By: Cmdr. Gabe E.
Note: This fanfiction occurs entirely in the X-Men movie-verse . Characters' unspoken thoughts are enclosed in .
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Chapter 50: The man who wasn't there
He smiled and looked deeply into her eyes. He had never looked at her in that way before. He looked at her as if he knew every facet of her being, every corner of her soul. "Yuriko." He said as he moved closer to her. "Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked curiously, his eyebrows furrowed.
But she didn't respond, she just stood there, staring back at him. She still couldn't understand what was going on. Or perhaps, she didn't want to. Perhaps she didn't want to understand because she didn't want to know the man who was standing right in front of her right now. She was scared to find out who he was because he was so familiar...because she knew that he was the man from her past.
"You're looking at me as if you haven't seen my face everyday for the past nineteen years." Then he smiled and moved closer to her. "What's wrong, Yuriko?" He asked. Then he made a small, humble laugh and gently patted her on the shoulder. "What? You've spent so much time with James that you've forgotten about your 'other' best bud, huh?" He asked in a friendly, joking manner.
Yuriko wanted to move away when she felt his hand against her bare arm. Even his touch felt so familiar...and this familiarity suffocated her. She wasn't ready for this...not yet, not now. She wasn't ready to face the past yet, but now it was staring her in the face. Yes...she recognized him. The man who was standing in front of her right now wasn't the William Stryker who had enslaved her. He wasn't the amnesiac William Stryker who lost his memories either. This William Stryker, this man, was the one from her forgotten past...the friend she once had, in the time when she both had him and Logan by her side.
"Hey! Say something!" He said with a huge smile on his face. "You're just standing there like you've seen a ghost." Then he furrowed his eyebrows and looked at her curiously. "Okay, is this some kind of joke? Because you usually don't joke around like this. And that serious, blank look on your face is starting to scare me."
Yuriko opened her mouth, but no words escaped from her lips. She just stared at him dumbfoundedly, still unmoving. She didn't know what to do. Should she talk to him? Should she ask him some questions? She wanted to, but she was scared of what she might unearth. She didn't want to face her past yet. She wasn't ready. What would she even ask him? What should she say to him? Should she ask him about her and Logan? About him and her? About the three of them? That past was practically right in front of her face, and yet she couldn't find the will to face it, to explore it.
Then her lips finally moved. "Who am I?" She asked firmly, as she intensely stared into his eyes. "Who are you, William Stryker? Who is Logan?" The words quickly flew out of her lips as if they were the only words she could speak...as if they were the only thoughts in her mind. She couldn't take it anymore. She had to know.
Then he looked at her with a curious smile on his face, as if he couldn't believe what she had just said. "What?!" He asked, laughing. "Why are you asking these questions? You, James and me have been together for almost two decades. The three of us have been together since the day we've met and we practically know each other more than we know ourselves." He said sarcastically.
"What's up, Yuriko?" He asked with a serious tone in his voice. He moved his face closer to hers and stared deeply into her eyes. "What's going on? What's wrong?"
She looked back into his strong, blue eyes and was entranced by them. Logan had never stared at her in that way before. She loved staring into Logan's eyes, and she loved being in Logan's company, but there were times when she felt so distant from him, as if Logan couldn't see who she really was underneath her mutant powers and adamantium skeleton. But this Stryker, was someone who felt like an old friend...someone who knew her inside out. He looked at her as if he knew how to make her laugh, how to make her cry...his eyes stared at her as if he knew all of her strengths and weaknesses.
Then Stryker's eyes wandered away from her and looked at the windows that lined the outer wall of the kitchen. His eyebrows furrowed as he saw his dimly lit reflection on their glass. Yuriko noticed him staring at his reflection, and she looked into his eyes. She could see his current personality fading away. She could see it in his eyes...he was slipping away, changing...like one season to another...spring to summer, summer to fall.
His eyes stared back into hers, but he seemed like a different person now. Just in that one moment, the Stryker from her past was gone. He had faded back into her distant memory to become a part of the past she had left behind. She couldn't deny the fact that she wanted to hold on to him...hold on to him so that he wouldn't have to go away again. And yet, he was still standing there right in front of her. He may not exactly be the man he was a while ago, but it was still him. It could still be him.
