"Welcome to Blushing Bride Wedding Agency, home of nuptials planner
extraordinaire; Gilderoy 'The Marriage Man' Lockhart. How may I be of
service to you?"
By prying your fat silicone induced lips of my white arse.
"We have a 1:30 appointment with Mr. Lockhart," replied his fiancée, displaying her amazing depth of physic ability. Because seeing Mr. Lockhart was exactly what he wanted to do. In fact it had been the only thing on his mind since that fateful day in the Granger's living room......
*
Hermione sipped her drink causally as if she had just made a passing comment about the weather as Severus choked on his.
"What was that?" he inquired, knowing what he had heard but not daring to believe it.
"Gilderoy Lockhart," his eye twitched involuntarily at the sound of the repeated name, "You remember him, don't you?"
Gods, he remembered him. The truth was he was terrified of him. When the blond fiend had first showed up at Hogwarts, Severus had treated him with the proper venomous disdain. However, he sensed something sinister about the man, and soon his life turned into a living hell as he was forever haunted by those evil, gleaming eyes and flashing fangs of a smile. Minerva had called him crazy, Poppy had called him irrational, Albus had cracked up and shot Cockroach Cluster out of his nose; Severus was not deterred however. It wasn't until he had after the Chamber of Secrets incident that he had been able to sleep easy again.
"Of course I remember Lockhart," he sneered trying to sound undaunted, but judging from Ethan's humored reaction he probably sounded a little sissy. "I thought he was in St. Mungos."
"Oh, they released him years ago and he went straight into the wedding business. He really is brilliant, he planned Princess Sophia's wedding." This earned a collective "ooh" of admiration from Hermione's relatives, and blank looks from his own The frivolous partying of the so-called muggle royalty wasn't enough to sway him however.
"Don't you think it's a bit much to call anything Lockhart does brilliant?" He earned a withered look and sigh in return for his observation.
"No, he's fabulous. It's because he's so hands on. He's involved with every decision, so nothing goes array. This means we'll probably be seeing him everyday, so get used to it."
*
Luckily, Ethan was in medical school and was able to resuscitate him.
Luckily meaning Seghen hadn't been the one to administer the thwarting "Kiss of Life."
The receptionist's smile grew and she became even perkier then before. Having Lockhart personally plan your wedding, as opposed to his army of clone like agents, meant money, and lots of it. She even personally escorted them to Lockhart's office, which lay at the end of a hallway replicated like the Hall of Mirrors. The Women all murmured in feminine delight at the gaudy display of gold and glass. Had he known the two elements were so impressive he would have just gotten Hermione cubic zirconium instead of springing for the rock she now wore.
As they walked Venetia slowed her pace until she was in step with him behind Helen and Hermione.
"This really is a nice place. She did a good job," commented his mother.
"If you say so Mother." He personally thought choosing Lockhart was one of Hermione's low points.
Replying encouraged her and she gave an almost maternal smile. "She really seems like a great girl."
"She is." He steered his eyes away from the looming door, wherein lay his doom. Venetia looked expectantly, but was disappointed as he remained silent. He wasn't in the mood for talk.
They were there. He watched as the receptionist raised her fist, and almost in slow motion, pounded twice on the mahogany door. There was a moment of silence and then the door flew open, revealing the grand figure on its threshold; a beacon of light to all brides stuck in the desolate land of flowers and bridesmaid dresses, the best selling author, 5 time winner of Witches Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award, Defense Against the Dark Arts fraud, and Wedding Extraordinaire: Gilderoy Lockhart.
It was probably the worst moment of Severus' life.
"Welcome! Welcome!" he cried excitedly in a décor-matching accent that Severus didn't remember. "Oh, you must be Granger/Snape party! Oh, come in!"
Lockhart's office was also Versaillesian, with more gold trim, and covered in portraits. Mais, bien sur Severus contemplated; the man hasn't changed a bit. There were pictures of Lockhart with brides (one which Helen immediately identified as Princess Sophia), florists, and designers, as well as covers to bridal magazines featuring his truly.
The Sun King was currently swooning over the women, telling Hermione and Helen something about some Vera Wang. Severus hadn't a clue to what a Vera Wang was, but it sounded expensive and caused them both to emit girly squeals of delight. He then turned on Venetia and emitted the worst stream of lies Severus had ever heard, one of them being that she looked like she could be a bride herself.
