Warning: This chapter contains non-graphic sexual content - however, it's not the kind you Generic Aurikku Fans may be expecting. Rather, it's one of the tiny keys to my perception of Lazarus' characterization. Please let me know what you think. I also don't think that the rating needs to go up just yet, but if even one of you believes that I should change this to R, I will immediately.
"Hey Paine, check it out. Some sillypants is hunting fiends in the rain." Big green eyes tried to focus on the shadow-shrouded "sillypants," but the windows of the Celcius were so splattered with rain and oceanwater from the landing that the hunter remained obscure. Whoever it was, was winning, clearly. The bright lights of the fiend's death floated away into nothingness, tiny pastel-colored twinkles against the backdrop of a waterfall. After the fiend had been killed, though, the figure seemed to move on. Perhaps the hunter had simply been running an errand, and had run into the fiends by accident. Whatever the cause, the shadow of the person she'd just mentioned had disappeared.
The other woman rolled her eyes, leaned back against the headboard of the bed on which she'd been reading a letter, pencil behind her ear. Her silver hair was down for once, and she was wearing only a tee-shirt and a pair of loose cotton pants. I could take a picture of her and sell it as art. Warrior On Her Day Off, Rikku thought to herself, giggling. At the sound, Paine looked up, brushing wavy bangs from her face. "Sillypants, Rikku?" she asked, "Aren't you a little old to be using a phrase like that?"
"Maaaaybe." The young woman grinned as she trailed out her word, then stuck out her tongue for good measure. "And maybe you're a ninny-ninny dumb-dumb poopie-head!"
Paine made a sound of disgust in the back of her throat, but Rikku could tell from years of friendship that her eyes were twinkling. The Al Bhed left off watching the window for a moment and crouched down, making little clicking sounds with her tongue towards the floor. Out from under Paine's bed scampered a small white-furred monkey, who moved swiftly across the floor and into Rikku's waiting arms. Like most of his bretheren, he was a little theif, but she'd managed to train him to steal mainly from feinds and annoying Yevonites on command. With Issaru's help, Yuna had caught him in the Zanarkand Ruins when he was born, given him a bath and a collar, and presented him to RIkku for her nineteenth birthday four months ago. The only problem with the small monkey - whose name was Nall - was that he couldn't be around when she was in her Trainer outfit. Ghiki absolutely hated him, and when they first saw each other, they'd gone into a mad monkey rage. They were both very protective of their mistress.
Once the tiny monkey was cradled in Rikku's arms, she whispered to him: "Nall, go say hi to Paine! She loves you! Give her kisses!" She kissed the monkey on the cheek to make sure he understood her, then plopped him onto the nearest bed, and turned around to watch the window again.
Pause.
"Rikku!" Paine yelled, "Get this monkey off my face!" When Rikku looked over, she almost burst into a fatal bout of laughter. Paine was trying desperately to get Nall off of her, but the little white monkey's blunt claws were caught in her sliver hair. Luckily, she knew better than to hurt her fellow sphere hunter's pet. After a few minutes of trying to detangle him without any progress, however, she just let go. With sullen red eyes, Paine and watched the creature as it hung from her head, planting tiny careful monkey kisses on her forehead, just as its mistress had commanded. "Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the affection. Now get off already so I can get back to my letter."
"I bet that's what you say to all the boys," Rikku said, giggling.
Paine smirked, and pulled the pencil from behind her ear to make a small mark on the letter in her lap, despite the monkey partially obstructing her view. "Only the stupid ones."
"My monkey is not stupid!" The Al Bhed harumphed and stalked over to Paine, easily pulling each of Nall's claws from the other woman's hair. He happily crawled over the proferred arm, and was sitting on Rikku's shoulder before she could blink, draping himself limply over her shoulder for a midday nap. "See? Look how smart he is. He knows who loves him best in the whole world, isn't that right, Nall?" She blinked. He was already conked out, snoring softly and twitching his feet, dreaming monkey dreams. "Nall?"
"Mm. So intelligent." Another mark on the letter, while she used her left hand to brush her hair back into some semblance of order.
