A/N- Thanks to Nienna and Tongue in Cheek Scribe for always reviewing my stories and giving me an ego boost when I need it.

Human Elf Experiment

I was there in Haldir's arms. And it wasn't a dream this time. I had lost all of my senses. For all I knew I could be hanging upside down in a lake. Luckily, something caused me to pull myself back together. Logan came barging in, looking quite angry, with his attendant right behind him. He stopped mid-stride to let what he was seeing process in his young mind. I don't think the results his brain gave him were what he wanted. I pulled out of Haldir's grasp only to have Logan run past me looking even angrier if that was even possible. "Oi, what are you doin' to my mom ?"

Being half-elven and young gave him a speed that I couldn't even keep up with on my best day. Before I could catch Logan he had bounded onto the bed and landed on Haldir's back. And once Logan latches on the jaws of life couldn't get him off.

"Logan, you let him go right now."

"NO ! If my dad was here he would kill you right now."

I sighed in frustration ",Logan, this is your dad."

Haldir during this time was trying to pry Logan off of his back without hurting him. He gained an inch but Logan retaliated by grabbing two handfuls of hair and dropping to the mattress. "This is Haldir ? The great March warden ? Puh-leeze."

"I am Haldir. I am you father. Now LET ME GO !"

Logan's mouth dropped to the floor as he released Haldir's hair. Haldir managed to straighten himself as best he could. Which was a good thing seeing as two more of Lorien's finest burst into the room to stand behind Logan's attendant. Observing our two newest arrivals let me know that they were Haldir's brothers: Orophin and Rumil. They immediately began snickering as my Eriana brushed past them into the room. She quickly covered my gown in a robe and shot all of the men in the room a withering glare. "Have you no decency ? Do you Lorien elves always barge into a woman's private chamber ? Out ! All of you out !"

Rumil and Orophin, who were a nice shade of red at having been talked to that way, sulked out of the room. That only left Haldir who was quickly pinned under Eriana's gaze ",That means you too."

"I do not answer to any save the Lord and Lady of Lothlorien." At that I raised an eyebrow that when he noticed he quickly backtracked ",And the mother of my children."

"Then I suggest you leave, Haldir," I smirked. Once he was out of the room I turned to look at Logan who was still in complete shock on my bed ",Now what was it that you wanted, Logan ?"

"I was gonna come ask you ta make me breakfast. But she," he thumbed toward the maid behind him ",said that I couldn't disturb you. Said that you wouldn't make me breakfast."

"Let me get dressed and then I'll see what I can do. What do you want to eat ?"

"Pancakes. Lots of syrup. And strawberries. Hey, let me go...mom," Logan screamed as he was drug from the room.

I laughed as I shook my head at my own son. That maid was in for a world of trouble. The only person who could possibly be worse off is Jordan's maid. Eriana was looking at me with a slightly amused look on her face. "I can see King Elessar sent me to tend to you. He said that life in your kingdom could be quite adventuresome and I can see that you have brought some of it here. Now, my lady, what will you wear today ?"

Eriana had just finished doing what she could with my chin length hair when we heard it. A blood curdling scream from down the hall. I ran to the source as fast as I could which wasn't as fast as I would've like since I was wearing a dress. The screams were coming from Mandy's room. I swung open the door just as I was joined by Haldir, Legolas and Gimli. There was Mandy. Stuck to the ceiling. I looked back out into the hallway to see two dark headed elves running as fast as they could. Elrond's twins had struck. I could only laugh as I walked away leaving the three men to get the angry girl down.

Nienna's POV

I was walking in the gardens when I tripped over a big hobbit foot. The foot just happened to be attached to none other than Frodo. "I'm sorry, Nienna. Are you alright."

Oh, yes, perfectly fine. You're a god. But instead I said ",Its okay. What are you doing out here ?"

"Trying to avoid Sam. Ever since we destroyed the ring he has been by my side. Always asking if I'm alright and if I need anything. It can be quite annoying."

