Over a month had passed since the dark stranger Lazarus had come to Besaid with the express intent of guarding High Summoner Yuna's child, and already he was considered an official member of the Gullwings. Whenever Yuna and Tidus were too busy to babysit Vidina, the task fell to Lazarus. Much to the warrior's chagrin, the young boy loved Laz and began to dress up in black clothes and mask, peeking from behind rocks on the beach and calling himself a Ninja. His new favorite game was to attack small things with a wooden sword. Small things like crabs, blitzballs, boxes, and girls named Rikku.
The man seemed to be enjoying himself, in his silent way. He never complained of babysitting duty, and unlike Wakka, he was able to make the boy clean up his entire room on command, something only Lulu had been capable of previously. Once, when the boy had roughhoused a little too much in Yuna's tent and broken a picture sphere of the couple, Lazarus simply stood over him and stared, utterly silent, until Vidina was in tears. The man then patted the boy on the head, fixed the sphere, and ended up flat on his back from the kid's wealth of love for making everything okay. He apologized fiercely to Aunt Yuna, even tried his best Uncle Laz bow. Yuna took a sphere of the boy bowing and replaced the former, not-quite-fixed sphere in that way.
Yuna herself didn't care at all. She was in a state of swooning bliss. Her belly was getting more and more full by the day, and now that she was in her second trimester, she was giddy from the reality of the whole thing. Her mood swings were only in the mornings usually, so most of her family could leave her alone for those hours, and she didn't get many cravings save Guadosalam fruits and berries, which the Gullwings were more than happy to pick up for her.
"Cravings spring from internal needs," explained Lazarus one morning, on seeing Tidus cringe at Yuna's hearty appetite. "In order to grow inside of her, the child needs vitamins and nutrients. The fish and bread diet she usually takes in from living here is providing enough, in one respect. Fiber and protein and such words that some progressive white mages like to throw around. The fruit provides the rest. She only wants it because it's what's best for her and her child."
Tidus had stared in open-mouthed admiration, before grinning and punching Laz in the shoulder. "Hey! That's pretty cool! Where'd you learn that?"
Lazarus had only grunted and walked away.
He was living at week-long intervals on the Celcius and in Tidus and Yuna's small guest room, both of which were slowly becoming more familiar. He no longer woke in the middle of the night, neither due to the Besaid night sounds nor the Celcius' mechanic hum and muffled speech. In fact, both had become rather soothing in their own ways. Often in Besaid, he could count the crickets and frogs surrounding the tent simply by the volume and nearness of their sounds. There were fewer fiends than there had been during the time of Sin, so he didn't have to stand guard at all. On the Celcius, there were no animal noises unless one could count Brother. His bed was in the mens' section, so he heard Brother every time the man spoke in his sleep. Now and then, the blonde would be either thanking or apologizing to some bird. It was very peculiar, but Lazarus wasn't particularly interested in finding out the story behind the words. Buddy agreed that it wasn't something he really felt like telling anyone again.
While he worked during his weeks in Besaid, he mostly just cut loose while he stayed with the Gullwings. If one could call going on expeditions and eating a snowball every night "cutting loose." On the whole, he enjoyed Paine's company more than anyone's. Likely, his friendliness with her was due to their similarities. While Rikku, and occasionally Brother, danced around the ship like maniacs and got drunk with Gippal at every available opportunity, Lazarus and Paine mostly stayed in the Cabin with Barkeep, conversing about Spiran politics. He'd been surprised immediately about how knowledgable she was concerning the running of a country, considering the nation's general ignorance on the subject. He figured that it was likely because of her stoic and logical mind as well as the fact that she was a neutral party with confidential information coming from all three current leaders, all of whom trusted her explicitly, even perhaps more than they trusted each other.
"I've stopped accepting the tracts Nooj sends me," she said, taking a sip of something that smelled strongly of alcohol and herbs. "I already reviewed pretty much everything that I could have, but he keeps delivering more and more to the ship. Honestly, it's beginning to all sound the same. The partis have kind of reached an impasse. People like shopkeepers don't notice, of course, because sales are apparently skyrocketing." She sipped at her glass again then set it down in front of her, making small rings of condensation on the countertop. Her other arm was folded in front of her, and her posture was relaxed, but somehow she did not look comfortable. "I mean, there's a very specific reason we have to get all of this figured out as quickly as possible."