"He just sleeps the sleep of the innocent, that's all. Like babies do." She pouted for a moment, then moved softly to the other side of the room and put Nall into the enclosed wooden house that Cid had built for him to live in. Grumbling all the while about the "little theives" and how his daugher shouldn't be playing with "those flea-infested things." But it made his little girl happy, so despite the grumblings, he made what was in his opinion, "The best damn monkey house ever to hit Spira." And then wondered if he could patent the design for a healthy profit.
Once Nall was asleep in his house, with its front door locked so that he couldn't scamper all over the ship causing trouble, Rikku walked over to Paine's bed and flopped down next to her friend. "Let's go now. We can just change with the garment grid, and all. I'm bored."
"One," Paine murmured, "I'm busy. It was your idea to come visit Yuna, and I said it was fine because I've got nothing better to do than read up on the political tracts Nooj sends me for editing. I swear, you'd think LeBlanc would be good for something other than housewifery and stealing spheres."
"Is she still hanging out at his place?" Rikku asked, leaning against the headboard and forcing Paine to scoot over so that they could both have room. "Mushroom Rock and all?"
"Mm. They've been living together for a while now, but he doesn't mind her as much as you'd think he would. Apparently she's good at sweet-talking the Youth League into order. All of her goons joined up. Of course, now it's just kind of a revamped version of the Crusaders. Except they're Crusaders with no Sin to fight." Paine reached over to the small bookshelf between the beds and grabbed a bowl of mixed nuts, popping one into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully. "What they're fighting right now is chaos, he says. Rather than just being ruled by the Church of Yevon and nearby temple leaders, Spira's becoming a political madhouse. Baralai and Shelinda are doing all right on their end, but they've been meeting with Nooj to discuss a kind of separation... integration... thing. Like, so that everyone can be affiliated with religion without having to disassociate themselves with the Youth League. They're not rival gangs anymore, they're political parties. I don't think Baralai or Nooj want that. Something's got to give. We're too disoganized as a nation."
Rikku waited a moment after Paine had finished talking, listening to the soft scratching sounds of graphite on paper. Sometimes it took an effort, not to understand Paine and Nooj's conversations on the infant Spiran political arena, but it took an effort... to care, really. Spira was in chaos, sure, but people still bought and sold things and everyone seemed to be okay. Nooj and Baralai took care of most of Spira, and Gippal, Khimari, and Cid took care of the rest, pretty much. Why did things have to be complicated at all? Why couldn't everyone just get along and be happy, without politics interfereing to get in the way? Their world wasn't as big as it seemed to most people who'd never been out of their little hamlets. Why should it be so structured?
"This is boring," Rikku murmured. "Let's go do something, huh?"
Paine waved a hand towards her companion as if she were brushing dust off a couch, engrossed in the document and her editions to it. "I am doing something. It's just not a something you care about. Go... dance or whatever, I don't know."
"Fine!" Rikku pouted for a moment, folding her arms and sticking out her lower lip, scuffing her sneakers on the floor. When she thought about dancing, though, the young woman cheered a little, and walked over to the edge of the balcony on which the beds were placed, jumping expertly through the gap in the railing. "Barkeep, Darling... music!" She pointed at the ever-snuggling Hypello and waved with her other hand in a dramatic (if overused) motion.
"Shure, Mish Rikku? Zhe ushual shong?" Barkeep moved his hand... slowly... toward the audiosphere player, watching her through his huge bulbous eyes to receive her approval.
"Right-o!" A quick salute, and the button was pressed. She touched the garment grid in the pouch at her hip and transformed into her songstress outfit, relishing the silly frills, the almost-clashing orange and purple, the way it fit comfortably on her. Considering her normal apparel, the costume was downright modest.
What can I do for you?
What can I do for you?
What can I do for you?
What can I do for you?
I can hear you!
Rikku almost couldn't believe that she still listened to this song. But it was just... so... happy! Of course, she knew the meaning behind the lyrics. Lenne's voice straining to get out of LeBlanc, to get through to Shuyin. Her promise that he'd never be alone as long as her soul existed. It was so sweet, and so happy, and... and...
