Hehehehe me thought Kaye Umansky was a man. Me stupid.
Me also write next chapter to Professor Flitwick's Bad Day!
Me want to know what you think.
In other words...review!
(And many thanks to Eihwaz and Lourdaise, Chess, FlamezFlyer, Mae-Yean, Antonia East, and especially to Ash Vault Rose Garden, who reviewed six times!)
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Melissa Longbottom did not like lines. They were boring. Her companions did not appear to like them either.
"I..will...be...a...good...little...wizard..." Bertram was muttering, his forehead almost touching the paper as he wrote.
Melissa giggled.
"You sound like a dumb troll."
"All trolls are dumb." James had turned to look at her.
"A particularly dumb one then." Melissa replied.
Bertram paused, his pen poised.
"Are you talking about me?"
"No, Bertram," Melissa grinned. "We're talking about the troll behind you."
Predictably, Bertram jerked his head around.
"WHAT troll?"
Both his friends snorted.
He scowled. "This is BORING." He threw his quill down.
"It's not just boring - it's WEIRD." Melissa leaned her chin on her hands.
"How strange was McGonagall acting back in her office? I mean, normally she'd be making us clean out bedpans in the hospital wing without magic, or dust the trophies in the trophy room or something. Instead it's lines."
"You'd rather clean out bedpans?" James raised an eyebrow.
"You know what I mean. And she's not the only one. There's Snape. Juniper said that he bumped into her a little while before dinner, and he said....SORRY."
Bertram gasped. James' other eyebrow went up.
Professor Snape, saying sorry?
"And," Melissa went on, "He said something about Good Little Wizards as well."
"What's all this 'Good Little Wizards' stuff all about anyway?" Bertram asked. "I mean, why 'Good Little Wizards?'
"No idea." James stared hard at the piece of parchment on the desk in front of him.
"You two finished?"
"Nope," Bertram replied. "I need a drink. I can't write anymore without a drink."
"Well, fancy McGonagall not leaving us a jug of pumpkin juice! HOW thoughtless of her! And where are the turkey sandwiches? This IS detention, after all!" Melissa said sarcastically.
Bertram scowled.
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Professor Flitwick was pacing.
He was also very deep in thought.
What he was thinking very deeply about was the conversation he had had with Severus Snape and Minerva McGonagall at dinner.
What on Earth, he thought, was that rubbish about Severus being in a Boy Scout group called the Good Little Wizards?
Yet it rang a bell.
He paced some more, still thinking. The Book Of Morals, given to him by long-dead Aunt Ganeda. It certainly talked a lot about Good Little Wizards.
Was it just a coincidence that that maddening term had been mentioned more than once at the High Table?
Good Little Wizards. Good Little Wizards. How Aunt Ganeda used to rabble on about them!
"Alganon, you mustn't be greedy - Good Little Wizards are generous."
"Alganon, I wish you'd improve your manners. You are really the Baddest Little Wizard I have ever seen......"
Alganon Flitwick stopped pacing. He looked horrified.
No, he thought. It can't be. It can't.
But it could. And it was.
He headed towards the door. Dumbledore. Dumbledore will help me figure this out, he thought.
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"Alright." Bertram announced. "I am absoloutely dying of thirst now. You'll have to drag my wasted body out of here. McGonagall will be eaten up by guilt."
His friends ignored him. They were busy doing nothing.
Lines had been finished long ago. When was McGonagall going to come and let them out?
Melissa kicked out moodily and hit her foot on the desk leg.
"Ow. This STUPID. Where is she? Has she forgotten all about us?"
"I don't know," James said gloomily. "She's not the type to forget stuff like that."
"Maybe she's getting old. What is it, nearly a hundred now? And I'm thirsty." Bertram added.
Just then, they heard footsteps.
Bertram leaped out of his chair.
"Yay! Freedom! Pumpkin juice!"
There was the sound of a key turning in the lock.
Then the door creaked open. Severus Snape stuck his greasy head into the room.
Melissa covered her mouth to stifle giggles. She couldn't help it.
That toupee!
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Albus Dumbledore was bewildered. For the first time in his life, he was bewildered.
Things had suddenly gotten just a tad strange.
Minerva and Severus had just come to see him in his office. He had thought Severus was going to complain about that issue with Melissa Longbottom and the toupee again.