Lazarus stirred his dark blue snowball. Finally, he'd discovered a flavor that wasn't nearly so... feminine. Still sweet, still cold, but at least it wasn't fruity and pink. "Naturally. Overpopulation."
"Exactly," she murmured, motioning to Barkeep to light a stick of incense. Since the temples had fallen into decline, the musky-smelling armoa sticks had become popular as household deodorants. Rin's idea, naturally, but he kept most Yevonites from finding out the origin of the idea in case old habits held too well. "I commissioned Tobly to have his Huge Horde of Hypello travel around Spira and take a census. In babies alone, the population has already doubled, and there's no Sin to kill anyone off. As much as I and everyone else hates to admit it, the destruction of our worst nightmare has caused problems in itself."
Lazarus shook his head and sipped on his addiction, trying not to pay any attention to the commotion behind them. Rikku had gotten bored with hunting spheres and fiends, and had decided to play hostess to several of her old friends. Only Gippal, Maroda,and Calli had been able to attend something with such little planning, so instead of actually having a party, they were seated around a cheap square table playing cards.
"Cheat, cheat! You are SO bluffing, Gippal," Rikku squealed.
"Afraid not, girl. Read 'em and weep. All these lovely cards to you, little girl!" There was the sound of thin cardstock on wood, then a high-pitched growl of frustration.
Laz chuckled a little and looked to Paine. "Those two never stop, do they?"
"Afraid not," said the younger warrior, turning halfway around in her seat, before getting up to watch. She almost always ended their conversations in that way. If they were talking and she became interested in something else, she just stopped speaking about anything else and moved toward where her interest took her. It somehow left Lazarus feeling unfulfilled. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and seeing no other choice, also stood up to watch the game. It was a fairly simple cardgame called Cheat. The youngest member started off the play, and each of four people was dealt one-fourth of the 60-card deck, which contained four suits numbered one through fifteen. The object was to cheat without getting caught, and get all the cards out of one's hand.
Rikku had banned Lazarus and Paine from the game, since one or the other constantly won, and games between the two of them tended to last in hours-long stalemates.
When neither of the two joined, however, Rikku usually won and gloated over the fact. The fact that she currently held almost the entire deck in her small hands was driving her into stupid mistakes, which only lessened her chances of catching back up.
Suddenly, Lazarus noticed something, and his quick eyes zoomed in on a tiny motion that he almost thought he imagined. But there it was. When Paine passed by Gippal on her way to pick up a chair on the side of the room, her fingers subtly brushed the back of his neck. And the proof was there in the Al Bhed's face, which was now turning a slight shade redder.
The masked man winced. He'd been suspicious before, but now it was confirmed. Certainly, Gippal visited the Gullwings often, but despite Rikku's constant flirting, he acted no differently toward her than he would a child, which she certainly no longer was. The girl assumed that now that she was legal age for marriage by both Yevonite and Al Bhed standards, her childhood crush had finally decided to court her. But it couldn't have been that, since dating was allowed by both cultures, and Gippal had shown no interest in dating her or even spending much time alone with the girl, no matter how obvious her care for him was.
The truth was, he'd been gradually spending more and more time with Paine, often going away for meetings with her on the pretext of speaking to Nooj and Baralai about politics. Lazarus' eyes narrowed. They were clearly keeping their relationship a secret in order to protect Rikku, but if she found out, she would be heartbroken. Not only were their actions hurtful, they were shadowed and dishonorable.
"Paine," he said, staring over at the woman, whose red eyes widened at the sudden quiet anger in his voice. Perhaps she realized her error, perhaps not. She was young and likely more impassioned than she ever had been. "I'd like to speak with you on the deck. If you'll follow me." Then, without bothering to see if she obliged him, he swept from the cabin and took the short ride up the elevator to the deck.
Though there was no ulterior motive to meet on the deck - it truly was a quiet, secluded place in which to talk - Lazarus had to admit he enjoyed going there. It was particularly spectacular at night, when they were far from the lights of large cities like Luca. His eyes would be swallowed by the view of millions stars, land masses only twinkling far below them. If it wasn't so dangerous to sleep out here, due to the risk of falling right off the ship and to certain death, he would. It really wouldn't be a bad death, after all. It would simply cut his mission short, and cause the Fayth no small amount of grief.
