The morning after is always a jumble. First you realize where you are, then where you've been. If you have a hangover, it starts to kick in just a little after you wake up. Either that or it wakes you up, knocking on your skull as if to say, "Hello, I'm the payment for your fun!" And then, you have to realize what happened the night before. Whether it was innocent fun or not. Whether there's a coyote ugly sleeping next to you. For Rikku, none of this seemed quite so bad. At first.
"...cred," she muttered, bringing her hands to her face. God, what a party. Thankfully, she hadn't had enough of Gippal's snowy drink invention to get vomiting drunk, but she'd been tipsy all right. Couldn't walk in a straight line. And now, she felt queasy all over. No headache, but the nausea was bad enough. As annoying as the first day of her rag. And when she looked down at herself, she realized she'd just slept in an orange chiffon dress. How's that for stupid?
It was fun though, the party. She reflected on it as she stood, pulling the dress over her head to toss into the hamper and grabbing her favorite outfit from the nearby dresser. String bikini and a miniskirt. The hair would take a while to do, since it was all grimy from sleeping in a drunk sweat, but she could just wash it in the sink, no problem. A quick stretch... well, may as well do a Sun Salutation, why not? Stretch up, stretch down, one leg back, other leg back, down to the ground then snake up to the sky, downward-dog, back up. Ahh, that felt better. Loose-limbed, heart rate up, and ready to start the day. Rikku turned toward the stairs to hit the bathroom--
And her jaw dropped. For there in the bed next to her, luckily still asleep, was Lazarus. And suddenly, she remembered everything. The kiss. The confession. The way she'd begged him to court her. Cred. Cred!! What was I thinking?! She tiptoed around the bed, staring at him. He was sleeping right on top of the coverlet, lying on his stomach with his head turned to the side. Wearing nothing but his black silk pants. Big arms, thick with muscle, hugging the pillow beneath him. Bare back, corded with muscle. Bare feet.
Auron. This was Auron in front of her. Sir Auron, legendary guardian to Lord Braska, father figure to Tidus, guardian to Yuna, and the all-time biggest meanie Rikku had ever had to put up with in her fifteen years of existence! And she'd practically freaking proposed to him, told him she loved him when they said goodnight! What the fuck was I thinking?!
Suddenly, everything seemed darker, and Rikku started to back away. She'd been locked in a room with someone who... who... did she even really know him? Sure, he was cool and all, and he'd been a good friend, but... Luindcreb was a marriage, not just a dating service. It was like offering him her body. This man, this man! Who the hell WAS this man?
She turned around and fled down the stairs into the bathroom, wishing heartily that Paine had never given the man the passcode. He could've just as easily used the men's bathroom, rather than invading her territory. Foolish girl, she'd invited him in! Rikku locked the door and folded her arms over her chest, staring at the doorknob. Gotta think, Rikku. Okay. What do we know about him, about this situation? What can we do to keep ourselves from... panicking like a 'tard? She laughed, then, sitting down on the closed toilet seat. Right. I have been panicking like a 'tard, haven't I.
A memory floated to the surface then, calm and placid like a bubble in a sphere pool. Of an old man, dying inside, and on the outside already dead. Of Yuna, dancing with wet but uncrying eyes as she sent him. As he began to break apart, thousands of memories and the bits of his soul floating out into the atmosphere, his face had held the same calm and enigmatic expression as he'd always displayed to the world. But Rikku had seen something else there. A lack. He was going to his rest, and relieved. Relieved to be leaving a world that had never held true and perfect happiness for him. Relieved to finally be rid of a half-life, an existence fought through only for those who had died. And at that moment, at the moment of his departure, she felt like she finally... understood him. And her heart had broken for the lost and helpless thing inside of him. Like a child without a mother, like the child she had been, the man was... empty.
Then another memory. A happier one. Tidus holding up a mirror, and Auron standing near to hold up a sword that shone, bright and colorful and sharper than any blade she'd ever seen. For some reason she wasn't sure of, Rikku had separated from the group of guardians. "Wow," she'd breathed afterward, as they stepped away from the statue of Lord Mi'hen to walk down the Djose Highroad, "that's so beautiful! Like the metal's been painted. So that's your celestial weapon, huh Auron? Can I try it out sometime?"