"Now sit down, please. There is so much work to be done!" He insisted once he had won The Women over to the Axis of Evil. "Oh, I am so excited. I simply love meeting new couples!" He wasn't kidding; the man looked like he could wet himself. Severus felt some of his terror edging away. It was hard to fear someone who looked so utterly ridiculous. The number one factor in Voldemort's down fall, in his opinion.
Severus squeezed between his mother and Hermione on one of the fleur-de-lis covered couches. Somehow he felt safer.
"Now, first things first. Have you set a date?" He pulled out a pen and planner as he spoke.
"Yes, August 21. We want a date before school commences," Hermione explained.
"Oh how lovely, a summer wedding." He placed the planner down and closed his eyes. Making "OK" signs with his fingers, he crossed his arms, letting the thumbs rest on his temples. He then proceeded to hum while breathing deeply. Severus stared at him with shock and returning fear at this sudden, bizarre reaction. The Women, however, were united again, all with the same look of hushed fascination etched on their faces. Suddenly Lockhart's eyes flew open, causing Severus another fright, and he brought his hands back across his face, this time in a splayed, jazz hands position.
"I see you outside, sunlight streaming, with tents and fountains. Bright bouquets with yellow roses and blue irises accented with light pink stargazer lilies and baby's breath. A simple strapless gown, with some pearl beading on the bust, and a full skirt but no train. Hair worn down, flowing, with a hair length veil, attached to a tiara. A tiered ivory cake with flowers made out of frosting along the sides. And haltered, bridesmaid dresses in a bright pink "
"Oh, no."
It was exactly what Severus was feeling but he was shocked that Hermione actually articulated the same thought. Finally they agreed on something!
"That's not going to work, my maid of honor is a redhead, and looks horrid in pink."
Or not.
Lockhart scrunched his face in deep thought. "What about blue?"
Hermione's face lit up. "Blue would be perfect!"
Then The Women all slipped off into wedding fantasy land and Lockhart gave a satisfied smile. This was it Severus realized, his stomach dropping. They had crossed the Rubicon. From now on the little scenario Lockhart had played out would control every moment of his life.
"Now before we start any of that we should establish the party. I find it's important for them to be involved in the whole process, so there are no surprises on the big day."
Helen and Hermione nodded in affirmation, Lockhart Logic was quickly becoming gospel to them. But judging from the look on her face Venetia shared Severus' confusion.
"Excuse me," she timidly interrupted, "What party?"
"Oh, the party is just the group of attendants. The bride has bridesmaids and the groom has groomsmen. They help you get ready, are each other's escorts, stand by the alter, all that. They're you're closest friends and family, a circle of love and trust for you on your big day." Hermione explained quickly, sounding a bit misty.
Circle of love and trust? Hermione had been reading far too many bridal magazines. A circle of love his arse. It sounded more like setting up a pecking order of friends and family for the wedding.
"Oui, so my dear, who will be your Maid of Honor?"
"Ginny Weasley," Hermione replied. Of course.
"Yes, and any other bridesmaids?"
"My cousins Glen and Amy, both Granger," Helen nodded approvingly, "And my friends, Pavarti Patil and Lavender Brown."
Severus pulled a face. When Hermione mentioned that she was still friends with her former roommates, he had thought passing acquaintance. But now he was planning this whole blessed event with them.
"Oh, good, good. I think five is the perfect number of bridesmaids. And you sir. The Best Man?"
By the sounds of it he was merely picking the head groomsmen person. And since Ginny was Hermione's best friend, he should choose someone of equal caliber.
"Lucius Malfoy."
Lockhart started to scribble the name down but Hermione interrupted.
"I'm sorry could you say that again Severus. I almost thought I heard you say Lucius Malfoy."
Her voice was dangerously sweet, as what was really being said was you better not have said that or I'll boil you alive. An interesting proposition.
"Well, you heard right dearest."
She looked shocked, as if she really had expected him to instantly change his mind. Well she thought wrong. If he was going to do this wedding her way, with this man planning, and Patil and Brown pretending to be maids of any sort, then he was going to have some normal people there.
She stared at him for a moment longer and then her shock transformed into defiance.
"No."
This threw him off guard. "Excuse me?"
"No. Pick someone else. I will not have any member of that wretched family, especially that jailbait scum who bought his way out of Azkaban, attending my wedding."
"Our wedding."
"Whatever Severus."
He didn't know what was more stunning; that she claimed more right to the wedding or that she had told him whatever. The last person who had told him whatever had been a Hufflepuff third year, whom he promptly gave a month of detention.
"Isn't Lucius Malfoy that horrid boy you attended school with, dear?" Ah, Helen, the continuing catalyst of non-marital bliss.
