I'm back, people! Back from the dead – or, rather, from the Land Of Writers
Who Have Writer's Block. It's been simply AGES, hasn't it?
Ah, well, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' they say.
A great big Thank You to everyone who reviewed; very spiffing of you.
And so, without further ado, may I present chapter 5!
* * * * * * * *
"It was your fault." Melissa Longbottom told Betram firmly.
He scowled. "MY fault? Who was the one that wanted to duel Nasturnia Malfoy in the dead of the night in the first place?"
"If you two hadn't insisted on coming with me...."
"You would've been caught anyway," James pointed out.
"Yeah, it was a set up."
Melissa screwed up her nose. "That Nasturnia is such a slimy, snaky, oily, greasy....person. And how unoriginal. Copying her father's dirty tricks."
"It's funny, isn't it? It was McGonagall what caught Mum and Dad, and James' Dad, and your Dad, Mel, as well. It's like history repeating itself." Betram said, chewing his lower lip.
"Except old Voldemort isn't around anymore." James said.
"So there's not going to be any funny stuff happening around Hogwarts," Melissa added gloomily.
"Some people have all the luck."
* * * * * * *
"Here, girl."
Professor Snape bent and picked up 'The Standard Book Of Spells, Grade 1', handing it back to its astonished owner, who stammered out a 'thank you' before scuttling down the corridor, clutching the heavy volume.
"Severus?" Minerva McGonagall had seen the whole thing. Professor Snape had been nice to a first year, and a Gryffindor at that.
Severus wasn't nice. Why, only a couple of days ago, he had made a scrawny, short little Hufflepuff first year positively quake in his shoes, as he was told quite eloquently what would be done to him, if ever saw fit to accidentally walk into the depths of the Potions Master's cloak again.
"Minerva?" Snape raised an eyebrow.
"Er..." she bit her lip. "Nothing."
He nodded and continued on his way, his cloak billowing out behind him.
* * * * * * * *
"WILL you two shut it?" James said wearily.
His two companions paused for breath in the midst of their squabbling.
"Well, she started it." Betram said churlishly.
"HOW childish." Melissa stuck her nose in the air.
"Get over yourselves," James advised, "Or we'll be late, and McGonagall won't like it. And you're giving me a headache."
They stopped, but continued to mutter at each other and by the time they reached McGonagall's office, James had himself one fine headache.
Professor McGonagall, surprisingly, didn't tell them off for being late at all. In fact, she didn't even seem to be angry with them.
"Good little witches don't lose their tempers." She said.
They glanced at each other, uneasy. It was rather weird to hear McGonagall say something like that.
"You'll all get detentions tonight after dinner," she went on, "And in those detentions, you must all write 'I will be a good little wizard' out fifty times. Why are you looking at me like that, Potter?"
James looked away.
"That's a good little wizard, Perkins. I mean, Potter."
"Good little wizards!" Melissa sounded revolted as they left the office.
"It was sickening." Betram said decidedly.
"Really weird." James said fervently. 'McGonagall never talks like that!"
* * * * * * * *
Professor Flitwick felt increasingly hyper as he entered the Great Hall for dinner. Once at his usual place at the staff table, he surveyed the students below in satisfaction, the Slytherin table in particular.
I hope that Draco Malfoy taunts me about my height some time soon, he thought. Though he's already a little runt without getting any shorter.
Many people would probably have been quite shocked if they knew that Professor Flitwick had thoughts like this. As far back as any of the teachers could remember, he had never said a rude or mean thing to anyone.
I wonder what they'd think, he reflected now, if they knew that I say 'damn' in my head sometimes.
"Good little wizards are always polite."
Flitwick was jerked out of his thoughts by Severus Snape's voice.
He looked around and gaped.
"WHAT did you just say, Severus?"
Snape smiled amiably. Snape didn't smile amiably! Cruelly, maliciously, smugly, yes, but.... amiably!
"I said, that good little wizards are always polite. You see, Alganon, I was talking about a boy scout group I was in when I was a child. They were called the Good Little Wizards. Cute, eh?"
Flitwick nearly fell off his chair. I say 'nearly' because Snape caught him just in time.
Which made him promptly fall over again.
"Dear, dear, Alganon," Snape shook his head, a hint of his normal malice in voice and smile, "You ARE getting clumsy."
