Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun.
Note: Well here we are for the 17th chapter, never ever thought I would write something that would last this long, but amazingly it has and I've had fun writing it. Anyway I'm so sorry for the long wait...I have no excuses really.
Thanks to reviewers:
Dark-pyro-angel-2 - Thanks for your review, I can't believe I actually have a fan. Anyways you are a good writer and you'll get a lot better with practise. Its taken me eight years to get as good as I am now ever since I wrote my very first story which was about an armadillo who was searching for his sister. So yeah...if there's hope for me there is hope for you as well, just don't lose faith and keep writing! Thanks again and I hope you enjoy this next chapter.
Blue and TK - I'm glad you liked the part about the necklace, I thought it was quite a sweet gesture to Wolfwood seeing as he hasn't been mentioned in my story much. I just wanted to show that Millie hasn't forgotten him or anything. I'm thinking about writing another fic with Wolfwood in it sometime in the not too distant future. Anyway thanks for your review.
Darkraven -I'm glad you liked those little scenes; I really wanted to give more depth to Meryl's character so I added a troubled background to help with that. I was pleased with the way it turned out. Thanks for your review.
Rukato86 - Yup exams totally get on my nerves, glad you liked the last chapter and I thought I should put a little more angst into the last chapter since its been pretty happy for a while which is unusual for me. Thanks for your review.
Magnet-Rose - Thanks for your review and I'm glad you still like it, hope you enjoy this chapter too.
White Ninja Spy - Vash and Meryl getting married...that wasn't something I had thought about but I'll keep it in mind and maybe I'll put in a wedding somewhere just for you. Hope I updated soon enough and thanks for your review.
SapphireWhiteTiggress - Yeah me either...I'm a bit nervous about writing that part but hopefully it will be okay. Thanks for your review.
Silverado6000 - I wanted to add more depth to Meryl's character to make her a little more interesting so I gave her the angst background, I thought I had better put in the little fact about her writing to her family because otherwise it wouldn't have made sense for people who had seen the episode where she does actually write home. I'm glad you liked the Knives POV they are by far my favourites so there will be more in this chapter as well. The part with Ashley was also fun to write and I'm glad you are still enjoying it. Thanks for your review.
Allam - Thanks for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed it and here is your update, I hope you enjoy it.
AnimeMVW - Thanks for your review and here is your update
Neptune Butterfly - Yeah I thought I better mention Wolfwood properly in the story because I've only mentioned him once or twice. I thought that would be the best way to get Millie's feelings across and be able to slowly move on from him. Yeah I guess Meryl will bump into her family, just not sure when that'll be. Maybe I'll put that in this chapter. Well thanks for your review!
Tiff - Here is the update, and your right I have no excuse but don't worry I will try to be as quick as possible with my updates without rushing them. I think I'm starting to get better at that. Thanks for your review.
Chapter 17 - Home
Meryl's POV
I drove along a difficult track, which was anything but straight. It wound through a difficult ravine, which led to the city of December where the Bernadelli Insurance Company was situated; it was also where I lived in my small apartment, which was not far from Millie's large and comfortable family home. I guess she needs a large house because of all the family that stay there with her. Come to think of it the only people that live there fulltime are her parents and two of Millie's brothers as well as a sister. The rest seem to visit often enough to appear to live there but it must be nice to be surrounded by so many loving people.
The suns appeared from behind the ravine as I swerved the car around a tight bend and finally out into the open desert, which was the last stretch before home. I was momentarily blinded by the powerful afternoon rays and had to close my eyes halfway to be able to see anything at all. My hair was blowing back from my face and made me feel suddenly more free than I had ever been before. So this was the joy of travelling that I had never noticed before...or maybe it was because I was going home. Perhaps my family had changed, maybe they would welcome me...but I found myself seriously doubting that it could ever happen.
I caught Vash looking at me his face lit up with one of those beautiful smiles, which weren't fake or pained at all. He was genuinely happy and seeing him that way made me completely content, the worry of family forgotten in the comforting pools of his eyes.