And Rikku danced. She spun and she kicked and she drew lines in front of her face and pulled the air to her chest and dropped to her knees, reaching up to the stars, punching invisible foes, tossing her head so that her braids rattled and her blood rushed in her ears, but never a pause in motion, never a moment to spare while she danced and got caught in the music, the lyrics, the movement and she--
--slammed herself backwards into the Cabin door. Funny, though. The door seemed awfully soft, for a door. Soft and wet. Like a big friendly Shoopuf. And wait, shouldn't it have opened automatically, leaving her tripping out onto the floor of the elevator hallway, rather than half-standing, half-leaning on... shit. It was someone, rather than something, wasn't it?
"Pardon me," said the someone, and Rikku jumped away as if he'd been on fire. When she spun around, she realized who it was, and she couldn't help but laugh. Which, when one is already out of breath, can lead to sever coughing fits, as it did in this case.
Lazarus raised an eyebrow and leaned his sword in a corner of the room before entering. Carefully, though, he made certain that there was no carpet to drip on. As it was, despite Buddy's assurances that it wasn't a problem, he felt guilty for perhaps ruining the carpet in the elevator. "I'm sorry. I was looking for a bathroom to dry off, and they told me to head toward the Cabin. I didn't realize this was the dance hall."
Rikku's coughing subsided. For a ninja class fighter, or whatever he is, this guy's kind of funny, she thought. The shortness of his hair led it all to stick straight up in all directions when wet, and his dark clothing stuck to his skin as if it had been painted on. But of course, despite the fact that he was very clearly dripping all over the place, the man wouldn't take off the mask. Even though it kept slipping down, heavy from the drenching. He continually had to push it back up over his nose, like a spherebrarian with ill-fitting glasses.
"Manners, Rikku," Paine called from the bedroom loft, which made the Al Bhed slap her forehead, still breathing hard from both dancing and laughter.
"Sorry about that. Um. Yeah. Bathroom's right there, past the bar. Don't go in the men's, though, go in the women's. No one else but us is here, and I doubt Buddy has a hairdryer. Though maybe Brother does, who knows?" A quick pause for breath, and she continued, "Our towels are probably cleaner, too. Just throw them in the hamper."
"I thank you," Lazarus said, and headed in that direction, fussing with the touch-pad. Rikku had installed it years before, when she was worried about Brother's lecherous tendencies toward their mutual cousin Yuna.
"Three-six-six-two," called Paine, clearing his confusion. Hell, Lazarus couldn't be that much of a nuisance anyway, whether or not he knew the code. Once he'd entered, however, she spoke in a lower voice. "Woman, get up here and leave the man alone."
Rikku had clasped her hands behind her back and swayed from side to side, copying what she called Yuna's "sweet-n-thoughtful pose." Pointedly ignoring Paine's reprimand, she accessed her garment grid once more and changed back into her normal thief's outfit.
"Rikku... if you're thinking what I think you're thinking--"
The younger woman deepened her voice and, in as sultry a tone as she could manage, said, "You're in for the beating of your life." Then she laughed and stretched her arms above her head before racing to the bar and stepping on the seat before plopping herself on the countertop.
Barkeep burbled and, like he always did, fussed over her position. "Zhat ish not shanitary, yesh? Pleashe remove your buttocsh from zhe bar?"
"Yesh," she asknowledged, and spun around, hopping down to where Barkeep and Darling were standing. "May I trubbable yoo to make a shnowball?" she cooed, but of course did not wait for permission before she started up the small snow machine she'd swiped from Gippal's party the week before. He knew about it, of course, but not until after she'd taken it. The fact that he hadn't stolen it from the ship before they'd left clearly meant that he didn't mind. And if she'd been mistaken about that assumption, he was slower than she thought.
Rikku's lips curled into her traditional cat-like smile as she let a big plastic cup fill up with artificial snow, poured sugary syrup over it, stuck a straw and spoon in. Just for grins, she made two. Paine didn't like the over-sweetness of the dessert, but maybe this new guy would. Besides, she needed the activity to take her mind off Gippal. Conversation with someone a little less stoic than Paine would be nice, too, but she doubted she'd get it from Yuna's baby's guardian. Yuna's baby, she thought. Rikku's butt wiggled in anticipation of the event. More babies to play with! Maybe she'd never have any of her own, but she loved babysitting Vidina. Maybe she could become a career aunt. Aunt Rikku's Sitting Service. Yeah. That'd be nice.