"I can imagine." We sat there for a few minutes in complete silence. "I think this is the most we've talked since the whole Pippin destroyed my house thing."

"I cannot tell you enough how sorry I am for that. Pippin can be a little rambunctious at times. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you ?"

The perfect question. I immediately nuzzled myself against Frodo's side. Completely content to cuddle with the hobbit of my dreams. Frodo, however, was a bit confused. "Uhm, Nienna, what are you doing ?"

"You're making up for Pippin destroying my house. Just go with it."

"Ah, okay." Another long pause from Frodo. "This isn't half bad."

No, no it wasn't. It was great.

Logan's POV

Stupid servants. Always telling me what to do. I thought I was suppose to tell them what to do. This makes no sense. The stupid maid brought me straight down to the dining hall and plopped me none too gently in a chair at one of the tables. She wouldn't even let me go get mom. I'll show her. I'll talk to Elladan and Elrohir later and see if they'll help me out.

I was so busy looking down at my plate, being angry at the world, that I didn't really notice the person sit across from me. I thought it was Jordan until I realized that the person was way too tall to be her. I looked up to see that Haldir guy. I guess I should say my dad. Why do I want to gag on that word. He smiled at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. He cleared his throat. "How old are you, Logan ?"

"Why don't you ask my mom. 'Sides aren't you already suppose to know since you're my dad and all."

"I left shortly after....Eru, how am I to explain this. Time passes differently here than in your world."

I growled at the blond elf. Now if only I could bite him then maybe he would leave my mom alone. I looked around and saw no way of getting across the table without being caught so I grumbled an answer ",Eight."

"What was that ?"

"I said I was eight. Eight years old."

"And your sister ?"

"Were you hit on the head or somethin' ? We're twins. We're the same age."

"I see."

"No," I growled again. I hoped intimidation would work ",you don't. We don't need you to be our dad. We don't want you to be our dad. We have a dad. All mom has to do is figure things out and then go back to him. You don't need to hang around me to make nice with her."

Haldir leaned across the table ",I am your father and I will not be spoken to in that manner. Either you treat me with some respect or do not speak to me at all."

I slid out of my chair, holding my nose high in the air ",Well, then I won't speak to you. I'm gonna find Gandalf to see if we can get outta here."

Haldir's POV

I watched as Logan walked away toward the table that Gandalf was sitting. I do not know what I did to offend the boy so. I was just trying to get to know one of my children. Who exactly was Logan talking about when he said that he already had a dad. Perhaps my daughter can help me out.

I found Jordan torturing the Citadel guards. I've never seen men look so relieved when I pulled her away. "What do you want," Jordan snapped.

"Do you know who I am ?"

"Yeah, your my dad. You're the guy that knocked my mom up before coming back here claiming to have duties that you couldn't leave behind. Have you seen my mom ? She's hot. Any man would give his hands away to be with her. Are you nuts ?"

"I had to guard the kingdom that I live in. You would not understand such matters."

"Whatever. I'm going back to play."

I stopped her. Maybe trying to get on their level would help them to like me. I knelt down going eye-to-eye with Jordan. "Who is the man that raised you ?"

Jordan arched an eyebrow, looking a little too much like her mother, before answering ",O.C. My mom married O.C. and not you."

Jordan skipped away to continue torturing the guards while I boiled inside. I quickly stood, determined to find Tina. The second scream of the morning interrupted the mission though.

A/N- Next Chapter: The I Hate You Club. What have the twins done to Mandy now ? Haldir confronts Tina. Celeborn doesn't like the way things are going and decides to enlist some help with this spell. And once again I'm not feeling too funny. My little girl is going to school for the first time and I'm feeling quite emotional. Damn maternal emotions. I can't imagine what a wreck I'll be when she goes off to college. I promise I'll try to make the chapters funnier. If not I may have to change the category that this story falls under. Anyway, please read and review.