"So who is staying with me at my house?" Millie chirped up from the back.
"I will!" Ashley called straight away but added, "If it's okay with mom and dad that is." She grinned and I couldn't keep the blush, which invaded my face at the comment, and I didn't dare look at Vash in case it got worse.
"It's fine with me." I managed to say after an awkward silence and Ashley whooped with joy.
"I can't wait to meet your family Millie." She continued and I noticed the sparkle in Millie's eyes and smiled happily. It seemed this move hadn't been such a bad idea after all if it was steadily returning Millie to her old self, could she finally be getting over Wolfwood? Was it even possible to get over someone you loved?
"So what about you Meryl?" Millie invaded my thoughts.
"I was just going to go back to my apartment, it's not far from you anyway." I replied quietly.
"Okay that sounds good, so Mr. Vash will be staying with you then I suppose." Millie grinned and my blush deepened and I made sure to keep my eyes fixed on the road.
"Mr. Knives?" Millie continued and I was glad that no one was paying attention to me anymore. Knives who had remained quiet this whole time seemed to be knocked from his thoughts at the question.
"What?" He asked, obviously clueless to what we had been talking about.
"Will you be staying at my house or with Mr. Vash?" Millie spoke patiently.
"Well I'm hardly going to go and stay with those two am I." Knives sneered, "I'm sure they wont want me around spoiling their fun." I ground my teeth together to try and stop myself from yelling at him, the blush of embarrassment flaring up on my face so badly I was surprised that no one had commented on it.
Maybe it would have been less embarrassing if what Knives had said contained truth, but quite frankly the thought of taking the relationship with Vash further hadn't crossed my mind. I had been completely happy with the way things were, and I was partly afraid of taking things further, actually I was terrified. Vash hadn't mentioned anything about it so I thought that perhaps he felt the same which now sounds stupid considering the way he acted around women in the early days when I thought he was a complete idiot. He was probably getting annoyed and frustrated but didn't have the heart to tell me and simply let me believe things were okay. Embarrassment was replaced with grief as I drove down the straight and dusty track towards the city.
By the time we reached Millie's house both Ashley and Vash had fallen fast asleep, Knives looked like he was about to explode with irritation at being stuck in the car with a very excited Millie. As for myself I have to say I wasn't as nervous as I had first been about the prospect of going home and I was looking forward to seeing Millie's family even though that would have to wait until tomorrow. I just wanted to get to my own apartment and rest after the long journey and I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one.
I looked over at Vash from the corner of my eye and smiled slightly, the thoughts of what Knives had said earlier dragging through my mind again and again. He was leaning against the inside of the door his legs stretched out as far as possible and one arm tucked behind his head to act as a pillow. His face looked completely relaxed and almost golden in the setting suns and his mouth was slightly open revealing a glimpse of white teeth. His hair had fallen from its usual style and fell about his face and danced in the light breeze causing pale shadows on his skin. He was so beautiful in sleep that he simply took my breath away.
So beautiful...
How is it possible that a man such as him could love someone like me? This question has been running through my head long before I told him my true feelings, it was the question that stopped me from wording them in the first place. I was not the type of woman he normally chased after, the tall busty ones with long and perfectly styled hair, pretty clothes and eyes that gave the look I like to call; "bed eyes". So how is it that his type of women had changed so drastically that he decided to be with me? It didn't make sense at all.
I was snapped from my thoughts by Millie and her family who were all hugging each other and talking excitedly. Knives was standing beside her and I couldn't help but feel slightly panicked as he was included in the welcomes. He wasn't one to enjoy hugs from people. Ashley was already chatting away to Millie's father about something and I glanced over at Vash again who was still asleep and couldn't help but smile.
Millie's mother Rose - who was known as 'mom' to virtually everyone - spotted me in the car and waved happily and I knew I wasn't going to get away without saying a few hellos. I waved back cheerfully and leaned forward to wake Vash. I grabbed his shoulder and shook him gently watching as his face creased into a slight frown, he muttered something incoherent before finally opening his eyes.