"No that was Draco. Lucius is his father."
Never mind, her meddling ways weren't that bad. The look on her face at that moment was priceless.
As Helen tried to regain control of her visage, Hermione remained in battle mode.
"I absolutely will not allow it Severus. Choose someone else."
Lockhart looked uneasy and his mother was giving him a pleading look. But he was not giving in. He had surrendered every point up till now, and that practice was ending.
"Fine."
His simple acquiesce seemed to surprise Hermione, but her face quickly filled with smug satisfaction. Then he counter attacked.
"No Malfoys, no Weasleys."
Hermione whipped her head back around as Lockhart cried in despair "But that will take out half the guest list!"
"No Weasleys! How can we have no Weasleys! Ron is one of my best friends, Molly is like a second mother, and Ginny's my Maid of Honor for Christ sake!"
"Lucius is my Best Man."
Her face contorted with rage, but he could see he had won. She simply could not stand to marry without the entire Weasley clan as a witness.
"Fine." Her voice was short and heated, and he could see she was still completely disgusted by the idea.
"Thanks sweetie," he cooed, earning a disgusted, but slightly humored look from her, and just plain disgust from Helen.
"And the other groomsmen sir? You need four more."
Truth be told he hadn't thought of anyone else. He wasn't exactly very popular, so most of his acquaintances were co-workers.
"Ugh-"
"Ethan." Helen interrupted. "He's Hermione's brother and must be involved."
He agreed, slightly relieved. Ethan wasn't bad.
"Oh, and Ledell wants Seghen to be involved." Venetia added.
He actually didn't like that idea at all; he could only imagine how Ledell wanted her repulsive offspring to be involved. He didn't have a proper excuse however, so he reluctantly agreed.
"And the other two?" Lockhart inquired.
Severus racked his brain for anyone who could possibly happily escort Brown and Patil and came up blank.
"Harry and Ron could do it." Hermione sweetly interjected.
He met her innocent looking eyes with a sneer. Potter and Weasley. He'd rather marry Helen. But he didn't risk another epic battle over this party thing, so he merely rolled his eyes in agreement.
Lockhart let out a deep breath before moving on with another grin. With the crisis averted there was only one thing left to do. Tell Lucius.
~
Lucius Malfoy wasn't exactly what one would describe as a best friend, but he was probably the closest thing Severus had. They had a formal friendship in Hogwarts, which they continued after graduation. Even after the Voldemort mess they still managed to keep up acquaintances. But they were hardly friends like Hermione and her giggling posse, and so he had never bothered to mention his relationship with Hermione to him. Until now.
It wasn't that he was ashamed of Hermione. He just realized the odds against relationships succeeding, and figured he wouldn't bother Lucius about it when there was a chance that it wasn't going to work out. As the relationship got more serious he had considered telling him, but figured there was no need to bring any Malfoy indignation down on Hermione.
But on the other hand, he realized it might be good to tell Lucius. After all, the shock of the relationship would be nothing compared to the shock that it was over a year old and they were now engaged.
Too bad he hadn't thought of that before hand.
Lucius gaped at him. Honestly, he was getting sick of all these shocked looks. Couldn't anyone take news calmly anymore?
"You want me to be your what in your what to who?"
"My Best Man in my wedding to Hermione."
"Granger?"
"Yes."
"That odd looking, mudblood, brat?"
"Shut up Lucius. And for your information she is not odd looking! She filled out quite nicely as a matter of fact." Severus gave a Double- Potions-With-Hufflepuffs scowl and shifted slightly in the plush chair, careful not to spill the liquor out of the cup in his hand.
"Pardon me Severus, but that piece of mudblood filth has never been high on my favorites list, so excuse me if I'm not jumping for joy at your happy little union." He sipped his brandy, ignoring Severus' death glares. He was annoyingly good at that. He paused for a moment, supposedly to savor the drink, and then turned back to the matter at hand. "I don't know where this is coming from-you really can't be that desperate!"
Maybe Hermione was right and Potter should be the Best Man.
"Look, I didn't apperate all the way up here to here your opinion. I'm not asking for your permission, or even your blessing, Lucius. All I'm asking you is to wear a suit and walk down an aisle."
"At a muggle wedding Severus! Honestly, I've never heard of anything so preposterous in my entire life!"
"As preposterous as what?" Severus felt weight shift down on the back of his chair and the scent of jasmine and almond wafted over his nostrils. Jasmine and almond? For heaven sakes who would combine jasmine and almond?
"Good morning, Narcissa."
