder people call you a girl Itey, you sure as hell sound like you should have fucking PIGtails in your hair...ok, ok...Jack, I've never felt like this about anybody before in my entire life. And even though I'm just sixteen, I think I...I know I...I love you..."
A girl laughed, breaking Itey from his speech. Damn girl, he thought, furious at being disrupted. What the hell could be so FUNNY that she had to LAUGH?
"Hey Itey!" Itey's heart jumped and his whole face broke into a smile at the sound of Jack's voice, and he turned happily to wave Jack over.
But his smile froze and slowly faded as Jack made his way over, smiling broadly, his arm slung ever so comfortably around a girl.
"H-hey Jack," Itey managed to get out, not even trying to mask the amazement he felt. "Who," he had to stop and clear his throat from an obnoxious lump that was beginning to form. "Who's your friend there?"
Neither Jack nor the girl realized there was anything wrong with Itey. How could they? They were too busy staring at one another.
"This is Sarah, she goes to a Private School across the city," Jack said. He took her hand and began to play with her fingers as Itey just stared. "I raced her brother, David, today. He tripped in the middle of the race and I wanted to make sure he was all right. We met at the infirmary."
"Well isn't that nice!" Itey said, his voice too high and bright. "I think that's nice, don't you think it's nice? That's really nice."
Jack didn't even notice, enthralled with the girl's lips. Ugly lips Itey thought angrily, too wide, too narrow...and my GOD she only had one eyebrow...why did he...why was he...
The girl laughed as though somebody had said something funny. Itey was about to ask her if she would share the joke with the rest of the class because he was pretty much clueless when she did. Tell the entire restaurant.
"JACK! OH MY GOD hahahahaahahahahaa my thighs are so ticklish!"
Itey felt his heart begin to break slowly then, the lump in his throat growing unbearable. He watched as Jack went closer to Sarah, pulling her under his arm. He gave her a kiss, a kiss only HE knew how to do. One that lingered and moved in every way that was good, ending so sweetly and intoxicatingly you felt as though your head would explode from the endless rush of emotion.
Tears came then, the blood from his broken heart come to pour out from his eyes. Blinking doesn't help, he realized quickly. It didn't break the picture in front of him. Didn't heal the hurt. Didn't matter.
When Jack's hand began to make it's way up Sarah's arm, Itey couldn't take anymore. He cleared his throat again and jumped up from the booth, pushing the table over a little to jostle the couple.
"So I have to go now," he said in that over bright voice, now quivering a little bit. "So I have to go. So I better get going because the thing's on the stove and you know that's never a good thing."
Sarah laughed as though Itey had said something funny and Itey laughed too, to pretend he wasn't hurting so badly.
"Um yeah, I'll see you Monday Jack?"
Jack nodded, his arm still slung over Sarah's shoulders. She snuggled closer to him, putting her ugly head against his chest. Itey nodded back, looked at Sarah and nodded again. He turned and began to leave, though he hadn't gotten three steps before he heard Jack's voice.
"Itey! Wait, come back here." Itey did as he was told even though he knew he was in danger of crying if he opened his mouth. "Didn't you have to tell me something important or something?"
"No Jack, no that wasn't important no, I just wanted to make sure you'd you know pay the bill on the pizza hah you know so no, yeah I have to bye..." Itey couldn't manage a coherent sentence and he ran out of the Pizza Hut. Running away from giggling Sarah and the love of his life.
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Itey sat up sharply in bed, his eyes wide and wild. He looked around his room for Skittery, ready to kill him for doing that. But he wasn't there. He room was empty, calm, undisturbed...nobody else was there.
His heart was beating too fast, his breath too jagged. He took a few gulps, trying to calm himself down. It was only a dream...everything must've been a dream. He hadn't seen Skittery since High School and he wasn't sixteen anymore...it hadn't happened...well it had happened but...
Skittery's words came back to him then and he fell back on top of his pillows in defeat. A real defeat he never felt before. There was no hope for him. Nobody wanted him. Nobody would ever want to be with him...Not Pie Eater, not Skittery, not the only one he ever loved. He was just taking up space...
The idea came to him quickly, settling on his brain as he stared back at the ceiling. He was just like one of those cracks. Ugly and meaningless. Nobody really noticed them unless they were staring right at them. And even then they didn't want to see them. Wanted to repaint them so they didn't show. Wanted to kill them...