The sliding hiss of the elevator door opening interrupted his musings, and he heard the slow click of high heels on metal. "You wanted to speak to me?"
"Yes," Lazarus said, crossing his arms in front of him. It was the closest approximation the man could get to his old stance of arm-in-coat. "I want you to tell her."
"Tell who what?" she asked, staying behind the man. Her toes softly tapped on the deck as the stars flew by, engulfing them in crystalline speckles and cool dark air. She was obviously nervous. Yuna would be tickled. Here was someone who could intimidate the ever-impregnable Paine.
"I know you and Gippal are attracted to one another. Tell Rikku before she finds out on her own," he said simply, awaiting the younger woman's reaction. It came precisely as expected.
"Like hell I will. You know how much that would hurt her? Damnit, it'd kill her," Paine spat, stomping forward and whirling around so that Lazarus could face the full brunt of her outrage. "I don't even know if this is real or not. I mean, we've all been friends for years. Why should I want Gippal now, huh? And why should he want me after all this time?" She waved her arm violently, cutting the air between them. "If it lasts, sure, of course I'd tell her. He's not even officially courting me, since it's such a big deal to the Al Bhed. This could end tomorrow. I'd be fine with it, Gippal would get over it, and then he'd be free to date Rikku, which could work. See?" She slapped a hand to her forehead, shuddering with the weight of her emotions. "Hell, we haven't even kissed. We've only talked."
The warrior remained unmoved. "That may be so. However, it may last. And how much will you hurt she who is like a sister to you if Gippal does begin to court you with no warning?" He sighed, and dropped his arms, staring hard at the woman. "You are too much like most of your male friends to find any variety in conversation. It'd be as if your friend Nooj became your spouse. The two of you would speak of politics and likely nothing more. Gippal adds to you. I've seen too many young people fall in love to disregard the signs."
"Ugh. You're like Yuna. Both of you are right all the damn time and it aggravates the hell outta me." Paine cringed and shook her head, folding her arms so that she could warm her bare shoulders. "Then what do I do?"
"You write your own story with the person you may find brings you happiness. But first, you share your discovery with your friend. It will benefit you all." A pause, as he considered. "You and Gippal should tell her. Both of you. Not now, necessarily. Ask her to speak to the both of you, and tell her without trying to break it to her gently. She'll know you aren't trying to hurt her. And she'll respect you for your honesty." Lazarus raised and eyebrow and began to walk past her, toward the elevator. "You've known her far longer than I. I should think you'd know this." The elevator door swished closed behind him, as he left Paine alone to think.
When he returned to the cabin, four faces were pinned on him. Gippal's was worried. Calli's was confused and, if Lazarus would be so presumptuous as to say, a little vapid. Maroda was interested, but didn't seem to really care. And Rikku?
The girl jumped up from her seat and began to paw at the air in front of her. She looked like a squirrel. It was a peculiar habit to associate with excited speech, but she was no more peculair than Tidus, who had a rhythm of waving his arm twice in front of him then once to the side. Continually. For hours, if that's how long it took him to finish a speech. "Ooh! You and Paine had a private conversation... do I sense some sparks of loooooooove? Huh, Laz? Do I?"
The poor girl. She had no idea, and because of her ignorance, she was making all kinds of conclusions that would only hurt her in the end. Despite his internal sympathies, however, Lazarus kept his face still as stone, and he stared at Rikku until she'd calmed down somewhat. He then said, "No," and went back to his half-finished snowball.
Her face fell, but at least she seemed to believe him. With a shrug, she sat back down and tossed down her last four cards. "Two of Shiva, two of Magus, two of Anima, and two of Bahamut. I win!"
Instead of groaning with the others, Gippal continued to stare at Lazarus, as if he was trying to burn holes in the other man's tunic with his one healthy eye. It was lucky that Rikku didn't notice, since she was so giggly at having won her second game of the night. Besides, Maroda and Calli were doing enough groaning for Gippal. They were both about to leave anyway, though, so it wasn't so bad.
As Lazarus sat and finished his now-melted snowball, the rest of the group said their goodbyes, Paine included, once she'd come down from the deck. Rikku tried asking her friend what the conversation was about, but Paine wasn't about to spill, and Rikku was used enough to her friend's elusive tendencies to know when to leave it alone. After all, she'd spent two years working her way up to twenty respect points. She wouldn't dream of throwing a few away on a conversation that she might hear about later anyway. If she was good.
