Well, well well! Here I am again, back with a new chapter. I finally wrote it.

"Took you long enough!" wail the cast of "Flitwick." They thought I'd forgotten them, poor dears.

I haven't. I just couldn't be bothered to write chapter seven and post it till now, is all. Lack of inspiration, I guess.

Very well. Take your places, Death Bandits. Just a leetle to the left, Lord Gobblygoop. Be- ew-ti-ful. Now let me just dump little Professor Flitwick where he's supposed to be and we can get on with the story.

He's being a bit difficult, see. He's threatening to turn me into a rooster.

UNLIKELY dear Flitwick – it is I who wields the pen!

"Oh yes," he says sulkily. "I forgot. When do I get a go?"

"Uhhhh....never?"

He mutters something that sounds remarkably like "stupid author person". Imagine that.

There, he's finally in place like the Good Little Wizard he is.

We can get on with the story now.

(Note: I am not going mad. I swear it. No, really. BELIEVE me!)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Albus Dumbledore was bewildered. Again. Alganon Flitwick had just come charging into his office, shortly after Severus and Minerva had left it.

"Dumbledore!" he wailed. "Oh, Dumbledore, what have I done? WHAT have I DONE? WHAT have I DONE? What have I -"

"I don't exactly know yet," Dumbledore cut him short, kindly.

Flitwick was clearly upset.

"You see, Alganon, you haven't actually told me."

His much-distressed colleague paused in the middle of his outburst to consider that.

"You're right," he sighed. "I haven't. But, Dumbledore....what have I DONE?"

"What indeed?" Dumbledore was getting impatient.

Flitwick hung his head.

"Oh my vanity, my cursed vanity," he said miserably. "It if it wasn't for that IT wouldn't have happened. And if IT hadn't happened, THAT wouldn't have happened. And if THAT hadn't happened THEY wouldn't have happened....to be like that. And if THEY hadn't... why, NOTHING WOULD HAVE HAPPENED."

Dumbledore tried to follow this, and concluded that he had no idea what Flitwick was talking about.

"Flitwick, I have no idea what you are talking about. TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED."

"Well," Professor Flitwick said. "I think we should sit, Dumbledore. You see, quite a lot needs to be explained....."

So they sat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Professor Snape," Melissa said. "Are you.... feeling alright?"

She and her companions had been feeling quite worried for awhile now.

You see, Professor Snape was...humming. He wasn't trying to curse Melissa into oblivion or anything. He was just...

Humming.

The tune wasn't one that Melissa recognized.

"Me?" Severus Snape sounded cheerful. "I'm feeling fine!"

"Then why are you and Professor McGonagall acting like best buddies?" Bertram asked. Melissa stomped his foot.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You are TACTLESS," she whispered.

"At least I'm not BRAINLESS," he retorted.

"Oh, witty, really witty." Melissa said in her most scathing manner.

Then she ruined it by whispering,

"I'm FRECKLE-LESS too, Bertram!"

He turned as red as his hair.

"I noticed the absence of freckles doesn't mean you have the ability to do a Summoning Charm!"

"Shut up!" James said loudly.

"Potter!" McGonagall had turned to him.

James bit his lip, waiting for her to explode at him.

Instead she said, "How would you like join our Good Little Wizards workshop?"

James's venerable brow wrinkled in confusion.

"Severus and I had the idea," she added, by way of explanation.

Snape nodded, in what James supposed was meant to be an encouraging manner, grinning broadly and showing pointy yellowish teeth.

"Erm..." James began and stopped.

"Actually," Snape said. "You should ALL join us!"

"Erm...." Said Melissa, and stopped.

"Erm...." Said Bertram, and scratched his nose.

"Picking your nose isn't good manners!" Professor McGonagall said reprovingly.

"Remember, you're a Good Little Wizard!" Snape added.

"I wasn't picking..." Bertram began hotly, but Snape went on as if he hadn't heard him.

"Minerva, I've been thinking. Our school song really isn't appropriate to our aims and aspirations...."

"And what might they be?" Bertram asked.

"...So I've thought of a far better one!" Snape said brightly.

"Why is everyone ignoring me today?" Bertram said sulkily.

"Because you're a Bad Little Wizard!" Melissa said.

Her friends gaped at her, horrified.

"Why did I just say that?!" Melissa wondered out loud.

"Curiouser and curiouser." James said.

"You guys," Bertram said. "This is really starting to scare me."

They all looked at Professors McGonagall and Snape.

"Let's all be gooooood!" Snape boomed suddenly.

'Gooooood Little Wizards!

Gooooood Little Wizards!

Good good good good...."

"Noooooo!" Bertram moaned, clapping his hands over his ears.

'Lying, thieving, rude little plonkers!

Are BAD Little Wizards!

Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Baaaaad..."

"Ah, that's better," Bertram sighed, removing his hands.

'We must be polite and TIDY!

And read the Book of Morals every day!

We must never do anything we like

And eat nothing but oats and hayyyy!'

Without realizing it, the three listeners were drawn into the song.

Soon, they too were singing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lord Gobblygoop was quite at sea.

"The waves are so pretty...." He murmured to himself.

"THE WARTKILLER WON!" Marcus Haze and Lucy Boppins screamed from in front of the television.

Lord Gobblygoop was startled out of his world of pretty waves, back into the real one.

Where he was currently struggling to get his Big Scary Death Bandits to LISTEN to him.

"Off with the television!" he snarled.

"Off with his head! Off with his head!" chanted the Hopple twins.

"Shut up!" Lord Gobblygoop stood up, glaring menacingly around at them.

His eye fell upon Bilius Bibblehead, who was struggling to pull on his dripping trousers.

He had finished washing them and they were now even wetter than they were before.

"Bilius! Clothe yourself as befits one of my Big Scary Death Bandits!" Lord Gobblygoop shouted.

"His TROUSERS are WET," said Girl Hopple, distastefully.

"YOU'RE all wet," said Boy Hopple.

"They're all wrinkly," Bilius explained. "I really should iron them. I need to iron my hair too."

"I CURLED mine!" Lucy Boppins proudly displayed her head of frizzy curls.

"The Wartkiller has straight hair," Marcus Haze told her.

Lucy Boppins promptly began to cry noisily.

The Hopple twins danced around her, shouting

"Off with her head! Off with her head!"

"Woe is me! I am woe!" Bilius sang sadly, still trying unsuccessfully to pull on his trousers.

Lord Gobblygoop could see that they were not looking at him with awe and agog.

"LOOK AT ME WITH AWE AND AGOG!" he bellowed.

Everyone stopped what they were doing, looking blank.

"Are you drunk?" asked Lucy Boppins.

"Yes, maybe just a little bit," admitted Lord Gobblygoop.

"But my faithful Death Bandits!" he went on, "We need to break into Hogwarts! Who's got a plan?"

"Me! Me!" cried Bilius Bibblehead.

He pulled out something from the pocket of his wet robes.

"That's just a bit of paper," Lord Gobblygoop said dismissively.

Bilius Bibblehead pushed his glasses up his nose and read,

"Can I come in, please?"

And he disappeared in a puff of green smoke.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Yet another chapter written!

Flitwick: Yeeees. Written.

Author : What are you on about now, Flitwick?

Flitwick: Yeeees. Flitwick.

Author : Have a pill.

Flitwick: Mmmmmm!

Author : I must now take my leave of ye. But before I vanish, I want to give my very best thanks to: FlamezFlyer, Mae-Yean, Eihwaz and Lourdaise Pheonixrising5, and sara d. I do beg ye all to call again. Because it just isn't the same without you.

Flitwick: Farewell! Yeeees.