"Vash lets go and say hi to Millie's family." I smiled at him and he looked at me sleepily, his mind taking its time to register what I had just said.
"Oh right...Millie's family...say hello...let's...go." He got out of the car and stretched, his back arching slightly and arms raised up to the sky as if to embrace it. I jumped from the seat wobbling on legs that had fallen asleep from being in the same position for a couple of hours and made my way over to the house.
"Hey wait for me!" Vash called as he ran to catch up and walk beside me, I looked up at him and smiled, I felt strangely happy.
Normal POV
Meryl found herself embraced Millie's mother Rose who was almost as tall as her youngest daughter. Meryl smiled, this place was always so comforting and for a brief moment she wondered whether her mother would have ever hugged her like that. Her heart sank a little at the realisation she didn't even know what her mother had looked like.
"Meryl, you look well." Rose said as she finally released the smaller girl from her embrace. "How have you been, Millie been giving you trouble?"
"Never, but yes I'm good." Meryl laughed and looked over at Millie who was disappearing into the house with her father and Ashley.
"And who is this handsome young man?" Rose turned to Vash who laughed sheepishly from where he stood behind Meryl.
"Oh him...that's Vash." Meryl replied,
"So you are the person Millie told me about in her letters." Rose continued and stepped around Meryl to shake his hand kindly.
"In that case you most likely know what a wimp he is." Meryl laughed and started into the house.
"Yes she might have mentioned something." Rose smiled and followed her inside leaving a stunned Vash standing in the street.
"Wimp?" He murmured to himself..."Hey!" He ran into the house after the two women.
They somehow managed to pile into the lounge where Rose and her husband Max were trying to find a seat for everyone. Millie sat next to Ashley and her mother on the large couch whilst Knives stood by the door. Millie's two brothers who had not yet been formally introduced sat on the floor in front of their father to make room for Meryl and Vash.
"It's so good to have our little girl home with us." Max smiled joyfully as he watched over the large group that had collected. Millie's big sister then chose that time to come down into the room and once again the hugs and excited chatter started up again.
Meryl felt her heart warm to the realisation that not everyone in this world was cruel. She had started to forget that fact from being with Vash for so long and seeing how horrible everyone was to him. Tears gathered in her eyes but she wasn't quite sure whether they were ones of sadness or happiness, either way it wouldn't have mattered much. The noise of everyone talking seemed strange, the happy tones unusual and the warm atmosphere completely comforting. She knew she hadn't planned to stay for long but the house just didn't seem to want to let her leave.
"I expect you're all very tired." Rose spoke up.
"Mom is it alright if Ashley and Mr. Knives stay with us here? I know its always a little crowded but there isn't much room back at Meryl's place.
"I'm sure it'll be fine. Your cousin Matthew left to go travelling for a while so Mr. Knives can have his room, and maybe Ashley can stay with you in yours." Rose looked overjoyed at the prospect of having more people in her home. Then the introductions started again this time a little more organised.
"You all remember Meryl." Millie spoke up and Meryl nodded and smiled a little shyly at having everyone looking at her. "This is Ashley, I guess you could say that she is Vash and Meryl's daughter." Millie winked at the girl who giggled and nodded.
"Daughter?" Rose seemed shocked.
"Oh not their biological daughter, but adopted doesn't sound right either, since they never adopted her." Millie trailed off as she became a little confused about how to explain the situation and ignored the embarrassed looks from the gunman and the insurance girl.
"They rescued me and I stayed with them." Ashley said.
"Ah I see, well that explains it." Rose smiled.
"This is Knives who is Mr. Vash's twin brother." Knives noticed how she left out the 'Mr' again but assumed it had to be a simple mistake. "Mr. Vash is the person we have been following around for a while."
"Oh yeah, the wimpy guy!" One of Millie's brothers interrupted and everyone burst into laughter at the look of disbelief on Vash's face.
"Everyone I would like you to meet my big brother Martin." Millie pointed out the boy who was still grinning from his comment. "And that one there is my big big brother Shane.
