A/N-Thanks to LadyoftheLlamas for reviewing. I'll be sure to send you plenty of death threats to make you update your story. If anyone is scratching their head wondering what I'm talking about she's on SoupFiction under BJH. Go check out her stories. She has way more than me.
A/N 2- As for the part where Pippin puts in a surprise visit to Tina through her DVD player. That was a flashback from a chapter in No Place Like Home. It was called The Chapter That Has Nothing and I Mean Nothing to Do With The Story. As it turns out it did have something to do with the story. The twins are based off of my own kids though they're not twins. One is five and wants to take over the world and the other one is almost six months old.
Disclaimer- I bought it all last night. (Lawyer gives the glare of death. Clutch my throat seeing as I can't breathe and that's what they do in all of the movies) Scratch that. Don't own it.
It Always Happens To Us
Tina's POV
Raising kids. Hard. Managing an archeology site. Harder. Raising kids, managing a site, and doing it alone. Damn near impossible. Try doing this while your half-way across the globe. You'll want to pull your hair out. We were in our fifth site spot which just happened to be Northern Scotland and we had made a major find. It was a broken piece of wood but I knew exactly what it was. It was a piece of mallorn. Why it didn't decompose after all of these years I'll never know. But it was under my microscope and I was staring at it intently while the twins and my guests ate dinner. The guests just happened to be everyone that I had told to come out. No one had turned down the trip. Mandy, Joel, Faber and Jonothan just wanted a free vacation. The others actually wanted to help me tell the kids who their dad was. They knew it wasn't O.C. since they didn't look anything like him but I never answered their probing questions. Mainly because I just wasn't ready.
A voice from the doorway draws my attention away from the microscope ",Is it important ?"
I nodded to Matt and Nienna ",Its mallorn. It was a part of a bow. Wanna guess who the bow belonged to."
"It can't be Legolas'. Could it," Nienna's face had lit up at the possibility.
"It sure is. Which means that we are standing on the Grey Havens. We found one of the lands of Middle Earth."
"You found part of Middle Earth, Tina," Matt corrected me.
"This discovery belongs to all of us." I sat the piece of broken bow in a safe place (safe being an actual safe with three combination locks) before sighing and running a hand through my still short hair ",I suppose its time that we told them."
The three of us joined the others in the small living room where we began to tell the twins about what had happened during the war or conflict depending on who you are.
Three Hours Later...
The twins looked at all of us in disbelief complete with gaping mouths. Jordan was the first one to speak ",You are all nuts. Psycho. Loony. Crazy. Loco. You all need straight jackets and padded rooms."
"But, Jordan," Logan interrupted ",what about the thing mom found today ? Its older than anything ever found before."
"She could've bought it," Jordan snapped, sticking her tongue out at Logan.
This was really fun. As fun as a root canal. I decided I needed something to drink. ",I'm going for some tea. Anybody else want some ?"
No one answered me since they couldn't hear me over the twins yelling at each other. I went into the even smaller kitchen to make my tea. With water in the mug I stuck it in the microwave. Its the worst way to make tea but its so much faster and that's what I needed was fast. I needed chamomile to calm my way past frayed nerves. Some chamomile and a handful of Prozac would have been prime but the tea will have to do. I observed myself in the spoon I was holding and nearly screamed. Was that grey hair ? Oh my god. I'm only twenty-seven. How could I have grey hair already ? Nevermind, I just remembered. I have two half-elven twins that are constantly at each others throats. "You are not going grey, Tina," Nienna laughed from the doorway.
"How is it that you can read my mind ?"
"We spent so much quality time together in the loony bin."
"You were only there because you had nothing better to do and you thought it would be fun."
She just shrugged her shoulders before looking past me to the microwave ",Does your nuker always have a bright white ball in it ?"
"No." I quickly looked over my shoulder to see that the white, glowing ball was getting bigger. "Get everyone out."
We ran to the living room to push everyone out of the door but the ball of light knew what we were doing. The lot of us were engulfed into the mass while screaming our heads off. Well, the twins weren't. They were laughing. I really hope that the white stone ground that I'm seeing below us is not what we're going to be landing on. That scenery soon changed and we landed with a WHUMP on the soft grass of a forest. I looked at the twins to see that they were perfectly fine and had already climbed up a tree. I looked down at myself and I was also fine. There was just one thing wrong. I...was...animated. More than that there was a hobbit and some dwarfs running toward us. "We're in the Hobbit," Matt yelled.