He sat up slowly and, as though in a trance, left his bed. He walked slowly down the hall to the bathroom, not noticing how cold the floor was under his bare feet. He stepped inside silently and shut the door, though he knew no one would come in and disturb him.
The medicine cabinet was open. His hands weren't even shaking as he reached for a bottle. Didn't know what pills they were really. It didn't matter. It was full. It would serve his purpose...
He poured some of the fat white tablets into his hands. Right before he put them to his mouth, he caught site of his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Red swollen eyes, harsh chapped lips, long, narrow face.
And then he swallowed.
END CHAPTER FOUR
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Author's Note: All right kids, there's ONE more chapter after this one and then I'm done. Read and review see ya.
Alarice
Disclaimer: I still don't own them. Shocker, right?
Author's Note: Sorry a bit later then I thought...New Years Eve THAT'S WHAT I BLAME, here's the next chapter
^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^!^! ^!^!^!^!^
Itey lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. He had never noticed how cracked the paint was. How the cracks seemed to form pictures...he could trace them now. Memorized them with his mind. There had been nothing else to do...How many days had he been lying there now? Three? Four? Itey didn't really care...it didn't really matter, did it?
The tears had stopped now but the thoughts hadn't. It was as though a cork had been removed from a bottle of wine and somebody had begun to pour, slowly at first but faster as the days progressed. Memories haunted his sleep, disrupting the only escape from reality he had.
He couldn't believe that this had happened to him. It always seemed to happen to HIM, he never seemed to be good enough for anybody. Nobody wanted him...Nobody ever wanted him...
"Hey Itey."
Itey turned over to see a lanky brunette, leaning against the post of his bed. His black eyes were cold and his face was hard, unsmiling and cruel.
"Skittery?" he whispered, his chapped lips cracking at the effort of speech.
"That's right kid," the boy said, a disgusting smile crossing his lips. "It's me. How ya been? You look like shit."
"Why're you here?" Itey asked, his voice croaking, as it hadn't been used for the past three days.
"To tell you you're right."
"What?"
"Well, you were thinking about how nobody likes you right?" Skittery started walking towards Itey nonchalantly, his black eyes burning holes into Itey's. "And I just wanted to tell you how right you were. Remember how I told you that? Remember back in High School when we broke up?"
Itey's facial expressions didn't change but he felt his heart clench at the memory of Skittery, his first boyfriend. The boy who had left him to be with Snitch. The one who had told Itey he was good as a fling, but would never hold anybody's attention for long because he was too annoying. Too wimpy. Too whiney. Too stupid...A sad excuse for a human being. That's what he called him when Itey asked why he was leaving him...
"Yes Itey, I can see you remember everything I said. Did you think that would change as you got older? Pie Eater left YOU to be with a girl you don't even know. You loved him, didn't you? Felt safe with him. Thought you two would be spending the rest of your meaningless lives together, didn't you? I know you did."
Itey started to shake at his words. Why did this hurt so much, why did it hurt?
"And Jack!" Itey's stomach dropped when he said his name. The name of the boy who he could never have and always wanted...the only one who could put up with his randomness and make him feel special with one look...one unintentional look...
"Jack didn't even give a thought about you. Never liked you, did he? Never loved you. Remember what he did the night you were going to tell him? The night you TOLD him you had something important to tell him after his big track meet?"
The memory hit him as hard as if Skittery had slapped him across the face.
-!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!- -!-
Sixteen-year-old Itey sat in a booth at a local Pizza Hut, waiting for Jack to arrive. He was tearing the straw which had come with his Pepsi, his hands shaking slightly. He kept swallowing hard, shaking his head. Whispered words left his lips, words of self-encouragement, a one-sided pep talk.
"Just say it Itey...Jack, I think you are the sexiest man alive...damnit you fool, no you can't just say it like that...all right...all right, it's Jack, I reallyreallyreally like you...no wonder people call you a girl Itey, you sure as hell sound like you should have fucking PIGtails in your hair...ok, ok...Jack, I've never felt like this about anybody before in my entire life. And even though I'm just sixteen, I think I...I know I...I love you..."
A girl laughed, breaking Itey from his speech. Damn girl, he thought, furious at being disrupted. What the hell could be so FUNNY that she had to LAUGH?
"Hey Itey!" Itey's heart jumped and his whole face broke into a smile at the sound of Jack's voice, and he turned happily to wave Jack over.
But his smile froze and slowly faded as Jack made his way over, smiling broadly, his arm slung ever so comfortably around a girl.
