A Fallen Hero

by JimberlyShipper

This is just the next story in my series. R&R!

Today's Cast:

Jacey Lawrence: Jacey Munson Snyder/Joey Munson

Michael Park: Jack Snyder

Mark Collier: Mike Kasnoff

Maura West: Carly Tenney

Cady McClain: Rosanna Cabot

Terri Colombino: Katie Peretti

Mark Dobies: Mark Kasnoff

Martha Byrne: Lily Snyder/Rose D'Angelo

Kathleen Widdoes: Emma Snyder

Jennifer Ferrin: Jennifer Munson

Jordana Brewster: Nikki Munson

Lesli Kay: Molly McKinnon

Coming Up Snyder

By JCP

A whole bunch of months went by, and soon, Jack was getting back to his old self. I was glad, because the sad, mopey, and depressed Jack wasn't the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, let me tell you. Anyway, it's a beautiful August morning. I was sitting on the bathroom, waiting for the little stick to decide if I was pregnant. I wasn't gonna wait till Jack was home to take it, because if I wasn't, he wouldn't have to know. I didn't want him to be sad again. Besides, I hadn't even told him that there might be a possibility.

I held my breath as the timer dinged. I held up the little stick. It was positive! I was shocked. But my shock turned to happiness as I grinned widely and began to jump around the house.

I dropped the stick into the trash and hurried downstairs, and grabbed the phone. I had to tell Jack, he would be so ecstatic! I called the p.d., not knowing if Jack's cell would be turned on while he was at the station. ''Hey, Schenks, this is Mrs. Snyder. Tell Jack he's got a call, please.''

Schenks told Jack he had a call on line one, then cut in to say, ''Have a nice day, Mrs. M-S.''

Jack's voice came at me next. ''Hey, honey, what's up?''

I grinned. ''Jack, I have marvelous news. I'm pregnant.'' I waited for him to be joyful.

Jack replied, ''That's great, honey! We've got to go shopping, get some general baby stuff, I'm so excited!''

I smiled to myself. ''OK. I'll wait till we can go together. But in the meantime, I'm going to go get changed, Mike's coming. We're going out to Emma's to begin re-building her barn.''

My husband laughed. ''I can just see you with a hammer, working on a barn. It's kinda funny.''

I laughed myself. ''Yeah, laugh it up, buddy. You remember that sleeping on the couch is still an option. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that so you know where I'm gonna be, because I'm leaving my phone off today. It's gotta charge. Look, I've got to get dressed in my overalls and stuff, Mike'll be here in twenty minutes.''

Jack replied, ''OK, love you.''

I told him that I loved him and then hung up the phone. Then I hurried upstairs and dressed in a pair of overalls that ended at the knee, and underneath I wore an Old Navy tank shirt. I put on a flannel shirt over it, knowing I'd just end up taking it off later, after I got working and stuff. I slipped sandals on my feet, also knowing that I'd take them off later, too, because for some reason, I liked the feel of wood shavings underneath my feet. Rethinking the decision not to wear socks with them, I quickly put some on and pulled my hair into the highest ponytail I could get it to go in.

Then I hurried back downstairs and grabbed an apple, which I hurriedly ate. I knew that Emma would probably force breakfast down our throats later; Emma was a very sweet person, and was always looking after everyone.

By the time that I'd finished all that, Mike was ringing the doorbell. I answered it cheerily. ''Hey, babe, let's build a barn!'' I said.

Mike smiled at me. ''OK, let's go. Do you have everything you need?''

I nodded. ''I'm good. Let's go, anything else we might need Emma will bring out to us, I'm sure. So let's go.''

It only took twenty minutes to get out to Emma's. She was waiting for us in the kitchen, but as always, she was baking while doing so. Muffins were sitting in a muffin pan, cooling. My mouth drooled. They were chocolate chip ones. My favorite. Emma knew that, too.

She grinned at us as we entered the farmhouse. ''Hello, would you guys like breakfast?'' She asked, giving me a kiss.

I smiled. ''I'd like a muffin, that's for sure.'' I said, taking one off the muffin pan.

Emma handed me a glass of milk, and then busied herself with finding Mike some breakfast. She asked me, ''So, how are things?''

I took a bite of my muffin and tried not to talk with my mouth full. ''I'm pregnant, that's how things are.'' I told her, my face lighting up.

Emma looked at me. ''That's great news, honey! Have you told Jack yet?''

My mouth was busy with more muffin, so I waited until I had finished chewing. ''Yes, I did. I called him right after I found out. He's really excited.''

Emma smiled. ''Jack's going to be a great daddy.'' She turned to Mike. ''Let's go out in the barn, and I'll show you where the tools are.'' She then turned to me. ''Come on out to the barn when you're finished.'' She said.