"And if they're running from what I think they're running from we need to get up a tree," I called over my shoulder, already halfway up the tree that my kids were in.
"Duh," Jordan sighed sarcastically ",why do you think we're up here. Gah, adults can be so dumb."
We all scrambled up different trees and I found myself nose to nose with a certain hobbit in another tree. "Hello, Bilbo," I said cheerfully. "What brings you to this dark forest today ?"
"Do I know you ?"
"No, but I know Frodo. I'm an old friend of his."
Loud barking drew my sight down and I could see the wargs with their orc riders trying to get at us. I think I know who's behind this. "Celeborn," I growled ",you had better get us out of here or I swear that I will personally rip you limb from..."
We were immediately zapped out of there before I could finish my threat. This time though we did land on the stone floor that I had seen earlier. The twins landed on top of me and were looking around with impossibly huge eyes. "Look, Logan. Its that boy that came out of our DVD player that we wanted to keep but he said that we couldn't and that he wasn't a dog."
I looked up to see a blue cloudless sky. We were outdoors on a hard stone terrace. It looked very familiar. I looked around me to see that we were being stared at by a lot of people. I stood up as quickly as I could managed and took a fighting stance. Where the hell had Celeborn dropped us now ? And didn't I threated him with a painful death if he ever used magic again ? I looked at our surroundings some more. Big city beneath us. Large white citadel. Big tree. A very familiar man walking toward me. "Tina ? Matt ? Nienna ? Oh, how I hoped that you would make it this day."
Aragorn grabbed me in a death grip that I believed he called a hug ",Hi, Aragorn. What day did we make it to ?"
"My coronation. The ring was destroyed. I see you brought everyone along. Who are the chil...," his voice trailed off as he eyed the twins. They of course struck their most regal pose that eight year olds could manage. The stance brought choked laughter from the Hobbits who received a very nasty look from Jordan. "They have your eyes but Haldir's attitude."
"You haven't seen the girl in action yet. She's just like me."
"I should fear for my kingdom."
"No, you should fear for your people. Your kingdom won't stand long against her. She's Jordan and the boy is Logan."
"Why did you not tell us that you were with child ?"
"Legolas knew. I thought he would tell you."
Aragorn shot Legolas a dirty look over his should which Legolas met with a smile. Aragorn turned back to us as he released me then went to greet everyone else in turn. "Aragorn, uhm, shouldn't you get back to being crowned so that you could, oh I don't know, marry Arwen."
"Wha..? Yes, I should. Do not go anywhere we have much to discuss."
Where would we go ? Celeborn was responsible for bringing us here so he would have to send us home again. I moved to stand beside the hobbits and my children but my way was blocked. I looked into clear blue eyes that I had never forgotten. It was Haldir. The Haldir. My Haldir. His blond hair was shining in the sun setting off a round of envy in my just because of the way it looked. He wore clothing suited to his title and the tunic stretched across his chest. Heartbeat was a little faster now. I was starting to wonder why I wanted to go home. "Aragorn is not the only one who has much to discuss with you."
I looked past him to the twins. Jordan showed no emotion toward the elf but Logan was on the verge of attack dog mode. I think I even heard him growl. Well, he obviously did since Haldir glanced over at them. "Sorry, he's very protective of me."
"I just hope he does not bite."
"You never know. He is my son."
Haldir moved out of my way so I could stand where I needed to so that the coronation could continue. Pippin was slowly inching his way towards me in order to escape the clutches of Jordan. He finally just ran to the other side of me and clutched my hand in his own. A grown man..er, hobbit was scared of a couple of kids. I think I would be too if I wasn't their mom.
The crowning went off without a hitch and soon we were swept away to the party. Merry and Pippin, being such a fascination to the kids, were stuck with the job of babysitting them. Aragorn had passed by well-wishers and his people to pull his new guests to a quiet alcove where we could talk. I just wanted to get my hands on Celeborn and wring his neck but seeing Haldir made the feelings lessen a little. Once seated in comfortable chairs, surrounded by the others that we had met in our world, we began to relax a little. Mandy, of course, didn't relax at all once she found out that Boromir hadn't followed simple advice and had gotten himself killed.