Two nights after the card game, the Gullwings flew down to Gagazet to fight fiends for a few extra gil. They'd been running low due to constant purchases of Guadosalam fruit, and Brother refused to let Yuna pay them back for it. Luckily, the crush he'd had on his first cousin had dwindled into the kind of brotherly affection he showed Rikku. The change greatly relieved everyone who knew about his rather sick fascination.
Khimari had made a fire for them just inside of the entrance to the cave. When he passed Lazarus, he breathed deeply and looked into the fighter's left eye, then passed by without a word. It was only natural that the Ronso figured it out, of course. Lazarus had expected no less of his friend. Nonetheless, he figured that he still had one person he could tell verbally about his identity. Intuition was not a mentioned part of his exchange with the Fayth.
At any rate, Lazarus kept himself away from the fire, enjoying the cold snowy breezes that floated through the cave to chill his skin. While Brother and Buddy circled overhead like some great red buzzard, Lazarus fought the stronger fiends of the Gagazet mountains alongside Paine and Rikku. Their garment grids truly were fascinating, and though he was forced to remain a warrior, Paine and Rikku continued transforming, just to check how effective their abilities still were after having rusted somewhat from disuse. Whereas Paine remained in one class for a few battles at a time, Rikku couldn't stop changing, seemed to do it at least twice during each confrontation. When Paine finally changed from Black Knight to Lady Luck, Lazarus had to rip his eyes away from the woman's overexposed skin just to defend himself from a dragon-class monster's attack. He wasn't sure what the name of this particular one was, but all of those names were in the bestiary file back on the ship, so what did he care? He'd had enough trouble during Yuna's pilgrimage, keeping track of monster names just so that he could work toward his ultimate weapon. Stupid monster arena.
Two hours later, the three of them were drenched in sweat, and Rikku slipped a charm bangle onto her wrist so that they could all get back to the fire without worrying over extra encounters. Once they got there, though...
"Hey," called Gippal, holding up his left hand. The right held a stick on which he'd stuck various pieces of meat and vegetables, probably snuck from the Celcius' auto-blizzard box. Lazarus raised an eyebrow and Rikku ran towards the food with a grateful smile on her features. Unfortunately, since she was dressed as a black mage, it was rather hard to run, and her heels scuffed on the stone ground with a muffled clacking sound.
"Cool! Food! Thanks, Gippal," she said and rubbed his head, taking a few pieces of already-cooked meat from a tray he'd brought out to hold the finished product. Paine, on the other hand, walked slowly toward the other two, stopping midway. She gave an imploring look to Lazarus.
So, they were finally going to take him up on his advice. So be it. He tried for a moment to think of some plausible excuse for him to walk away, but realized that anything he said would be a lie, and she'd know it in the end. So instead, he hefted his sword over his shoulder. He'd finally been able to get something with a decent edge, and Rikku worked with Gippal to customize it with a few extra effects that, as Rikku said, "chop fiends up real good!" Something to do with designer wallets she'd been saving up. How she could fit a few dozen wallets into a sword, he didn't know and didn't care to ask.
"Where's he going?" he heard her ask as he walked toward the entrance and out into the snow. And waited. After a few minutes, he found himself shivering. Well, so it was possible. After burning up from the sweat that he hadn't stayed by the fire long enough to dry, it was gelling against his skin. Even that, though, wasn't the empty coldness of death. When he breathed in, he felt almost faint from the thinness of the atmosphere, but as his heartbeat slowed, he felt his blood pumping hard and true, felt the faintness give him a buzz in his brain. Even the sharp fall that would await him if he misplaced his feet gave him a rush. Life was a peculiar thing, but it could feel so good. And before, the last time he'd been here, it was all distant. He could see, he could fight, he could speak. But none of it seemed real, like a prolonged dream. When he'd gone to the Farplane and gone to sleep, it was just like an extension of that half life he'd been experiencing. All that time, helping Tidus and Yuna to their ultimate goals, it was so phony. As he strengthened, learned new skills, gave advice and rested along with the others in Rin's traveling agencies to recuperate from battles on the road... none of it was real, and none of it made him happy. There was no enjoyment in anything. He was just moving. It was like sleeping. It was wrong, and every minute of every day, he knew it.
