May 10, I'm late.

May 11, I'm scared to write down what I think, in case that would make it true. N's been asking what's going on, why I haven't been talking to her and stuff, and I almost told her. But then D. came up to us and hugged me and I had to pretend that I was enjoying it. He hasn't noticed that anything's wrong. Neither have my parents. And see, if I pretend hard enough that everything's fine, it will be. I will be. I have to be. Because it can't get any worse than it is now.

May 13, I was wrong. I told N. everything and she went to the drugstore for me and bought a test. I thought it would feel different, that I'd be able to feel it growing in me. I don't feel anything. I wish I was dead.

May 17, I went to see J. today. I told him about the baby and he laughed and told me to stop lying. Then he hit me. I said I wasn't lying, and I was going to tell everyone what he'd done and then he grabbed my throat – I thought he was going to kill me and part of me wanted him to, 'cause then it would all be over – and he said to keep quiet, that he'd take care of it. I know what he means and I don't care. I never wanted this baby in the first place.

"Cal?"

Calleigh closed the journal and stood, stretching out the kinks in her back. She'd taken the notebook home to read, and had gotten so wrapped up in it that she hadn't noticed the time. She left the study and found Horatio in the kitchen. His back was to her. Calleigh smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Hey," she mumbled into his back.

"Where were you hiding?"

"I was reading."

"Ah." He turned around and pulled her close. "Find anything interesting?"

"I think whoever raped her arranged for the abortion."

Horatio said nothing but continued to hold Calleigh, giving her a much-needed sense of stability and love. She knew she was getting too involved, but she couldn't stop now. Adrienne Oxley couldn't help herself; somebody had to. Calleigh had to.

But she wouldn't be able to help anyone if she burned out.

"How's your case going?" she asked.

"All the bullets came from the same gun, though none of which we found at the scene. We're thinking it was a setup. All the prints at the scene belonged to the vics. I'm hoping Madison will open up enough to give us a description."

"Who's Madison?"

"The little girl. Suzie Barnham's kid – do you remember Suzie? She knew Chaz."

And Raymond, Calleigh thought. "Are you okay?"

Horatio nodded. "She's in ICU with a bullet in her brain. I hope she wakes up, but if she does . . ." He didn't need to mention the possible effects.

"What's going to happen to Madison?"

"I don't know. I left her with Yelina." He frowned. "She never called me back."

"So call her now."

Horatio opened his cell phone and dialed Yelina's number. When she didn't answer, he put the phone away, his brow slightly furrowed.

"She's not answering."

"That's strange."

"Hmm."

"You think everything's okay?"

Horatio nodded. "I'm sure everything's fine. I just can't help worrying when it comes to cases like this . . ."

Calleigh went up on her tiptoes to kiss Horatio's cheek. "And we all love you for it. Now, I need some cheering up. What do you say we get a video and Chinese?"

Alexx was waiting for Calleigh in the break room the next morning. She greeted Calleigh with a grim smile and handed her a folder.

"I've got the complete results for you. As I told you yesterday, Adrienne had an abortion. D and C. Whoever did it was sloppy; they ruptured the wall of her uterus. She bled to death. Poor thing didn't know she was dying."

Calleigh shook her head. "She didn't deserve this."

"No one deserves this." Alexx pointed to a photograph of Adrienne's wrists. "See these scars? They're about a month old."

"She tried to kill herself." Calleigh remembered her words: I wish I was dead, and wanted to cry. Her pager went off, letting her know that Adrienne's parents had arrived. "Thanks, Alexx," she said.

Madison hadn't wanted to talk to Child Services. Yelina felt bad about leaving her but she'd needed time to think. If what she suspected was true, then . . .

Then what? She didn't know what to do. Should she go to Horatio? Should she pretend it wasn't true? Could she really let Raymond's child go to foster care?

She trusted Bella Johansen, the social worker Horatio had called in. They'd worked with her before and she knew Bella would honestly put Madison's well being first. If Suzie Barnham never came out of her coma, Bella would do her best to make sure Madison was placed with a good family.

Damn it, Raymond, Yelina thought. How could you do this?

Yelina would go mad if she kept this to herself. She needed to talk this through with someone. Hagen? He was Raymond's partner, but Yelina didn't want to complicate the relationship they were building by bringing up her husband.

Horatio, then. But could he stand to learn something like this about his brother?

She was about to find out. Horatio had just entered the bullpen. He smiled when he saw her. She raised her hand.

"Hey. You weren't answering your phone last night. I was worried."

She gave a wan smile. "Can we talk?"

His voice dropped. "Is everything okay?"

"Not here." She took his arm and led him to the hallway for more privacy, speaking as they walked. "Horatio, I . . . something's happened . . . I think . . . I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or if . . . if . . . Did Raymond ever cheat on me?"

Horatio sighed. "I wish I could tell you he didn't, but I honestly don't know. I've come to realize I didn't know my brother at all."

"Who was Suzie Barnham to Raymond?"

"She was involved with Chaz."

Yelina stopped. "Chaz."

"Do you think Raymond was having an affair?"