"How did you get here," Aragorn asked in awe while holding Arwen's hand.
"Ask Celeborn. He's the one that can't leave well enough alone."
Galadriel who had joined us gave her husband a look that told Celeborn that he would be sleeping on the couch for weeks to come. Celeborn could only find fascination in the stone floor below his feet. Other new faces had joined the ones that I knew. Arwen's brothers were sitting close by to see if we were worth their time. Mandy obviously was since they had an evil glint in their eye that was sure to lead to some sort of hilarious trouble. I almost felt sorry for her. Notice I say almost.
"Your twins remind me of their father when he was young," Galadriel stated, watching two blurs run out of the doors followed quickly by two angry hobbits. I could only smile at Haldir's obvious discomfort. "I have many stories to tell that you may find quite humorous," she confided loud enough for myself and the other elves to hear. Haldir began to turn red.
We caught up on things that had been happening. We were told the complete tale of how the ring had been destroyed. We told them about the war. I felt warm fingers trace the three inch scar on my cheek and looked up to see Haldir staring at it. I suddenly felt very self-conscious. After many tales had been told I heard a pair of very distinct voices yelling about not needing to go to bed. I looked through the open hall doors to see one very disturbed looking guard with a twin under each arm following a nurse maid toward the rooms that had been arranged for them.
"There's too much to do," Logan protested.
"There's too much to destroy," Jordan screamed.
"People like you are the reason Rome fell," Logan shot back.
"Nerd."
"Dork."
"Goober."
"Dweeb."
"Troll butt."
"N'Sync lover."
Their voices faded off into the distance. I turned back to the group to see them all looking at me with small smiles on their faces. I just shrugged ",What do you expect ?"
The party continued on for hours and I soon found myself nodding off from time to time as the night wore on. Someone else had obviously noticed also. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned coming face to face with one of the many servants in the castle. "My lady." She curtsied. She curtsied to me like I was important or something. "King Elessar has instructed me to show you to your chambers and to see to all of your needs."
I followed her to a large bedroom that held the biggest bed that I had ever seen in my life. I immediately ran in and began jumping on it like one of my kids would do. Eriana, I had found out her name on the way to the room, stared at me in shock. I don't think ladies of status behave in that manner. "Come on, Eriana. Its fun. Come jump on the bed."
"Nay, my lady. Will there be anything else tonight ?"
"No."
"The King had me arrange for suitable clothing. There are sleeping gowns in that drawer. Your dresses are within the wardrobe. I will be here in the morning to attend to you."
Eriana bowed her head before ducking out of the bedroom. I sighed before flopping down on the bed. Nice, comfy, warm, bed that I will never be able to afford in my own time. I should change so I did exactly that. I climbed back into the bed being sure to twist myself accurately in the blankets before drifting off.
My next cohesive thoughts were of feeling something touching the scar on my shoulder. I shrugged it off thinking it was one of the kids but the fingers didn't go away. "Jordan, leave mommy alone. I need sleep."
A deep laugh startled me awake. I ended up falling right out of bed and onto the cold stone below. I looked up to see Haldir smiling down at me in that way that he has that can tick me off and make me melt at the same time. "I seem to remember this happening once before."
I stood up, blushing bright red, and set my fists on my hips ",What gives you the right to just come in here and..."
I never got to finish. Haldir moved faster than I had ever seen him move before and kissed me like I had never been kissed before. When he pulled away he traced the scar on my face once more ",I have done nothing but think of you since I left. I have missed you."
Home ? What home ? Responsibilities ? What are those ? I'm just going to stay right here.
A/N- I once again wrote this off of the top of my head and wasn't feeling too funny when I wrote it. The next chapter should have some humor in it. Just simply because something is going to happen to Mandy. And Nienna will get some alone time with Frodo but first she has to get rid of Sam. Throwing him off of a cliff should do it. Oh, and thanks to Tongue In Cheek Scribe, Nienna and everyone else who reviewed. I opened my mail to see that I had like 7 reviews. I feel so special. And Nienna check your e-mail.