He'd grunted but after she'd trailed after him, her eyes wide and pleading, the man had finally given over. The weapon was heavy, exceedingly heavy. As soon as she'd taken it from his single hand, it had fallen to the sandy ground, slicing through the muck just inches from Auron's foot. She grimaced, looking up at him from beneath a furrowed brow, trying to smile so he wouldn't be quite so mad. And he'd... laughed. "Try," he'd murmured, placing a gentle hand over hers and hefting it up with no problems. "You won't have the strength to hold it unless you build it up by trying. When I let go, don't let it fall. No, don't lean over. Spread your legs so that your entire body can balance it out... there. Better. I'm letting go."
And to Rikku's astonishment, she'd held it. It seemed like her arms would rip off, like her shoulder joints would just separate and leave her a pile of bones and orange leather. But still, she held it, and looked up at the man with a grin. "What happened to you? You were such a meanie before."
He'd only harumphed, taken the big sword from her small hands so that they could catch up to the rest of the guardians. "You're speaking of the Thunder Plains, I take it." At her nervous nod, he shrugged. "You would have let your fear paralyze you otherwise, thereby paralyzing the rest of the group. Yuna needed you. If we left with her, I knew that you would follow." A hard stare, then, eyes to eyes, and he stopped her, shifting the sword so that it rested on his epaulet, right arm tucked into his coat as always. "Know this. The only way to overcome fear is to face it. By running away, you let it control you. First, you must understand what it is, as we have come to understand what Sin is. That inside of Sin's destructive shell is a small and weak thing that needs to be crushed. Crush your fears, Rikku, and you will need no one's sympathy or concern. Instead, you will earn respect. Which of these has a higher value?"
After that, he'd just walked away. And Rikku was stunned into silence. He was being cruel so that she would crush her fears? He was making her sad to make her stronger? Oh. That was... new. She skipped along behind the group, buried in her thoughts. She'd always known her father was, well, crappy as a parent. Since her mother had died, he'd spoiled Rikku and Brother until they were sick of it. And by that time, they were old enough to go off on their own. Brother, of course, was almost wholly dependant on Cid, but Rikku reacted in the opposite way and pushed herself away from him. She'd opted instead to go off on her own, learn from anyone else who would teach her the various Al Bhed arts of technology and alchemy. And Brother... he was just a wash-out airship pilot who could hold a gun and cast a few black magic spells. And dance. He danced just as badly as her brother did.
In any case, Rikku had raised herself for the most part. And frankly, she thought she'd done a damn good job of becoming a mature teenager, if not an adult yet. She'd never had someone give her the tough-love treatment before. But when she thought about it... it made sense. She had gone through the Thunder Plains, after all. Without being dragged. Scared out of her wits, but she made it, and it had felt good to realize her success.
And maybe, at that moment, the fifteen-year-old had developed just the tiniest of crushes on the older man. A little bit of hero worship that made her smile to be near him. Just a small crush. Enough of one to model her Warrior class sword on his. But still, too small to recognize for what it was until she looked back on the memory four years later.
"He's still old, though," she whispered to herself. Just in case he'd woken by now, and she didn't want him hearing her reflections. But he was old. His body was only twenty-six, just a little over six years her senior, since she'd be turning twenty in a month. Not too entirely bad. But his mind... forty years old. Literally twice her age at this point, so he really could have fathered her if he'd become a father as young as Tidus or Wakka. Hell, he was as old as her Dad. And it wasn't that he was wiser (though he was), or enjoyed life less than she (though he did). It was... pain. The natural pains of a difficult life lived as thoroughly as possible.