Lazarus left the bathroom looking much more comfortable, the mask over his mouth once again dry and lying properly on his skin, his clothes looking less like paint and more like expensive silk. His gloves and boots were off, air-drying so that the leather would not remain damp against his skin, and he somewhat self-consciously padded barefoot into the cabin's main area. The belt, of course, stayed on. It kept his tunic closed, and anything else would be an utter breach of decorum.
Seeing him, Rikku put a hand on the top of the counter and pressed down, using the momentum to propel herself from behind the bar. "Hey, Laz, want a snowball?" she asked, grabbing the two cups and holding them up. They seemed to be a little too cheerful for him, though. One was bright pink; the other, a shade of green so bright it nearly glowed.
He paused, looking at her with suspicion glinting in red-brown eyes. "What are they?"
Rikku giggled. "Snowballs, silly! Flavored ice. They're made by a new kind of machina. Want to try? I've got mint and berry."
He paused, walking near her, feet making no sound on the ground. One hand lifted towards hers, hesitating, before it grabbed the cup filled with pink-colored ice. "I was never much one for mint," he murmured. "I thank you."
"Dude," said the younger woman, rolling her eyes, "you can cut it out with the 'I thank you' business. Way too formal. Just say thanks, kay?" As she sipped on hers, watching him sit down, she grumbled to herself. "Is everyone who's born in Bevelle this serious all the time?"
"Yes," said the man, raising the cup to his lips. Then he paused. Long hands, calloused by the rough heaviness of a sword's hilt, grabbed at the spoon and stabbed the ice, breaking it up into a slush he could sip through the straw, which he deftly slipped beneath the mask, revealing nothing.
The girl standing next to him giggled at his obsessive secrecy, and spooned her own sloppy sugary mess into her mouth, eating greedily, letting it melt in her mouth and leave behind the sweet burn of mint. Looking up, though, she saw Paine leaning over the railing to watch them, short silver hair falling forward to brush against her pale cheeks. There was a glimmer in her friend's eyes that she couldn't quite... no, wait, she did know that look. It was the warrior woman's "Aww, how cute" look. The one meant to piss Rikku off. And yeah, Rikku considered getting pissed, but decided this time it wasn't worth it. Lord, she was standing next to her cousin's lodger, and they were eating snowballs. Very quietly and happily, she might add. Though, considering the fact that the man next to her was always quiet... well, maybe it was kind of cute. But just a little.
"This is..." the man paused, looking down at his drink. It was already halfway gone, Rikku noted, and she smiled.
"Yes?" she prodded, poking his elbow. He seemed to twitch at the touch, pull just a little bit further away, as if it frightened him. Mental note, Rikku told herself, he's an okay guy, but it bothers him to be touched.
He looked over at her and quickly looked away, greedily sipping again on the snowball. A quick wipe of fingers under his mask to take care of anything on his lips, and he turned back to her. "This is one of the best things I've ever tasted."
The girl grinned, and took a bar seat next to him. He shifted a little so that their elbows couldn't touch, but that was all right with her. Everyone had their little eccentricities, after all. "I'll make you another if the rain doesn't let up for a while. Though, I gotta ask, why were you out there in that mess?" A pause, and two events connected in her mind. She snickered. "Hunting fiends for fun and profit?"
"Ah. You saw me." He took another sip, and the straw began to make bubbly sounds, catching air through the ice at the bottom of the cup. Putting it to the side, he seated himself better on the barstool, one arm resting in his lap, the other elbow behind him on the bar counter. "I was... giving my clients their privacy. That, and the cold air was a welcome change. I'm not used to the heat."
Rikku winced, not at his comment about the heat - boy, he'd hate it back in Bikanel - but at the idea of the newlyweds' "privacy." To be honest, she didn't really like staying with them either. It was okay with Lulu and Wakka. They were just cute. But Yuna and Tidus? Downright mushy, all the time. She could've sworn she heard them having sex once when she and Paine had slept over. But then Paine had rolled over and mumbled, "Damn loud frogs, let a girl get some sleep already" and it made Rikku feel a little better about the creaking noises she kept hearing.
