Witness
by Peaches the First
AN: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!! It feel great to be loved!
5. Vultures
When my eyes fluttered open sometime the next afternoon, I saw my other older brother, Joey, sitting in a chair next to my hospital bed. I hadn't seen him since two Christmases ago at Gramma Spinelli's house. He was living in Little Rock now, working at a construction company as a junior engineer. It took my eyes a moment to focus, presumably because I had been drugged up by doctors who were afraid I'd go ballistic.
"Hey, kid," he smiled when he saw I was awake. I looked at him with confusion for a moment. He looked so much older than the last time I'd seen him.
"When did you get here?" I asked groggily. His slight smile faded.
"A few hours ago," he said. "I came when dad told me... about mom." I looked down.
"She's dead, isn't she?" I asked quietly, already knowing the answer. Joey nodded and looked down as well.
"Yeah, Ash, she is." I was shocked to see tears in my 26 year old brother's eyes
I pulled my knees up to my chest as I sat up. I couldn't believe it. I had seen the white sheet pulled over her, but I didn't want to believe it was true.
"How'd it happen, Ash?" Joey asked me seriously, regaining his tough demeanor. I was about to open my mouth when I felt a presence in the door.
"I'd like to hear this as well," said the man who had been in the doorway, walking uninvited into the room. I glowered at him. Who did he think he was?
"I'm sorry, you are?" Joey asked, standing up to meet the man. Joey was not tall. He reached about 5'9", but he had a muscular build that was rather threatening at times. The man who had walked in was about 6'2", but he was the scrawniest 50-something year old I had ever seen. His hair was pepper grey and his skin looked rubbery. He looked ridiculously formal in a grey business suit and trench coat.
"I'm Detective Rudd," he introduced himself, shaking Joey's hand firmly. Joey looked at him suspiciously before Rudd flashed his badge. Joey didn't like cops or anyone having anything to do with cops. He wasn't a criminal anymore, but it was a quirk he had acquired from his darkened past. "I'm here to investigate the death of Florence Wood."
"She's a minor, detective," he told Rudd mater of factly. "She can't talk without the presence of a guardian. And if she does, it's illegitimate. And tell my father to call this number for a lawyer," he finished, passing Rudd a business card.
"Where is her father?" Rudd asked grudgingly. Joey motioned to the door.
"He's in the cafeteria getting coffee," Joey said. Rudd glared at him and left. Joey grimaced after him. " I know I've seen him somewhere," he muttered. "Probably with one of the other inmates or something back in the day." He then turned his attention to me. "That Detwhieler woman was here earlier with TJ," he told me. "They're downstairs now. I think she went with Vitto to dad's and picked up some clothes for you."
"Great," I said unenthusiastically. A half hour later, dad, Vitto, the cop that had questioned TJ, and Rudd appeared in the room. Close behind them was Joey's old lawyer, Mr Stephenson. Rudd had his pad and pen out to take notes, as did the cop. Dad held my hand while I told them all what happened.
"From the beginning, Miss," Rudd said professionally. I shuddered a sigh and started.
"Me and Ryan got in a fight at supper, so I left the house and went to Teej's place..."
"Teej?" Rudd asked, his pen still moving.
"TJ Detwhieler, my best friend," I muttered. "He lives at 154 Third Street. Anyway, I was there 'til about one. I went home and Ryan's truck was gone. I didn't turn on any lights, I just went to my room... wait, I closed mom's door, then I went to my room..."
"Why did you close the door?" Rudd interrupted again.
"Because it was open," I said plainly. "I saw her asleep inside and I closed it."
"I thought you didn't turn on any lights," he challenged. I glared at him.
"Moonlight, genius," I snapped. He narrowed his eyes, but waved for me to continue.
"I fell asleep around two, but I woke up at three. I guess the car door shutting woke me or something. I opened the door enough to see Ryan outside mom's bedroom. I saw him go in, then I shut the door..."
"Why?" It was Rudd again.