"Well I better go and start making some food for you all...Meryl will you and Vash be staying with us to eat?" Rose asked kindly, the smile crinkling her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I'd like to but I really want to get home, I'm more tired then anything." Meryl admitted shyly, she didn't like to turn down Millie's mother but she was finding it difficult to keep her eyes open.
"Well if you're sure."
"Vash can stay though, except someone will have to show him to my place afterwards." Rose nodded and turned to look at the tall gunman who was busy explaining to Martin that he only acted like a wimp and really he was a macho kind of guy.
Vash's POV
I was just starting to get through to the boy when I was interrupted at hearing my name being mentioned and looked over my shoulder to see Meryl and Rose standing by the door.
"Did someone mention me?" I asked as I strode over to where the two women stood.
"Yes, Meryl said that you can stay to eat with us while she goes back home, that is if you don't mind being shown to her home afterwards. It's not a long walk."
I looked over at Meryl who was standing by the door, her fingers curled around the door handle and her head bowed slightly so that her hair drooped in front of her eyes. I knew she was waiting for my answer and I guessed that she expected me to stay. After all it had been a few hours since I had last eaten and I was pretty hungry, but did I want to leave Meryl to go home alone?
"Well I..." I trailed off as Meryl opened the door to leave and in a second she was gone without so much as a word.
"Is she okay?" Rose asked.
"To be honest I don't know; she's a little nervous about being back."
"She told you about her family then?"
"Yes, are they really as bad as she says they are?"
"Well I don't really know them that well but they aren't the friendly type you stop in the street to talk to. I don't think I have ever seen her father smile and her brothers hardly ever speak." Rose pondered for a moment, "I guess they like to keep to themselves."
"Maybe." I murmured thoughtfully. "Well it's been fun but I better go. See ya round!" I waved and stepped out of the house and into the cool air of evening.
The stars looked beautiful as always and the moons shone delicate light onto the ground and bathed everything in its silver glow. Meryl was in the car already and seemed to be waiting for something; maybe she had expected me to come out after all.
I strode over and suddenly realised that the only reason she hadn't driven away was because she was trying to wipe tears from her eyes. I wondered what could be bothering her, and thought that it was most likely the family thing again.
I opened the door and got in the seat beside her, pretending not to notice that she had been crying. I knew her pride wouldn't let me comfort her, she would say that there was nothing wrong and I shouldn't worry, and she might even hit me if she was really annoyed.
"You could have stayed you know." Her voice was surprisingly soft.
"I'd rather be with you, besides it was getting a bit crowded in there." I smiled, trying to lighten the atmosphere. She didn't look up.
"So are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" I asked gently as she started up the car. Yeah I know I said I wasn't going to say anything but hell she was upset and I couldn't just sit here and ignore it.
"Nothing was bothering me, I'm just tired. You shouldn't worry so much about me." She sighed wearily.
"Meryl..."
"Will you listen to me for a change? There's nothing wrong, everything is fine so be quiet." With that she turned her attention back to driving but that comment had not made me worry any less. I knew there was something wrong; I mean it was obvious, so why was she shutting me out?
I gave up and sat back in the seat and watched her, she seemed a lot tenser then she had been before and her brow was creased into a slight frown, her eyes narrowed very slightly. She looked ready to kill and if I opened my mouth and said something stupid I probably would have been her first victim. Her hair fluttered behind her and she bit at her bottom lip nervously when suddenly she drew the car to a shuddering halt and looked at me harshly.
"What are you staring at me like that for?" She snapped and I held my hands up in instant surrender.
"You...uhh..." think Vash think you idiot! Say something that will make her happy, "I was...just thinking..."
"Did it hurt?" She interrupted coolly...
"Did what hurt?" I questioned and she rolled her eyes and got out of the car. "Now where are you going?"
"Inside." She replied and I realised that we must have arrived and quickly followed her, not wanting to be left outside in the cold which is where I would have been if I had been any slower.