But no.
Instead, they had both requested that the teachers hold an emergency staff meeting. Right now.
And the reason they wanted to hold this staff meeting?
"We want to discuss forming a Good Little Wizards workshop for the students." Severus Snape and Minerva McGonagall!
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Lord Gobblygoop wasn't the best at game plans. Even he admitted that.
It took a really intelligent person to come up with a fool-proof plan to break into Hogwarts.
Lord Gobblygoop was not intelligent.
This he did not admit.
"My faithful Death Bandits!" he boomed.
None of them were listening. A couple had switched on the television set and were watching their favourite Muggle show – 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire."
Yesterday's Daily Prophet had said that the latest contestant, who called herself Miriam Budgee, was really the famous celebrity witch Liesa the Wartkiller in disguise.
Rumour had it that she was using the Confundus Charm on the host Eddie Murphy to bamboozle him into thinking that she was right on every question.
"Cor, but she's a good looker," Marcus Hazy said admiringly.
"I wish I was a Wartkiller," Lucy Boppins sighed with envy.
She fingered the big wart she had on her nose, as a result of a previous attempt to rid herself of a giant boil.
Which was the result of ANOTHER previous attempt to rid herself of a pimple.
Which was the result of yet another previous attempt to rid herself of her freckles. Which was....
You get the idea.
Bilius Bibblehead had taken off his trousers and underpants and was washing them in a large tub, humming merrily as he went.
He had also taken off his robes, and his cloak, and his hat, and was sitting in nothing but his undershirt.
It had not yet occurred to him that it was only his trousers and underpants that had been wetted by his need to visit the toilet.
Lord Gobblygoop was not pleased. They should be hanging on his every word! He was their Famously Evil leader, after all.
"LISTEN TO ME!" he bellowed. "I am TRYING to TALK!"
"Ssshhh," said Marcus Haze. "The Wartkiller's on a roll!"
"I wish I was a Wartkiller," said Lucy Boppins again, fingering the wart on her nose which was the result of a previous....etc etc.
"The maid was in the garden, hanging up the clothes...." Sang Bilius Bibblehead, wringing out his trousers in an expert sort of fashion.
"BILIUS!" Lord Gobblygoop shrieked. "WHAT are you DOING??"
Bilius Bibblehead wiped the soapsuds off his glasses and looked surprised.
"It's washing day," he said.
"And WHERE are the Hopple twins?" Lord Gobblygoop wailed.
Just then the said Hopple twins appeared at the doorway of the living room.
They were covered head to toe with ice cream, and whipped cream and coffee cream and various other creams... including the non-edible ones.
"Vaseline, anyone?" said Girl Hopple.
"Actually, there's none left," said Boy Hopple.
Lord Gobblygoop covered his face with his hands.
"What about my Famously Evil debut?" he whined.
"There, there," Bilius Bibblehead said soothingly. "Time heals all wounds."
"WHAT??" said Lord Gobblygoop.
"Rainbow at night, Shepherd's delight!" sang the Hopple twins.
"Sssshhhh all of you!" Marcus Haze glared at them.
"The Wartkiller's on a hundred thousand! Or is it a hundred million? How many zeroes in a million?"
"I wish I was a Wartkiller," said Lucy Boppins.
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[Chucks empty Vaseline jars at reviewers ]
Excuse me. I'm just a bit hyper after writing that last part.
I absoloutely LOVE writing Lord Gobblygoop and the Death Bandits!
I hope you liked them too!
Oh, by the way, I know I didn't update very soon THIS time either, but wouldn't you know it, as soon as I got over Writer's Block, our internet connection decided to take a Snooze pill.
And I was just a teensy bit lazy. Forgive me! Also, sorry for the weird exclamation marks. Fanfic.net doesn't do asterixes anymore, for some reason.
Also, I know that some of you were curious about Melissa and James's parentage.
I'll probably make it known to you sometime later in the story, so stay tuned!
AND NOW, GUESS WHAT? I'M GOING TO ASK YOU TO....REVIEW!
And, being the lovely people you are, you'll do that, right? Good-O!
Now I really must be saying goodbye. Goodbye!
[throws last Vaseline jar and disappears in a puff of green smoke]