William Adama felt better than he had in ages. He knew that the majority of his good mood from was knowing that two of his favorite people were okay. While he'd been reassured when they had found the shuttle and brought Lee and Kara back from the darkness of space, and then had been more comfortable when had both been awake, it hadn't been until he had received a call from Lieutenant Kaytes – one of his many "spies" for lack of a better word – telling him that the two pilots were in Lee's quarters that he truly relaxed.
If he was honest, he did indeed feel a small stab of jealousy towards his son, despite his better judgement. Not only was his boy a fine pilot in the prime of his life, but he couldn't have found a better partner than Kara Thrace. Whether they remained only friends or the relationship progressed, Lee could have no idea how lucky he was to have a woman nearby who understood him. William had never had that – not until he'd met Kara – and by then he was far too old, and far too cynical to be in the running for her affections. Frankly, he counted himself lucky that she even cared for him as a friend, or father figure, or whatever. So yes, he did feel a bit envious of his son's luck, but he wouldn't hold it against his boy.
"That's a sour look," a feminine voice said with more than a little laughter. "Is the food really that bad? If it is, then maybe I'd better try my luck somewhere else."
William smiled up at the young woman before him. Blond hair, blue eyes, and a killer figure were almost enough to hide the quick mind and startling gentleness that lurked behind it. Almost, but not quite. He'd had more than one run-in with Cassie Baydon in the Life Station, and the woman could be as formidable as any officer he'd ever encountered. She knew her job, and she did it whether she was challenged or not. Perhaps that was one reason that Adama trusted her more than any of the other techs and even some of the physicians. "It's edible," he admitted with a gesture to his plate. "Mostly."
She laughed at that, and her smile was enough to brighten the room a bit. "Do you mind if I sit with you?" she asked. "I made the mistake of turning down one of the pilots for a date, and my name is mud at most of the tables. I'm sure you'd rather be by yourself…"
"Not a chance," he told her. "The day I prefer sitting alone to sitting with a lovely woman, you can just call the coroner."
She laughed again. "I don't think that will be necessary," she said as she took a seat across from him and laid her napkin in her lap. "Salik has given orders that no one is to die, period. I wouldn't cross him if I were you."
Adama shook his head with a smile. There were few people he didn't intimidate outright, but this woman was one of them. Perhaps it was because she'd bossed him around so much in the Life Station, or maybe it was just her personality in general, but she didn't even let her rank prevent her speaking her mind. "You're trying the chicken," he commented. "Brave woman."
She laughed. "Protein," Cassie said as she took a bite. "I'll take it any way I can get it," she said. "The drinks are disgusting, but I'll even deal with those before I make myself sick."
He looked up at her sharply as a miscellaneous number in her file seemed to register. "You're Arian," he said with more than a little wonder. "I don't know why that didn't occur to me."
She shrugged. "I'm sure you don't get a report on every person in the fleet," she told him with a grimace as she ate another bite of the dubious synthetic meat.
"Actually, I do," he admitted sheepishly. "But I won't tell you that I read them. For some reason your name and record just didn't connect."
She smiled at that. "Well, nice to know that I'm so memorable," she said with a smirk.
"There aren't many who have been with the Galactica for ten years," he reminded her. "Most people get fed up with the lack of amenities, especially in the medical field. I swear Doctor Salik has only stayed because he sees it as a personal challenge."
She shook her head at that. "Nah. He just likes to complain, and this ship has given him a viable reason."
She had said it with such a straight face that it took a moment for the words to sink in. When they did, Adama nearly choked, laughing long and hard until he noted a few more-than-curious glances around him and managed to bring himself under control. This was one of the disadvantages he'd found to eating in the dining hall; he was watched whether he liked it or not. But it had its advantages as well, to include the occasional person who was willing to join him for a meal, such as Cassie had now. "You're so right," he told her, wiping away tears from the laughter. "I think he'd be miserable if he didn't have a good reason to yell at someone."
Cassie wasn't smiling. "That's an understatement," she said with a raised eyebrow. "But I'm pretty good about keeping him in his place. Every once in a while he forgets that he's not dealing with a novice when I'm around, and I have to remind him how things should be done."
"I'll just bet you do," William agreed with a smile. "Is there anyone on this ship you wouldn't take on?"
She cocked her head sideways as she thought about it. "Maybe Starbuck," she said carefully. "She hits hard, and she's fast. I've seen the damage she can do. I don't think I'd want to go up against her."