He couldn't see her face but he was sure she flashed her trademark megawatts smile. After Gilderoy had disappeared Witches Weekly started a stable love affair with it. It wasn't dampened by the fact that she didn't actually use it that much, she preferred a simple smirk in public, but whenever she let her dazzling pearly whites show, her face was bound to be found on every daily in wizarding Britain.
"Severus dear how are you? I haven't seen you in ages; it's simply been much too long!" He could hear her hair toss, which meant she was definitely smiling. "We should do lunch sometime."
He smiled slightly. He liked Narcissa, even though she did alarm him sometimes. Must run in the family, he thought with a sip.
"Well, darling, that would be just delightful, wouldn't it? Unfortunately, Severus is much too busy getting married."
"Married?" she repeated, but with more interest then surprise. This caught Severus' attention, but not nearly as much as her next comment.
"To Hermione Granger?"
Severus turned to view her for the first time, both surprised and slightly impressed, as his blond companion sputtered on his drink.
"You knew!" Lucius accused.
Narcissa rolled her cerulean eyes as she replied; "Of course I knew Lucius. They've been all over the Daily Prophet society pages for almost a year now."
Severus was as unaware of this fact as Lucius, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Hermione was as informed as this flaxen socialite.
"What are you doing?" Lucius suddenly interrupted his musings. Severus was about to make an acerbic reply about how some people had thoughts occasionally when he noticed, for the first time, a small feather duster in Narcissa's manicured hand.
"Oh, pretending to dust."
Lucius merely snorted as Severus wondered, not for the first, nor last, time, what kind of people these friends of his were. Pretending to dust? It reminded him of Marie Antoinette, the last French queen, who built an entire village, complete with hired peasants, in order to pretend she was a commoner. Oh, the curse of the prosperous, to never know the idiosyncrasies of the poor.
"Pretending to dust? What on earth for?" Mirth marked Lucius' voice as he looked at his wife with amusement.
Narcissa's eyes narrowed slightly as she replied defiantly, "Well, it was just laying around in the room, so I thought I might as well put it to some real use."
Severus was about to ask what a feather duster was doing laying around in their room, but caught himself just in time. He had long ago invoked a "don't ask, don't tell" mandate concerning Lucius and Narcissa's relationship. A smart move, as Lucius tended to over share. And Narcissa's recalcitrant reaction had reminded him of something. He may not be able to get Lucius to go along with this wedding, but she certainly could. The charming beauty Lucius had chosen to marry happened to also be very obdurate, and had her husband wrapped around her polished and moisturized finger like the hefty, diamond ring it carried.
"Well, I must be going. I'm very sorry to hear your rejection Lucius." He put down his glass in a motion to leave.
"What rejection?"
Severus held his breath slightly as he replied, "Oh, I simply wanted Lucius to be my Best Man in my wedding, but he refused, unfortunately."
Lucius' face narrowed; he knew what he was up to. But before he could disrupt the conversation, Narcissa turned on him.
"You refused to do what!"
"Now, Narcissa, dear," he started, but it was a futile effort.
"No, there's no excuse Lucius! Severus attended our wedding, as well as Draco's christening and graduation, and I can't tell you how many of my dinner parties he's been at-"
Just as Severus was beginning to fear he was about to receive a run down of their entire social history, Narcissa cut herself off.
"He'll be there." She sealed the deal with a smile as Lucius moaned in exasperation.
"But-" Lucius was cut off like an indignant child by Narcissa's icy glare and was forced to comfort himself with the remaining drops of brandy.
"Fine." He snarled as if to make it appear to be his decision. "All I have to do is force myself into one of those horrid, muggle tuxedos, right?"
"And escort Ginny Weasley down the aisle. But other than that you're golden."
Lucius' response let Severus know exactly how joyous this occasion would actually be. Maybe he should have become a monk.
A/N: Yes, I'm aware that it's been EONS since I last updates and I apologize profusely. I promise I will NEVER take that long again.
Thanks to everyone who told me it's a wedding party. If you haven't received them already, I am now giving you a magical melon cookie. It's either chocolate chip or oatmeal raison depending on what you like.
For anyone who's anti-Malfoy out there I apologize, but they all fascinate me. I once wrote an English analysis on Lucius. My teacher thought I was crazy, but I got an A. I've never written a fic without them and I don't plan on starting now. I also know Lucius is technically supposed to be in Azkaban and whatnot, but I'm choosing to ignore that. It won't be the first or most important plot detail I've ignored. Sirius is in Miami.
Ledell couldn't be in this chapter, but she'll be in almost every other one. For those fans of hers, don't fear.