"Because I was scared, dipwad," I said. "Ryan looked drunk." Dad cleared his throat in warning. "I opened it again when I heard him walk downstairs." I looked at Rudd. "Because I was curious, and I followed him. I stopped halfway down the stairs and I saw him in the kitchen. I heard him leave through the backdoor and I went to see why he'd been in the kitchen... and she was there."
"Was she dead?" the cop asked. I nodded. "That's when you called 911?" I nodded again. Vitto was pacing rubbing his temples and Joey was staring into space.
"Thank you, Miss Spinelli," the cop said. "You've been a great help. Our investigation is continuing." He started to leave, but stopped in the doorway. "I'm sorry for your loss." Dad nodded. The cop stopped looked at me curiously.
"One more thing, before I forget." He flipped his notepad back a few pages. "Where did you get that bruise?" he asked. Rudd looked at me with question as well. I touched the side of my face and looked down.
"From Ryan before I left," I said. Dad's grip on my hand tightened slightly. I heard a squeak as Vitto turned on his heal toward me. The cop jotted that down as well. He tipped his hat and left. Rudd nodded and left too. Joey was staring at me with worry.
"You never told anyone Ryan ever hit you," he said. I shrugged.
"It was only from time to time," I muttered. "He'd usually beat up on mom." Vitto's face went white.
"I'll kill him," he muttered. "I'll fuckin' kill him if I find him first. I knew there was something about him I didn't like!"
"Shut up, Vitto," I muttered.
"Are you okay to come home with us?" dad asked me. "They're ready to release you." I nodded. He pulled a bag out from under the bed and passed it to me. "Lauren brought this to you. She thought you might need it."
In the bag were an old pair of jeans I had left at dad's a few months ago and my black Metallica tee-shirt. The others left to wait for me as I got dressed. I heard dad talking to Mr Stephenson as I changed.
"Mr Spinelli, I've worked with Detective Rudd before," Stevenson was saying. "He's harsh and strict, but he's a damn good detective. If anyone can get to the bottom of this, it's him."
"Thanks, Roy," dad said. "Can't say I was looking forward to seeing you again, in all honesty."
"I get that a lot," Stephenson said. "If you need anything, or if anyone else contacts you for questioning, you have my number."
"Yeah, thanks."
"Mr Spinelli?" came a woman's voice. "Are you of close relation to the decease?"
"Yes, she's my... ex-wife."
"I need you to come down and identify the body for us," the woman said. "I'm sorry, but it's protocol."
"Certainly, just a minute." His knock came at the room door. "Ashley?"
I opened the door, having just finished throwing my other clothes into the bag. "Yeah?"
"I've got to attend to something," he explained, not knowing I had heard the whole conversation. "Lauren is down in the waiting room, would you and your brothers go stay with her until I get back? It should only take a few minutes."
"Sure," I said. He squeezed my shoulder before walking away with the nurse. I followed Vitto and Joey as they made their way to the waiting room. Lauren and TJ were sitting in two of the cushy chairs. Lauren looked to be sleeping.
"Spin!" TJ said as he saw me. He got up and, before I could say anything, he'd hugged me. I smiled a bit and hugged him too. It felt sort of nice after all the formality of being questioned. "Are you alright?" he asked when he let me go. I nodded a bit, not really feeling like speaking at the moment. I saw Vitto smirk a bit at TJ and me. I remembered he had heard the cop interrogate TJ that morning.
"Mrs Detwhieler?" Joey said, waking TJ's mother up. Lauren woke up rather slowly. She smiled at Joey. "Thanks for everything, Lauren."
"No problem, Joseph," she assured him in a motherly tone. "I've known your family since me and your parents were in grade school. It's the least I can do." Her eyes grew teary. I knew she and my mother had been very close as children.
"Alright, are you ready to go home?" my father asked as he walked into the room. His face was a chalky white colour. Joey stood and Vitto walked over to where he was standing. "Thank you so much for everything, Lauren," dad said, repeating basically what Joey had said. Vitto just smiled a little and nodded. She shook her head and smiled slightly.