"Me neither," he told her. "But she's a good one to have on your side, whatever the fight. In the air or on the ground, she's something else."
"You sound like your son," Cassie said carefully.
That caught his attention. "Why do you say that?"
Cassie shook her head. "I put his arm back together last night," she said. "He was… very defensive of her. He knows as well as you do that she spends as much time in the brig as out, and she can provoke a saint, but he was willing to get in a fight for her. Why do I get the feeling that you'd do the same?"
William thought about the words for a few moments as he finished his meal. To her credit, Cassie didn't rush him, but waited patiently for him to put together his reasoning. "There's not a person in this fleet who doesn't owe their life to her in one way or another," he said simply. "She's just a lieutenant, but she can take command of a squadron and convince them that they can do the impossible. She led a squadron of ancient museum relics up against the Cylons, and saved all our asses." He gave a shrug as he pushed his plate away. "I guess if you try to take that kind of spirit and confine it to a limited space – like a battlestar – you're going to see some of that… energy slipping through."
Cassie didn't argue with him. "She's better than she used to be," the tech admitted. "The running has helped her a lot, and requiring an hour a day in the gym helped more. But somehow, I think the… exercise she'll get with Captain Apollo may be what it takes to calm her down." She took another couple of bites, but didn't elaborate.
"What makes you say that?" William finally asked. He wouldn't dispute the idea – frankly, he thought it was dead-on – but he wondered how someone else could put it together.
"I have eyes," she said simply. She lifted her hand, and began ticking off fingers to keep track. "First, I saw him when he woke up and she was still out. He wouldn't leave her, not even to go to the bathroom or eat or sleep. That's more than just concern about a pilot under his command. Second, he fought for her. From what I've seen, he's not the type to beat on those around him. He took out Aames and wasn't even sorry, and the reason he gave was that the guy was hassling Starbuck. Finally, I've watched the two of them together. Something upset her while she was in Life Station – I'm not quite sure what – but she was hot. He kept her in bed, calmed her down, and even had her rational in record time. She's one of the most difficult women I've ever known, and he has her pegged. Trust me, there's something more than friendship there."
Adama smiled. "You've described Lee's interest in her," he said softly. "What makes you think it's returned?"
Cassie actually laughed at that. "Just look at him," she said simply. "He's gorgeous, he's intelligent, and he's downright sweet. And he's got those damned blue eyes," she added. "Those eyes are not fair."
"Eyes?" he asked in amusement.
"Don't give me that," she said in mock disgust. "You've got them, too. Dark hair and blue eyes will melt a heart any time, no contest."
He felt his cheeks heat at the implied compliment, and wondered if Cassie even realized that she'd given it, or intended it. She certainly hadn't elaborated on it. Besides, he was not a young man, and whatever Cassie said, she was a young woman, at least compared to him. He was old and scarred, and he came with a family history that was less than stellar. Added to this he was an officer and she was both enlisted and under his direct command. He was a long way from being a great catch, and he didn't have any illusions about it. Still, a compliment was a compliment, and from a beautiful woman it had the power to touch him. "Thank you," he said simply. He didn't know what else to say.
Her sarcastic gaze softened to a true smile. "I'm going to tell you what I've told Starbuck," she said in a gentle tone. "She's a pilot, yes, but she's a person first. Ignoring that will only get her into trouble. I can say the same thing to you. You're our commander, and damned good at running this ship, but you're a person too. If you forget, you're not doing yourself any favors and you aren't helping the fleet. We need you sane."
"Wise advice," he mused.
She shrugged one shoulder. "Hell, I'm great at giving advice," she said with an impish grin that reminded him oddly of Kara. "But don't ever ask me to take it."
The looked at one another for a moment more, and then the two of them broke into peals of laughter. Neither was aware this time of the looks they garnered, or the speculation in the eyes of the crew as another rumor was born.
Finding something to eat was simple, but Lee had decidedly more difficulty talking the galley personnel into letting him take dishes and silverware from the dining hall. It surprised him, because he'd been though this battle once, and he thought he'd proven himself by returning the dishes he'd used the evening before. He finally managed it after a lot of sweet-talking and one threat to call his father again. It wasn't what he would have done for himself, but Kara changed the rules.