Thank you so much for reading and please review! I want your input as much as your compliments.
By prying your fat silicone induced lips of my white arse.
"We have a 1:30 appointment with Mr. Lockhart," replied his fiancée, displaying her amazing depth of physic ability. Because seeing Mr. Lockhart was exactly what he wanted to do. In fact it had been the only thing on his mind since that fateful day in the Granger's living room......
*
Hermione sipped her drink causally as if she had just made a passing comment about the weather as Severus choked on his.
"What was that?" he inquired, knowing what he had heard but not daring to believe it.
"Gilderoy Lockhart," his eye twitched involuntarily at the sound of the repeated name, "You remember him, don't you?"
Gods, he remembered him. The truth was he was terrified of him. When the blond fiend had first showed up at Hogwarts, Severus had treated him with the proper venomous disdain. However, he sensed something sinister about the man, and soon his life turned into a living hell as he was forever haunted by those evil, gleaming eyes and flashing fangs of a smile. Minerva had called him crazy, Poppy had called him irrational, Albus had cracked up and shot Cockroach Cluster out of his nose; Severus was not deterred however. It wasn't until he had after the Chamber of Secrets incident that he had been able to sleep easy again.
"Of course I remember Lockhart," he sneered trying to sound undaunted, but judging from Ethan's humored reaction he probably sounded a little sissy. "I thought he was in St. Mungos."
"Oh, they released him years ago and he went straight into the wedding business. He really is brilliant, he planned Princess Sophia's wedding." This earned a collective "ooh" of admiration from Hermione's relatives, and blank looks from his own The frivolous partying of the so-called muggle royalty wasn't enough to sway him however.
"Don't you think it's a bit much to call anything Lockhart does brilliant?" He earned a withered look and sigh in return for his observation.
"No, he's fabulous. It's because he's so hands on. He's involved with every decision, so nothing goes array. This means we'll probably be seeing him everyday, so get used to it."
*
Luckily, Ethan was in medical school and was able to resuscitate him.
Luckily meaning Seghen hadn't been the one to administer the thwarting "Kiss of Life."
The receptionist's smile grew and she became even perkier then before. Having Lockhart personally plan your wedding, as opposed to his army of clone like agents, meant money, and lots of it. She even personally escorted them to Lockhart's office, which lay at the end of a hallway replicated like the Hall of Mirrors. The Women all murmured in feminine delight at the gaudy display of gold and glass. Had he known the two elements were so impressive he would have just gotten Hermione cubic zirconium instead of springing for the rock she now wore.
As they walked Venetia slowed her pace until she was in step with him behind Helen and Hermione.
"This really is a nice place. She did a good job," commented his mother.
"If you say so Mother." He personally thought choosing Lockhart was one of Hermione's low points.
Replying encouraged her and she gave an almost maternal smile. "She really seems like a great girl."
"She is." He steered his eyes away from the looming door, wherein lay his doom. Venetia looked expectantly, but was disappointed as he remained silent. He wasn't in the mood for talk.
They were there. He watched as the receptionist raised her fist, and almost in slow motion, pounded twice on the mahogany door. There was a moment of silence and then the door flew open, revealing the grand figure on its threshold; a beacon of light to all brides stuck in the desolate land of flowers and bridesmaid dresses, the best selling author, 5 time winner of Witches Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award, Defense Against the Dark Arts fraud, and Wedding Extraordinaire: Gilderoy Lockhart.
It was probably the worst moment of Severus' life.
"Welcome! Welcome!" he cried excitedly in a décor-matching accent that Severus didn't remember. "Oh, you must be Granger/Snape party! Oh, come in!"
Lockhart's office was also Versaillesian, with more gold trim, and covered in portraits. Mais, bien sur Severus contemplated; the man hasn't changed a bit. There were pictures of Lockhart with brides (one which Helen immediately identified as Princess Sophia), florists, and designers, as well as covers to bridal magazines featuring his truly.
The Sun King was currently swooning over the women, telling Hermione and Helen something about some Vera Wang. Severus hadn't a clue to what a Vera Wang was, but it sounded expensive and caused them both to emit girly squeals of delight. He then turned on Venetia and emitted the worst stream of lies Severus had ever heard, one of them being that she looked like she could be a bride herself.
"Now sit down, please. There is so much work to be done!" He insisted once he had won The Women over to the Axis of Evil. "Oh, I am so excited. I simply love meeting new couples!" He wasn't kidding; the man looked like he could wet himself. Severus felt some of his terror edging away. It was hard to fear someone who looked so utterly ridiculous. The number one factor in Voldemort's down fall, in his opinion.