He'd gone through so much that she couldn't even dream of, couldn't wrap her mind around. He'd died, for yevon's sake! He was born and trained and grew and kept his faith and lost his faith and died fourteen years ago. He raised a boy who grew into a man. He was sent, and slept for four years on the farplane. He was so sure of himself in everything he did. His only innocence, the only thing that she could hold onto, was that he'd never been interested enough in a woman to do more than kiss. And even that was more a choice than an innocence. He'd just been too mature to care about sex.
He's a man. I can't be more than a girl to him. A girl. A child. A stupid kid. Her hands went up to tangle in her hair, legs stretched out so that her feet touched the cold porcelain of the bathtub. How can he want me? I'm nothing. I'm no one. And he is... He's...
A knock on the door startled her from her reviere. She gasped, loud enough to give herself away.
"Rikku? Are you all right?" came a rough alto voice through the door.
She stood up and picked up a brush from the counter, running it through her hair. "Just a minute, I'm getting dressed," she called. "I'll be right out." Good enough lie. She still didn't feel quite well, her stomach a little cramped on every side, but it wouldn't last much longer. And as far as doing her hair went, hell with it. Once she had it brushed through, she put it up in a ponytail, bangs falling out on every side, and that was that. Checked her face in the mirror. Tried out a smile. Fine. It looked believable enough. Normal enough. She opened the door, and tried it out on Auron, who had retreated to a seat at the bar. Lazarus. Shit, she was getting schizophrenic from his damn identity crisis!
"For a minute there, I was worried. I thought you were suffering from a bad hangover. Or cold feet." He smiled at her sudden reaction. Smile gone, mouth agape, arms hanging at her sides. Poor thing. He'd been wondering why she was so sure of herself last night. Her unslurred speech had tricked him into thinking she was more sober than she really was. "Rikku. Relax." He stood and crossed over to her, closing the gap between them before she could respond. And then he put his hands on her shoulders, and pulled her close. Into a hug. Just a hug. The first real contact between him that he had ever initiated. "I would never make you do anything you didn't want to do. I would never hold you to a promise that you didn't wish to keep. I would rather cut myself in half than ever, ever hurt you. Do you understand?"
She nodded, almost shaking in his arms from the wealth of emotions running through her. He was so warm. So strange. So distant from her understanding, but so close. He'd gotten so close, and she hadn't even noticed. And her doubt was gone, banished to the four winds. His arms were soft as they held her. His breath was quiet, calm. His chest was... it was strong, and solid, but it wasn't as big as she'd expected it to be, and she wasn't dwarfed by him. She wasn't a child next to him. She was just smaller. And safe. So safe here in this warmth, against this skin. Her shaking calmed. She calmed. "Luind sa," she whispered, pressing her face to his chest, feeling the texture of him with her cheek. Weird. Unlike Wakka or Tidus or Brother, this man had chest hair. She'd expected it to be terrible, curly and rough and nasty. But it was soft. More like fur than anything. Soft and natural.
"Look at me," he replied. Clearly, Lazarus still wasn't convinced of her desire to be courted. She switched gears so suddenly, and he wanted her to be absolute about such a weighty decision. And when Rikku looked up, he saw no doubt in the green swirls. Just softness, and maybe a little bit of joy. She smiled, and set her chin on his chest, craning her neck back so that she wouldn't have to move out of the hug. Still, though. "You are sure?" he prodded.
Suddenly, Rikku giggled, and pulled back from him. Nodding with a grin plastered on her face, she giggled out, "One hundred percent!" Then she shot her fist in the air and pulled it down next to her chin, dancing from foot to foot a little before breaking out into a fit of laughter.
Lazarus couldn't help but chuckle. "I see you remembered our meeting. All right then. I'll get dressed, and we'll go see your father while he's still in town to visit the child-- Kimi, rather. Is there anything I should be aware of for the ceremony?"
