Mrs. Blake came back into the room with Hunter and Bianca. "Ok, the nurse
wasn't able to get those test papers out of Hunter. Elora did you get your
test out of the air vent?"
Elora stood up covered in dust. "Nope! But I did find twenty five cents, a stamp, some rare baseball cards, a mouse, a mummy, three Happy Meal toys, some chalk, an air fern..."
"Ok, that's fine, dust yourself off and get to your seat. Spyro, did Federal Express return your test?"
Spyro shook his head. "Nah, the truck that was carrying it got attacked by rabid Dobermans."
"Ah, well then everyone get in your seats. We'll try some math for now."
Everyone sat down as Mrs. Blake went to the board and wrote 1+1=2. "YOU LIE!!!!" yelled Spyro. "How do you know one plus one is two?"
"Because if you have one of something and then you get another, you have two." Mrs. Blake explained. "Prove it!" challenged Elora. Mrs. Blake put an apple on her desk. "Wow! Thanks!"
"Hush up and pay attention! Now, there is one apple on your desk, right?"
"Right." Mrs. Blake put another apple on Elora's desk. "Now what do you have?"
"A pair of apples." answered Elora. "No, there are two apples on your desk." said Mrs. Blake. Elora shook her head. "No, there's a PAIR of apples on my desk." she said. Mrs. Blake took the apples off the desk. "No, now all of you listen. If you have an apple and then you get another apple how many apples do you have?"
"A couple?"
"A few?"
"Several?"
"I just told you, a pair!"
Mrs. Blake was now squeezing the apples so hard her knuckles turned white. "NO NO NO! The answer is TWO!!!! TWO APPLES!!!"
Mrs. Blake threw the apples out the window. "Ok, let's try something else!" she drew a square on the board and labeled one side 'four inches'. "Now, can anyone tell me what the perimeter of the square is?"
Bianca raised her hand. "Oh, um. I dunno. twenty-seven?" Mrs. Blake shook her head. "No, the perimeter is sixteen inches. Can anyone tell me why?" Everyone of course had many suggestions as to what the answer was.
"Because twenty minus four is sixteen?"
"No"
"Because you said so?"
"No!"
"Because llamas will take over the world?"
"No!"
"Because the sky is blue?"
"No!"
(THIRTY MINUTES LATER)
"Because the universe is expanding?"
"No!"
"Because flamingos are pink?"
"NO!"
"Because-"
"NO MORE ANSWERS!!!"
Everyone stopped shouting answers. The room got quiet. "Now, just for that we're going to have a pop quiz!" Said Mrs. Blake as she passed out quiz papers. "Now, there is just one question, about perimeter, and if you answer it right you get a piece of candy."
Mrs. Blake left the room to go get some coffee while they worked on their quiz. When she came back, the four papers were neatly stacked on her desk and Spyro, Hunter, Elora and Bianca were sitting quietly with their hands folded on top of their desks. "Hmm." thought Mrs. Blake. I must be getting through to them at last!"
"Good job! Now memorize the multiplication chart upon the wall while I grade these!"
She picked up the first quiz paper, Elora's. She had drawn a picture of Tennessee. Mrs. Blake groaned silently and looked at Hunter's drawing of a blender. Bianca had written an impossibly long equation that covered both sides of the page that seemed to have no purpose whatsoever and Spyro answered the question by writing 'Who cares?' in block letters.
"Have you all memorized the multiplication chart?" she asked. They nodded. "Good. Here's a worksheet about it. You have twenty minutes to answer all the questions."
(TWENTY MINUTES LATER)
"Ok, Spyro, where did you put your worksheet?" asked Mrs. Blake. "And you better not have mailed it to Japan!"
"Don't worry, I didn't."
"Good, then wh-"
"I mailed it to Taiwan!"
"SPYRO! Oh, never mind. Elora, where's your worksheet?" Asked Mrs. Blake. She was getting very fed up now.
"I gave it to Bianca."
"Bianca?"
"I gave ours to Hunter."
"Hunter?"
"I ate it."
"You WHAT??"
Mrs. Blake could not believe that Hunter had just eaten three worksheets. "Do you mean to tell me that you made another sandwich?" Hunter shook his head. "No, I don't have anymore bread so I made a casserole out of it."
"Why did you make a casserole out of three worksheets?"
"I told you! I ran out of bread!"
"No, I mean why did you eat it?"
Hunter shrugged. "Well, the papers had soy sauce on them. All three of them." Mrs. Blake opened her mouth to ask why there was soy sauce on their worksheets when Elora answered the question. "Our pens ran out of ink so we had to use soy sauce to write on the paper."
"WHO HAD THE SOY SAUCE?!"
"Spyro did. He was very nice to let us use it." said Bianca.
"Ok, that's enough math for now..."
