Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

WARNINGS: If you've read my other fics you know that I don't write Trowa as the 'always silent' type. I never really thought he was after Quatre attacked him and he gave that long emotional speech. So don't be surprised if he gets emotional here...

Wufei was the first to leave after that. He looked at the clock and declared that Cathy would skin him alive if he was much later. Trowa and I followed him out, heading for Trowa's trailer.

"You can have the bed," he told me as he closed the door behind us.

"I don't mind the couch," I replied, seeing a futon-like one against the far wall. Reaching down for my duffle, my hand was intercepted by his larger one.

"Quatre," his voice sounded... broken and I looked up at him in amazement. Tears were streaking down his face. I reached up with my free hand and brushed at his cheek.

"Trowa- what's wrong? Please tell me." The tears flowed faster and I tugged us both to the bed. I sat him down on the edge, intending to kneel down in front of him where I could see his face. His arms caught me before I could move, and he pulled me tight against him, his head against my stomach. His shoulders shook with sobs. "Trowa. Please talk to me?" My fickle spaceheart was telling me only that he was upset, desperate and pained. What was wrong?

"It's not fair," he spoke softly against me, head still resting on my stomach. "You... you've finally come back to us and we're going to lose you again. I should've tried harder. I wanted to come see you- so often!- but... Rashid manages better than I did! If I'd known all I had to do was go in and demand to see you I'd have done it! But..." He stopped.

"Shhh," I soothed. "It's all right. It was my fault, not yours. You didn't know."

"I should've! You're my friend! You would've seen me! I was just too scared..."

"Scared?" I repeated. "Why? Did you think I'd refuse to see you?"

"No- no," he protested. "I knew you'd see me. I just couldn't face you." I lifted his head up so I could look him in the eyes. I'm sure he saw my next question there, because he answered it before I could give it voice. "Because I love you. I always have. During the war I just couldn't..." His words made my chest ache. Not now! I commanded my disobedient heart, not now! It thumped painfully, but kept going.

"But you said... you said you couldn't when I told you."

"I lied." His hands tightened on me.

"Why Trowa?" The remembered pain resurfaced.

"I'm no one, Quatre. No one. No name. No home. You were someone- Quatre Rabera Winner. You had a family, a home- what could I have offered you?"

"Yourself, Trowa. That's all I wanted." I told him honestly.

"It wasn't enough," he replied. In answer I bent down and brushed my lips across his. His response was immediate and his arms tugged me down on the bed. The pain in my chest dissolved into the pleasure he gave me in no time at all.

The rest of the weekend passed quickly. Too quickly. All too soon it was Sunday night. I was tempted not to return, but I didn't want to hurt my sisters or abandon my duty. Besides, Heero and Duo were returning to their home, and the circus was getting ready to move on. I didn't want to impose any more upon my friends than I had already. This peaceful interlude had been wonderful, but I knew that it's time was limited. But, Trowa... my chest ached at the thought of leaving him.

We were again ensconced in the guest trailer, Cathy with us this time, having one last evening of each other's company. Cathy and Wufei had claimed the sofa; Heero and Duo were stretched out on the floor, Duo's head pillowed in Heero's lap, while I sat in a chair with Trowa leaning against my knees.

We reminisced and teased each other, laughed and joked and ate in our tiny circle of warmth. When it got late we smiled our goodnights at each other, knowing we'd have the morning to say goodbye. Trowa and I returned to his trailer where we made our own goodbyes. I tried to memorize every detail of him, tried to burn it into my memory as he warmed and comforted me.

"I don't want to say goodbye," he murmured against my hair afterwards as we curled up under the blankets.

"I don't either," I sighed back. "But we have to Trowa. You can't leave the circus and as much as I'd like to I can't leave WEI. Our responsibilities tie us down."

"I know," Trowa's hand brushed my bangs. "But I'll still miss you."

"I'll miss you too." My chest had begun to twist up painfully again, making it hard to breathe. My hands involuntarily clutched at the blankets and I gasped in pain.

"Quatre?" Trowa sat up, concerned.

"Just...hurts..." Gods did it hurt!

"What can I do?" Trowa slid his arms around me.

"Have.. to ... wait it out..." I managed. I felt him vibrating with tension and fear as I tried to catch my breath. I closed my eyes and blocked him out, trying to regain control of myself. The pain intensified.

"Beloved, I'm here, it's okay, relax..." Trowa murmured in my ear like I was one of his lions, relaxing and soothing. "I love you..." The pain released me suddenly and I took a deep gasping breath in relief.

"It's over," I took another breath and then lifted my head to kiss Trowa's jaw. "I'm all right." He frowned even as he returned my caresses.

"No, you aren't."

"It's never been that bad before," I shook my head, feeling my sweat soaked bangs slide across my face. "I guess it's getting worse." His arms tightened around me.

"Rest love. You need to rest."