"What --- what were we talking about?" He asked curiously. He seemed so lost and confused. His eyes looked curiously at her, as if she had all the answers to his questions. "This is going to sound odd, but...But I feel as if I...I dozed off." He said with his eyebrows furrowed. Then he confusingly ran his fingers through his peppered hair. He really couldn't understand what had just happened. A couple of minutes ago, he felt like he had fallen into a deep sleep and lived a dream that he now couldn't remember.
Yuriko smiled and looked back at him. She missed the look of familiarity in his eyes. But she had to accept the fact that the past was now gone. Who she saw a while ago was a ghost of who he used to be --- a façade --- a shadow --- someone who lived in her past and who was going to stay there forever. She knew there would be no use in holding on to that shadow...to wish that things and people could exactly be what they used to be. Sometimes, we just have to accept, understand, and explore things as what they were now, and look forward to what they could possibly be in the future.
"It's good to have you back." She said with a smile as she looked at him. She tried to hide her doubts and sadness behind the welcoming warmth of her face, but they continued to glimmer through her dark, almond-shaped eyes.
He grinned as he looked back at her. "What's wrong, Yuriko?" He asked with a worried smile on his face. He noticed the doubt in her eyes...he noticed the hint of sadness that lay behind her smile. "You're looking at me as if I've left...as if I've gone somewhere and that I've just returned." He could sense the intensity in the air as they looked at each other. When he 'fell asleep', he knew something happened, and that's what caused Yuriko to look at him in the way that she was looking at him right now.
Yuriko clenched her hands into tight fists as she looked back at him. A while ago, she met the ghost of Stryker's past. And when he had gone, she told herself to forget about ever talking to him. She wanted to forget ever looking into his eyes, and hearing his voice and feeling his touch. But how could she forget Stryker's younger self, when this present Stryker reminded her so much of him? He used the same words, moved in the same way, and talked to her in the same manner. The only thing different between them was their familiarity with Yuriko...the extent of which they knew her.
She continued to remain unmoving as she looked at him. She just stood there in front of him, staring at him like a video camera that was recording his every move, his every word. And in a way, she was. Yuriko knew that this was her last night with her old friend. Because once she regains her memories, so will he, and then she will lose him forever...she may even have to kill him.
Then the smile on her lips faded. She could feel the tears forming in her eyes as she looked at her old friend for the last time. She wanted to turn away. She didn't want him to see her cry. She didn't want to appear weak and pathetic in front of her old friend, her old enemy. She wanted him to remember her as a strong woman...a woman who would never falter in times when tears would normally be shed. But at times like this...at times when you're about to lose a dear friend for the second time around, even the strongest people falter, and when they fall, they fall harder.
She stepped closer to him and pressed her forehead against his shoulder. She didn't even say a word. Then she felt her tears slowly running down her cheeks, staining her face with its trails. Some of them trickled from her cheek to his shirt. She tried to hold back her gasps as she cried, but they helplessly escaped her lips
Stryker sighed and looked away. He didn't want to see her like that. He didn't want to look at her and see her face stained with her own tears. He didn't want to remember her that way. He didn't want to see her crying because of him. He had already caused her so much pain in the past, and he didn't want to see her shed more tears for him.
"I'm going to miss you." She whispered. Her tears continued to trail down her cheeks.
But Stryker didn't say a word. He just stood there, looking at the distance. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to comfort her. He couldn't tell her that everything will be all right, that everything will turn out okay, because once he regains his memories, nothing will be all right. He also couldn't tell her that he would miss her too, for he knew that his former self wouldn't. In fact, once he reverts to his former self, his current self will die. None of the past two days would matter. None of it. His life as a mutant-hater will continue on as if he had never spent the night with Yuriko...as if he'd never made friends with Jones, or Kurt or Bobby and Rogue and the professor.
Then his eyes opened wide as he remembered what the professor had told him earlier that day. "There is a way for me...to stay this way for as long as I live." He whispered.