(How's it so far? Good? Bad? Cheesy? Well, Anyhoo, tune in next time for the science lesson! Will Mrs. Blake manage to keep her sanity?)
Elora stood up covered in dust. "Nope! But I did find twenty five cents, a stamp, some rare baseball cards, a mouse, a mummy, three Happy Meal toys, some chalk, an air fern..."
"Ok, that's fine, dust yourself off and get to your seat. Spyro, did Federal Express return your test?"
Spyro shook his head. "Nah, the truck that was carrying it got attacked by rabid Dobermans."
"Ah, well then everyone get in your seats. We'll try some math for now."
Everyone sat down as Mrs. Blake went to the board and wrote 1+1=2. "YOU LIE!!!!" yelled Spyro. "How do you know one plus one is two?"
"Because if you have one of something and then you get another, you have two." Mrs. Blake explained. "Prove it!" challenged Elora. Mrs. Blake put an apple on her desk. "Wow! Thanks!"
"Hush up and pay attention! Now, there is one apple on your desk, right?"
"Right." Mrs. Blake put another apple on Elora's desk. "Now what do you have?"
"A pair of apples." answered Elora. "No, there are two apples on your desk." said Mrs. Blake. Elora shook her head. "No, there's a PAIR of apples on my desk." she said. Mrs. Blake took the apples off the desk. "No, now all of you listen. If you have an apple and then you get another apple how many apples do you have?"
"A couple?"
"A few?"
"Several?"
"I just told you, a pair!"
Mrs. Blake was now squeezing the apples so hard her knuckles turned white. "NO NO NO! The answer is TWO!!!! TWO APPLES!!!"
Mrs. Blake threw the apples out the window. "Ok, let's try something else!" she drew a square on the board and labeled one side 'four inches'. "Now, can anyone tell me what the perimeter of the square is?"
Bianca raised her hand. "Oh, um. I dunno. twenty-seven?" Mrs. Blake shook her head. "No, the perimeter is sixteen inches. Can anyone tell me why?" Everyone of course had many suggestions as to what the answer was.
"Because twenty minus four is sixteen?"
"No"
"Because you said so?"
"No!"
"Because llamas will take over the world?"
"No!"
"Because the sky is blue?"
"No!"
(THIRTY MINUTES LATER)
"Because the universe is expanding?"
"No!"
"Because flamingos are pink?"
"NO!"
"Because-"
"NO MORE ANSWERS!!!"
Everyone stopped shouting answers. The room got quiet. "Now, just for that we're going to have a pop quiz!" Said Mrs. Blake as she passed out quiz papers. "Now, there is just one question, about perimeter, and if you answer it right you get a piece of candy."
Mrs. Blake left the room to go get some coffee while they worked on their quiz. When she came back, the four papers were neatly stacked on her desk and Spyro, Hunter, Elora and Bianca were sitting quietly with their hands folded on top of their desks. "Hmm." thought Mrs. Blake. I must be getting through to them at last!"
"Good job! Now memorize the multiplication chart upon the wall while I grade these!"
She picked up the first quiz paper, Elora's. She had drawn a picture of Tennessee. Mrs. Blake groaned silently and looked at Hunter's drawing of a blender. Bianca had written an impossibly long equation that covered both sides of the page that seemed to have no purpose whatsoever and Spyro answered the question by writing 'Who cares?' in block letters.
"Have you all memorized the multiplication chart?" she asked. They nodded. "Good. Here's a worksheet about it. You have twenty minutes to answer all the questions."
(TWENTY MINUTES LATER)
"Ok, Spyro, where did you put your worksheet?" asked Mrs. Blake. "And you better not have mailed it to Japan!"
"Don't worry, I didn't."
"Good, then wh-"
"I mailed it to Taiwan!"
"SPYRO! Oh, never mind. Elora, where's your worksheet?" Asked Mrs. Blake. She was getting very fed up now.
"I gave it to Bianca."
"Bianca?"
"I gave ours to Hunter."
"Hunter?"
"I ate it."
"You WHAT??"
Mrs. Blake could not believe that Hunter had just eaten three worksheets. "Do you mean to tell me that you made another sandwich?" Hunter shook his head. "No, I don't have anymore bread so I made a casserole out of it."
"Why did you make a casserole out of three worksheets?"
"I told you! I ran out of bread!"
"No, I mean why did you eat it?"
Hunter shrugged. "Well, the papers had soy sauce on them. All three of them." Mrs. Blake opened her mouth to ask why there was soy sauce on their worksheets when Elora answered the question. "Our pens ran out of ink so we had to use soy sauce to write on the paper."
"WHO HAD THE SOY SAUCE?!"
"Spyro did. He was very nice to let us use it." said Bianca.
"Ok, that's enough math for now..."
(How's it so far? Good? Bad? Cheesy? Well, Anyhoo, tune in next time for the science lesson! Will Mrs. Blake manage to keep her sanity?)