LOVE ATROCIOUS
By Yih

Beta'd by Blackumbrage.

All errors have been minimized as best as can be. If it's a pronoun mistake, don't bother, if it's something like daughter, woman, girl, please point it out. Thanks. My beta tries her best ;).

HARRY IS A BOY BOY BOY!!! It's a remake of an original story and if there are any references to Harry being a girl, it's a mistake. I would think the SLIM margin of errors would clue you in when he's referred to being a boy more than a girl.

Torn

I'm torn between
What I need and what I want
I know I want you
But I need something else
Something that's safe

I need to find myself without you
You've been such a part of me
That I don't know who I am anymore
And if I don't know
Then how can I truly love?

I've been caught up in the delusion
That can't exist
And I'm afraid that it's all come crashing
An epiphany has hit me
I've forgotten how to love myself

Will you forgive me if I leave you?
Or will you curse my name
Now that you've realized how you've felt
And I've left you
Torn

Chapter 7
When Trouble is a Lovely Mess

Calm was the word Harry would say described how he felt even though Harry thought he should be jumping up and down in ecstasy that Lucius was finally returning his feelings for him. Why wasn't he? Why wasn't Harry being wildly exuberant and leaping into Lucius' arms and kissing the pants off of him? Now that was the big question. The only answer Harry could think of was that he was so stunned that Lucius would ever return his feelings that Harry had no idea how to act.

Harry wished he could have told himself to be calm, but he was too calm already This was the bet? So what had the bet been then? Lucius had reassured him that Draco wasn't making him do anything that he didn't want to do. But why had there had to be a bet in the first place to get Lucius to say this to him? "Is this a joke?" Harry found himself asking. "This is a joke, isn't it? Draco's sad attempt to be a funny man?"

If there was one word Harry could have used to pinpoint the expression on Lucius' face, he had to say irritation--- make that extreme irritation. "This is not a joke," Lucius uttered each word as if they could not be said anymore slowly or more precisely than the way that he said them. "Do you think I'd joke about something like this?"

No, actually Harry didn't. As much as an arse that he could be at times, Lucius wasn't the type that joked around and made pranks that made Harry want to grit his teeth with annoyance. If anything, he'd be more prone to making Harry want to shut him up with all his exclamations about how great he was rather than choke him because he was telling another stupid joke. It wasn't even Draco's thing, so Harry had to conclude that despite the irrationality of it all--- they were being dead serious.

"You're serious?"

He groaned and nodded. "Yes."

Well of course Lucius liked Harry. He had to like Harry to put up with him for the past 5 years. Actually, Harry wouldn't really term it having to put up with him. Harry had to put up with Lucius. But still, if Lucius hadn't liked him a little, it would have made their working relationship rather difficult and unpleasant. "I knew you liked me, so why the bet then?"

"You knew?!" Lucius exclaimed. "You knew and I had to go about making myself into a sodding idiot thinking and worrying that you didn't know and you were going to run off with that bloody Snape bastard!

"What about Severus?" Harry inquired, confused about what he was trying to say. He couldn't be jealous like that, could he? No, no that was a preposterous thought. Simply unimaginable for Lucius to actually be jealous of Severus because Severus was courting him like a gentleman the way he hoped that Lucius would.

"You've been leading him on when you've got feelings for me!"

Oh, damn, Harry thought. He really was talking about what he had always hoped that Lucius was talking about and he couldn't have picked a worse time to tell him. Harry had already decided to work for his father because it was for the best. It would get him away from Lucius and let Harry sort out his life so that he could find himself again instead of identifying himself with Lucius since Harry had no other basis for himself.

"Harry!"

"You like me like that?"

Lucius rolled his eyes. "Yes."

"You really like me like that?"

"Yes, you bloody bint."

"Oh."

He growled. "Is that all you have to say? 'Oh'? I'm confessing my heart like a bloody idiot to you and all you can say is 'oh'? Good grief, you're an exasperating man!"

"Well you're a horribly infuriating man!" Harry yelled back, he couldn't help but feel a burn to say something back at Lucius after he was taking out his annoyance at Harry when all he was trying to do was get over the shock of Lucius actually feeling something for him. "You… you… man!"

"Oh that's a real good insult," Lucius sneered, "you called me a man."