"Well hey, why don't you stay here for a bit? I mean, we've got the extra room now that Yunie's gone, and you only need to be the guardian to the baby herself, right? So hang out and party! Unless Gippal decides to crash and fly around with us. He's been doing that a lot lately." It almost made her blush to think of it, and she smiled her cat-smile again. Gippal. She'd been crushing on him for longer than she could remember, and it looked like finally, finally, he was starting to want to spend time with her. Well, her and the whole gang really, but who was she to argue? Just being around him made her feel so anxious and happy and scared that she was almost sick to her stomach. "It's not love," Paine said once, "it's influenza." But Rikku knew differently. And someday, maybe she and Gippal could be just like Lulu and Wakka. That best friend kind of relationship. With lots of cuddling involved. And maybe one kid. Just one, though. If any. Rikku was too much of a kid herself to ever give serious thought to motherhood. And she had the feeling that if she allowed Gippal to breed, Paine would kick her ass.
Lazarus shifted again, folded his hands in his lap and studied them as he considered her offer. It was certainly a possibility. He needed to get away from the couple - and while it was possible that the little girl could be injured by someone in the womb, he was certain that that was not what the Fayth meant.
And after all, there was still the issue of Tidus' and Yuna's intimacy. Ever since one particular experience he'd had on Yuna's pilgrimage, any open displays of sexuality between others made him want to die all over again, or at least run and hide. It had been hard staying in the young couple's tent for a week. He ate alone, slept alone, and walked about during the day, practicing the art of fighting while the Aurochs practiced blitzing. And there was no chance he'd stay in Wakka's and Lulu's larger tent. Not after that night.
Late evening, Macalania forest. The threat of Seymour out of the way, but everyone had been drained by the journey, body and mind. It was visible in their faces. It tore at his heart, and he shivered constantly, glad for the slight warmth of his coat. When Tidus approached him, he could only proclaim his fatigue, and slump into a more comfortable position.
Yuna had run off, and Khimari went to protect her. Tidus, of course, had gone after the girl. After a few minutes had passed, Rikku curled up on the ground and went to sleep, folding her thin arms under her head in an attempt at comfort. Lulu and Wakka spoke quietly. When he leaned in toward her ear, Auron looked away, through the trees toward the sphere pool. Everything glimmered in that direction, and he thought he heard the tinny, simpering voice of his friend's daughter. She was in pain. Of course she was. She'd been in pain for most of her life, and had borne it like a true heroine. If she'd wanted to stop, if even then she'd wanted to run away to somewhere safe like Besaid or Sanubia, he wouldn't have kept her from her desires. His duty to Spira ended with that girl. He wished on all his severed dreams that Tidus was there with her, giving her the comfort that not even her closest friends could give.
When Auron looked back toward the group, he realized that Lulu and Wakka were gone. Rikku was still asleep, curled into a tiny ball of orange leather and gold skin. It made him smile. She was so like Tidus sometimes that they could be siblings. Probably why they'd never been strongly attracted to each other. Two hyperactive flighty blondes? No. Tidus had to go for the strong, quiet brunette who was always thinking about others. All they shared, really, was the same naïveté. And Rikku? Rikku was only fifteen. Hardly at an age to be thinking of romance. Even though Auron did have the feeling she had a small and impossible crush on him, the way she always yelled at him not to be so mean. Or maybe that was actual dislike for his toughlove tactics. Not as though it mattered much, since he'd be going to the Farplane soon enough any--
He heard a noise that startled him, and his sword was instantly in his hand. It sounded like a scream, and as he played back the moment in his mind, he was certain that it had been a woman in pain. His one good eye scanned the trees before him, listening with all his might for any hint of a direction. Then another small scream came, and he dashed off to his right. A few branches hit him in the face, but he didn't care. It had to be Lulu, and by all that was holy, Lulu's cool demeanor would not allow a scream to slip through unless she were practically dying.
He stopped between two cold trees, having lost track of the direction. Damned univision always took away his perspective. No wonder he couldn't hit anything without practicing for hours, and even then, almost all of the fiends stayed in a neat line right in front of the guardians.
Then, a low male groan sounded jut a little ways from his shoulder. He turned to look...