"Think nothing of it," she said. "It's nothing, really."
"We're off, then," dad said, grasping my shoulder. "We've got to go settle some things." We left the waiting room. TJ and his mom followed us, with TJ gripping my hand the whole way out. "Thanks again, Lauren," he said as we reached the main hospital entrance. TJ smiled as I slipped my hand out of his.
A wave of press and cameras greeted us. Microphones were shoved into my face violently. Joey walked in front of me, blocking the torrent of questions being thrown every which-way. He was rather used to this part.
"Vultures," he muttered, opening the front seat passenger door for me. "I don't care if it's their job, they're like wolves." I climbed into dad's car, trying to ignore the flashbulbs and lights that were threatening to blind me. I could just see what the people at school were going to say when dad let me go back.
"You're not going to make me go to Jefferson High, are you?" I asked dad suddenly as he pulled out of the hospital parking lot onto the main road. He looked at me oddly for a minute.
"You want to go back to school?" he asked. I shrugged. "Not if you don't want to go to Jefferson. I won't make you go at all, but you can go back to Washington if you want."
The car was silent the whole ride back to dad's place. I wondered for a minute how all of us were supposed to live in a 2 bedroom apartment. I figured I'd end up taking Vitto's room and him and Joey would sleep in the living room.
When we got inside, I immediately noticed some things. First off, it wasn't messy. For as long as I had been going to dad's during holidays, I always remembered there being a pile of dishes in the sink and the broom collecting cobwebs in the corner. Second, there was a tablecloth on the kitchen table. Since when did my dad and Vitto eat at the table instead of in front of the tv? Third, there was a small herb garden growing in a long trough-like pot in the kitchen window. This was definitely the work of a woman.
"Who is she?" I asked as dad walked in the apartment after me. I slipped off my boots and walked into the kitchen, admiring the fact that, whoever she was, she had managed to keep two of the pigs I called family relatively clean. Dad looked down.
"Her name is Wendy, and I was going to introduce you to her come Christmas if we were still together." I nodded. I said nothing as I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. I stared off into space as the boys tried to figure out where I was going to sleep.
"I'll take the couch," Vitto said. Joey shrugged.
"I'll just take the floor or something," he muttered. No one was very talkative. Vitto, Joey, and I had just lost our mother, and Robert had lost the woman he had been married to for 22 years. What was there to talk about?
"I'm going to bed," I announced. No one tried to stop me as I walked to Vitto's room and closed the door. I don't know if I fell asleep so much as I passed out. I heard dad call me once that supper was ready, and once more that I had a phone call, but I was too far into sleep to care, or even process his words properly. Laying on my back at one point, I remember thinking vaguely about Monday. I was definitely going to school. I wouldn't allow any of them to talk about me without me being there to kick each and every one of their sorry asses.
I remember one thing from that night that stands out above the rest. Somewhere in the depths of my consciousness I could see Ryan's face. His hateful glower burned behind my eyelids, his eyes stinging into mine.
I can't be sure, but I heard a whisper in my head in his hissing voice.
"Sleep tight tonight... it might be your last."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I woke constantly, barely 15 minutes between my eyes fluttering shut and flying open again. My stomach held a large not, and the back of my throat burned from tears unshed. Dad had told me, I remembered vaguely, that Police Chief Lawson wanted me in to give a statement about the scene of the crime tomorrow at the station.
The scene of the crime. A house I'd lived in my whole life, and it was the scene of a horrendous crime. The same house I'd had countless friends sleep over to, where I'd spent Christmas eves when I was little staring up into the sky waiting to see Santa until I fell asleep and was carried upstairs to bed by my father. No matter how many screaming matches or even fist fights I'd had with family members, it was still my home, and the thought of it shrouded in police tape made me sick.