They left the kitchen, and I poured myself some milk. As I poured, I got another muffin. The phone rang, so I grabbed it. ''Snyder Farm.'' I said.

It was my twin sister, Joey. ''Hey, girl. It's Joey. Wassup?'' She asked.

I grinned. ''Hey, sis. What's going on? I thought you were going to hang with Molly today.'' I took a sip of milk.

She replied, ''I am, but she's still sleeping. She probably had another late night. I'm not supposed to head over till ten. So, have you guys started on the barn yet?''

I responded, ''Mike and Emma just headed out, she's going to show him where the tools are. I'm finishing my breakfast.''

Joey said, ''I don't know how you managed to break up with Mike and not be more upset.'' She was referring to the two years that Mike and I dated.

I said, ''Why, do you think Mike's hott?'' I smiled to myself. It would be really funny if my sister thought that Mike was hott.

Joey laughed. ''Yeah, I kinda do.'' She said, and I could just see my sister's big grin.

I replied, ''Well, look, I gotta go help build the barn, I'll ttyl, OK?'' I hung up and walked on out to the barn, where Emma was showing Mike where the tools were.

Mike grinned at me. ''All finished?'' He asked me, as he pulled a hammer off the wall.

I smiled back. ''Yeah, I'm all finished.'' I added, ''So, ready to get cracking, Mikey?''

My friend smiled at me. ''Yeah, let's go. I'm ready. So, what was Jack's reaction to the fact that you're pregnant?'' He asked, and I knew that he wanted more than Jack was happy.

I said, ''He's just really really excited. I haven't ever known him to be this excited about anything since I've known him.''

Mike began to hammer some wood together. ''I'm glad. That man needs some happiness in his life. He's had so much sorrow as long as I've known him.''

I nodded slowly. ''Yeah, this made him really happy.'' Changing the subject, I said, ''What about you, Mike? When are you going to get a girlfriend? I mean, look at you. You're hot. Any woman would want you.''

Mike smiled at me as he checked to make doubly sure that he had enough nails. ''I don't know. I just don't like anyone.''

I smiled at him. ''Oh, come on, there has to be somebody that strikes your fancy.''

Mike shrugged. ''Well, there is, but she's been chasing someone else around town lately.'' He said, looking sheepish.

I leveled my gaze at him and pointed my hammer at him. ''I'm going to figure out who it is, Kasnoff, mind you.'' I said, as I went back to hammering.

Mike changed the subject. ''Honey, be careful. We don't want anything to happen to the baby, OK? I'm not going to be the one to tell Jack that he lost his wife and child, OK?''

I turned to look at him again. ''Fine, Mike, I promise, I'll be fine. I will be careful.'' I went back to work, singing as I did, so we would be entertained.

My friend interrupted me, to ask a personal question. ''I want to ask you somethin', Jace. I wanted to know if you ever wonder what it would be like if we'd stayed together.''

I looked back at him. Mike and I had dated a few years ago, and the reason we broke up was mainly me meeting Jack. I had fallen completely in love with him, and Mike and I had split. We had thankfully remained friends. We had dated steadily for a couple of years, though. I responded carefully to his question. ''Well, sometimes I do. But you know that I love Jack, Kasnoff. What brought this about?''

Mike got some more nails out of the toolbox. ''I guess you being pregnant. It made me think of the plans we used to make.''

I crossed the space between us to give him a hug. ''Mike, you're one of my dearest friends. Don't ever change. I love you just as much as I did then, just in a different way.''

Emma interrupted us by coming in the barn. ''Dears, something terrible has happened. Mark's been in an accident. He was driving in his car and was hit by another one.''

I gasped. Mark is Mike's older brother, and he's a really nice guy. He'd come back to town, minus Connor, a couple of months ago. He'd kept to himself for awhile, so all of us who used to hang with him just figured that he had had a bad experience and just stayed clear to give him his space. I had called once to let him know that I cared, but other than that, I hadn't talked to him. I just wanted him to talk to me or someone else when he was ready. Now, this accident scared me. ''Mike, what if he tried to kill himself because of the stuff that was going on before he came back? And for everyone not talking to him?'' I looked at Mike, tears shining in my eyes.

Mike was in shock. He hadn't spoken to his brother face to face for years. They had spoken on the phone, but that's all. He hadn't had a reason to. They had had some sort of stupid fight or something and hadn't talked since then. He looked at me. ''I have to go to the hospital. And you aren't going to continue this without me, so why don't you come with me to the hospital?''

I nodded. ''Sure.'' I looked to Emma. ''Em, honey, would you call Jack, let him know where I am? I want him to know in case he needs me for something.''