And ran straight back to the camp, his heart racing. Branches slapped his upper cheeks, his nose, anything not protected by the wide collar, but he didn't care. Shit... shit! And oh, ye fayth and aeons, this was not something he expected or needed or wanted to have burned into his retina, into his mind. As soon as he got back to the small clearing, he slowed his pace. Rikku still lay there, safe from the fiends and innocent of everything. Auron stopped, and sat down, laying aside his sword and yanking down at his collar so that he could put his hands to his face.
The dead cannot quicken, he told himself, I can control this. I can get this out of my mind with no problems. I can look at my fellow guardians in the same way I ever have. They will not know I saw, and I will forget. I will forget. But the more he told himself to forget, the clearer the pictures became, the more of them flew through his mind. And more than that, he was so ill-prepared for it that became uncomfortable almost instantly, what little blood he had rushing to a place he did not want it to be.
It had been ten years since he'd even thought of sexuality. It simply had never been a large part of his life, even before he'd died. Certainly, there were those among the older Zanarkand women that found him attractive, but he paid them no attention and attended to the duty of raising Jecht's son in place of a real father or mother. Physical pleasure held no value, so he'd almost forgotten it existed.
It felt like pain, now. Auron groaned into his hands, willing the thoughts to disappear. Willing himself to stop thinking that he just needed something, anything, to take this sudden desire away. And if he tried to get rid of it the old-fashioned way...
Maybe everyone else would be gone for long enough, but he had Rikku to think of. If he left her for too long, even this safe area would be swarming with fiends, and she'd be prone and defenseless. But if she woke up in the middle of his... attempt at release, as far as he knew she could be scarred for life.
Instead, he pulled his sword arm from his coat and sat on both hands, and just stared at the girl. Watched the rise and fall of her breath, the way her large green eyes moved beneath the lids. He could very well be her father, he realized. The math was about right. If, like Braska, he'd settled down with a kind and exotic Al Bhed woman when he was in his twenties, this girl could have been his child. And the way he scolded her, cold-shouldered her when she was irrationally frightened. It was exactly the way he'd treated Tidus as a child, until the boy learned to live for himself.
Auron's breath calmed, his heartbeat slowed. Everything inside him became less painful and blue. Even when Lulu and Wakka returned to camp, carefully dressed and clean of all traces of their sudden but expected romance, Auron kept staring at the sleeping child. Picturing her life. Picturing the grandchildren that would have been his, had he decided to marry. And though it made him halfway regret his decision to live like a monk all his life, the pictures in his mind seemed to bring peace. Yes, he realized, he'd been trying to act as a father figure during the entire pilgrimage. And he would continue to do so. If by his actions and his words, she would become a stronger person, he'd continue to let her dislike him. Or like him, he cared not. As long as she benefited. As long as she grew.
He relaxed and fixed his collar, returned his sword arm to his coat where it would no longer be tempted into an indecency, and relaxed while he watched his two other surrogate children enter the camp together, blushing and in love. Thank heaven for little girls.
Though she'd not known it, Rikku had saved him then. Lazarus looked to the girl, a woman now really, and smiled. Maybe she couldn't see his mouth, but he'd been told by Braska that whenever he really genuinely smiled, that the corners of his eyes crinkled pleasantly, even before he'd begun to age. "I'd love to stay here. Thank you."
The woman in question tilted her head. Was he smiling? Hey yeah, he was. Wow, she thought, not as touch-me-not as I'd expected. In response, she grinned, holding up her plastic cup of mostly-eaten green stuff in a kind of salute. "Then welcome aboard!"
The man's head bent down, peeking at her from beneath his lashes, and he started to chuckle. Clearly at her expense, though. Rikku narrowed her eyes.
"Hey, what's so funny?"
"Your lips are green."
She blinked in surprise, then started to laugh. Full-out laughter, so exuberant and happy that she had to put her cup down and hold her abdomen after a while. Really, he hadn't thought it was that funny, but seeing her reaction, he had to chuckle too. Same old Rikku. He'd never know how she managed it. Home for a week and for the first time, he felt like things were settling into place. And the snowballs... he could get addicted. The uncomfortable heat of his body was immediately eased, as soon as he'd tasted one.
And for just a moment, he actually wanted to be alive and young. He liked it. It was... fun.