I don't know how they expected me to sleep. I was exhausted, of course, but my mind was too full to rest. I was especially worried as to the whereabouts of my stepfather. No one had given me an updated account of the situation with him. Was he waiting, skulking, lying in the shadows for an opportunity to pounce and finish me off as well? Was he even in the city?
'Of course he's still in town,' I thought with a slight quiver in my stomach. 'He left the house on foot.'
Unable to do anything but toss and turn, I finally stood up out of bed and went to the kitchen. If I couldn't sleep, I was going to occupy myself with something else. Maybe a game of solitaire or some cold Chinese food. Anything to silence the spark of fear ignited in my gut.
I stepped quietly around Joey and Vitto, who were both passed out on the couches. The linoleum was cold under my feet. Stone, dead cold.
Like my mother.
I shook the thought from my head, but couldn't shake the feeling of eyes burrowing into my back no matter which way I turned. Whatever demon watched me was ever vigilant and intent on breaking me into insanity, which I felt was not far off.
Unable to stand the omnipresent feeling, I left my game of solitaire, cards still scattered on the table. I tried not to slam the door on my non-existent pursuer before I jumped into Vitto's bed and pulled the covers up over my head. Curled up into a ball, I felt myself shaking. The stinging feeling in the back of my throat wasn't going to fade any time soon, I knew, until I broke down and cried. I wouldn't allow myself to. I had already broken once a little over 48 hours ago, when I'd run to TJ's house after my interlude with Ryan, but I would not - could not - allow myself to give into the pain again.
'I wish TJ was here.'
The thought startled me momentarily, until I realized it wasn't that odd. He'd been there for me for so much, it was only natural I would want him here now. The thing that really surprised me was how much I wanted him to be there just to hold me. Not to talk. Not to cry to. Just to hold me.
I was just stressed. At least that's what I told myself. I was merely in a state of distress and I was turning to irrational thoughts to calm myself.
I fell asleep, uneasily this time. Sound sleep was light-years away. The thought of having TJ with me was what saved me from the dark, tormenting nightmares that were ready to swoop in on me in a moment of weakness.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
by Peaches the First
AN: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!! It feel great to be loved!
5. Vultures
When my eyes fluttered open sometime the next afternoon, I saw my other older brother, Joey, sitting in a chair next to my hospital bed. I hadn't seen him since two Christmases ago at Gramma Spinelli's house. He was living in Little Rock now, working at a construction company as a junior engineer. It took my eyes a moment to focus, presumably because I had been drugged up by doctors who were afraid I'd go ballistic.
"Hey, kid," he smiled when he saw I was awake. I looked at him with confusion for a moment. He looked so much older than the last time I'd seen him.
"When did you get here?" I asked groggily. His slight smile faded.
"A few hours ago," he said. "I came when dad told me... about mom." I looked down.
"She's dead, isn't she?" I asked quietly, already knowing the answer. Joey nodded and looked down as well.
"Yeah, Ash, she is." I was shocked to see tears in my 26 year old brother's eyes
I pulled my knees up to my chest as I sat up. I couldn't believe it. I had seen the white sheet pulled over her, but I didn't want to believe it was true.
"How'd it happen, Ash?" Joey asked me seriously, regaining his tough demeanor. I was about to open my mouth when I felt a presence in the door.
"I'd like to hear this as well," said the man who had been in the doorway, walking uninvited into the room. I glowered at him. Who did he think he was?
"I'm sorry, you are?" Joey asked, standing up to meet the man. Joey was not tall. He reached about 5'9", but he had a muscular build that was rather threatening at times. The man who had walked in was about 6'2", but he was the scrawniest 50-something year old I had ever seen. His hair was pepper grey and his skin looked rubbery. He looked ridiculously formal in a grey business suit and trench coat.
"I'm Detective Rudd," he introduced himself, shaking Joey's hand firmly. Joey looked at him suspiciously before Rudd flashed his badge. Joey didn't like cops or anyone having anything to do with cops. He wasn't a criminal anymore, but it was a quirk he had acquired from his darkened past. "I'm here to investigate the death of Florence Wood."