Emma nodded sadly at me. ''I will, sweetie. You tell Mark that I'm praying for him. Hal called to let me know, and he couldn't tell me much.''

Mike and I headed out to his car. I told him that I was driving and made him get into the passenger side.

We didn't talk the whole way to the hospital. It took about twenty minutes from Luther's Corners, where Emma's farm was. As soon as we got to the hospital, Mike jumped out and hurried ahead of me, and I had to struggle to keep up.

When we reached the emergency wing, we found Lily Snyder, (married to Jack's cousin) Carly Tenney, (old girlfriend of Mike's) and Rosanna Cabot (old fiancee's of Mike's and Carly's sis) in the waiting room. I hugged all three women at once. Mike asked, ''How is he?''

Lily said, ''We haven't heard anything yet. We hope to know something soon, though.''

Carly rubbed Mike's arm. ''He'll be fine, Mike.'' She turned to look at me, and I knew that my friend was still in love with him. You could see it in her eyes. It's a good thing Mike's a pretty dense guy. He doesn't usually notice things like that. She'd gotten over Jack and now was in love with Mike! Or maybe she'd been in love with both men the entire time. In any case, I whispered in her ear, ''Carly, you still love him, don't you?''

Carly looked at me, then whispered back, ''Yeah, I do, actually. I don't know how you knew that, but you're very good.''

Emma interrupted us. ''Hello, everyone. How's Mark?'' She must have called a couple of people and then followed Mike and I.

Lily replied, ''We don't know anything yet, Emma. He's still in the emergency room.''

I pulled Carly and Rosanna down into seats with me and took each of their hands in mine. ''I know that neither of you are very religious, but let's pray for Mark. He needs the help.''

My friends looked at me and then nodded. So we bowed our heads and holding on tight, began to pray. I was so engrossed, I didn't hear Lily sit down and take Carly's other hand and pray with us. We prayed for a long time, and were startled when Bob came to give us the news.

Bob Hughes is the chief of staff at Oakdale Memorial, and he is the best. I didn't know about everyone else, but I was glad that he was working on Mark. Anyway, Bob said, ''We operated on Mark, and now he's sleeping in his room. He has a slight concussion, but he should be all right. He will need to take pain medication, but only for about six to eight months. Mike will be allowed to see him, but everyone else will have to wait until tomorrow. Mark needs his rest.''

Mike was so relieved, he flung his arms around me and swung me around. I was giggling, and he was saying, ''He's OK! He's OK!''

Carly, Rosanna, and Lily were laughing and hugging each other. As Mike put me down, I cried, ''I have great news, you guys! I forgot in all the excitement!''

As Mike headed off to Mark's room, Lily asked, ''So what's your news, hon?''

I replied, ''I'm pregnant!'' I was grinning ear to ear, and all three women gave me a huge hug.

Carly said, ''I bet Jack was happy to hear that. Especially after Jordie not being his and all that.''

I nodded. ''He was over the moon. I had to tell him first, but I didn't tell him until after I took the test so he wouldn't be disappointed if I wasn't.''

Speaking of the devil, he joined us. ''Hi, ladies. What's up?'' Jack asked, kissing my cheek.

Carly smiled at him. ''Mark's going to be OK, and we hear that you're going to have a baby!''

Jack hugged me closer. ''I am going to have a baby. I'm going to be a father!'' He picked me up and swung me around, hugging me tighter than he ever had before. As he did, I caught Mike's eye. He had come back after seeing Mark, and he had tears in his eyes. I knew it wasn't because of Mark's being in the hospital. It was because Jack and I were together, and having a baby. He still loved me. My own eyes filled with tears. I couldn't believe it. This was just the day for discovering hidden love, I guess.

I let go of Jack, trying to make it easy, and not tense, because of Mike. I could honestly say that I didn't feel that way about Mike anymore. I would always love him because he was my first love, but other than that, I wasn't in love with him. Mike and I had broken up because I'd fallen in love with Jack. I had felt bad about that, but luckily we'd all managed to be friends. Besides, Mike was my best friend besides Jack and Joey. There was no one else I was closer to.

We were all surprised when my half-sister Jennifer showed up. I was the most surprised. ''What are you doing here, Jen?'' I asked.

Jennifer said, ''I heard about Mark, and I wanted to make sure that he was OK. I was listening to Dad's police scanner.''

Carly asked, ''Why were you doing that?''

I supplied my sister's answer. ''She was probably looking for men who were hurt so she could nurse them back to health. Well, it worked, didn't it? Mark's totally single.''

Jen looked at me. ''That's not true. I totally do not do that. You know, Mrs. Munson Snyder, you are a pain in the neck.''