"I don't know." Yelina blinked back tears. Horatio took a handkerchief from his pocket, offering to her. "Those last few months . . . he was a stranger to me. When he went undercover, he changed completely. I blamed it on the drugs but I thought we'd work through it. I thought everything would get better when he went back to normal duty . . . I need you to take a look at something and tell me if it's all in my head."

"Okay."

They were right outside one of the interview rooms. Through the glass, Yelina saw Madison smiling at Bella.

"Look at her and tell me she's not Raymond's."

Horatio's silence was confirmation enough. She looked at him; his gaze was fixed on Madison. She couldn't read his expression.

"I can't believe I didn't see it before."

"She is his, isn't she?"

"I'll need a DNA sample to be sure." He strode off; leaving Yelina to stare at the little girl who knew absolutely nothing of the turmoil her appearance had caused.

Five minutes later, Horatio was back carrying a swab. He knocked on the door before entering.

"Mr. Horatio!" Madison grinned.

"Hello, Madison. Bella." He smiled at the social worker. "Sorry to interrupt. Could I have a minute?"

"Of course. Madison and I were just finishing up."

"Bella says I can go see Mommy today. Are you coming too?" Madison's eyes shone with excitement.

"Not today, sweetheart. Do you remember what this is?" He held up the swab.

Madison nodded and held out her hands. "Are you gonna clean my nails again?"

Horatio smiled. "No. This is for something else. Could you open your mouth for me?"

Madison did as she was asked, giggling as the swab tickled the inside of her cheek.

"Thank you, Madison."

Calleigh was sipping her umpteenth cup of coffee when Alexx entered the break room. She was too tired to stand to greet her friend, and gave a half-hearted wave instead. Alexx poured herself a cup of tea then went to sit next to Calleigh.

"Hey. How'd it go with the parents?"

Calleigh sighed. "Not good. Mom's in denial. Dad's angry. He kept asking what we were doing to find, quote 'the son of a bitch responsible for killing his baby', unquote. When we told him she'd been raped, he just about went through the roof."

"I don't envy you guys. It's hard being in the autopsy room, but it must be even harder to have to try and explain what happened to the ones left behind."

"Yeah." Calleigh closed her eyes. "I keep thinking about what Adrienne went through. I can't begin to imagine how horrible it was. Then I think about what happened to me . . . it's nothing compared to what she endured. I recovered with my soul still intact, but Adrienne . . ."

Alexx squeezed Calleigh's hand. "Don't try to make comparisons. They're two completely different things. And don't forget, you had Horatio."

Calleigh smiled at the mention of her husband. "I did. I do."

The women were silent for a while. Then, Calleigh said, "What do you think drives a person to have an abortion?"

Alexx shrugged. "Many things. Shame. Fear. Anger too, to an extent."

"She didn't know it was going to kill her. She thought it would make things right again."

"Most girls do."

Calleigh's hand went to her stomach. Since her attack, the action had become automatic. She knew without having to look exactly where her scar was. Deliberately misinterpreting the gesture, Alexx smiled, taking the opportunity to lighten the moment.

"Are you and Horatio thinking about kids?"

Calleigh's eyes widened. "Good Lord, no, not yet. I mean, of course I want to have his children one day, but it's still a bit soon."

Alexx laughed. "Sometimes God has other plans. You know, both Janie and Brian are pill babies."

"You're kidding, right?"

Alexx just smiled.

Horatio entered before Calleigh could respond. He looked stressed. Calleigh stood.

"Hey, you."

He said nothing, but wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair.

"What's wrong?"

"I just needed a hug."

"You guys are too cute," Alexx said.

Horatio looked at her over Calleigh's head. He smiled. "Don't I pay you to, you know, actually work?"

"Yes, slavedriver. I can see when I'm not wanted." Alexx stood. "Later, Calleigh."

"So, what's wrong?" Calleigh asked once they were alone.

Horatio held her tighter. "I . . ."

Calleigh's cell phone rang. "Damn it." She smiled apologetically. "Calleigh Caine."

It was Nadia Petrof.

Nadia made a sad picture; standing at the water's edge, she looked so alone and so fragile. Calleigh half-expected a gust of wind to whisk her away. She'd sounded frightened on the phone, and the fear was enough to drag Calleigh there without first finding out what was worrying Horatio.

Calleigh stopped a few feet away from Nadia. "Hi!"

Nadia turned and it was clear she'd been crying. "Thank you for coming."

Calleigh closed the distance between them. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

Nadia turned back to the ocean. "Adrienne loved the sea. She wanted to be a marine biologist. She was so smart."

"Nadia, who's J?"

Nadia hugged herself. "He didn't kill her."

"He paid for the abortion."

Nadia nodded. "I knew he'd take care of it."

"You know him, then?"

Nadia bit her nails. "It's all my fault."

"That she was raped?"

"She was scared to go through with the operation but I told her it would be okay . . . I said there was nothing to be scared of . . ."

"Who is J?"

"Someone Adrienne babysat for."

"Why didn't you tell us this before?"

Nadia shrugged. "I don't know. I was scared, I guess. I thought he'd . . ."

"Thought he'd what? Nadia, tell me who he is."

She shook her head. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"Nadia . . ."

Nadia turned and ran up the beach.

"Nadia, wait!"

"Just leave me alone!"

Calleigh sighed and slowly made her way back to the car.