Spyro, Hunter, Bianca, and Elora sat facing the chalkboard in total
silence. Mrs. Blake entered the room. "Now, the principal says that poison
control will have the science lab fixed in two weeks. As for you four, you
are officially banned from the lab for the rest of the year."
"What are we gonna learn now?" asked Spyro.
"Now it's time for English."
"But we already know how to speak English!" said Elora. "Why do we have to learn it again?"
"No, I mean we're going to learn about nouns and verbs. Those things." said Mrs. Blake. She handed them each a textbook. "Now turn to page 300. Can anyone tell me what a noun is?"
"Um...a really funny sounding word?" asked Hunter. Mrs. Blake shook her head. "No. It's a person, place, thing or idea."
Elora raised her hand. "OH! OH! I have an idea! Does that make it a noun?"
"No, Elora, and idea is something you can't touch. Like an emotion."
No one said anything. Outside a bird chirped. "Just read the book!" said Mrs. Blake. They stared reading about nouns. "Um, why do we need to know what nouns are?" asked Bianca.
"Yeah, and do verbs count as nouns too?" asked Spyro. "What about adjectives?" Mrs. Blake started to answer but then Elora chimed in too. "So a noun is a noun and verb is a noun but what is a verb?"
"Verb is a word that describes an action." said Hunter. "It says so in the book." Bianca flipped through her book. "Yeah, and an adverb describes a verb, but what describes an adverb? And why is a noun an idea when ideas are the things you think?"
"Oh, guys, right here it says that there are different kinds of nouns!" said Elora. "See, there's concrete and abstract."
"Oh! I know what concrete is! It's a noun!" said Hunter.
"No, it's an adjective 'cause it describes a noun!" said Spyro. Bianca looked around. "Hey, where'd Mrs. Blake go?"
"I'm back here." said Mrs. Blake from the closet where she was looking for some aspirin. She came back out and looked at their desks. "Wait, where did your textbooks go?" she asked. "Oh, we mailed them to Japan along with my history test." said Spyro.
"Spyro, will you quit mailing things to Japan! The Japanese people don't want your tests or textbooks!"
"How do you know? Maybe they actually find my ability to mail things internationally an amazing skill!"
(Somewhere in a post office in Japan)
"Hey! The guy who sent us a history test has now sent us these four textbooks!" said the mailman. One of his coworkers cheered. "Wow! I really find that guy's ability to mail things internationally amazing!"
"Yeah! What a great skill!"
(Back in the room)
"Now, tomorrow you are getting your final exams, and I don't want you screwing around anymore! I am going to drill this educational stuff into your head until you pass the third grade!" yelled Mrs. Blake. "Now tie yourselves to your chairs and stare at the screen in front of you!"
They tied themselves to their chairs while Mrs. Blake got out the projector again. "Now everyone get out a piece of paper and a pencil and take notes." She looked at Hunter who had no paper. "Hunter, where is your paper?"
"I ate it." said Hunter. "This time I made it into a salad and-"
"Hunter, I don't care how you prepared your notebook paper as an entrée, just get some paper from Spyro!"
Spyro handed Hunter some paper. Mrs. Blake started the slide show. It was longer than the first one. It covered everything from history to math. About halfway through, she stopped it. "Elora, come up to the front of the class and tell us what happened at Gettysburg. Elora walked up to the front of the room, pulled out a pogo stick and started bouncing. Hunter got up and started juggling chalk and Spyro rode around on a unicycle. Bianca pulled out a record player and started playing carnival music.
After Mrs. Blake took another aspirin and pulled Elora off the ceiling, she had them sit back and take notes for the rest of the slide show. When it was over, she didn't look at their notes. (that was good cause they all drew comic books.) and instead pushed them out the door, notes and all and said "Now, take your notes, go home, study them hard, and come back tomorrow!"
"But it's only 12:30."
"JUST GO!"
(Will they pass their final exam? Has Mrs. Blake finally snapped? Tune in next time and find out!)
"What are we gonna learn now?" asked Spyro.
"Now it's time for English."
"But we already know how to speak English!" said Elora. "Why do we have to learn it again?"
"No, I mean we're going to learn about nouns and verbs. Those things." said Mrs. Blake. She handed them each a textbook. "Now turn to page 300. Can anyone tell me what a noun is?"
"Um...a really funny sounding word?" asked Hunter. Mrs. Blake shook her head. "No. It's a person, place, thing or idea."
Elora raised her hand. "OH! OH! I have an idea! Does that make it a noun?"
"No, Elora, and idea is something you can't touch. Like an emotion."
No one said anything. Outside a bird chirped. "Just read the book!" said Mrs. Blake. They stared reading about nouns. "Um, why do we need to know what nouns are?" asked Bianca.
"Yeah, and do verbs count as nouns too?" asked Spyro. "What about adjectives?" Mrs. Blake started to answer but then Elora chimed in too. "So a noun is a noun and verb is a noun but what is a verb?"
"Verb is a word that describes an action." said Hunter. "It says so in the book." Bianca flipped through her book. "Yeah, and an adverb describes a verb, but what describes an adverb? And why is a noun an idea when ideas are the things you think?"
"Oh, guys, right here it says that there are different kinds of nouns!" said Elora. "See, there's concrete and abstract."
"Oh! I know what concrete is! It's a noun!" said Hunter.
"No, it's an adjective 'cause it describes a noun!" said Spyro. Bianca looked around. "Hey, where'd Mrs. Blake go?"
"I'm back here." said Mrs. Blake from the closet where she was looking for some aspirin. She came back out and looked at their desks. "Wait, where did your textbooks go?" she asked. "Oh, we mailed them to Japan along with my history test." said Spyro.
"Spyro, will you quit mailing things to Japan! The Japanese people don't want your tests or textbooks!"
"How do you know? Maybe they actually find my ability to mail things internationally an amazing skill!"
(Somewhere in a post office in Japan)
"Hey! The guy who sent us a history test has now sent us these four textbooks!" said the mailman. One of his coworkers cheered. "Wow! I really find that guy's ability to mail things internationally amazing!"
"Yeah! What a great skill!"
(Back in the room)
"Now, tomorrow you are getting your final exams, and I don't want you screwing around anymore! I am going to drill this educational stuff into your head until you pass the third grade!" yelled Mrs. Blake. "Now tie yourselves to your chairs and stare at the screen in front of you!"
They tied themselves to their chairs while Mrs. Blake got out the projector again. "Now everyone get out a piece of paper and a pencil and take notes." She looked at Hunter who had no paper. "Hunter, where is your paper?"
"I ate it." said Hunter. "This time I made it into a salad and-"
"Hunter, I don't care how you prepared your notebook paper as an entrée, just get some paper from Spyro!"
Spyro handed Hunter some paper. Mrs. Blake started the slide show. It was longer than the first one. It covered everything from history to math. About halfway through, she stopped it. "Elora, come up to the front of the class and tell us what happened at Gettysburg. Elora walked up to the front of the room, pulled out a pogo stick and started bouncing. Hunter got up and started juggling chalk and Spyro rode around on a unicycle. Bianca pulled out a record player and started playing carnival music.
After Mrs. Blake took another aspirin and pulled Elora off the ceiling, she had them sit back and take notes for the rest of the slide show. When it was over, she didn't look at their notes. (that was good cause they all drew comic books.) and instead pushed them out the door, notes and all and said "Now, take your notes, go home, study them hard, and come back tomorrow!"
"But it's only 12:30."
"JUST GO!"
(Will they pass their final exam? Has Mrs. Blake finally snapped? Tune in next time and find out!)