"She's a minor, detective," he told Rudd mater of factly. "She can't talk without the presence of a guardian. And if she does, it's illegitimate. And tell my father to call this number for a lawyer," he finished, passing Rudd a business card.
"Where is her father?" Rudd asked grudgingly. Joey motioned to the door.
"He's in the cafeteria getting coffee," Joey said. Rudd glared at him and left. Joey grimaced after him. " I know I've seen him somewhere," he muttered. "Probably with one of the other inmates or something back in the day." He then turned his attention to me. "That Detwhieler woman was here earlier with TJ," he told me. "They're downstairs now. I think she went with Vitto to dad's and picked up some clothes for you."
"Great," I said unenthusiastically. A half hour later, dad, Vitto, the cop that had questioned TJ, and Rudd appeared in the room. Close behind them was Joey's old lawyer, Mr Stephenson. Rudd had his pad and pen out to take notes, as did the cop. Dad held my hand while I told them all what happened.
"From the beginning, Miss," Rudd said professionally. I shuddered a sigh and started.
"Me and Ryan got in a fight at supper, so I left the house and went to Teej's place..."
"Teej?" Rudd asked, his pen still moving.
"TJ Detwhieler, my best friend," I muttered. "He lives at 154 Third Street. Anyway, I was there 'til about one. I went home and Ryan's truck was gone. I didn't turn on any lights, I just went to my room... wait, I closed mom's door, then I went to my room..."
"Why did you close the door?" Rudd interrupted again.
"Because it was open," I said plainly. "I saw her asleep inside and I closed it."
"I thought you didn't turn on any lights," he challenged. I glared at him.
"Moonlight, genius," I snapped. He narrowed his eyes, but waved for me to continue.
"I fell asleep around two, but I woke up at three. I guess the car door shutting woke me or something. I opened the door enough to see Ryan outside mom's bedroom. I saw him go in, then I shut the door..."
"Why?" It was Rudd again.
"Because I was scared, dipwad," I said. "Ryan looked drunk." Dad cleared his throat in warning. "I opened it again when I heard him walk downstairs." I looked at Rudd. "Because I was curious, and I followed him. I stopped halfway down the stairs and I saw him in the kitchen. I heard him leave through the backdoor and I went to see why he'd been in the kitchen... and she was there."
"Was she dead?" the cop asked. I nodded. "That's when you called 911?" I nodded again. Vitto was pacing rubbing his temples and Joey was staring into space.
"Thank you, Miss Spinelli," the cop said. "You've been a great help. Our investigation is continuing." He started to leave, but stopped in the doorway. "I'm sorry for your loss." Dad nodded. The cop stopped looked at me curiously.
"One more thing, before I forget." He flipped his notepad back a few pages. "Where did you get that bruise?" he asked. Rudd looked at me with question as well. I touched the side of my face and looked down.
"From Ryan before I left," I said. Dad's grip on my hand tightened slightly. I heard a squeak as Vitto turned on his heal toward me. The cop jotted that down as well. He tipped his hat and left. Rudd nodded and left too. Joey was staring at me with worry.
"You never told anyone Ryan ever hit you," he said. I shrugged.
"It was only from time to time," I muttered. "He'd usually beat up on mom." Vitto's face went white.
"I'll kill him," he muttered. "I'll fuckin' kill him if I find him first. I knew there was something about him I didn't like!"
"Shut up, Vitto," I muttered.
"Are you okay to come home with us?" dad asked me. "They're ready to release you." I nodded. He pulled a bag out from under the bed and passed it to me. "Lauren brought this to you. She thought you might need it."
In the bag were an old pair of jeans I had left at dad's a few months ago and my black Metallica tee-shirt. The others left to wait for me as I got dressed. I heard dad talking to Mr Stephenson as I changed.
"Mr Spinelli, I've worked with Detective Rudd before," Stevenson was saying. "He's harsh and strict, but he's a damn good detective. If anyone can get to the bottom of this, it's him."