Not like now. Now, a prick in the shoulder from a lizard's bite sent shockwaves to his brain and made him intensely aware of everything in his body. Standing still made him realize his heartbeat, and the longer he concentrated on himself, the more he felt inside of himself, the pulse of arteries in his arms, his legs. His groin sometimes, unfortunately, but that was one thing he'd learned to ignore for most of his life anyway. And here, standing here, bathing in the intense cold that pricked his bare arms and chilled the air in his lungs, froze the sweat in his clothes and beneath his gloves and boots, he couldn't help but lust after the sensation. It was real. It was real and awake and alive, and he was no longer walking in a dream.
A sound behind him made him spin, sword at the ready, but it was only Paine and Gippal. They both looked worse for the wear, and there were unaccustomed tears standing out in Paine's eyes. She looked at Lazarus, fists balled at her sides, and sofly said, "She wants us to be happy. She didn't say anything. Just that she wanted us to be as happy as we could be."
"And that if we didn't take care of her, she'd kick both our asses," added Gippal, giving a forced half-smile. He gulped and put a hand on Paine's arm, pulling the woman closer to him. "I was so sure she'd be mad or upset or something. She's probably really hurt inside, but it didn't show at all, you know?"
Lazarus nodded. "She's still back there?" he asked, jerking his head in the direction of the cave's entrance.
Paine nodded, and folded her arms, leaning into Gippal's shoulder. "I said we were going back to the ship, and she said she wanted to stay. I don't think I could face her for very long just now, anyway. I keep expecting her to blow up. She has every right to."
Lazarus looked at the two for a moment, then sidestepped Gippal and walked toward the fire without a word. They'd leave soon enough, anyway. A lizard tried jumping out at him, but he swung his sword once and stepped right though the glitter of pyreflies that had been the body of the fiend. Rikku was in fact still sitting by the fire, her hands clasped in front of her, face dry. The food was still there, and he supposed that her appetite had disappeared when she'd heard the news.
Silently, the warrior sat down next to her, putting his sword to the side. They sat like that without speaking, and Lazarus picked up a few bites to eat. He realized that she was trying to numb herself, to not care somehow, but it wasn't working. Her big green eyes were squinted, thin lips pursed in an unnaturally sour expression. Lazarus looked away to roll his eyes, then looked back at her and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. "You're allowed to cry," he murmured.
So she did. Rikku let out a sound that sounded like a cough, and the wetness slipped down her face. Without asking permission, she turned and leaned her forehead to his shoulder, burying her face in her hands. Quiet sobs shook her entire body as the wind made her tremble, and in this cold, that was saying something. With a silent curse, Laz reached out further and rested his arm on her back to give her some amount of comfort and warmth, letting her lean forward on his chest. Ye fayth and aeons, he thought, how can she stand this? They can probably smell me all the way to the Farplane.
But the girl didn't seem to notice or care. She just let her quiet crying fade into soft coughs, then stillness. After a few moments, she pulled back. Her thin lips were pressed together, eyes a little red, but she was certainly none the worse for wear. "Thanks," she said, wiping her arm across her face as she stared at the chest she'd just been holding onto. "I'm sorry if I kind of... you know... lost it. And got you all wet."
He looked at her then removed his arm from her back, folding his hands in his lap while he looked at the still-burning fire. Ronso fires were well-made. This one, he knew, could burn for hours. "Number one," said Lazarus, "You 'lost it' because I offered you the opportunity. Which you needed. Number two, I was already all wet, so tears and snot isn't any worse than male sweat." When he looked back at her, she paused for a moment, then laughed a little. Rikku already seemed back to her normal self.
Her braids jangled as she shook her head, staring down into the fire. "It was surprising, that's all. And I did kind of feel rejected. But really, it wasn't me, it was just... Gippal loves Paine, is all. His happiness was someone else. I could never fault him that. And especially not her. God, I'd be surprised if she was completely immune to his charms." Now that everything was okay again, she grabbed a veggie from the tray of food and popped it in her mouth. After a few thoughtful chews, she looked up at Lazarus and lightly punched him in the arm. "You're such a dad, you know that? I'm surprised you don't have any kids of your own. Unless you've got some you aren't telling us about."