"Thank goodness!" Flitwick said to him.
Snape frowned. "What?"
"Nothing, nothing Severus. Please do go on." Flitwick said politely.
Snape's frown deepened. "Go on doing what?"
"Go on commenting on my clumsiness," Flitwick explained.
"THAT would be rude," Snape told him haughtily. "And Good Little Wizards are NEVER rude."
Now Flitwick felt distinctly uneasy. Professor McGonagall joined in the conversation.
"Speaking of Little Wizards, I know some very baaaaad ones!"
"Oh?" Snape swung around to face her. "Who?"
McGonagall took a quick sip of her pumpkin juice.
"Oh, Melissa Longbottom, Betram Weasley, and James Potter. They were prowling around last night in the corridors. I gave them detentions, for tonight."
Snape sighed. "Following in their parents' footsteps."
"Did you take House points off them?" Flitwick asked McGonagall.
"No," she said airily. "The main thing here, you see, Flitwick, is to ensure that they remember that they must be Good. I've made them do lines, like in Muggle schools."
She suddenly snorted into her goblet.
"What?" Flitwick asked.
"It's just....your legs," she choked.
He looked down at them. He looked up at her.
"You have legs too, Minerva." He pointed out.
"Yes...but yours don't reach the ground!" she snorted.
Did I take another dose of that Patience In Potion? Flitwick thought. Yes, I did. That's all good then.
He watched her lift her face up, her nose dripping with pumpkin juice.
Her eyes widened, and went oddly glazed.
"But that's not right. I am a Good Little Witch! Bad Minerva. Very Bad."
"What did you say?" Flitwick was alarmed now.
Her eyes lost the glazed look.
"What do you mean, what did I say?" she snapped, quite in her normal voice. As if she hadn't said what she had just said.
Flitwick shook his head.
* * * * * * * * *
Lord Gobblygoop summoned his five Death Bandits. The way he summoned them was by using a Summoning Charm.
They all came flying through the windows of his flat, and crash-landed on the floor in a rumpled, flushed heap at his feet.
He looked down at them smugly. "That's right. Grovel."
"The Muggles might have seen us!" gasped out one of them, wiping his brow, which was perspiring heavily.
Lord Gobblygoop had forgotten about that, but he pretended that he hadn't.
"Nonsense," he said grandly. "I got it all covered. No sweat."
"How?" asked another.
His master opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish.
"Ummmmm. Don't ask questions! In fact, NEVER question me again!" he snapped.
"Rise, my faithful Death Bandits."
They rose, smoothing their robes and hair. They were a sorry bunch. An untalented, bedraggled lot. They had all been stupid enough to join with Lord Gobblygoop, and were too stupid now to realise that they could just as easily un-join with him.
"I," announced Lord Gobblygoop. "Am about to launch my career as a Famously Evil Dark Lord." He swept out his arms, and waited for the gasps of awe to follow.
No gasps of awe. They all simply stared at him.
He scowled. "I'm going to TAKE OVER THE WORLD?"
They all gasped with awe.
"And you lot are going to help me!" he shouted.
They shifted their feet uncomfortably.
"Erm....we are?"
"Why?"
"Do we have to?"
"I have plans for this weekend...."
"I have to go to the toilet." That last remark was from Bilius Bibblehead, who was the stupidest of all of them.
Lord Gobblygoop's eyes bulged.
"You DARE to refuse me? If you do, you know what will happen!"
"No we don't," they said.
True. He had never told them what would happen because he didn't know himself.
"Well...well... it'll be very baaad, I promise you! Now! The place I'm planning to debut my Famous Evil is..." he cleared his throat.
"...HOGWARTS."
They all gasped again, except for Bilius Bibblehead who coughed and went rather pink.
"I...I think I wet my pants."
* * * * * * * * *******
Ah, but it's good to be back in the real world again!
By the way, I know now, thanks to 'Eihwaz and Lourdaise', that Flitwick's real first name is Filius. I love it, but I'm not gonna bother changing the 'Alganon'. He'll stay Alganon in this story.
And no, (also to 'Eihwaz and Lourdaise') , I have never read Kaye Umansky in my whole life. Never even heard of him.
Our styles are similar? What has he written?
So. Sooo. Soooooooooooooooooo.
REVIEW PLEASE. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE.