Severus squeezed between his mother and Hermione on one of the fleur-de-lis covered couches. Somehow he felt safer.
"Now, first things first. Have you set a date?" He pulled out a pen and planner as he spoke.
"Yes, August 21. We want a date before school commences," Hermione explained.
"Oh how lovely, a summer wedding." He placed the planner down and closed his eyes. Making "OK" signs with his fingers, he crossed his arms, letting the thumbs rest on his temples. He then proceeded to hum while breathing deeply. Severus stared at him with shock and returning fear at this sudden, bizarre reaction. The Women, however, were united again, all with the same look of hushed fascination etched on their faces. Suddenly Lockhart's eyes flew open, causing Severus another fright, and he brought his hands back across his face, this time in a splayed, jazz hands position.
"I see you outside, sunlight streaming, with tents and fountains. Bright bouquets with yellow roses and blue irises accented with light pink stargazer lilies and baby's breath. A simple strapless gown, with some pearl beading on the bust, and a full skirt but no train. Hair worn down, flowing, with a hair length veil, attached to a tiara. A tiered ivory cake with flowers made out of frosting along the sides. And haltered, bridesmaid dresses in a bright pink "
"Oh, no."
It was exactly what Severus was feeling but he was shocked that Hermione actually articulated the same thought. Finally they agreed on something!
"That's not going to work, my maid of honor is a redhead, and looks horrid in pink."
Or not.
Lockhart scrunched his face in deep thought. "What about blue?"
Hermione's face lit up. "Blue would be perfect!"
Then The Women all slipped off into wedding fantasy land and Lockhart gave a satisfied smile. This was it Severus realized, his stomach dropping. They had crossed the Rubicon. From now on the little scenario Lockhart had played out would control every moment of his life.
"Now before we start any of that we should establish the party. I find it's important for them to be involved in the whole process, so there are no surprises on the big day."
Helen and Hermione nodded in affirmation, Lockhart Logic was quickly becoming gospel to them. But judging from the look on her face Venetia shared Severus' confusion.
"Excuse me," she timidly interrupted, "What party?"
"Oh, the party is just the group of attendants. The bride has bridesmaids and the groom has groomsmen. They help you get ready, are each other's escorts, stand by the alter, all that. They're you're closest friends and family, a circle of love and trust for you on your big day." Hermione explained quickly, sounding a bit misty.
Circle of love and trust? Hermione had been reading far too many bridal magazines. A circle of love his arse. It sounded more like setting up a pecking order of friends and family for the wedding.
"Oui, so my dear, who will be your Maid of Honor?"
"Ginny Weasley," Hermione replied. Of course.
"Yes, and any other bridesmaids?"
"My cousins Glen and Amy, both Granger," Helen nodded approvingly, "And my friends, Pavarti Patil and Lavender Brown."
Severus pulled a face. When Hermione mentioned that she was still friends with her former roommates, he had thought passing acquaintance. But now he was planning this whole blessed event with them.
"Oh, good, good. I think five is the perfect number of bridesmaids. And you sir. The Best Man?"
By the sounds of it he was merely picking the head groomsmen person. And since Ginny was Hermione's best friend, he should choose someone of equal caliber.
"Lucius Malfoy."
Lockhart started to scribble the name down but Hermione interrupted.
"I'm sorry could you say that again Severus. I almost thought I heard you say Lucius Malfoy."
Her voice was dangerously sweet, as what was really being said was you better not have said that or I'll boil you alive. An interesting proposition.
"Well, you heard right dearest."
She looked shocked, as if she really had expected him to instantly change his mind. Well she thought wrong. If he was going to do this wedding her way, with this man planning, and Patil and Brown pretending to be maids of any sort, then he was going to have some normal people there.
She stared at him for a moment longer and then her shock transformed into defiance.
"No."
This threw him off guard. "Excuse me?"
"No. Pick someone else. I will not have any member of that wretched family, especially that jailbait scum who bought his way out of Azkaban, attending my wedding."
"Our wedding."
"Whatever Severus."
He didn't know what was more stunning; that she claimed more right to the wedding or that she had told him whatever. The last person who had told him whatever had been a Hufflepuff third year, whom he promptly gave a month of detention.
"Isn't Lucius Malfoy that horrid boy you attended school with, dear?" Ah, Helen, the continuing catalyst of non-marital bliss.
"No that was Draco. Lucius is his father."
Never mind, her meddling ways weren't that bad. The look on her face at that moment was priceless.