After more than half an hour of the most annoying negotiations he'd ever managed, he was on his way back to his office with meat, vegetables, and even a few slices of bread. It wasn't a traditional breakfast, but it would have to do. He was careful not to spill the milk as he walked through the halls, balancing plate and glass on a small tray.
He'd left Kara sleeping soundly in his bed over an hour before. They had both dozed in and out for quite a while before she'd fallen asleep, and then it had taken him more than a few minutes to slip out from behind her without waking her. He hoped she had stayed asleep; she needed it. He didn't think he'd ever seen her so vulnerable. She was far too tempting that way. He was almost looking forward to the caustic personality that she normally used to keep herself protected from the pilots around her. Granted, he would miss the ready warmth and gentle smile, but he also wanted Kara to be… Kara.
He didn't notice the odd looks he was receiving until he made it to Pilots' quarters. Raised eyebrows and secretive smiles ate through what little composure he was alert enough to manage. Hadn't they been watching when he'd torn into Aames? Didn't they realize he'd had it with the rumors and nosiness and insinuations? He was almost to the point of putting down the tray to give them a piece of his mind when he felt a gentle touch to his elbow. He jerked around, thankfully not tumbling the glass of milk, to glare at the offensive woman who was bothering him.
"Captain Adama?"
He would have yelled, but she looked so damned uncertain. Ensign Kington was one of his newest shuttle pilots, recruited from one of the civilian ships and not quite of age. It bothered him that they were taking in children to fly their equipment, however talented they might be. If it had been anyone else, he would have gone off, but she had an earnest look that he couldn't be angry with. "Yes, Ensign?"
She cleared her throat, looking down and then back up at him. He could tell that she was shoring herself up for something. "Is… is Lieutenant Thrace staying with you?" she finally asked.
Well, that had been blunt. He'd been prepared for some sideways comment, but the frontal approach was a refreshing change. "She's in my room," he answered. "She's tired, and there's a lot of activity out here. Until she gets some food and rest, she's better off out of the crowd."
The ensign nodded her understanding. "Is she… okay? I mean, she was out-of-it for a long time. We thought she was fine when she came back, but if she's not well enough to stay in quarters…"
He wasn't sure if she was neatly fishing for information or honestly concerned, but given her age and expression he was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. "She's fine," he said. "Like I said, she's tired. Being knocked out isn't like sleeping; it makes you more exhausted than rested. She just needs a chance to catch up on her sleep and eat something more than gelatin."
Then the ensign smiled, and Lee finally relaxed despite the other eyes that he knew were covertly watching the exchange. "Can you tell her we're thinking about her?" she asked. "It's not the same around her when she's gone; too quiet."
Lee smiled at that. "I'm sure she'll be back up to fighting speed within the week," he said.
"Good," the ensign said. "We've got Lieutenant Billings in the sims, and he's about to make us crazy. It'll be nice to have her back. She's tough, but at least she's fair."
"I'll let her know," he told her.
She nodded and went back down the aisle between bunks. He watched her for a moment, shaking his head in surprise. Sometimes he was more cynical than Kara was; he'd forgotten that there were people on the ship who cared about her – not as fodder for gossip or the most current curiosity, but as a person, a teacher, or even as a friend.
He balanced the tray on one arm as he opened the door with the other, stepping through the hatch and closing it behind him. Kara was there, curled up in a ball beneath the covers with a tuft of blond hair poking out of the top. If he hadn't known who she was, even he wouldn't have been able to recognize her.
But the situation put him in a dilemma. He wanted her to eat – knew she needed the strength food would give her – but she needed the sleep as well. He hated to wake her when she was so clearly out. He finally settled on the compromise of watching her sleep for a while, deciding to wake her in a couple of hours to eat. The food would be cold, but it was almost cold now so there wouldn't be that much difference.
Decision made, he put the tray on his desk and turned the chair around so that he could sit beside the bed in a similar manner to what he'd done in Life Station. After twenty minutes, it was all he could do to keep his eyes open. He'd tried reading through some reports that had been done while he'd been out of commission, but the words kept blurring. He had tried watching Kara, but a sleeping lump could only hold so much interest. Finally, he crossed his arms, laid them on the bed next to her, and leaned forward to rest his head on his arms. He would just rest a few minutes, he thought. Just a few minutes, and then he'd tackle the rest of the reports. It was his last thought before he fell asleep.