"God, why do I even like you? You're horrible!"

"And Snape's any better?" he snapped.

"Well," Harry defended, "he might be sarcastic and downright mean to others, but he can be pleasantly kind and sweet to me! For what it's worth, he's a whole lot more of a gentleman than you are and far more romantic than I thought he could be."

"But he's still a fucking bastard!"

Harry shrugged. "No more than you are."

"I am not like him at all!"

"You both are proud men." Harry held up a finger. "You both are famous." Another finger went up "You both are sarcastic." Harry smiled indulgently. "Both are impatient and used to getting your way, that's two things. And you both kiss very well." Harry blushed and he wasn't too displeased with that similarity… well he wasn't too pleased either. "And you can both be very infuriating."

"We are not that similar," Lucius stated again, but knew that it was hopeless since Harry obviously thought they were alike. If there was anyone more stubborn in the world, Lucius had yet to meet them. He was actually glad that Harry was persistent because if Harry hadn't been, why would he be here 5 years later still feeling what he did for him? "And who cares about him! I'm talking about you and me, not him."

"I'm dating him though," Harrry whispered softly.

"It's not like your engaged or married to him," he scoffed.

Harry's eyes widened, looking alarmed at what he was saying. "You do realize," Harry murmured, "that the reason that I never said anything to you about what I felt was because you were married and that it wasn't right to say anything?"

"You know that I didn't love her…"

"But you were still a married man," Harry stated firmly.

"Then why didn't you say anything after the divorce?" Lucius asked instead.

Harry sighed. "I thought it was hopeless. I have had these feelings for you since, I guess, forever it seems and you never seem to think of me as anything other than your trustworthy assistant that does everything. How was I ever to think otherwise? Besides, knowing you as I do--- who knew the way you were going to react? You earnestly despise your adoring fans…"
"For good reason," Lucius interrupted sharply, "one woman tried to grope me! Do you understand how indecent and embarrassing that was? Do you want women throwing themselves at you every single second, baring their breasts to have you sign them? I personally could do without that kind of fan adulation."
Harry chuckled. "That's true, but there are some earnest and good fans out there that you completely ignore because of those few wild and weird fans. You do have to admit that I was right to be wary of your reaction and besides, I've gotten over most of the silly crush anyway when I realized that my dream was impossible."

Harry's throat convulsed as he continued, "I mean, you're an A-listed actor with a huge career in front of you and I'm a bastard son of a successful producer that to the world is the real son of a world traveling bum. Who would ever imagine us together, even the craziest tabloids?"

"They have speculated it," he pointed out.

Harry laughed. "They speculate about everything about you."

"I do feel something for you."

"It's nice to know that my feelings weren't entirely one-sided."

Lucius gritted his teeth. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Is it suppose to?" Harry asked lightly, thinking he had been making too many hard decisions lately But Harry had already agreed to go to work for Tom and he wasn't one to back out of a promise. It didn't hurt also, that the job Tom was giving Harry was an opportunity of a lifetime. There wasn't much that could top it, though the possibility of being with Lucius was at least on par. It was a vain hope, Harry knew, to even think that it would work out. Lucius was a hugely successful actor and Harry was a nobody. Those types of relationships, Harry knew, never really worked out. Actually nothing really worked with a hugely popular actor like Lucius was, not until he was retired and settled down and Lucius definitely wasn't ready to settle down… and there was also the Severus factor to think about.

Harry didn't really think he'd fall for Severus, but he'd done everything right. And damn it, he was falling for him, Harry couldn't help it. After loving Lucius from afar all these years, it was nice to have a guy that was chasing after him with an earnestness that was endearing. It didn't matter to Harry that he was sometimes sarcastic, it only added to the charm when he was succeeding in being romantic.

"Yes," Lucius responded bluntly, "I think it should."

"I like Severus," Harry finally admitted, seeing as that was easier to admit than saying to Lucius that he was leaving him after 5 years of being with him. "I like him a lot, and he's done everything that I could possibly dream of in a boyfriend."

"Despite the fact, he's a bastard."

"He might be a bastard," Harry defended, "but he's lovely to me."

"Maybe he's showing his true colors to the rest of us," Lucius muttered snidely.

"Or maybe," Harry murmured, "he's showing his real self to me."