She paused in the doorway as she swung the door open and peered inside as if she expected it to be completely trashed or something but as I had expected it was neat and tidy. It was a complete reflection on the organised woman who lived there. The room looked small but strangely beautiful and all around were little things that made me smile and reminded me so much of her.
There was a desk in one corner, which was piled high with forms, which had collected dust over the months and a spare cloak was hung over the back of the chair. Meryl sighed and stepped into the room and waited patiently for me to enter, she then closed the door with a soft click and looked up at me with a strange look in her violet eyes.
"There's not much to see really, the kitchen is through that door and the bedroom is in through there, the bathroom is down that small corridor there next to the store cupboard." She pointed them out and I nodded and turned to look at her again. She was looking at seemingly nothing, her eyes unfocused and distant and I tried to think what could be wrong with her.
Nothing I could say was going to make her happy, it would just provoke her into building up more barriers around the problem. Whatever it was she didn't want me to know and that scratched out it being the possibility of family problems considering I already knew about them.
"Meryl..." My voice was quiet and she seemed to snap back to reality as she swivelled her head round to look at me, her eyes focusing in on mine. Before I realised I was doing I was reaching out and wrapping my arms tightly around her, holding her tighter than I had ever done before.
She shifted slightly to rest her head against my chest before wrapping her arms fiercely around my waist, a soft sob filling the otherwise quiet room. I reached up and ran my fingers through her silky hair before holding her closer still. It had felt like the right thing to do and at least she had stopped pretending there was nothing wrong.
Normal POV
Meryl felt slightly better wrapped in the safe circle of Vash's arms, one arm wrapped around his wait and the other reaching up to rest just below his shoulder blades. She was clinging to him as if she was stopping herself from falling into an endless pit; he was her rock against all suffering, someone to cuddle up with and feel safe. Just when she needed him to hold her he had done just that, as if he knew exactly what she needed, or maybe it was simply because he couldn't think of anything to say.
The small sob that escaped her throat came from part relief at finally feeling safe and warm and partly because of the thoughts, which had been taunting her. It was only when she felt the soft touch of his hand on her cheek that she pulled away from him slightly to look up into his eyes. They were warm and full of love - as always - but there was something else in them too, a need to understand, a desire to help...'could he really be that worried about me?' Meryl thought; her heart swelling with love for him with every passing second.
"I'm sorry." She said and released him before looking around. "There won't be anything to eat here and I don't know if any store will be open at this time so..."
"I can wait until tomorrow." Vash replied quickly so as to wash any doubt from Meryl's mind.
"Okay but I'll wake up early and go to the store first thing tomorrow." She stretched and yawned before walking further into the room with Vash following behind.
"I'm tired so I'm going to go to bed now." She announced wearily as she headed for the bedroom, its door hanging slightly ajar.
"Where will I be sleeping?" Vash asked tentatively and watched as Meryl flinched at the question.
'Could it be possible that this was what was worrying her?' He thought and wondered whether he should ask her. She turned around slowly and forced a smile onto her face, which he could tell was fake.
"Umm, I'll get some blankets from the wardrobe." She replied nervously and he nodded, he had expected that answer but not in the way she had said it. She sounded like she had done something wrong by making him sleep somewhere other then with her. This sort of thing had never bothered her before and Vash found himself becoming worried that perhaps Meryl was regretting being with him.
Knives' POV
These people were infuriating! Coping with one of them was bad enough but being here in Millie's home surrounded by all these overly happy people started to get on my nerves. What could they possibly find to be happy about all the time? Don't any of them ever feel sad? That seemed a stupid question really because deep down I knew that Millie was in fact still grieving over Wolfwood. This became apparent by the way she had acted that time when we were packing. It bothered me that she was still attached to that dead man...but I still can't figure out why.
It was quite late by now and the house had finally fallen into complete silence except for the light sound of snoring. For some reason I couldn't sleep and it was starting to bother me slightly so slipping silently from the room I was staying in I walked down the stairs and into the lounge. It looked so much larger now that it was empty of people but the homely feel was still there. It was unlike any home I had seen before, it seemed that all the cushions on the chairs had been stitched with love. The walls seemed to hold in them warm and happy memories as if the whole building was created by them.