Hours later, he was pulled from sleep by the bed moving and soft whimpers from the lump he'd been watching. He was almost instantly alert, reaching for the blanket to check that Kara was okay. She'd said that the nightmares were bothering her, but this was really the first one he'd seen. He'd had a few himself, mostly involving the ship closing in around him, but given what they'd gone through it hadn't been too bad. Kara was having a little more trouble, though. He knew she'd been slightly claustrophobic before the accident had happened, so it made sense that it had affected her more emotionally.
"Kara, wake up," he said softly, one hand on her arm. She didn't, so he shook her gently. "Kara?"
She came awake with a vengeance, uncurling her body, turning, and coming at him with fists at the ready. He was startled, but she only got in one strike before he had her wrists and had pressed her back into the bed. Because she was on a soft surface, he was able to be a little rougher without worrying about hurting her – she wouldn't get a concussion from his pillow.
"Kara, it's Lee," he told her clearly. Her eyes were flashing every way except towards him, so he tried again. "Kara, come-on, wake up."
Her struggling ended just as quickly as it had begun, her eyes focusing on him and her body going limp beneath his. He'd thrown one knee over her lower body to keep her from kicking, but the other remained solidly on the floor for leverage. He had her by both wrists, but she'd had quite a bit of distance to flail her body in, so when she stopped it was very obvious. She lay there for a few seconds, sucking in air as though she'd run a marathon, her eyes still flashing around.
As her breathing slowed, he saw it. He wouldn't have if he hadn't been watching her so closely, still holding her wrists because he didn't know if she was fully awake or not and he knew she'd hurt him if she had the chance before she was awake. It wasn't so much that she was the better fighter, but he'd be trying not to hurt her. If she wasn't coherent, she wouldn't be nearly as careful.
One tear slipped from the corner of her eye, sliding down the right side of her face and dripping off just below her ear. The second tear was quick to follow, and then one from the other side. She was struggling slightly, but it wasn't the same mindless flailing it had been when she'd awoken. This was movement with a purpose; she was trying to get away from him – to get away period.
Under any other circumstances, he would have let her. She had a right to manage this any way she chose, and he really didn't have the knowledge to help her through it. But he'd been there. He'd felt the cold, fought for breath, and he'd know the fear that no one would find them. He knew it, and he had battled enough of his own nightmares to know that she had to be terrified.
It only took him a moment more to respond. Holding her had helped that morning, so it was the direction he took this time. Releasing her wrists, he scooped her upper-body close to his, one arm beneath each of hers, and pulled her close against him. He half expected her to fight him, but once more she surprised him. Her arms went around his neck tightly, her face burrowing into his chest as she held onto him and cried.
Lee held her that way until his back hurt from the awkward angle and he knew he had bruises from her hands on his neck. He had moved one hand to the back of her head, gently stroking while he murmured soft words that he hoped were comforting. She was safe now; he was here with her; she'd be okay. He wasn't sure how much was penetrating the silent sobs, but he thought that the flow of tears had lessened some.
Finally, his back couldn't take any more. He released her just long enough to shift positions, placing his back against the headrest and tugging her up on his lap. Unlike the last time he'd been in bed with her, she was holding on too tight to simply surround her. This time he had her sideways on his lap, her face buried in his neck, her body still shaking.
Even after the silent flow of tears had subsided, he continued to hold her. Quietly he stroked her back, kissed her hair, and just held her. By the time she raised her head and wiped her face, his shirt was soaked and his legs were numb. She wasn't a small woman, and she wasn't light. Lee couldn't find it in himself to mind.
Unfortunately, as soon as she pulled away, she did her best to shut him out. He hadn't expected it, because previously she'd been pretty open with him. But as she wiped her face and slid off his legs, she stood and moved away from the bed as quickly as her legs could carry her. He didn't bother to ask her if she was okay; the answer to that was obvious, and pushing her might close her off completely. She wasn't used to being out of control, of her life or her emotions, and he knew she had to be upset that he'd seen her break down.
"This has to stop," she said bitterly. "I'm bawling like a two-year-old over something that happened almost two weeks ago. It doesn't solve anything, and it doesn't fix anything." The anger in her voice was more than obvious, but whether directed at herself or at him he couldn't be sure.
"You're allowed some time to recover," he said gently. "I know what the nightmares are like. I know how hard it is to sleep, and to wake up cold and sure that there's no air."
"Yeah, right," she muttered. "I haven't seen you waking up from any nightmares."