"God, why do you always have to believe the best in everyone?!"

"Would you rather I believe the best in everything?" Harry countered meaningfully.

"Damn it, Harry Potter, I'm trying to tell you I bloody love you and you're telling me you can't be with me because of a sodding boyfriend that you kind of like because he's nice to you!" Lucius exclaimed with a rush that made his normally pale face flush with emotion, real emotion.

Love? He loved her? Dear god, Harry had never thought that was possible. But Lucius could just be desperate and Harry knew how dirty Lucius could play when he wanted something really badly. And that was actually making her heart melt, to know that he would play dirty to get him because he really did want him. Harry almost wished he hadn't accepted Tom's job offer now, but he had and Lucius was going to hate him but Harry needed to leave and sort everything out. He needed it to keep his sanity.

"It's not only that."

"THEN WHAT?"

"I'm leaving," Harry whispered.

"You're what?"

"I'm leaving," he repeated.

"You're joking."

"I'm leaving."

"You're serious?"

Harry nodded.

"You're leaving.
"Yes, I'm leaving to work for Tom as a screenwriter. I leave in three months, so I can have you settled from this movie that's in production and find you another reliable assistant. I'll have her trained or him trained for everything that I do so you won't be needing me or anything like that," Harry said in a rush. "I… I need to get away from this life," he waved his arms around at the hotel room that was filled with things that had to be done like interviews, rehearsals, meetings, etc. "It's not for me."

"Am I not for you?" Lucius whispered, his hand reaching up to caress Harry's cheek.

It was one of the sweetest things Harry had ever heard come from Lucius' lips, the sweetest of course being his unconscious vow that he loved him. But even though it was sweet of him to say something like that, Harry didn't know how to react to it. It wasn't like Harry ever expected Lucius to ever feel like this for him For god's sake, Harry was his assistant of everything. Lucius took him for granted, and well Harry was just convenient for him and he'd gotten used to that. Now Lucius was actually seeing Harry as Harry and that was entirely unexpected. "I'm still leaving," Harry stated firmly. "I need to."

Lucius' lips pressed to a firm line, and it made the lines that had begun to line his forehead stand out even more than they normally did. Harry didn't think the wrinkles looked bad on him--- it gave him a distinguished air. All he really needed was to put a suit on and he'd look every bit like a pissed off dictator. Shaking his head violently, he needed to stop thinking about him in terms of acting parts or of him in general. It didn't do Harry any good to daydream of the impossible, even if it wasn't so impossible now.

There was no way they could keep a long distance relationship going. It wasn't possible.

"Are you going to stay away?" Lucius asked finally, surprising that he was asking this instead of shouting at Harry of his selfishness or of his horribleness in leaving him. He was acting mature and professional, like he did when he was assaulted by the paparazzi. Even though Harry had seen the way he could act, he normally just put on the babyish attitude with Harry knowing that he could get away with it. "Because," his voice thick with emotion, "I really can't imagine my life without you in it."

"I'll be in London," Harry said soothingly. "And you're in London a lot. It won't be that much different from the way things are. I'll still be around."

"But it will be different," Lucius responded. "You won't always be around. I know I took you for granted, expecting you always to be around when that's not possible. And now you're not going to be and I don't know what to do."

"You've got a few weeks to prepare for it," Harry teased, trying desperately to lighten the darkening mood. "It won't be too bad. You've got to learn to be independent."

"I like being dependent," Lucius complained loudly.

"You're going to have to learn…"

"I know… but that doesn't mean that I have to like it."

"I'm still in London and you're there a good deal of the time."

"Not enough," Lucius responded bitterly. He looked away, his eyes getting a far off look to them and Harry waited for him to say whatever he was thinking about. Harry was patient as he always was with Lucius, but this time Harry wasn't afraid of him exploding like he would have usually done. Lucius was acting unlike the temperamental Lucius that Harry was expecting him to be and it was a refreshing change. "But even though you need to leave, do you need to leave me?"

"What are you asking?" Harry asked with bated breath.

"I'm asking," his teeth grinding together, "if you want to be with me even if you aren't working for me anymore."