~ Silver Stockings ~ (Newly Resurrected.)
Ah, well, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' they say.
A great big Thank You to everyone who reviewed; very spiffing of you.
And so, without further ado, may I present chapter 5!
* * * * * * * *
"It was your fault." Melissa Longbottom told Betram firmly.
He scowled. "MY fault? Who was the one that wanted to duel Nasturnia Malfoy in the dead of the night in the first place?"
"If you two hadn't insisted on coming with me...."
"You would've been caught anyway," James pointed out.
"Yeah, it was a set up."
Melissa screwed up her nose. "That Nasturnia is such a slimy, snaky, oily, greasy....person. And how unoriginal. Copying her father's dirty tricks."
"It's funny, isn't it? It was McGonagall what caught Mum and Dad, and James' Dad, and your Dad, Mel, as well. It's like history repeating itself." Betram said, chewing his lower lip.
"Except old Voldemort isn't around anymore." James said.
"So there's not going to be any funny stuff happening around Hogwarts," Melissa added gloomily.
"Some people have all the luck."
* * * * * * *
"Here, girl."
Professor Snape bent and picked up 'The Standard Book Of Spells, Grade 1', handing it back to its astonished owner, who stammered out a 'thank you' before scuttling down the corridor, clutching the heavy volume.
"Severus?" Minerva McGonagall had seen the whole thing. Professor Snape had been nice to a first year, and a Gryffindor at that.
Severus wasn't nice. Why, only a couple of days ago, he had made a scrawny, short little Hufflepuff first year positively quake in his shoes, as he was told quite eloquently what would be done to him, if ever saw fit to accidentally walk into the depths of the Potions Master's cloak again.
"Minerva?" Snape raised an eyebrow.
"Er..." she bit her lip. "Nothing."
He nodded and continued on his way, his cloak billowing out behind him.
* * * * * * * *
"WILL you two shut it?" James said wearily.
His two companions paused for breath in the midst of their squabbling.
"Well, she started it." Betram said churlishly.
"HOW childish." Melissa stuck her nose in the air.
"Get over yourselves," James advised, "Or we'll be late, and McGonagall won't like it. And you're giving me a headache."
They stopped, but continued to mutter at each other and by the time they reached McGonagall's office, James had himself one fine headache.
Professor McGonagall, surprisingly, didn't tell them off for being late at all. In fact, she didn't even seem to be angry with them.
"Good little witches don't lose their tempers." She said.
They glanced at each other, uneasy. It was rather weird to hear McGonagall say something like that.
"You'll all get detentions tonight after dinner," she went on, "And in those detentions, you must all write 'I will be a good little wizard' out fifty times. Why are you looking at me like that, Potter?"
James looked away.
"That's a good little wizard, Perkins. I mean, Potter."
"Good little wizards!" Melissa sounded revolted as they left the office.
"It was sickening." Betram said decidedly.
"Really weird." James said fervently. 'McGonagall never talks like that!"
* * * * * * * *
Professor Flitwick felt increasingly hyper as he entered the Great Hall for dinner. Once at his usual place at the staff table, he surveyed the students below in satisfaction, the Slytherin table in particular.
I hope that Draco Malfoy taunts me about my height some time soon, he thought. Though he's already a little runt without getting any shorter.
Many people would probably have been quite shocked if they knew that Professor Flitwick had thoughts like this. As far back as any of the teachers could remember, he had never said a rude or mean thing to anyone.
I wonder what they'd think, he reflected now, if they knew that I say 'damn' in my head sometimes.
"Good little wizards are always polite."
Flitwick was jerked out of his thoughts by Severus Snape's voice.
He looked around and gaped.
"WHAT did you just say, Severus?"
Snape smiled amiably. Snape didn't smile amiably! Cruelly, maliciously, smugly, yes, but.... amiably!
"I said, that good little wizards are always polite. You see, Alganon, I was talking about a boy scout group I was in when I was a child. They were called the Good Little Wizards. Cute, eh?"
Flitwick nearly fell off his chair. I say 'nearly' because Snape caught him just in time.
Which made him promptly fall over again.
"Dear, dear, Alganon," Snape shook his head, a hint of his normal malice in voice and smile, "You ARE getting clumsy."
"Thank goodness!" Flitwick said to him.