With stinging feeling coming back to his legs, he stood up and walked across the small room to face her. "That's because I mostly don't sleep," he told her simply. "And when the nightmares come, I don't wake up. Well, not right away, in any case. When I do it's no different for me, Kara. Hell, the only times I've slept have been when you were in my arms. How's that for pathetic."
Another tear made its way down her face. "So we're dependent on each other," she said with a quiet sniffle. "That' can't be good."
He had to smile, stepping closer to her. He frowned when she backed away. "There are worse things," he reminded her. "At least we understand each other. I know what that damned shuttle felt like, and I know how hard it was to breathe before we passed out. I know how cold I was, and how badly we were shaking. I know, Kara. That's not a bad thing; it's something that… I don't know, let's us know we're not crazy."
"I don't like feeling this way," she argued. "I hate not being able to control how I feel, or what I do, or whether or not I can sleep."
"I know."
She shook her head. "Lee, you don't know," she corrected him. "I spent a lot of years with absolutely no control over anything. That's exactly how I feel now, and I won't live this way."
He wanted to get closer to her, but he knew she wouldn't allow it. Not yet. "Accidents happen," he said. "That doesn't make you any less responsible, or any less independent. It just makes you human."
"But the accident is over," she said loudly; she wasn't screaming, but she was close. "And I still can't sleep unless you're here. How long am I supposed to feel this way? I can't just… move in with you. Lee, I appreciate that you've been… taking care of me, protecting me. But it has to stop."
"Why?"
Kara just stared at him. "What?"
"Why does it have to stop?" he asked. "We've been looking out for one another since the day the war started. Why should that stop now? Kara, the only thing that's changed is the capacity. I backed you in a Viper before, and I'll back you in the bedroom if I have to. If you think night-demons are any easier to handle than Cylons, you've got a lot to learn. After Zak…" He took a deep breath, then continued. "After Zak died, I couldn't sleep for a month. Every time I fell asleep, my damned Viper hit the wall. Every frakking time, Kara. I finally wound up going to a doctor for medication to knock me out. That took me out of the cockpit for a month, which didn't help my confidence or my career. And you know, I have to tell you, those damned pills didn't work half as well as holding you. And maybe that's stupid, but have you ever stopped to consider that I'm not just doing it for you? Has it occurred to you that I'm getting as much as I'm giving?"
Kara crossed her arms over her chest protectively, another tear slipping down one cheek. "I don't want to be that attached to you," she said, but at least her voice sounded reasonable rather than bordering on hysteria the way it had before. "I need to be able to sleep in my own bed, and I've got to be able to get myself together on my own. You can't always be here for me, Lee. What if you'd been on patrol tonight? I'd be screaming like an idiot in quarters and the few pilots that aren't afraid of me already would be terrified."
"I think you're underestimating how many people understand," he said gently. "Everyone has nightmares."
She sucked in another breath and let it out slowly. "You've got an answer for everything," she said bitterly, but her arms were down and the tears had stopped.
"Yeah, well I learned that from you," he fired back.
She leaned her head back against the wall. "I hate this," she told him.
"I know."
She brushed her hands over her face again, scrubbing at the salty streaks on her cheeks. "You tell anyone about this and you won't wake up," she added.
He smiled at that. "I wouldn't even think about it," he told her. He took a tentative step towards her, and was pleased when at least she didn't tense up. She certainly didn't have any room to move away. Rather than putting his arms around her, he simply offered her his hand. She looked at it for a moment, and then took it, stepping into his embrace and holding tight. Lee gave a sigh of relief as he held her; it wouldn't have surprised him if she'd let her pride drive a wedge in between them. The same strength that he both admired and enjoyed could also be a royal pain in the ass when directed at him. "You need to eat," he finally said. "I brought you some dinner. Go ahead and eat, and then you can get a shower. I'll go raid your locker for a clean uniform."
"Thanks," she said softly, but her grip didn't ease. He didn't push her. After several moments more, she let go of him and gave him a tremulous smile. "Did you find real food?"
"I have connections," he told her with a wink.
She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. He watched her carefully as she went to his desk, sat down, and pulled the tray to her. He knew very well that if he stayed, he would just watch her eat, make her nervous, and probably annoy her again. As it was, he knew their time was limited. Kara was coming back, and when she was strong she didn't need him anymore. As he slipped through the door to check her locker, he wondered whether she would bother to stay close to him because she wanted to when she no longer did it because she needed to.