I ignored her bait and turned to Mike. ''So, Mike, did he look like he was gonna be OK? Not too bloodied up or anything?''

Mike shrugged. ''He looked OK, but he was unconscious. I didn't know what to say, so I just told him I hoped he felt better and left.''

After chatting a bit more, we all decided to leave. We couldn't do anything more for Mark, and I wanted to go shopping for the baby's room with Jack. On the way out, we ran into Katie Peretti, a friend of ours. She's Craig Montgomery's half sister. I grinned at her. ''Hi, Katie.'' I said, happy to see her.

Katie grinned back at us. ''Hi, you guys! I'm glad to see you. Mike called me and told me how Mark was, and I wanted to see him.''

I looked at Jack. This was very peculiar. Katie wasn't friends with Mark that I knew of. Katie wanted to date Mike, as far as I knew. Aloud, I said, ''Well, they're upstairs. Jack and I are going shopping for baby stuff. I'm pregnant!'' I told her happily.

Katie exclaimed for me and gave me a hug and disappeared further into the hospital. I watched her go. She was cute and sweet; either Kasnoff brother would be happy with her. I just hoped that she got what she wanted.

Jack interrupted me. ''Hey, Jace. You paying attention to me?'' He asked, taking my hand.

I looked at him. ''I don't know what you're talking about. I was totally paying attention.'' I told him, as I leaned in against him.

Jack repeated himself. ''I was saying that we don't even know if this baby's a girl or a boy, so we're basically buying for nothing.''

''Au contraire, my gorgeous hubby. We are going shopping. We're seeing what we want to buy. We can see what we want if it's a boy, and what we want if it's a girl.'' I told him, smiling. He was such a guy.

Before we got out to the car, Jack's cell phone rang. ''Hello?'' He said, slipping his free hand into mine. I kissed his cheek while he talked. Then he stopped me, so I knew it was serious.

He listened for a minute, and then told whoever he was talking to that he would be there asap. Then he hung up and he said, ''Molly's just gone into the station. She's got someone chasing her. I have to go find the perp. So can you make it home OK? I'll call you when I get back to the station.''

I said, ''Sure, I can. I'll go back up and get Mike to take me home. Be careful.'' I kissed him goodbye, and told him I loved him and watched him walk away.

I went back upstairs and went back in the waiting room. Carly, Lily, and Katie were there. ''Hey, guys. Is Mike still with Mark?''

Katie nodded. ''Yeah. He went back in to say good-bye before he leaves to go back to Emma's. He wanted to let you know that he'll finish the barn without you.''

I said, ''He doesn't have to. Jack has to go chase down some perp. So I can go back to working on the barn with Mike, if he doesn't mind. Besides, he picked me up from home anyway, so my car's not even at Emma's.''

Carly said, ''I can take you home. It's no biggie. I've got some stuff I want to talk to you about anyway.'' She led me outside to her car.

I followed her and when we reached the car, I said, ''Carly, Molly was attacked. That's why Jack's chasing down some perp. Do you know what's going on with Molls?'' I asked.

Carly shrugged. ''No, I haven't spoken to Molly for awhile. She's gotten in with some friends of Dusty Donovan's, and none of them are good. We had a fight about it. That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. Molly is getting herself into major trouble, and I don't know what to do to help her. She might get herself arrested one of these days, and Jack won't even be able to help her.''

I buckled my seat belt. ''Carly, I think that there isn't anything you can do to help Molls. There's nothing anyone can do. If she wants to hang out with the bad crowd, when she knows they're bad, then you can't stop her.''

We talked about anything and everything on the way home, and when she dropped me off, I thanked her and told her that I would see her later. For the next couple of hours, I did laundry, cleaned up the room that was going to be the baby's room, and fixed myself some dinner because Jack wasn't home yet.

After I was finished eating, I wondered why Jack still wasn't home. I picked up the phone to call him, to see what was going on. He had promised he'd call. I'd never been nervous before, but I was nervous now. I dialed his number, and waited paitently while it rang. When his voicemail picked up, I left a quick message and hung up to call Daddy at the p.d.

Daddy answered on the first ring. ''Hello, Munson.'' He said business-like into the phone.

''Hey, Dad. It's Jace. What's going on with Jack? Is he there? He was supposed to go get some perp that was hurting Molly, and that was hours ago. I'm really getting worried.'' I said.

Daddy paused a moment, making me nervous. ''I can't believe no one's called you yet. Jack's missing. No one's been able to get ahold of him for hours, and we're not sure what happened to him. I told one of the officers to call you because I've been busy trying to find him.''

I gasped. ''Oh my God, Daddy! We've got to find him. I'm coming down right now. Don't even try to tell me that I'm not, I'm coming anyway.'' I hung up the phone and threw on my jacket and ran out the door.