Lazarus turned to her, a piece of meat halfway to his mouth, and the effect of his surprise sent Rikku into a short giggling fit. Honestly, the fact that she said that was a compliment. He'd always seen himself as kind of a father to Tidus and Yuna, in place of his friends, but along Yuna's pilgrimage, he came to secretly care for all of her guardians - save Khimari, who was an adult in Ronso terms. Not that he'd ever show it, but he tried to stand up for those who needed it, whip some sense into those who needed it. The fact that he'd known more practical information about Yuna's pregnancy than Tidus did surprised even him. He still had to ask, though. "Why do you say that?"
"Well," she began, holding up her fingers to tick off the points as she spoke, "You told Paine what she needed to do about the Gippal thing. You held me when I was crying, even though I know you don't like being touched. You take care of Tidus and Yuna when you're down there better than those two take care of themselves. You help with all our stuff as the Gullwings. And you do all of it without complaining, without really enjoying it, and without needing really anything in return." She smiled. "I mean, all of that stuff could just mean that you're a really good guy, but it sounds really daddy-ish to me."
He blinked. The girl was more observant than she'd ever let on. "I suppose so. I don't have any children, though. Do you think that what I do could be strictly from a sense of duty, perhaps? I am doing what the Fayth commanded me."
Rikku shook her head and reached out to pat her hand on his knee. It was a peculiar sensation through the thin cloth, but he chose to ignore it. "If you were doing what the Fayth commanded, strictly out of duty, you wouldn't even have shown up at Yunie's doorstep until the announcement had been made that she'd given birth. No, you care about her. About all of us. It's love." Rikku grinned and folded her hands together in her lap, swaying a little from side to side. "You don't even know us that well, but you love us because you've adopted us as your people. That's partly why I invited you to be a Gullwing."
Lazarus nodded, slowly, now even more aghast at her sense of observation. Though she couldn't detect his scent like Khimari, Yuna's youngest guardian was the closest to discovering who he was, just because of his actions. Laz was impressed. He'd never expected she'd grow up so much. Though... watching her swaying around in her seat as if she was dancing to some unheard music, one would still think she was a child. "Thank you," he said. "I'm honored you think of me in that way."
Rikku rolled her eyes. "It's because you are that way." A pause. "Though, to be honest, I really thought you'd like Paine. She's like you, y'know? And you two talk all the time. You could probably be better friends with her than, say, you and I could be. You have more to say to her."
Lazarus shrugged. "We have common interests. That is all. To be honest, I consider you a better friend." It was so simple, the way he said it. So natural. He didn't even think about the words. But when he said them, and went over them in his mind... yes, it was true. She'd become a companion, rather than someone who needed to be guarded. A friend. Like Jecht and Braska.
And the way she reacted cinched it. "Really?! That's great!" The girl pounced him, knocking him back a little with an excited hug around the waist. He chuckled a bit, and not sure what else to do, patted her on the head as she disentangled herself. "I'm glad, Laz. I'm really glad you think of me as a friend. Wow, I feel like I've passed some big test or something." She grinned, clapping her hands and bending over a little. "You just look so unapprochable, I didn't think I'd gained your respect, much less your friendship. That's cool."
"Why wouldn't you have my respect?" he asked, picking up a bit of the food and watching the fire smoke, as it curled in the air and dispersed.
"Well, I didn't know, see? Some people need to see more of a person to respect them, some people need less. And the way I figure it, relationships evolve in stages, like. First there's respect. What they do, how they act, what they've accomplished or want to accomplish. Then there's friendship. Just general, I-like-to-hang-around-this-person kind of stuff. Then there's love. And I don't mean squishy love, just the kind where you'd do things to make sure the other person stays happy and alive and well-fed, stuff like that. Lending gil or putting someone up or even risking your life. That's love. That's what I think all the high summoners must've felt for this planet, tremendous respect and friendship and love. Just for everyone here." She wrinkled her nose and picked up one of the ends of her multicolored scarf, playing with the edges, checking for frays. "That's partly why I didn't want the summoners to die. They had all this love for Spira, and Spira wasn't showing any love back for the summoners by wanting them to live. They just willingly accepted a human being with all this love, killing themselves. It was stupid. Anyway, I'm kind of going on a tangent, aren't I?"
Lazarus only nodded, thinking back for a moment on what Rikku had said earlier in the conversation about Paine. Certainly, he had more to say to the other sphere hunter. But Rikku... he had more to learn from this girl, he felt. This was a knowledge he'd never considered delving into. The simple knowledge of how people feel and operate and... live. "Please, continue."