Rikku made a face and shook her head, walking over to the bar to brew a cup of ginger tea so that she could settle her stomach. "Gimme a break. You saw how formal the Fecrac ceremony is. Closest we get to a wedding is a big party once the Luindcreb year is up, or once the couple's first baby is born. As far as getting the year started goes, you just go up to him with me next to you and say, 'Hey Cid, can I marry your daughter? She likes me.' In Al Bhed of course, but you know how to speak it. And then Pop says, 'Sure Lazarus, you seem like a fine upstanding young man! Consider yourself hitched.' And then we go do... whatever. As an official couple. Oh, and usually people send an official written notice to Pop saying the year's beginning at such-and-such a date and time, but since Pop's... Pop, then we just have to write it down. I mean, he might hassle you a little, but he's really a pushover. I mean, maybe he didn't like you as Auron, but that's for Yuna's sake and, well, you're not really Auron anymore." She grinned at the tea kettle while it began to heat, realizing she was speaking a mile a minute. But for her, that meant things were back to normal.
He looked down at her from the railing, tightening his belt in order to keep the tunic as orderly as possible. "I'll be honest with you, Rikku. I don't even know who I am, anymore." But he was smiling as he said so, and he tugged the dark embroidered material down around his hips, fixing the collar underneath so that he could hook his mask on before they left. If anyone could learn who he was, she could.
"Come have tea with me. Then we'll go." As the water came to a boil, she poured it into twin mugs to steep, along with a metal ball filled with ginger root and black leaves. In his, she poured a little of the fruit-flavored snowball syrup. A thought occured to her. "What's your favorite color?" she asked, watching as he stepped down the stairs, his heavy boots clacking with every step, metal-encased gloves and black silk balanced on his shoulder.
Lazarus smiled. "You'll find me boring once you know. It's red." A wink, and he leaned forward to tilt up her chin, eyes on hers. "Though green's becoming a close runner-up."
Rikku laughed and rolled her eyes, pushing his tea mug in front of him. "That was so not romantic at all."
"I thought it was rather poetic," he joked, and stirred the tea with his index finger, disregarding the heat that soaked through and almost burned his skin.
"Tuh'd xied ouin tyo zup," Rikku shot back, giggling. Hers hadn't brewed for long, but oh, well, she started to sip at it anyway. "I like happy colors. Like yellow and orange and light sky blue. So okay, next question. Um." She tapped a finger on her lower lip. Nothing came to mind.
"Why are we playing Questions?" he asked, holding the mug by the rim so he could chug it back, half the contents gone in a moment. "Good tea, by the way."
"Thanks. And, I dunno. I have to get to know you somehow." She shrugged and blinked at his action. "Dude, that was just boiling! You're gonna tear up your insides!" Her voice went squeaky at the end of the statement, lips parted in outrage. Lazarus just laughed.
"I like to live dangerously. Why else would I be courting you?"
"Maybe 'cause you love me." Rikku looked at his face then back down to her mug, cheeks taking on a faintly pink glow. She knew he meant it as a joke. She knew that. It just... she wasn't sure of him, still. Why her? She bit her lower lip a little, then sipped at her tea, waiting for his reaction.
"Ahh. You are very wise, my dear. I babble foolishness, and you..." He bent over the countertop , moving his forgotten mug out of the way so that he could reach her face. Run his fingers over the soft skin, feeling her from temple to chin. "You speak truth." The blush spread further over her cheeks, mouth pulling up at the corners in a small, shy smile. Rikku, shy. That was a first. "We'll have plenty of time to get to know one another. Other than my duty as Kimi's guardian, I don't plan on spending a moment away from you for the next year. If you're sick of me by or even before then, I'll bless your life and be on my way. And if you're not, I swear on my honor as a swordsman that I will be the best husband you've ever had occasion to meet. I'll outstrip Tidus and Wakka in the first lap and leave Barthello and Baralai choking in the dust. Lord Zaon himself won't even come close."
Rikku smiled and sipped at her tea. The nausea from her slight hangover was entirely gone. All that was left was a tingling warmth. "All right. I'm ready. Let's go see Pop."
"As you wish."
Cred. = Shit. Which is funny, because cred's close to 'crud,' and crud's a polite way of saying shit... interesting, no?
Luindcreb = Courtship
Tuh'd xied ouin tyo zup. = Don't quit your day job.