When I reached the station, it was a madhouse. Daddy and Mom were arguing by Jack's desk. Schenks, one of the best officers on the force, was trying to tell them something. I walked up, and he said, ''Hey, Mrs. Munson-Snyder. I guess you know Jack's missing.''

I nodded. ''Yes, I do,'' I said, raising my voice, ''And if my parents could stop arguing for ONE SECOND, I could find out what's being done to save him and bring him home.''

Mom looked at me. ''It's going to be OK, baby. We're working on it. Hal and I were just arguing about something else.''

I folded my arms. ''OK, let me tell the both of you something. I am Jack's wife. I am pregnant with his child. There's two of us to think about while you're searching for my husband. So whatever is you don't want to tell me, tell me right now. I mean it.''

Daddy and Mom looked at each other before they turned back to me. Daddy had tears in his eyes. ''There's been an accident on the bridge out by the Old Mill. It could have been his car, we're waiting on the license plate number to be processed.''

I said, ''Why are you both here instead of out by the scene? And where's the license plate? I could tell you if it's Jack's plate.''

Mom said, ''Your sister Nikki has come back to town and is working on the case. She's joined our force, because the FBI fired her.''

I gasped. ''Nikki's back? And she's helping to find Jack?'' I didn't even say good-bye as I raced out of the station and into my car.

Nikki was standing in the middle of the bridge as I pulled up. I stepped out of the car, pulling my jacket tighter around me. I was still wearing my overalls, and the Old Navy tank, minus the flannel, which was why I was cold. Nikki was talking to this officer, Kane, when she turned and saw me. We both squealed and attacked each other with a hug. After we'd calmed down, Nikki said, ''I'm sorry that we have to reunite under these circumstances.''

I nodded. ''I know, but I'm glad you're here, working on the case. I've missed you so much! I can't believe you're back.''

Nikki was going to say something else when she was interrupted by one of the officers. He was holding up a torn piece of shirt. It was a light green, and it was stained with blood. I put my hand over my mouth. Nikki took it and asked, ''Is this Jack's shirt?''

I nodded. I said, trembling, ''It's his favorite. He loves it to....'' I couldn't bring myself to say it, but it didn't matter.

Nikki said, ''Has anyone turned up any bodies? We might be able to find the perp.'' She walked down the bridge, to look over the side.

One of the officers below called up to her. ''Detective Munson, we've found a body down here. It's not Detective Snyder, it must be Smith.''

I ran over to stand next to Nikki, to make sure it wasn't my husband. ''Nik, that isn't Jack.'' I said with relief as the officer turned the body on its back, so the face was upwards.

Nikki nodded. ''It must be Smith. Can anyone tell me if this is Jerome Smith?'' She asked, looking around at the officers.

Kane said, ''That's definitely Smith, Dect. Munson. I was looking at his mug shot earlier today.'' He had a notebook out and was making notes.

I was leaning against Nikki and trying not to lose it. I was very worried, let me tell you. Jack had been a cop for as long as I had known him, and I had never been worried before. I was worried now. All I could hear was the song that Jack had written and sang for me on our two year anniversary. It was very beautiful, and fit his voice perfectly. Now I was thinking that I might not ever hear it again. If something happened to Jack, then I would lose it along with him forever.

Nikki said, ''Just because we found Smith, that doesn't mean that we're going to find Jack like that. He's going to be OK. I know it.''

My eyes had filled with tears. ''Nik, we don't know that. He could be lost or hurt, or or..'' I couldn't bring myself to say it, but my sister knew what I meant. ''Nikki, I can't lose him. I will die right along with him. There is no one else on this Earth I could love as much as I love him.''

We were interrupted by Daddy. ''Hey, Dad.'' Nikki said, and told him about finding Smith. She told him quietly, and I knew that there was something that they didn't want to tell me.

I stood there shivering and yelled at my father and sister. ''I know that you want to bring Jack home as much as I do, so tell me what's going on!'' I demanded.

Daddy held up a license plate. ''Can you confirm that this is Jack's?'' He asked me, tears shining in his blue eyes.

I took ahold of it and laid my eyes on it. It was indeed Jack's plate: DadsGrl. He'd gotten it when we'd gotten Jordie, and had been meaning to change it. He didn't want the reminder because of how painful it had been. I nodded. ''Yeah, Daddy. It's Jack's. Does this mean it was his car that went over?'' My voice was trembling and I could hardly keep the tears back.

Daddy's tears came trickling down his face, and he said, ''Yes, honey, it does.'' He put his arms around me, and I cried into his shoulder. He reassured me, ''This doesn't mean that he's gone. This just means we have to work that much harder to bring him home.''

