A/N: It's almost painful, isn't it, to think that there is over a year gap between me writing chapter one and me writing chapter two? It's also quite painful to think that chapter one was the most emotional thing I'd ever written, and quite apart from feeling emotional enough to continue, I feel bored enough to continue. Oh well, onwards and upwards - James' POV.

It's quite funny when you think about it. I thought I had it all. Everything was going so well. It seems like an age ago that I was so close to Sirius that I couldn't imagine my life without him. Somehow, I think that was the problem. Have you ever felt like things are going so well that they can't possibly be real, or that things are so perfect you have to wonder how long they're going to last? That's how I always felt about Sirius. D'you know what the funniest thing is about it all? I broke it off with him the day after he asked if I wanted to... you know, sleep with him. He was a real jackass about it, actually. But the funny thing is that it's not why I broke up with him. I know that's what he thinks, and I know that's what I told him, but it was for an entirely different reason.

At Hogsmeade, earlier that day, when we were sitting in the Three Broomsticks, he suddenly asks me what I want to do when I finish school. I shrugged and said that I don't really know, I've never really thought about it before. Then he smiled that heartmelting smile of his and said, "I guess we'll be spending our lives wondering about that one together."

That's what got me thinking. Together forever? I love him, I know I do, even now we've broken it off, but... isn't it a little soon to be thinking about the rest of eternity? I just kept thinking and thinking about it. Dwelling on the point, I suppose. By that night, I was convinced that he might as well have asked me to marry him. That's why I pushed him away when he asked if I wanted to... you know. Then the next day, I knew I had to break it off. What else could I do? It was getting too intense, thinking about staying together for the rest of our lives. So I broke it off with him, told him I wasn't in love with him, and that I didn't want to sleep with him.

I should have known I didn't mean much to him. One minute it's like he wants to spend the rest of our lives together, then he's off making out with Moony in our dorms. I don't know why I ever fell for him, I knew what he was like. Now I feel betrayed, and I can't understand it. All I know is, God, I love him. The mere sight of him or Moony is almost bringing me to tears. I can't bear to be in the same room as them (which is making class so difficult these days). What am I going to do?

I stare at the page I've written and tear it to pieces. I can feel the hot tears burning my eyes; I close them to hide my weakness, but every time darkness falls over my mind I can see them together. Sirius laughing loudly, ostentatiously and ducking in for another quick kiss. Remus chuckling quietly and resting his head on the broad muscles of Sirius' chest. Always together. Always being romantic. God, was I ever that sickening? Did I really spend every waking moment clinging tightly to Sirius as though afraid someone else would lay claim to him if I wasn't there every second?

The answer strikes me like a gust of icy wind. My stomach clenched. I had done that, because I loved Sirius.

Had thought I loved Sirius, in any case. There was no way that after all that I could have really loved him. If I'd loved him, I wouldn't have been so afraid of committing to him. He certainly wouldn't have been so bitter about our breakup. A man worthy of love would have understood that I needed some time alone, time to think about our relationship, and then return to him when I'd sorted myself out. A man worthy of love wouldn't have screamed at me until I was weak with tears and storm off to find himself another boyfriend.

"...one of the greatest playwrights in Muggle history. Sirius?"

I would laugh, if my attention had not been so completely captured by the circumstances that had led to the Muggle Studies Professor servicing Sirius with a hard look. Remus blushes, presumably with embarassment at having been caught. Sirius looks as unruffled as always. He's always so calm, so collected. Nothing ever seems to both him. Certainly not what happened between us.

I see him glance at me, out of the corner of his eye - I look away, but I know he's seen me looking back at him. My weakness, and knowing that Sirius knows about my weakness, causes more pain even than his relationship with Remus. If I was over him, if I could stop staring at him while his back is turned, if I could stop my stomach from clenching and my lungs from closing whenever I saw him with Remus, if I could stop blaming the werewolf for what had happened, nothing would hurt any more.

And I'd be free.

I hurry away after class, anxious not to be followed, even by Peter, or Lily. Especially by Peter or Lily. I don't want anyone I know too well to see me in a state like this. I hear a voice cry after me, but I don't turn. I recognise that voice all too well. Slut. What does he want with me now? Hasn't he caused enough trouble?

"James," Remus repeats breathlessly, putting his hand on my shoulder gently. "I need to talk to you."

I finally turn to look at him, casting my darkest glare on him. It's not much, but he recoils slightly, flinching away from my darkly concentrated gaze, my bloodshot eyes, my tearstained face. "We have nothing to talk about, Lupin." I tell him coldly.

"There is." He repeats firmly; more firmly than I have ever heard the reserved submissive speak before. It's this that quietens me, lowers my gaze, halts my step mid-pace. I meet his gaze again, this time with less hatred and coldness. He studies me for a long time. It feels almost though he's reading my mind, trying to feel my pain. Fat chance - you have everything, don't you, werewolf? The love of the man you want, the love I was so foolish as to turn away when I thought I had it. What could you possibly know about heartbreak?

"I'm a werewolf, James," he suddenly snaps at me. "What don't I know about heartbreak?" This takes me by surprise - I was unaware I'd been speaking aloud. It seems, however, that I will pay for my freudian slip; the gaze he fixes on me is harsh, holding no mercy. When he speaks again, it is without the slightest hint of empathy or pity. He's never spoken to me like this before - perhaps this is why I so closely heed his words. "I came to tell you that I'm breaking up with Sirius this afternoon. He's been leading me on ever since the day you dumped him in front of the entire common room. You want him, you can have him - you're the only thing he wants anyway. I'm just a temporary, someone he can screw until you come running back to him with your tail between your legs." I open my mouth to speak, but he silences me. "I don't know or care why you broke up with him, but you miss each other insanely and if you ask me, there was nothing more hurtful you could have done than break up with him that day. So are you happy, Potter?" He spits my name as though it carries some vile disease. "Is the grief and heartache you've caused enough for you?"

Before I can collect myself, before, even, I understand fully what he's saying, his fist flies upwards and connects with a strength I had hitherto associated with the persona before me. Nothing of the past few moments I had associated with him.

Sirius Black was bringing out the worst in all of us, I thought bitterly as I held a handfull of my robe to stop the heavy bleeding from my nose.

The question is, after all that, why did I still want him?