"H-hey Jack," Itey managed to get out, not even trying to mask the amazement he felt. "Who," he had to stop and clear his throat from an obnoxious lump that was beginning to form. "Who's your friend there?"
Neither Jack nor the girl realized there was anything wrong with Itey. How could they? They were too busy staring at one another.
"This is Sarah, she goes to a Private School across the city," Jack said. He took her hand and began to play with her fingers as Itey just stared. "I raced her brother, David, today. He tripped in the middle of the race and I wanted to make sure he was all right. We met at the infirmary."
"Well isn't that nice!" Itey said, his voice too high and bright. "I think that's nice, don't you think it's nice? That's really nice."
Jack didn't even notice, enthralled with the girl's lips. Ugly lips Itey thought angrily, too wide, too narrow...and my GOD she only had one eyebrow...why did he...why was he...
The girl laughed as though somebody had said something funny. Itey was about to ask her if she would share the joke with the rest of the class because he was pretty much clueless when she did. Tell the entire restaurant.
"JACK! OH MY GOD hahahahaahahahahaa my thighs are so ticklish!"
Itey felt his heart begin to break slowly then, the lump in his throat growing unbearable. He watched as Jack went closer to Sarah, pulling her under his arm. He gave her a kiss, a kiss only HE knew how to do. One that lingered and moved in every way that was good, ending so sweetly and intoxicatingly you felt as though your head would explode from the endless rush of emotion.
Tears came then, the blood from his broken heart come to pour out from his eyes. Blinking doesn't help, he realized quickly. It didn't break the picture in front of him. Didn't heal the hurt. Didn't matter.
When Jack's hand began to make it's way up Sarah's arm, Itey couldn't take anymore. He cleared his throat again and jumped up from the booth, pushing the table over a little to jostle the couple.
"So I have to go now," he said in that over bright voice, now quivering a little bit. "So I have to go. So I better get going because the thing's on the stove and you know that's never a good thing."
Sarah laughed as though Itey had said something funny and Itey laughed too, to pretend he wasn't hurting so badly.
"Um yeah, I'll see you Monday Jack?"
Jack nodded, his arm still slung over Sarah's shoulders. She snuggled closer to him, putting her ugly head against his chest. Itey nodded back, looked at Sarah and nodded again. He turned and began to leave, though he hadn't gotten three steps before he heard Jack's voice.
"Itey! Wait, come back here." Itey did as he was told even though he knew he was in danger of crying if he opened his mouth. "Didn't you have to tell me something important or something?"
"No Jack, no that wasn't important no, I just wanted to make sure you'd you know pay the bill on the pizza hah you know so no, yeah I have to bye..." Itey couldn't manage a coherent sentence and he ran out of the Pizza Hut. Running away from giggling Sarah and the love of his life.
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Itey sat up sharply in bed, his eyes wide and wild. He looked around his room for Skittery, ready to kill him for doing that. But he wasn't there. He room was empty, calm, undisturbed...nobody else was there.
His heart was beating too fast, his breath too jagged. He took a few gulps, trying to calm himself down. It was only a dream...everything must've been a dream. He hadn't seen Skittery since High School and he wasn't sixteen anymore...it hadn't happened...well it had happened but...
Skittery's words came back to him then and he fell back on top of his pillows in defeat. A real defeat he never felt before. There was no hope for him. Nobody wanted him. Nobody would ever want to be with him...Not Pie Eater, not Skittery, not the only one he ever loved. He was just taking up space...
The idea came to him quickly, settling on his brain as he stared back at the ceiling. He was just like one of those cracks. Ugly and meaningless. Nobody really noticed them unless they were staring right at them. And even then they didn't want to see them. Wanted to repaint them so they didn't show. Wanted to kill them...
He sat up slowly and, as though in a trance, left his bed. He walked slowly down the hall to the bathroom, not noticing how cold the floor was under his bare feet. He stepped inside silently and shut the door, though he knew no one would come in and disturb him.
The medicine cabinet was open. His hands weren't even shaking as he reached for a bottle. Didn't know what pills they were really. It didn't matter. It was full. It would serve his purpose...
He poured some of the fat white tablets into his hands. Right before he put them to his mouth, he caught site of his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Red swollen eyes, harsh chapped lips, long, narrow face.
And then he swallowed.
END CHAPTER FOUR
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Author's Note: All right kids, there's ONE more chapter after this one and then I'm done. Read and review see ya.
Alarice