"Oh," Harry murmured, too shocked that he was actually asking to think of anything coherent to utter. "I… uh…" Harry really didn't know what to say, it was unthinkable for Lucius Malfoy to ask Harry this particular question when he ought to be really upset with him for leaving him. He wasn't supposed to be rational and logical like this! It simply wasn't the Lucius that Harry knew! He was temperamental and he didn't think! He wasn't supposed to know that even if Harry wasn't going to work for him that it didn't mean Harry didn't want to be with him but he did and now Harry was stuck in a bad situation of having to choose.

Harryhated being in such situations because he was always afraid that he'd make a bad choice. Harry really wasn't good at choosing. He always tended to make a wrong decision and this time it involved other people and their feelings that made him doubly afraid. It wasn't like it was just him that was going to have to live down his decision. They were going to have to suffer through the consequences of his choice along with him.

Luciusor Severus? Severus or Lucius? Why did Harry even have to suffer through a choice when he had been through a 5 year drought with guys? Why did two suddenly have to pop out of nowhere… well not exactly nowhere as Lucius had always been on the horizon and Harry had always been mad about him but… Lucius hadn't exactly been accessible because he was married and he lived the type of lifestyle that Harry wanted nothing more than to runaway from. Besides, he was Lucius and he was supposed to be unattainable. But now he was and when Harry had a good man that was after him and that he was dating and surprisingly very happy with!

Harry had no reason to dump Severus, no good reason other than that Harry had loved Lucius for far longer and that well Lucius was everything to him. Harry had dreamed and fantasized about Lucius, but still… Severus was everything that Harry had ever thought he could ever have. Severus treated him brilliantly and Harry did need him. The problem was that Harry wanted Lucius more than Severus, even if Harry knew that Severis would be better for him. Would it be foolish for Harry to give up what was likely a very solid match for a fling that was undoubtedly going to be flighty with Lucius?

It wasn't like Harry was getting any younger, though he certainly wasn't old by any measurement of years. Still, if he denied Severus now, Harry knew that he wasn't the type to hang around after a rejection. And he definitely wasn't the type to take him back once he was soiled goods from Lucius. No, and god did Harry want to be with Lucius. Hadn't Harry been having daydreams about this as long as he could remember working for him? Oh god, Harry was in a rut, a huge rut.

"Harry," Lucius whispered softly, "do you want to be with me?"

Harrywas torn. He simply couldn't choose one over the other without feeling a terrible sense of regret and longing. God, he would prefer not to be in such a position. Harry had never wanted to have two guys chasing after him, one was perfectly fine. But now there were two and he almost wished that he was back in the position where no one liked him, and then he wouldn't have to be in the position of having to hurt one of them.

"Harry?"

"I… do, but…"

That was the only thing that Harry was able to get out before he felt Lucius' arm surround his waist and pull him against him. Harry felt himself being crushed into his hard chest and when Harry could really process what was about to happen he felt Lucius' sensual lips descending onto his. Harry wasn't able to do more than whimper with surprise when he felt himself being kissed to oblivion again.

Harry felt like melting into a puddle of satisfied goo. What his lips were doing was not the only thing that was overwhelming his senses. Lucius' hands were doing amazing things to his back, caressing Harry in a way that made him feel utterly loved. Loved by him? It was a preposterous thought, but… it didn't seem so far fetched now. The only problem with the perfection of this was Severus Snape.

Harry broke the kiss. "I can't," he rasped out breathlessly. "Severus."

"It's not like you're married to him," Lucius snapped impatiently, his eyes flaring with wild passion. "You can not be with him and be with me."

"I need to… tell him before I get into anything," Harry said firmly, "and to be honest, I still don't know though."

"You said you do want to be with me," Lucius responded fiercely, "and I felt it in your response. You want me as much as I want you."

"I know I do!" Harry cried out passionately. "But what I don't know is if I need you or not. I may want you, Lucius, but how do I even know if you're good for me or not? You are as unpredictable and random as anyone as I know and I guess I'd like some stability."

"The others," Lucius replied with a bitter edge, "weren't worth my time."

Harry bit hislips, he realized the underlying meaning of what Lucius was saying but he had to ask, "Am I worth your time then?"

"What do you think?" Lucius shot back.