What the hell am I thinking?!
A slight sound behind me caught my attention and I swung round to see Millie coming down the stairs and into the kitchen. Her hair was once again tied back by a pale ribbon and her eyes still vibrant with life even though she was usually fast asleep by now.
"Hello Mr. Knives, what are you doing down here so late?"
"I could ask you the same thing."
"I couldn't sleep."
"Me either." I admitted after a pause.
There was an awkward silence before she continued to talk in her normal happy way.
"I guess it's being at home with all my family, I'm too excited to sleep. I never knew how nice it was to be back home with them, I missed it more than I thought...I wonder how long we will be staying here, I hope we don't have to rush off." She paused and looked up at me, her azure eyes finding mine and I blushed very slightly, I hadn't realised I had been staring at her the whole time.
"You could just stay here." I said.
"And leave Meryl, Mr Vash and you? No I couldn't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because you are my friends and travelling with all of you is so much fun."
"Millie..." I hadn't meant to say her name but it just slipped out before I could stop it. "Doesn't travelling around like that remind you of Wolfwood?"
"I suppose so, but I don't want to forget him."
"Even if remembering causes you pain?"
"Oh Knives, it doesn't always cause pain, when I think of him now I feel happy."
"Happy?"
"Yes, I can be happy that I met him and think about all the times we shared, they are very precious memories."
"I suppose so."
She laughed then, a pleasant sound that ran lightly around the room and warmed the atmosphere. I looked at her, startled at why she would laugh at my reply, had it been wrong or sounded funny...I hadn't meant it to.
"What's so funny?" I asked and she looked at me with a strange sparkle in her eyes.
"You're so serious all the time."
"Is that so bad?"
"No, it's who you are and you're a great listener."
"Well everyone has one talent." I shrugged.
"You have more than just one Knives, you make out you're this cold hearted person who doesn't have any feelings at all but in fact you are quite sensitive."
"Sensitive?"
"Yes, you care a lot about your brother, I can tell. It's not just that though...when I look at you I don't see the bloodthirsty murderer that killed hundreds of people, I just see a man who has been misunderstood and badly treated by people."
"How could you possibly know that?" I snapped, for a moment she looked slightly nervous.
"I don't know really." She gave a tense laugh and took a few steps towards the stairs.
"Wait!" It sounded like a desperate plea instead of the order I had wanted it to be.
She turned her head back to look at me with those glassy, innocent eyes and I felt something twinge deep inside me.
"What is it Knives?"
"I'm sorry for yelling like that." I was apologizing?! When the hell had I started saying sorry for my actions?
"It's okay, you just don't like people getting to know the real you." She smiled at me, "Just like your brother used to be...but Meryl changed that." A sudden idea lit up her face. "Maybe you need to get yourself a girl too." With that she dashed up the stairs leaving me standing completely speechless. Had she really just said what I thought she had?
For a moment I stood and considered what she had just said to me...could it be possible that I was afraid of letting people know the real me? Yes, I decided...if people knew the real me then they would shout abuse and try to kill me as they had done with Vash. I didn't like pain that much so that idea didn't sound so good. Yet Millie wouldn't be one of those people, she already knew so much about me and yet she acted as if I was a friend and never treated me badly. I never knew a human like her existed and now I did I wasn't quite sure what to do.
My theories about humans being nothing but unfeeling inferior beasts were slowly disappearing, especially when I was with that human...Millie. The feelings inside of me were getting on my nerves and I found myself wondering whether I should talk to Vash...after all he had been around these humans much longer than me. Maybe he could explain what I was feeling, but did I want to share something like this with him?
I returned to my room to let the confused darkness consumed me.
Well that's the end of this chapter, anyway I apologise for the long wait. I wrote this chapter a few days ago but when I read through it to check for mistakes there were parts I hated so I spent a lot of time editing them and still wasn't happy with it after. But I thought I had better not keep you all waiting any longer and left it as it was.
'Love and Peace'