"Thanks, Roy," dad said. "Can't say I was looking forward to seeing you again, in all honesty."
"I get that a lot," Stephenson said. "If you need anything, or if anyone else contacts you for questioning, you have my number."
"Yeah, thanks."
"Mr Spinelli?" came a woman's voice. "Are you of close relation to the decease?"
"Yes, she's my... ex-wife."
"I need you to come down and identify the body for us," the woman said. "I'm sorry, but it's protocol."
"Certainly, just a minute." His knock came at the room door. "Ashley?"
I opened the door, having just finished throwing my other clothes into the bag. "Yeah?"
"I've got to attend to something," he explained, not knowing I had heard the whole conversation. "Lauren is down in the waiting room, would you and your brothers go stay with her until I get back? It should only take a few minutes."
"Sure," I said. He squeezed my shoulder before walking away with the nurse. I followed Vitto and Joey as they made their way to the waiting room. Lauren and TJ were sitting in two of the cushy chairs. Lauren looked to be sleeping.
"Spin!" TJ said as he saw me. He got up and, before I could say anything, he'd hugged me. I smiled a bit and hugged him too. It felt sort of nice after all the formality of being questioned. "Are you alright?" he asked when he let me go. I nodded a bit, not really feeling like speaking at the moment. I saw Vitto smirk a bit at TJ and me. I remembered he had heard the cop interrogate TJ that morning.
"Mrs Detwhieler?" Joey said, waking TJ's mother up. Lauren woke up rather slowly. She smiled at Joey. "Thanks for everything, Lauren."
"No problem, Joseph," she assured him in a motherly tone. "I've known your family since me and your parents were in grade school. It's the least I can do." Her eyes grew teary. I knew she and my mother had been very close as children.
"Alright, are you ready to go home?" my father asked as he walked into the room. His face was a chalky white colour. Joey stood and Vitto walked over to where he was standing. "Thank you so much for everything, Lauren," dad said, repeating basically what Joey had said. Vitto just smiled a little and nodded. She shook her head and smiled slightly.
"Think nothing of it," she said. "It's nothing, really."
"We're off, then," dad said, grasping my shoulder. "We've got to go settle some things." We left the waiting room. TJ and his mom followed us, with TJ gripping my hand the whole way out. "Thanks again, Lauren," he said as we reached the main hospital entrance. TJ smiled as I slipped my hand out of his.
A wave of press and cameras greeted us. Microphones were shoved into my face violently. Joey walked in front of me, blocking the torrent of questions being thrown every which-way. He was rather used to this part.
"Vultures," he muttered, opening the front seat passenger door for me. "I don't care if it's their job, they're like wolves." I climbed into dad's car, trying to ignore the flashbulbs and lights that were threatening to blind me. I could just see what the people at school were going to say when dad let me go back.
"You're not going to make me go to Jefferson High, are you?" I asked dad suddenly as he pulled out of the hospital parking lot onto the main road. He looked at me oddly for a minute.
"You want to go back to school?" he asked. I shrugged. "Not if you don't want to go to Jefferson. I won't make you go at all, but you can go back to Washington if you want."
The car was silent the whole ride back to dad's place. I wondered for a minute how all of us were supposed to live in a 2 bedroom apartment. I figured I'd end up taking Vitto's room and him and Joey would sleep in the living room.
When we got inside, I immediately noticed some things. First off, it wasn't messy. For as long as I had been going to dad's during holidays, I always remembered there being a pile of dishes in the sink and the broom collecting cobwebs in the corner. Second, there was a tablecloth on the kitchen table. Since when did my dad and Vitto eat at the table instead of in front of the tv? Third, there was a small herb garden growing in a long trough-like pot in the kitchen window. This was definitely the work of a woman.
"Who is she?" I asked as dad walked in the apartment after me. I slipped off my boots and walked into the kitchen, admiring the fact that, whoever she was, she had managed to keep two of the pigs I called family relatively clean. Dad looked down.