I sat on the other side of the bridge and refused to move. I wanted to be there when they found Jack. I HAD to be there when they found him. Daddy called Mike and asked him to sit with me, since he and Nikki were working on finding Jack. Mike readily agreed. He sat with his arm around me and refused to leave my side.

It was Mike who woke me in the morning, to tell me that Daddy had brought me coffee. I picked my head up off Mike's shoulder and took it, knowing that it would be like I liked it. As I sipped it, Mike asked, ''How'd you sleep?''

I shrugged. ''Not great. I just keep wondering if I'm ever going to see him again, Mike. He's my husband. My sun rises and sets around him. I don't want to bring a baby into this world without him in it.'' I was starting to get teary-eyed again, so I stopped and held them back. I did not want to get hysterical. I wanted to be myself when they brought him home safe to me.

The day passed slowly. I got up to go down the road to Emma's, to use the restroom and fill her in on what was going on. I did that a couple of times before the afternoon. The times inbetween, I sat in my spot with Mike's arm draped around me. His strong and unwavering support that was so familiar was very helpful. I don't know what I would have done without him.

Daddy was starting to give up hope that we would find him alive by five that evening. I had been home to have a quick shower and a change of clothes. (Since it had gotten cold the evening before, I wanted something warmer to wear that night while I was sitting in my spot.) When I got back, he was arguing with Nikki. I sighed and sat down next to Mike. Holden was there, now, too, kneeling next to Mike. I said hi wearily to Holden and handed Mike a burger. I'd driven through Mickey D's on the way back.

Holden asked, ''How are you holding up?'' I knew he meant well, but I was getting tired of this question. Everyone kept asking me.

I took a bite of my burger, and after I was done chewing, replied, ''Not good. I just, I can't absorb anything right now. I'm numb.'' I sipped my Coke and handed Mike his Sprite. He had refused Coke; I'd called him on his cell on the way back.

After I'd finished eating and Mike had thrown everything away, was when we got the really bad news. Daddy had Nikki give it to us, even though I would have preferred it from him. He was more gentle in situations like this. She looked apologetically at me. ''Since we haven't turned up anything, and we found Jack's piece of shirt underneath the rocks, the coroner wants us to change the mission from rescue to recovery.'' Tears were shining in her eyes.

I didn't take this well. ''No!'' I shrieked. ''No, way! I will not stand for that! My husband is NOT dead! I refuse to believe that. He is alive, and he needs us now more than ever. Daddy approved this decision?'' I asked angrily.

Nikki nodded. ''Dad didn't want to, but in the end, he realized it was the best decision. You will too. There's just no way anyone could have survived this type of accident.'' She said.

Mike tried to restrain me as I almost jumped my own sister. ''Thanks, Nik. I'll make sure that she's OK.'' He told her, and she walked over to join Daddy and the coroner.

I began to cry really hard on Mike's shoulder. Holden had gone to talk with some of the officers right before Nikki had come over, so we would have to tell him, too. I sobbed, ''Why did this have to happen, Mike? Jack's lost, and I need him to come back to me! Why are they giving up?''

Mike hugged me as tightly as he could, and it was hard to tell what he was thinking. If it was true that he was still in love with me, some tiny, miniscule part of him was glad that I was once again single, but I knew that most of him was really sad. He and Jack were friends. (I hated to think in the past tense; Jack WASN'T dead.) He seemed to be thinking for a moment before he said, ''I'm sure that they thought very hard before making this decision. They love him as much as you do, and they want to bring him home safe.''

I pulled my head off Mike's shoulder. ''Then they wouldn't be giving up, Mike. I just can't accept that Jack's dead, Mike. There's no body, so I will continue to search until I find him. In fact, that's what I'm going to do right now.'' I grabbed the sweatshirt I'd brought to pull on with my jeans and tee shirt and jumped into my car. I leaned out of the window to look at Mike. ''Are you coming with me? I could use your support.''

Mike looked at me. He seemed to be deliberating again. He wasn't sure what to do. Go with me and further my "delusions" that my husband was alive, or not go with me and let something happen to me. He finally said, ''I'll go with you, I don't want something to happen to you.'' So it was furthering my delusions he had chosen.

I rolled down the window and floored it, rasing down the country road, trying to keep my tears back and ignoring Mike. I loved him, but I didn't want to talk to him. I just wanted him there, to be his normal comforting self. I slowed down so I could look at the sides of the river, making sure that Jack didn't turn up there. I didn't see him, but what I did see was his car. I pulled over to the side of the road and jumped out. Mike followed me, and I cried. His car looked horrible. ''Mike! That's his car!'' I cried, and sobbed against Mike when he had reached me.