Snape frowned. "What?"
"Nothing, nothing Severus. Please do go on." Flitwick said politely.
Snape's frown deepened. "Go on doing what?"
"Go on commenting on my clumsiness," Flitwick explained.
"THAT would be rude," Snape told him haughtily. "And Good Little Wizards are NEVER rude."
Now Flitwick felt distinctly uneasy. Professor McGonagall joined in the conversation.
"Speaking of Little Wizards, I know some very baaaaad ones!"
"Oh?" Snape swung around to face her. "Who?"
McGonagall took a quick sip of her pumpkin juice.
"Oh, Melissa Longbottom, Betram Weasley, and James Potter. They were prowling around last night in the corridors. I gave them detentions, for tonight."
Snape sighed. "Following in their parents' footsteps."
"Did you take House points off them?" Flitwick asked McGonagall.
"No," she said airily. "The main thing here, you see, Flitwick, is to ensure that they remember that they must be Good. I've made them do lines, like in Muggle schools."
She suddenly snorted into her goblet.
"What?" Flitwick asked.
"It's just....your legs," she choked.
He looked down at them. He looked up at her.
"You have legs too, Minerva." He pointed out.
"Yes...but yours don't reach the ground!" she snorted.
Did I take another dose of that Patience In Potion? Flitwick thought. Yes, I did. That's all good then.
He watched her lift her face up, her nose dripping with pumpkin juice.
Her eyes widened, and went oddly glazed.
"But that's not right. I am a Good Little Witch! Bad Minerva. Very Bad."
"What did you say?" Flitwick was alarmed now.
Her eyes lost the glazed look.
"What do you mean, what did I say?" she snapped, quite in her normal voice. As if she hadn't said what she had just said.
Flitwick shook his head.
* * * * * * * * *
Lord Gobblygoop summoned his five Death Bandits. The way he summoned them was by using a Summoning Charm.
They all came flying through the windows of his flat, and crash-landed on the floor in a rumpled, flushed heap at his feet.
He looked down at them smugly. "That's right. Grovel."
"The Muggles might have seen us!" gasped out one of them, wiping his brow, which was perspiring heavily.
Lord Gobblygoop had forgotten about that, but he pretended that he hadn't.
"Nonsense," he said grandly. "I got it all covered. No sweat."
"How?" asked another.
His master opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish.
"Ummmmm. Don't ask questions! In fact, NEVER question me again!" he snapped.
"Rise, my faithful Death Bandits."
They rose, smoothing their robes and hair. They were a sorry bunch. An untalented, bedraggled lot. They had all been stupid enough to join with Lord Gobblygoop, and were too stupid now to realise that they could just as easily un-join with him.
"I," announced Lord Gobblygoop. "Am about to launch my career as a Famously Evil Dark Lord." He swept out his arms, and waited for the gasps of awe to follow.
No gasps of awe. They all simply stared at him.
He scowled. "I'm going to TAKE OVER THE WORLD?"
They all gasped with awe.
"And you lot are going to help me!" he shouted.
They shifted their feet uncomfortably.
"Erm....we are?"
"Why?"
"Do we have to?"
"I have plans for this weekend...."
"I have to go to the toilet." That last remark was from Bilius Bibblehead, who was the stupidest of all of them.
Lord Gobblygoop's eyes bulged.
"You DARE to refuse me? If you do, you know what will happen!"
"No we don't," they said.
True. He had never told them what would happen because he didn't know himself.
"Well...well... it'll be very baaad, I promise you! Now! The place I'm planning to debut my Famous Evil is..." he cleared his throat.
"...HOGWARTS."
They all gasped again, except for Bilius Bibblehead who coughed and went rather pink.
"I...I think I wet my pants."
* * * * * * * * *******
Ah, but it's good to be back in the real world again!
By the way, I know now, thanks to 'Eihwaz and Lourdaise', that Flitwick's real first name is Filius. I love it, but I'm not gonna bother changing the 'Alganon'. He'll stay Alganon in this story.
And no, (also to 'Eihwaz and Lourdaise') , I have never read Kaye Umansky in my whole life. Never even heard of him.
Our styles are similar? What has he written?
So. Sooo. Soooooooooooooooooo.
REVIEW PLEASE. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE.
~ Silver Stockings ~ (Newly Resurrected.)