Next Chapter- Human Elf Experiment
A/N 2- As for the part where Pippin puts in a surprise visit to Tina through her DVD player. That was a flashback from a chapter in No Place Like Home. It was called The Chapter That Has Nothing and I Mean Nothing to Do With The Story. As it turns out it did have something to do with the story. The twins are based off of my own kids though they're not twins. One is five and wants to take over the world and the other one is almost six months old.
Disclaimer- I bought it all last night. (Lawyer gives the glare of death. Clutch my throat seeing as I can't breathe and that's what they do in all of the movies) Scratch that. Don't own it.
It Always Happens To Us
Tina's POV
Raising kids. Hard. Managing an archeology site. Harder. Raising kids, managing a site, and doing it alone. Damn near impossible. Try doing this while your half-way across the globe. You'll want to pull your hair out. We were in our fifth site spot which just happened to be Northern Scotland and we had made a major find. It was a broken piece of wood but I knew exactly what it was. It was a piece of mallorn. Why it didn't decompose after all of these years I'll never know. But it was under my microscope and I was staring at it intently while the twins and my guests ate dinner. The guests just happened to be everyone that I had told to come out. No one had turned down the trip. Mandy, Joel, Faber and Jonothan just wanted a free vacation. The others actually wanted to help me tell the kids who their dad was. They knew it wasn't O.C. since they didn't look anything like him but I never answered their probing questions. Mainly because I just wasn't ready.
A voice from the doorway draws my attention away from the microscope ",Is it important ?"
I nodded to Matt and Nienna ",Its mallorn. It was a part of a bow. Wanna guess who the bow belonged to."
"It can't be Legolas'. Could it," Nienna's face had lit up at the possibility.
"It sure is. Which means that we are standing on the Grey Havens. We found one of the lands of Middle Earth."
"You found part of Middle Earth, Tina," Matt corrected me.
"This discovery belongs to all of us." I sat the piece of broken bow in a safe place (safe being an actual safe with three combination locks) before sighing and running a hand through my still short hair ",I suppose its time that we told them."
The three of us joined the others in the small living room where we began to tell the twins about what had happened during the war or conflict depending on who you are.
Three Hours Later...
The twins looked at all of us in disbelief complete with gaping mouths. Jordan was the first one to speak ",You are all nuts. Psycho. Loony. Crazy. Loco. You all need straight jackets and padded rooms."
"But, Jordan," Logan interrupted ",what about the thing mom found today ? Its older than anything ever found before."
"She could've bought it," Jordan snapped, sticking her tongue out at Logan.
This was really fun. As fun as a root canal. I decided I needed something to drink. ",I'm going for some tea. Anybody else want some ?"
No one answered me since they couldn't hear me over the twins yelling at each other. I went into the even smaller kitchen to make my tea. With water in the mug I stuck it in the microwave. Its the worst way to make tea but its so much faster and that's what I needed was fast. I needed chamomile to calm my way past frayed nerves. Some chamomile and a handful of Prozac would have been prime but the tea will have to do. I observed myself in the spoon I was holding and nearly screamed. Was that grey hair ? Oh my god. I'm only twenty-seven. How could I have grey hair already ? Nevermind, I just remembered. I have two half-elven twins that are constantly at each others throats. "You are not going grey, Tina," Nienna laughed from the doorway.
"How is it that you can read my mind ?"
"We spent so much quality time together in the loony bin."
"You were only there because you had nothing better to do and you thought it would be fun."
She just shrugged her shoulders before looking past me to the microwave ",Does your nuker always have a bright white ball in it ?"
"No." I quickly looked over my shoulder to see that the white, glowing ball was getting bigger. "Get everyone out."
We ran to the living room to push everyone out of the door but the ball of light knew what we were doing. The lot of us were engulfed into the mass while screaming our heads off. Well, the twins weren't. They were laughing. I really hope that the white stone ground that I'm seeing below us is not what we're going to be landing on. That scenery soon changed and we landed with a WHUMP on the soft grass of a forest. I looked at the twins to see that they were perfectly fine and had already climbed up a tree. I looked down at myself and I was also fine. There was just one thing wrong. I...was...animated. More than that there was a hobbit and some dwarfs running toward us. "We're in the Hobbit," Matt yelled.