Rikku grinned. "Anyway, yeah. Love. And I figure true love, the romantic kind, is just this intense friendship, right? It goes past wanting to die for someone. Past all that. It's everything you feel for a person... but doubled, you know? Like there's basic respect... and then there's true love, where you respect everything about that person and you think they're the best thing that ever happened to Spira. And then there's friendship, but where you not only like to be around that person, but need it, need it like breathing. Just need to be close and talk and be together. And then there's love, but you wouldn't only do things for them, but you'd... you'd do anything, give up anything, sacrifice not only your life but your whole existence so that they could have just one moment of happiness. Not just sex, you know? Sex isn't important. There's lust involved, but it's on a physical and a kind of spiritual scale. I mean, that's what I imagine. I haven't done it yet."
Her face soured all of a sudden, and she stared toward the ground, and skuffed at a bit of dust near her right sneaker. "To be honest, I was saving myself for Gippal. I guess I'm wrong about some of the steps in there. I was sure I had it right, but... ugh. And he's probably still going to make me feel that way, even when he's on a date with Paine. Damnit," she cursed, "I wish I could stop feeling like this. It's going to mess stuff up for them. For all of us."
"It takes time," Lazarus murmured, offering her the last piece of meat in the tray. He smirked beneath the mask when she picked up the stick Gippal had used to cook the food with and skewered it, chomping down before he'd even set the tray back down. "The fact that you don't want to feel that way about him just so that he can be happy may help. It's not that you don't want to be hurt. It's a selfless motivation." He paused and let his smirk bloom into a smile. "If word gets out that a pretty girl like you is that generous, I hope you realize that men will be flinging themselves at the Celcius just for a handshake or a hug."
Rikku giggled and swallowed, curling her knees to her chest. "That'd be nice. I mean, sure guys have had crushes on me, but they never wanted to be friends first. They just wanted to do it, I think. I need a nice heavy weapon to ward them off."
Lazarus raised an eyebrow and growled before he realized what he was doing. The sound was completely a reaction to her words, came throaty and deep and not of his own free will at all. Just the picture that had formed in his head, of a crowd of young men trying to peek under Rikku's (admittedly short) skirt, made his hackles raise. Hence the growl. And that made Rikku laugh.
"Maybe not a nice heavy weapon. Maybe just a nice, healthy guy for a friend." A grin. "Hell, you're more protective of me than my father. I hope you're not going to try and convince me to settle down with a nice boring Al Bhed man now too, are you?"
"Never," he muttered, shaking his head. "That wouldn't suit you at all. You'd be so bored you'd go against your own values and commit adultery. At least, I assume that's against your values," he added, afraid he'd overstepped his bounds in assuming what he knew about her personality.
"Yeah, totally," she replied, easing his worry, "I figure that if you want to have sex with someone else, you shouldn't be in a relationship. So if you even seriously consider another person, then at least dump the person you're with so they won't be even more hurt." A pause. "Yeah. That's probably how I would've felt if Gippal and Paine had gotten hitched without telling me. Thanks for lecturing some sense into her for my sake."
Lazarus watched his newly-admitted friend stand and dust off her butt, picking up the tray so that she could return it to the ship. "I'm going to go ask Khimari to put out the fire, okay? I can never do it, they're too well-made."
"Certainly," responded Laz, standing up himself. After all, walking down the moutain near her charm bangle would keep any fiends from interrupting their walk. And for some reason, he wanted to speak more to her. Hear her ideas about people just a little more. He felt like he was learning something, for the first time in a long time. Maybe some of her theories were a little far-fetched in the way of optimisim, but she thought about the world so differently. In her eyes, not everyone was good, but everyone was capable of love. And that was a welcome thought.
The only thing that bothered him was his earlier breach in etiquette. Because the growl he'd given wasn't just in reaction to a friend that could need protection. It came from a place too deep for that. Too much of a quick-fire reaction, sending his brain on vacation for just one second. It was more like something akin to... possession.
And somehow, he got the feeling that if he ever did see a horde of men pawing at Rikku, after a few minutes they'd be dead to the last man. The idea frightened Lazarus.
He pushed the thought out of his mind, and followed her down the slope.