After much coaxing, Mike got me back in the car. This time he drove us back to the bridge, where he had Nikki drive my car to my house, him following, so he could drop her back off at the bridge, then take me home to his cottage.

When I woke up the next morning, I could barely stop crying. Mike managed to get me to quit long enough to get me to eat some breakfast, but I was again crying soon after. ''It was supposed to be forever, Mike. We promised forever.'' I finally calmed down long enough to say.

Mike put his arm around me. ''I know, baby. But he'll never be truly gone as long as you keep him in your heart. You know that.''

There was a knock on the door at these words, and Nikki stepped in with Carly in tow. Both had been crying, I could tell. Carly immediately ran to me and put her arms around me, and I sobbed on her shoulder. Mike and Nikki had a whispered conversation. Nikki asked, ''How's she coping?''

Mike folded his arms and glanced at me, crying on Carly's shoulder. ''Not well. But what did you expect? She lost her husband yesterday.''

Nikki said, ''Dad's doing a ceremony at the station in a half an hour that I came to tell her about. Plus, Carly was with me and wanted to make sure that she was OK.''

I heard this last part and wiped my tears from my face. ''I'll be there. Mike'll bring me, won't you, Mike?'' I asked, standing up to take his hand.

Carly sniffled and wiped her eyes. ''I'm sorry that this had to happen. Jack was the most wonderful man. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for anybody.''

I reached out to give her a one-armed hug with my other arm. ''I know, Carly. He was glad that you were still in his life. So am I. You're one of my best friends, Carly, and I'm glad that we were able to be friends.'' This started us crying again.

A half an hour later, I was standing with Mike and Carly's arms around me, listening to Mom and Daddy talk about how great Jack was. Mom handed me two framed photos of Jack posed in front of an American flag in his uniform. ''One is to put in the baby's room when he/she is born.'' She told me, trying to keep back her own tears.

Daddy said, ''We'll be putting a picture of Jack in the foyer before you enter the station, so everyone will know what a hero Jack was.''

Then Lily stepped out of nowhere. She smiled at me wanly and then began to sing Mariah Carey's "Hero."

I sobbed all the way through it and before she reached the end had to leave the room. I couldn't take it. All those officers and Mom and Daddy sad because Jack was gone.....I just couldn't deal with it. Mike followed me. ''Mike, I can't do this. I can't live without him.''

Mike hugged me close. ''You've got to, hon. You're pregnant with his child. You have to keep on living for her/him. You just can't stop living. It hurts like hell now but it'll get better, I promise.''

''When? I just want Jack back so this aching pain I feel all over my body will be gone. When will it get better, Mike? Because I want it to be over now, and it never will be. I will ache for Jack the rest of my life. I want him to put his arms around and make it better, but he can't, because he's not here. There's no way to make this pain go away.'' I snapped, and broke down crying on the station floor.

Mike dropped to the floor and put his arms around me. I sobbed on his shoulder and just let it all out. There was no one else in the world who loved me as much as Jack had and Mike still did. Not even my entire family. If I couldn't have Jack to help me through this pain, then there was no one else I wanted to be there beside me on that cold station floor. Mike knew it, too. When Mom started to get down to hold me, too, he shook his head at her.

After a few minutes, I stopped sniffling and pulled back from Mike. He wiped the final tears from my face. I looked at him. ''Mike, I'm not going to be able to get through this without you. Please don't make me.''

He wiped tears from his own face and took both of my hands in his own. ''I won't leave you to deal with this alone, you goof. I am here until you don't need me anymore. I know it doesn't seem like it, but one day you will be able to think about Jack without wanting to die yourself. But I will stay with you until you can do that.''

I almost started crying yet again, but I managed to keep it together. ''I love you so much, Mike. Just as much as I still love Jack.'' I hugged him tight before I stood up. Jack's desk was right in front of me. I picked up the picture he had of me sitting next to his computer. Tears began to leak out of my eyes, and I put the picture back down. There were papers sitting in his inbox, never to be looked at by him. I moved from in front of it to behind it. I started to open the first drawer, and I heard Mike's intake of breath. I looked at him and nodded. I wasn't at all prepared or ready for this, but I could do it.

I pulled the drawer open, and in it were a lot of papers, underneath a picture of Jordie. Directly beneath it was a letter from the McAllisters, Jordie's real parents. I pulled it out to read it. I was curious to see what they had said.

Dear Mr. Snyder,

We have been very glad to have Gabi back with us. We understand your concern over her. Dectective Hughes told us what happened, what that Julia woman did to you. We don't blame you for it, as many of our friends do, we blame her. She may be insane, but she knew what she was doing when she did it. I'm sorry that she put you through that. But you can rest assured, Gabi is fine. She seems to have taken a liking to old Broadway tunes, and I can only guess that that is your influence, and it is a nice one. Please take this picture we've enclosed and I hope that you have a nice and wonderful life, blessed with many children.