"And if they're running from what I think they're running from we need to get up a tree," I called over my shoulder, already halfway up the tree that my kids were in.
"Duh," Jordan sighed sarcastically ",why do you think we're up here. Gah, adults can be so dumb."
We all scrambled up different trees and I found myself nose to nose with a certain hobbit in another tree. "Hello, Bilbo," I said cheerfully. "What brings you to this dark forest today ?"
"Do I know you ?"
"No, but I know Frodo. I'm an old friend of his."
Loud barking drew my sight down and I could see the wargs with their orc riders trying to get at us. I think I know who's behind this. "Celeborn," I growled ",you had better get us out of here or I swear that I will personally rip you limb from..."
We were immediately zapped out of there before I could finish my threat. This time though we did land on the stone floor that I had seen earlier. The twins landed on top of me and were looking around with impossibly huge eyes. "Look, Logan. Its that boy that came out of our DVD player that we wanted to keep but he said that we couldn't and that he wasn't a dog."
I looked up to see a blue cloudless sky. We were outdoors on a hard stone terrace. It looked very familiar. I looked around me to see that we were being stared at by a lot of people. I stood up as quickly as I could managed and took a fighting stance. Where the hell had Celeborn dropped us now ? And didn't I threated him with a painful death if he ever used magic again ? I looked at our surroundings some more. Big city beneath us. Large white citadel. Big tree. A very familiar man walking toward me. "Tina ? Matt ? Nienna ? Oh, how I hoped that you would make it this day."
Aragorn grabbed me in a death grip that I believed he called a hug ",Hi, Aragorn. What day did we make it to ?"
"My coronation. The ring was destroyed. I see you brought everyone along. Who are the chil...," his voice trailed off as he eyed the twins. They of course struck their most regal pose that eight year olds could manage. The stance brought choked laughter from the Hobbits who received a very nasty look from Jordan. "They have your eyes but Haldir's attitude."
"You haven't seen the girl in action yet. She's just like me."
"I should fear for my kingdom."
"No, you should fear for your people. Your kingdom won't stand long against her. She's Jordan and the boy is Logan."
"Why did you not tell us that you were with child ?"
"Legolas knew. I thought he would tell you."
Aragorn shot Legolas a dirty look over his should which Legolas met with a smile. Aragorn turned back to us as he released me then went to greet everyone else in turn. "Aragorn, uhm, shouldn't you get back to being crowned so that you could, oh I don't know, marry Arwen."
"Wha..? Yes, I should. Do not go anywhere we have much to discuss."
Where would we go ? Celeborn was responsible for bringing us here so he would have to send us home again. I moved to stand beside the hobbits and my children but my way was blocked. I looked into clear blue eyes that I had never forgotten. It was Haldir. The Haldir. My Haldir. His blond hair was shining in the sun setting off a round of envy in my just because of the way it looked. He wore clothing suited to his title and the tunic stretched across his chest. Heartbeat was a little faster now. I was starting to wonder why I wanted to go home. "Aragorn is not the only one who has much to discuss with you."
I looked past him to the twins. Jordan showed no emotion toward the elf but Logan was on the verge of attack dog mode. I think I even heard him growl. Well, he obviously did since Haldir glanced over at them. "Sorry, he's very protective of me."
"I just hope he does not bite."
"You never know. He is my son."
Haldir moved out of my way so I could stand where I needed to so that the coronation could continue. Pippin was slowly inching his way towards me in order to escape the clutches of Jordan. He finally just ran to the other side of me and clutched my hand in his own. A grown man..er, hobbit was scared of a couple of kids. I think I would be too if I wasn't their mom.
The crowning went off without a hitch and soon we were swept away to the party. Merry and Pippin, being such a fascination to the kids, were stuck with the job of babysitting them. Aragorn had passed by well-wishers and his people to pull his new guests to a quiet alcove where we could talk. I just wanted to get my hands on Celeborn and wring his neck but seeing Haldir made the feelings lessen a little. Once seated in comfortable chairs, surrounded by the others that we had met in our world, we began to relax a little. Mandy, of course, didn't relax at all once she found out that Boromir hadn't followed simple advice and had gotten himself killed.
