The
pair sat on the floor for a few minutes, catching their breath in the
tangle of black and auburn waist-length tresses.
The poor,
poor limousine driver looked very pale as he nodded at the people at
the table. "Brought these for yeh..." he said, before
turning in a most dignified way on his heel, and running (the fuck)
away.
Sirena coughed, giggled, and rose to her feet, trying
her best to look put-together with her trousers on backwards and the
straps on her corset-style top falling off, due to the corset being
almost entirely unlaced. Criss stood up behind her, placing his hands
on her shoulders and shaking a rather large rats nest of hair from
his face.
Sirena winked at Jayde and grinned at Jo before
clearing her throat. "I'd like you all to meet Sirius... Sirius,
these are... the people."
Criss laughed a bit at Sirena's
ever-so-articulate delivery and lifted a hand to wave. "Hi,"
he said, succinctly, with as much dignity as could be mustered by a
man who was trying to discreetly correct the cock-eyed buttoning
scheme on his wrinkled white dress shirt.
Jo's eyes glazed
over slightly and her grin went from Criss to Sirena to Jayde to
Alfonso and back to Sirena. "Oh, he's gooooooooood...." she
said, before launching into another of her earth-shaking evil
laughs.
A collective blink of everyone in the room brought her
to a halt. She coughed and resumed her business-like manner, albeit
not without a few wayward glances at the still-dishevelled Mr. Angel.
"Right... hrm... where were we, then?" she asked
innocently, as the late arrivals finally took their seats.
"We
were discussing the writer that can't read and the cast,
actually."
Sirena's eyes widened. "MONKEY!" she
cried, remembering Gary Oldman. "We have to fire the
monkey!"
B.S looked confused. "Monkey?"
Sirena
turned in her lovely plush spinny chair to the executive. "The
Monkey. Gary Oldman."
B.S blinked. "We're firing
Oldman?"
"No," Jayde told him, "WE'RE
firing the monkey."
"So you're replacing part of our
star-studded cast," one of the yes-men said, glaring
suspiciously at Sirena and Jayde, "with a second-rate magic
man?"
Jayde glared down her nose at the asshole across
the table. "It's a movie about magic people, retard. Not
star-studded actors."
Sirena stood quickly. "Second
RATE?!" She demanded. Jayde winced at the yes man as though to
say 'now you've done it'. "SECOND RATE?!" she growled.
Criss coughed, crossing his arms and looking highly affronted. "Who
would you call a FIRST rate magician, Mr.
Not-Important-Enough-To-Have-A-Fucking-Name?! David
Been-jerking-off-too-hard-to-think-of-anything-truly-extraordinary-Blaine?"
The
yes-man cowered a bit as the redhead pounced onto the table crawling
towards him. "MAGIC, Mr. Dickhead. This movie is about the ART
of magic. If you can think of someone more TRULY magical and more
TRULY devoted to that art than Mr. Angel, BY ALL MEANS, shoot."
Jayde
snickered from her corner of the table. "Heh. Shoot. Like,
shoot your load?"
Criss coughed, trying not to pay too
much attention to the view up Sirena's skirt, and gently tugged at
her, so as to get her off the table. "This isn't about my
credentials, luv... though I have a hard time believing they'll find
anyone else who fits the bill quite as convincingly." With that,
he arched an eyebrow in a decidedly Sirius-like cocky manner and
backed off.
The yes-man cowered in his chair. B.S. Mann
thankfully stayed silent. Only JK dared speak.
"Well,
now that we've sorted out the cast issue..."
"The
issue has just begun," Jayde said. "We're canning Thewlis
as well. And we want Isaacs and Biggerstaff back.
Yesterday."
"Isaacs?" B.S asked. "He's not
even in the book!"
Sirena, still slightly miffed, sniffed
and crossed her arms. "Shows how much you know. Dear old
Hagrid goes to trial at the Ministry and Lucius just, how does Hagrid
put it, Jayde?"
Jayde smiled wide. "Harry Potter and
the Prisoner of Azkaban, Chapter fifteen (The Quidditch Final), page
two-ninty-two, eighth paragraph: 'An' then Lucius Malfoy stood up
an' said his bit, and the Committee jus' did exac'ly what he told
'em....'"
Everyone at the table -- JK included -- sat
there and blinked for a while.
"You see," Sirena
said, breaking the silence, "we've put the trial into the movie.
We think we need it. We'll be using details from Order of the
Phoenix, of course, about how the Ministry is set up." Sirena
looked at Jo. "Is the trial in the same room that Harry's was?
Can we use that? Or would you rather it be a different one, since
it's technically a different committee...?"
Jo looked
boggled for a second. "...A different one, if you don't
mind...."
Sirena smiled. "You see," she
directed this at everyone in the room, "we're going for showing
you places and things that'll show up in the next few movies. Like
the Ministry. It'll add a nice touch that people who watch them all
will be able to appreciate."
"Not to mention it'll
be spiffy for book-dorks like me who appreciate the
book-similarities."
"Right,"
Sirena said, with a nod. "We want the canon to shine through in
this work-"
"-as well as the PRACTICALLY canon-"
Jayde interjected, with a grin.
"Exactly." Sirena
grinned in a way eerily similar to her companion. "Ms. Rowling,
it IS true that Scholastic prohibited you from writing some of the
more... mature things that you wanted to include in your books, isn't
it?"
Jo nodded sadly with a sigh, pinching her nose. "It
was awful. Most recently, with book five, I had written the most
graphic, violent death for Hagrid imaginable, and then..."
Her
speech was interrupted by a sob from Sirena and a few sniffles from
Jayde, both of whom were clinging tightly to a largely bewildered
Criss Angel. Recovering faster than her visibly shaken counterpart,
Jayde coughed. "Can we NOT talk about the fifth book?" she
suggested, looking slightly pained by the mention of the work.
Jo
nodded, looking rather upset herself. B. S. Mann was looking more
uncomfortable by the second. "Do you girls propose to insert
scenes of... graphic DEATH in this film? Honestly, I mean... we DO
have a PG-13 rating to keep, all things considered..."
Jayde
looked confused. "Death?" she asked, bewildered. "Death?
No, not death."
Sirena sniffed and reluctantly
disengaged herself from Criss. "No. Well. No death."
"Death
isn't good. Well, at least. No. Death bad."
The girls
were babbling. "Girls!" Jo exclaimed. The two of them
stopped, shocked, and giggled. "You were babbling."
"That
happens whenever the misprint in book five is brought up."
Jo
arched an eyebrow. "Misprint?"
"Page 806 and
on. Giant misprint. I want my money back."
Jo laughed.
"I'll give you two copies of the unedited version if you do a
good job..."
The girls, eyes wide, were on their feet.
"Un... Unedited? With Hagrid death?" Sirena gasped. They
were both finding it hard to breathe.
Jo nodded.
Jayde
and Sirena smiled deviously at each other. "Ladies and
Gentlemen, we've work to do."
With that, the two all but
ran from the room and towards everyone's favourite writer, who held
in his hands the fate of two unedited copies of Harry Potter and the
Order of the Phoenix.