Best wishes,

Mrs. Anna McAllister

I sniffled and put the letter back in his drawer. The rest of the drawers didn't hold anything really interesting, just a bunch of papers. The p.d.'s computers had broadband, and it was up on his computer. It was his email, and there was a card from me he was never going to open. I pushed back the tears and turned the photo of me facedown. He wasn't going to be able to look at me ever again, my pic shouldn't be up.

Mike didn't agree. ''Your dad said that they aren't going to touch his desk. They're going to leave it alone. So it can stay the way he last left it for eternity. Nikki's taking the one over to the side of Margo's, so you don't have to worry about that.''

I watched as he put the picture back up. I kissed his cheek and whispered, ''I'm ready to back to the cottage.''

Mike nodded and turned to Mom, Daddy, and Nikki. ''I'm going to take her back to my place. She's ready to go. Carly, did you want to come with us?''

Carly was standing next to Lily and Daddy, sniffling. She nodded. ''I'm not going to let you go through this alone, either, girl.'' She said, stepping forward. I held tight to both of their hands as we left the station.

Later that night, Joey called me at Mike's to see how I was. We were keeping it quiet, because I wasn't ready for everyone to know yet. I was still hoping that he was going to come home, and I didn't want everyone to know about this, it would make it worse. I just wanted to be alone with the knowledge for awhile. I was just going to tell people that he was on a business trip if they asked.

I answered the phone when it rang, since Mike had caller id and I knew it was her. ''Hey, Joey. What's up?'' It was five, Joey and I were supposed to be getting ready to go to work at Java. Carly and Mike were in the kitchen, making dinner. I was SO not going to Java, and I could tell Joey the real reason, and she could tell Isaac as long as he didn't tell anyone else. I wasn't going to be going to work for awhile, so I thought Isaac should know.

Joey said, ''Hey, girl. I haven't talked to you for a bit. What's going on? How's your hubby?'' She asked me.

I tried to keep the tears back. ''Joey, my husband is not well. He, he was in an accident on the bridge by the Old Mill, and they haven't found him yet. He's presumed dead, though, they think he went underneath the rocks in the water.'' I managed to say all this without crying.

Joey gasped. ''I'm so sorry, sis. You must be a wreck. No wonder you're at Mike's. Is he taking good care of you?'' She asked.

I settled on the couch, and sighed. ''Yeah, he is. I'm just really messed up. My head is starting to take it in a little, but my heart isn't prepared for this. I'm just like, hanging by a thread. There isn't much of me right now. I'm telling you this so you can tell Isaac. I'm not going to be working for awhile, and I think he should know the truth. Just, don't tell anyone else but Isaac. I don't want the whole town knowing yet.'' After Joey telling me she loved me, we hung up. Immediately, the phone rang again. It was Molly. I picked it up. ''Hey, Molls.'' I said.

Molly said, ''Margo called to tell me about Smith, and she also told me about Jack. I'm so sorry. I know how you must be feeling.'' Molly did, too, she had lost Jake.

I sniffled. ''I know, and the part that hurts me the most is that there's no body, and so I can't even say good-bye properly. I just have to live with the hope that somehow he survived and will be coming home to me someday. I know it's meager, but I will continue to hope.''

Molly said, ''I will always want Jake to walk back in my door, and there isn't any hope that he's going to do that. I'm glad that you can have that hope.'' She sniffled.

I sniffled, too. ''I miss Jake as much as you do. I wish he was here. He could help me through all this pain that I'm feeling.'' I heard noises in the kitchen, and hoped that they weren't burning dinner.

Molly said, ''You'll be OK after awhile. Right now, you've got Mike, and I know that he will be there for you as long as you need him to be.''

I told Molls I was glad that she had called and hung up the phone. I walked into the kitchen. Carly and Mike were covered in flour, and there were strawberries everywhere. ''What are you guys making?'' I asked incredulously.

Mike and Carly were obviously having a good time making whatever it was, but Mike tried to calm his laughing down to tell me. ''Pancakes. Then I remembered that you don't like them, so we were trying to clean it all up. Then flour went everywhere.''

I helped them clean it up, shaking my head. I loved them both, but there was quite a bit of flirting going on between them, and it made me sad, because the person I had done most of my flirting with was gone. After the mess was clean, Mike called for pizza. I went back in the living room and listened to Jack's song in my head. My life was gone, and there was no getting it back. Now I was just going to have to live without Jack, and it was going to be an empty sort of life.

To Be Continued..........................