"I don't know…"
"Of course… you are, you silly nitwit." Harry had thought he was going to say that it was a terrible joke and that the bet was a bet and it hadn't meant anything at all. Harry would have gotten terribly mad at him, but it wouldn't have been unexpected for Lucius to do such a thing. When he didn't, all Harry could do was stare at him in disbelief. He was dead serious and he had said Harry was worth his time. Of all the beautiful men and women in the world that Lucius could be with, he was saying Harry was the only one that was worth his time. Unbelievable.

"You are mad."

Lucius' hand reached out to clutch Harry's like he was never going to let go. "I could be cliché and say that I'm mad about you, but I won't be so utterly the perfect leading romantic comedy man. Instead, how about I say this: be mad with me?"

"I need time."

If he exploded, Harry wouldn't blame him. "How much time?" he asked calmly.

"Some."

"Then you will have some."

"I

thought you were pissing yourself initially, but you made a rock solid comeback. I'm impressed father," Draco drawled, leaning against the wall looking like the sexy and gorgeous model he could be. "Very impressed. Knowing you as I do, I thought after that piss poor beginning that you were doomed. Your temper is quite extraordinary and well, I thought it'd just escalate to the point that you'd explode. The fact that you kept it reined in was very well done. Bravo."

"Do you want me to explode at you?" Lucius hissed, not pleased to have his son spewing on about how bad it had gone because he knew how bad it'd gone. The only reason he hadn't lost his temper at Harry for showing such indecision like that was because he had known if he had, he would have stamped his rejection ticket. That was something he would not accept when he'd come to the realization of how important Harry was to him. "Because you are trying my patience, Draco, to the breaking point."

"Not particularly," Draco retorted, "but if you feel that you must release some of your pent up emotion because of your near rejection, feel free to. If you explode at Harry, it'll be a lost cause. He won't put up with it. I think that's the only reason that he's really taking you serious. You managed not to lose your temper. That made quite an impression on him as it did on me."

"Do you think it went well? Be honest," Lucius demanded.

Draco chuckled. "When am I not honest?" Lucius shrugged and gestured impatiently for him to answer the question. "Well, I think it went better than I expected but I honestly didn't expect it go that well. I mean, I set my expectations lower so that you wouldn't disappoint me. You know? Lowering the bar so that you…"

"I get the fuck what you mean, you bloody rotten excuse for a son."

"If I'm a rotten excuse for a son," Draco retorted, "then what are you as a father to me? Hmmm… what's that saying again? Like father like son? Then guess what you must be? A rotten excuse for a father surely."

Rolling his eyes extravagantly at his son, Lucius growled out, "You are not helping the situation at all, Draco Malfoy."

"I've helped out as much as I can with a thickhead for a father. What would you have done if I hadn't wagered the bet and you hadn't lost? You wouldn't have told him and he would have been gone before you could have told him."

Lucius narrowed his eyes. "How much of the conversation did you listen to?"

"All of it," Draco responded without a trace of guilt. "I had to make sure that you weren't going to blow everything. I was almost tempted to interrupt once when you made a dramatic turnaround. I'm actually glad I didn't step into it because I don't think I could have made a better finish than you did. However," he mused aloud, "it probably looked that good because you did such a crap ass initial job."

"You are wonderful for a person's self esteem, Draco."

Draco chuckled. "I'm as good as you are."

"What do you mean by that?"

"That you are just as good, of course."

"Why did I have to be cursed with an infernal son like you?"

"Because I am a Malfoy and that's the way that we are."

Lucius snorted. "I still think you are far worse than I am."

"That, my dear father, is all a matter of opinion and if you want to make another wager on that, I would only be too happy to up the stakes…"

I

t couldn't be… could it? His dad was here, standing there with his windblown hair and looking every bit as handsome as he always looked. James Potter was here and all Harry could do was drop his jaw open. Harry didn't expect him to be here. James was supposed to be traipsing around somewhere in some place or another in Europe. What the hell was he doing here in L.A. of all places? And how had he found him?

Oh that's right, Harry always gave him the address of wherever he would be in case James ever needed him, but James hadn't come to see him any place in the 5 years since Harry started working for Lucius Malfoy. In one respect Tom and his dad did share this one thing--- they both didn't like Lucius very much. Tom simply didn't think Lucius was good for Harry's future, and James and Lucius simply did not get along. Their personalities rubbed each other the wrong way. Harry didn't think it was going to be much better with Severus either. It was just Harry's luck to like the type of men that his dad couldn't get along with.