"Her name is Wendy, and I was going to introduce you to her come Christmas if we were still together." I nodded. I said nothing as I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. I stared off into space as the boys tried to figure out where I was going to sleep.
"I'll take the couch," Vitto said. Joey shrugged.
"I'll just take the floor or something," he muttered. No one was very talkative. Vitto, Joey, and I had just lost our mother, and Robert had lost the woman he had been married to for 22 years. What was there to talk about?
"I'm going to bed," I announced. No one tried to stop me as I walked to Vitto's room and closed the door. I don't know if I fell asleep so much as I passed out. I heard dad call me once that supper was ready, and once more that I had a phone call, but I was too far into sleep to care, or even process his words properly. Laying on my back at one point, I remember thinking vaguely about Monday. I was definitely going to school. I wouldn't allow any of them to talk about me without me being there to kick each and every one of their sorry asses.
I remember one thing from that night that stands out above the rest. Somewhere in the depths of my consciousness I could see Ryan's face. His hateful glower burned behind my eyelids, his eyes stinging into mine.
I can't be sure, but I heard a whisper in my head in his hissing voice.
"Sleep tight tonight... it might be your last."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I woke constantly, barely 15 minutes between my eyes fluttering shut and flying open again. My stomach held a large not, and the back of my throat burned from tears unshed. Dad had told me, I remembered vaguely, that Police Chief Lawson wanted me in to give a statement about the scene of the crime tomorrow at the station.
The scene of the crime. A house I'd lived in my whole life, and it was the scene of a horrendous crime. The same house I'd had countless friends sleep over to, where I'd spent Christmas eves when I was little staring up into the sky waiting to see Santa until I fell asleep and was carried upstairs to bed by my father. No matter how many screaming matches or even fist fights I'd had with family members, it was still my home, and the thought of it shrouded in police tape made me sick.
I don't know how they expected me to sleep. I was exhausted, of course, but my mind was too full to rest. I was especially worried as to the whereabouts of my stepfather. No one had given me an updated account of the situation with him. Was he waiting, skulking, lying in the shadows for an opportunity to pounce and finish me off as well? Was he even in the city?
'Of course he's still in town,' I thought with a slight quiver in my stomach. 'He left the house on foot.'
Unable to do anything but toss and turn, I finally stood up out of bed and went to the kitchen. If I couldn't sleep, I was going to occupy myself with something else. Maybe a game of solitaire or some cold Chinese food. Anything to silence the spark of fear ignited in my gut.
I stepped quietly around Joey and Vitto, who were both passed out on the couches. The linoleum was cold under my feet. Stone, dead cold.
Like my mother.
I shook the thought from my head, but couldn't shake the feeling of eyes burrowing into my back no matter which way I turned. Whatever demon watched me was ever vigilant and intent on breaking me into insanity, which I felt was not far off.
Unable to stand the omnipresent feeling, I left my game of solitaire, cards still scattered on the table. I tried not to slam the door on my non-existent pursuer before I jumped into Vitto's bed and pulled the covers up over my head. Curled up into a ball, I felt myself shaking. The stinging feeling in the back of my throat wasn't going to fade any time soon, I knew, until I broke down and cried. I wouldn't allow myself to. I had already broken once a little over 48 hours ago, when I'd run to TJ's house after my interlude with Ryan, but I would not - could not - allow myself to give into the pain again.
'I wish TJ was here.'
The thought startled me momentarily, until I realized it wasn't that odd. He'd been there for me for so much, it was only natural I would want him here now. The thing that really surprised me was how much I wanted him to be there just to hold me. Not to talk. Not to cry to. Just to hold me.
I was just stressed. At least that's what I told myself. I was merely in a state of distress and I was turning to irrational thoughts to calm myself.
I fell asleep, uneasily this time. Sound sleep was light-years away. The thought of having TJ with me was what saved me from the dark, tormenting nightmares that were ready to swoop in on me in a moment of weakness.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~