"How did you get here," Aragorn asked in awe while holding Arwen's hand.
"Ask Celeborn. He's the one that can't leave well enough alone."
Galadriel who had joined us gave her husband a look that told Celeborn that he would be sleeping on the couch for weeks to come. Celeborn could only find fascination in the stone floor below his feet. Other new faces had joined the ones that I knew. Arwen's brothers were sitting close by to see if we were worth their time. Mandy obviously was since they had an evil glint in their eye that was sure to lead to some sort of hilarious trouble. I almost felt sorry for her. Notice I say almost.
"Your twins remind me of their father when he was young," Galadriel stated, watching two blurs run out of the doors followed quickly by two angry hobbits. I could only smile at Haldir's obvious discomfort. "I have many stories to tell that you may find quite humorous," she confided loud enough for myself and the other elves to hear. Haldir began to turn red.
We caught up on things that had been happening. We were told the complete tale of how the ring had been destroyed. We told them about the war. I felt warm fingers trace the three inch scar on my cheek and looked up to see Haldir staring at it. I suddenly felt very self-conscious. After many tales had been told I heard a pair of very distinct voices yelling about not needing to go to bed. I looked through the open hall doors to see one very disturbed looking guard with a twin under each arm following a nurse maid toward the rooms that had been arranged for them.
"There's too much to do," Logan protested.
"There's too much to destroy," Jordan screamed.
"People like you are the reason Rome fell," Logan shot back.
"Nerd."
"Dork."
"Goober."
"Dweeb."
"Troll butt."
"N'Sync lover."
Their voices faded off into the distance. I turned back to the group to see them all looking at me with small smiles on their faces. I just shrugged ",What do you expect ?"
The party continued on for hours and I soon found myself nodding off from time to time as the night wore on. Someone else had obviously noticed also. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned coming face to face with one of the many servants in the castle. "My lady." She curtsied. She curtsied to me like I was important or something. "King Elessar has instructed me to show you to your chambers and to see to all of your needs."
I followed her to a large bedroom that held the biggest bed that I had ever seen in my life. I immediately ran in and began jumping on it like one of my kids would do. Eriana, I had found out her name on the way to the room, stared at me in shock. I don't think ladies of status behave in that manner. "Come on, Eriana. Its fun. Come jump on the bed."
"Nay, my lady. Will there be anything else tonight ?"
"No."
"The King had me arrange for suitable clothing. There are sleeping gowns in that drawer. Your dresses are within the wardrobe. I will be here in the morning to attend to you."
Eriana bowed her head before ducking out of the bedroom. I sighed before flopping down on the bed. Nice, comfy, warm, bed that I will never be able to afford in my own time. I should change so I did exactly that. I climbed back into the bed being sure to twist myself accurately in the blankets before drifting off.
My next cohesive thoughts were of feeling something touching the scar on my shoulder. I shrugged it off thinking it was one of the kids but the fingers didn't go away. "Jordan, leave mommy alone. I need sleep."
A deep laugh startled me awake. I ended up falling right out of bed and onto the cold stone below. I looked up to see Haldir smiling down at me in that way that he has that can tick me off and make me melt at the same time. "I seem to remember this happening once before."
I stood up, blushing bright red, and set my fists on my hips ",What gives you the right to just come in here and..."
I never got to finish. Haldir moved faster than I had ever seen him move before and kissed me like I had never been kissed before. When he pulled away he traced the scar on my face once more ",I have done nothing but think of you since I left. I have missed you."
Home ? What home ? Responsibilities ? What are those ? I'm just going to stay right here.
A/N- I once again wrote this off of the top of my head and wasn't feeling too funny when I wrote it. The next chapter should have some humor in it. Just simply because something is going to happen to Mandy. And Nienna will get some alone time with Frodo but first she has to get rid of Sam. Throwing him off of a cliff should do it. Oh, and thanks to Tongue In Cheek Scribe, Nienna and everyone else who reviewed. I opened my mail to see that I had like 7 reviews. I feel so special. And Nienna check your e-mail.
Next Chapter- Human Elf Experiment