"Dad!" Harry exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Is it wrong for a dad to want to see his son?" James retorted, opening his arms to engulf Harry in one of those gigantic bear hugs that he was forever missing when James wasn't near him. Good god, Harry needed to feel his dad's arms around him and the smell of his aftershave as Harry was pressed into him. "So did you miss me, sweetie?"

"Did I!" Harry exclaimed. "Did I ever!"

"That's my boy," James responded with a huge grin. "What is it that I hear then," he murmured, pulling slightly away from Harry to get a good look into Harry's eyes, "about you going to work for Tom Riddle then?"

Harry gulped down hard. Harry didn't think he'd even need to confront his dad about this until after he started working for Tom. It wasn't that James made himself deliberately scarce, but he was a globetrotter and Harry's mom had been the opposite of that. When his mom had passed away a decade or so ago, it had freed James to do what he loved… traveling around the world. The thing was that James had loved Harry's mom far too much to drag her around when she hated it. Harry could only imagine how crushed he'd felt when before Harry's mom had died, she had told him that he wasn't really his son after all.

Sometimes, Harry thought that the truth would have been better not to have been told at all. For the longest time, Harry had thought that his dad had done all the world hopping around to escape him, the reminder of his beloved wife's infidelity to him. It did make sense, but the thing was that James always came back to him and when he did he always opened his arms to Harry and loved him like never before. So it couldn't be that and for that Harry was glad. It would have been terrible to have lost both of his parents at the same moment.

"He offered me a job offer that I cannot refuse," Harry answered squarely. "You are always telling me that I have such potential." It was his more subtle way of telling Harry that he could do better than being Lucius Malfoy's assistant whereas Tom was much more vocal. "Well, I'm going to try my hand at scriptwriting."

"You are?" James inquired, a pleased smile spreading across his face. "I always did tell you that your writing was really good. It's about time you listened to what your dad has been saying all along!"

"I know," Harry replied. "I really ought to listen to you more often."

"So Tom offered the job because he knows you're good?"

Harry nodded. "He did it on merit, he says, not because I'm his son."

"I don't think being his son hurt," James remarked wisely, "but Tom certainly isn't the type to put someone on the bankroll because you're a relation of his. You've got to have some talent for him to exploit because he's not about to ruin the name he's made for his production company taking on any screenwriter, even his own son."

"And I wouldn't do it if I thought it was a pity offering either," Harry retorted.

"Why would you?" James muttered. "You're better than that."

Harry smiled; he loved his dad's confidence in him. "Thanks for always believing in me."

"Your mom does too," James reminded him. "You've always got both of us behind you."

"I know," Harry murmured. "I know." Harry kissed James' cheek affectionately as he suddenly frowned. "What's wrong, dad?"

His frown only increased. "If you're working for Tom that means you'll be moving to the UK permanently, eh?"

"Of course, at least at first, why?"
"I hate the weather there," James growled. "It's enough to give me bone chills."

Harry chuckled. "It really isn't that bad and it isn't like you're an old man."

James glared at him. "I'm getting up in the years, and so are you mister. When are you going to get yourself a boyfriend and get married and give me some grandkids?"

Harry blushed a bright red. Sometimes, he was only too glad that his dad was never around. When he wasn't around, he couldn't very well tease him could he? But the unfortunate thing was that when he was around he made up for the lost opportunities of teasing Harry by teasing him to the point that Harry almost wished that James would go back to his country hopping and leave him alone to whatever life he had. Almost. Harry might as well tell him… or else he'd find out from another source. "Well there is somebody, actually two somebodies," James' eyebrow raised with question and Harry hurried to explain the complicated situation.

Author's Note: Thanks for all the lovely reviews. I think Lucius has redeemed himself quite a bit in this chapter, hasn't he? Anyway, I haven't written the next chapter so feedback about what you think ought to happen would be excellent! I also think the last chapter will be the last. I'm not sure as I haven't written it. But unless it looks like it's going to go over 7,000 words, then the last chapter will probably be the last. Stay tune for it and if you want to vote to see who Harry ends up with… you need to join the mailing list. Also if you have already voted, you may change your vote .

The kid reference is anything you want it to be.

Bloody hell… is the next chapter really the last?