As Helen tried to regain control of her visage, Hermione remained in battle mode.
"I absolutely will not allow it Severus. Choose someone else."
Lockhart looked uneasy and his mother was giving him a pleading look. But he was not giving in. He had surrendered every point up till now, and that practice was ending.
"Fine."
His simple acquiesce seemed to surprise Hermione, but her face quickly filled with smug satisfaction. Then he counter attacked.
"No Malfoys, no Weasleys."
Hermione whipped her head back around as Lockhart cried in despair "But that will take out half the guest list!"
"No Weasleys! How can we have no Weasleys! Ron is one of my best friends, Molly is like a second mother, and Ginny's my Maid of Honor for Christ sake!"
"Lucius is my Best Man."
Her face contorted with rage, but he could see he had won. She simply could not stand to marry without the entire Weasley clan as a witness.
"Fine." Her voice was short and heated, and he could see she was still completely disgusted by the idea.
"Thanks sweetie," he cooed, earning a disgusted, but slightly humored look from her, and just plain disgust from Helen.
"And the other groomsmen sir? You need four more."
Truth be told he hadn't thought of anyone else. He wasn't exactly very popular, so most of his acquaintances were co-workers.
"Ugh-"
"Ethan." Helen interrupted. "He's Hermione's brother and must be involved."
He agreed, slightly relieved. Ethan wasn't bad.
"Oh, and Ledell wants Seghen to be involved." Venetia added.
He actually didn't like that idea at all; he could only imagine how Ledell wanted her repulsive offspring to be involved. He didn't have a proper excuse however, so he reluctantly agreed.
"And the other two?" Lockhart inquired.
Severus racked his brain for anyone who could possibly happily escort Brown and Patil and came up blank.
"Harry and Ron could do it." Hermione sweetly interjected.
He met her innocent looking eyes with a sneer. Potter and Weasley. He'd rather marry Helen. But he didn't risk another epic battle over this party thing, so he merely rolled his eyes in agreement.
Lockhart let out a deep breath before moving on with another grin. With the crisis averted there was only one thing left to do. Tell Lucius.
~
Lucius Malfoy wasn't exactly what one would describe as a best friend, but he was probably the closest thing Severus had. They had a formal friendship in Hogwarts, which they continued after graduation. Even after the Voldemort mess they still managed to keep up acquaintances. But they were hardly friends like Hermione and her giggling posse, and so he had never bothered to mention his relationship with Hermione to him. Until now.
It wasn't that he was ashamed of Hermione. He just realized the odds against relationships succeeding, and figured he wouldn't bother Lucius about it when there was a chance that it wasn't going to work out. As the relationship got more serious he had considered telling him, but figured there was no need to bring any Malfoy indignation down on Hermione.
But on the other hand, he realized it might be good to tell Lucius. After all, the shock of the relationship would be nothing compared to the shock that it was over a year old and they were now engaged.
Too bad he hadn't thought of that before hand.
Lucius gaped at him. Honestly, he was getting sick of all these shocked looks. Couldn't anyone take news calmly anymore?
"You want me to be your what in your what to who?"
"My Best Man in my wedding to Hermione."
"Granger?"
"Yes."
"That odd looking, mudblood, brat?"
"Shut up Lucius. And for your information she is not odd looking! She filled out quite nicely as a matter of fact." Severus gave a Double- Potions-With-Hufflepuffs scowl and shifted slightly in the plush chair, careful not to spill the liquor out of the cup in his hand.
"Pardon me Severus, but that piece of mudblood filth has never been high on my favorites list, so excuse me if I'm not jumping for joy at your happy little union." He sipped his brandy, ignoring Severus' death glares. He was annoyingly good at that. He paused for a moment, supposedly to savor the drink, and then turned back to the matter at hand. "I don't know where this is coming from-you really can't be that desperate!"
Maybe Hermione was right and Potter should be the Best Man.
"Look, I didn't apperate all the way up here to here your opinion. I'm not asking for your permission, or even your blessing, Lucius. All I'm asking you is to wear a suit and walk down an aisle."
"At a muggle wedding Severus! Honestly, I've never heard of anything so preposterous in my entire life!"
"As preposterous as what?" Severus felt weight shift down on the back of his chair and the scent of jasmine and almond wafted over his nostrils. Jasmine and almond? For heaven sakes who would combine jasmine and almond?
"Good morning, Narcissa."
He couldn't see her face but he was sure she flashed her trademark megawatts smile. After Gilderoy had disappeared Witches Weekly started a stable love affair with it. It wasn't dampened by the fact that she didn't actually use it that much, she preferred a simple smirk in public, but whenever she let her dazzling pearly whites show, her face was bound to be found on every daily in wizarding Britain.
"Severus dear how are you? I haven't seen you in ages; it's simply been much too long!" He could hear her hair toss, which meant she was definitely smiling. "We should do lunch sometime."
He smiled slightly. He liked Narcissa, even though she did alarm him sometimes. Must run in the family, he thought with a sip.
"Well, darling, that would be just delightful, wouldn't it? Unfortunately, Severus is much too busy getting married."
"Married?" she repeated, but with more interest then surprise. This caught Severus' attention, but not nearly as much as her next comment.
"To Hermione Granger?"
Severus turned to view her for the first time, both surprised and slightly impressed, as his blond companion sputtered on his drink.
"You knew!" Lucius accused.
Narcissa rolled her cerulean eyes as she replied; "Of course I knew Lucius. They've been all over the Daily Prophet society pages for almost a year now."
Severus was as unaware of this fact as Lucius, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Hermione was as informed as this flaxen socialite.
"What are you doing?" Lucius suddenly interrupted his musings. Severus was about to make an acerbic reply about how some people had thoughts occasionally when he noticed, for the first time, a small feather duster in Narcissa's manicured hand.
"Oh, pretending to dust."
Lucius merely snorted as Severus wondered, not for the first, nor last, time, what kind of people these friends of his were. Pretending to dust? It reminded him of Marie Antoinette, the last French queen, who built an entire village, complete with hired peasants, in order to pretend she was a commoner. Oh, the curse of the prosperous, to never know the idiosyncrasies of the poor.
"Pretending to dust? What on earth for?" Mirth marked Lucius' voice as he looked at his wife with amusement.
Narcissa's eyes narrowed slightly as she replied defiantly, "Well, it was just laying around in the room, so I thought I might as well put it to some real use."
Severus was about to ask what a feather duster was doing laying around in their room, but caught himself just in time. He had long ago invoked a "don't ask, don't tell" mandate concerning Lucius and Narcissa's relationship. A smart move, as Lucius tended to over share. And Narcissa's recalcitrant reaction had reminded him of something. He may not be able to get Lucius to go along with this wedding, but she certainly could. The charming beauty Lucius had chosen to marry happened to also be very obdurate, and had her husband wrapped around her polished and moisturized finger like the hefty, diamond ring it carried.
"Well, I must be going. I'm very sorry to hear your rejection Lucius." He put down his glass in a motion to leave.
"What rejection?"
Severus held his breath slightly as he replied, "Oh, I simply wanted Lucius to be my Best Man in my wedding, but he refused, unfortunately."
Lucius' face narrowed; he knew what he was up to. But before he could disrupt the conversation, Narcissa turned on him.
"You refused to do what!"
"Now, Narcissa, dear," he started, but it was a futile effort.
"No, there's no excuse Lucius! Severus attended our wedding, as well as Draco's christening and graduation, and I can't tell you how many of my dinner parties he's been at-"
Just as Severus was beginning to fear he was about to receive a run down of their entire social history, Narcissa cut herself off.
"He'll be there." She sealed the deal with a smile as Lucius moaned in exasperation.
"But-" Lucius was cut off like an indignant child by Narcissa's icy glare and was forced to comfort himself with the remaining drops of brandy.
"Fine." He snarled as if to make it appear to be his decision. "All I have to do is force myself into one of those horrid, muggle tuxedos, right?"
"And escort Ginny Weasley down the aisle. But other than that you're golden."
Lucius' response let Severus know exactly how joyous this occasion would actually be. Maybe he should have become a monk.
A/N: Yes, I'm aware that it's been EONS since I last updates and I apologize profusely. I promise I will NEVER take that long again.
Thanks to everyone who told me it's a wedding party. If you haven't received them already, I am now giving you a magical melon cookie. It's either chocolate chip or oatmeal raison depending on what you like.
For anyone who's anti-Malfoy out there I apologize, but they all fascinate me. I once wrote an English analysis on Lucius. My teacher thought I was crazy, but I got an A. I've never written a fic without them and I don't plan on starting now. I also know Lucius is technically supposed to be in Azkaban and whatnot, but I'm choosing to ignore that. It won't be the first or most important plot detail I've ignored. Sirius is in Miami.
Ledell couldn't be in this chapter, but she'll be in almost every other one. For those fans of hers, don't fear.
Thank you so much for reading and please review! I want your input as much as your compliments.