4. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

A/N: Thank you to the three random, kind people who reviewed for me. Now, I know that you're all busy people here, and I really appreciate you reading my story, and I'd also really like to know what people think of it. If you like it, I'd love to hear about it and I'll continue writing, if not, well I don't want to pollute the Internet with a story nobody likes. So, the point is that I would really like some reviews please and thank you very much.

"'Now, my three friends could hardly fail to notice that I disappeared once a month. I made up all sorts of stories. I told them my mother was ill, and I had to go home to see her..."

They suspected. I could tell by the way their eyes followed me when they thought I wasn't looking and the skeptical expressions I received when offering another stupid excuse for leaving on the full moon. It wasn't that they were angry with me or cruel to me, in fact they were exactly the opposite. They were the best friends I'd ever had.
That's why it was so awful; it was difficult to lie to them, to keep secrets from them, when obviously they knew something was wrong. I had tried a few times to just cut all ties with them, to make things easier for everyone. They wouldn't have to associate with a werewolf, and I would be spared the heartbreak of them finding out the truth. It never worked out. Either I couldn't execute my plan at all because I wanted to hang on to the only real friends I had ever known, or they just wouldn't let me, following me around for days and acting normally towards me after I told them I would rather be alone from now on to, "devote more time to my studies." Part of me refused to lose them, and I cursed and thanked that part at the same time.
When I returned from my first visit to the Shrieking Shack, they had been worried about me when I didn't come back from detention the night before. I told them that I had fallen asleep cleaning out the dungeon. They asked why I had new cuts and scars all over my face, and I said that I had taken a tumble down the flight of stone steps leading to the potions room. Thank goodness they hadn't noticed the limp, or seen any injuries besides those on my hands and face. I was a terrible liar, and I have no idea how I might have explained those away. Still, the thing that bothered me most was that after the very first time, my new friends already knew that something was wrong.
Now, six months of visiting my sick Mum, getting all night detention, and having to spend the night in the hospital wing with a cold or flu, I knew they couldn't be far from the truth. When I was with them, joking and sneaking about the castle under the invisibility cloak that James had received for Christmas, I never even thought about being a werewolf. However, late at night, when the curtains of my four poster seemed to close in around me accusingly, my stomach twisted in knots of fear at the thought of them finding out the truth.
One night like this, falling asleep with these troubled thoughts, I had a dream. Usually my dreams consisted of vague recollections of wolves, the moon, and horrible agony, but that particular night was different. It was a dream I would have again many times and always remember clearly.
The wolf was lapping up blood; blood was all that it ever thirsted for. It let out a gleeful whine as it experienced something that it never had before. New blood. It's teeth met with something crunchy, and the wolf looked down at the offending article. It was shiny, and glass from the broken lenses had pierced the wolf's mouth. The wolf let out a furious howl. Someone was sobbing, huddled against the wall. Another person. New blood. Someone else to feel the pain the wolf felt. The horrible pain the moon made it endure.
"James," the new blood whispered brokenly, "How could you do this to JAMES you monster?!"
The wolf wasn't listening. It moved slowly towards the last person left to it, but the dark haired boy was too quick. The boy darted out of his hiding place and prised a wooden board off of the window, revealing the full, yellow moon. The wolf howled and ducked away from the sight as though it had been burned. As it staggered back, it tripped over the pudgy blond haired boy, it's first taste of new blood.
The boy with dark hair, the new blood, hurried back to duck behind a giant, full-length mirror. This time, the wolf was faster. Knocking over the mirror in the process, it grabbed the boy's leg with it's teeth, and with one hard bite, filled the foolish human with the curse that had caused it pain for so long. Howling with triumph, it turned to face the shattered mirror. It wasn't a wolf that looked out at it from the thousand pieces of glass scattered across the floor, it was only a boy. A frail boy with light brown hair and blood on his hands.
"NOOOO!" I sat up, gasping and shaking, breathing hard and fast. The sheets were twisted all around me, and I felt cold and clammy as I slowly realized that it was a nightmare. Only a nightmare. That was when I noticed the hand on my shoulder. Another reached out to brush the sweaty hair out of my eyes. I looked up to see the owner.
"I know we're good looking, mate, but that's no reason to go dreaming about us," said James, his groggy bespectacled face peering around Sirius at me. Sirius removed his hand from my shoulder quickly, but the look on his face was one that I had never seen before. Was ?
"You're starting to look really peaky again Remus," he said, surveying me critically, "I think you should go to the hospital wing. You look terrible."
"No!" I exclaimed, a bit too quickly, I already felt stupid enough having a nightmare in front of them, "I'm fine. It was just the bad dream." I knew full well that the achiness, shivers and sore muscles had nothing to do with the nightmare, and everything to do with the waxing moon. It would be full tomorrow. Suddenly, I remembered James' words when I first woke up.
"What exactly did I-erm-say?" I asked nervously, praying that my stupid subconscious had said nothing to reveal me.
"Well you were thrashing around a lot and yelling, we were going to come wake you then, but you started shouting out our names. 'James, Sirius--no. Not them, not them--please' is all I could remember hearing. I guess that Sirius and I were in danger in your dream," James said shrewdly.
"Well, that proves your true friendship then, doesn't it?" Sirius said cheerfully, his concerned air melting away, "Rescuing someone in mortal dream danger is definitely a sign that you don't find us half as annoying as you pretend to. Which is good really, because it's difficult to tell with you."
"That's right. You're so secretive all the time. You don't have some big awful thing you're hiding, do you?" James joked.
"Because you know Remus, it wouldn't matter if you did..."
Oh no, they were looking worried again. This was such dangerous territory. How had I ended up here?! "If I had a secret, I wouldn't tell you," I hissed, with venom that I did not feel. I had to protect them.
"Remus," Sirius said kindly, though he looked rather hurt, "You're just upset right now after having that nightmare. Go on back to sleep, James and I will sit here with you. We actually have some plans to discuss concerning a certain greasy haired git. We have to pay him back for that bat-bogey hex he put on Peter last week."
Listening to Sirius' soothing words, I felt the nervous tension seep out of me, and felt guilty for being so harsh with two of my best friends in the world. I smiled apologetically.
"You guys are too good to me," I said drowsily, and they beamed down at me. For a while, I listened to them talking quietly, and I was beginning to drift off, lulled into the feeling of safety and comfort that only their boisterous voices and muffled laughter could bring.
"I reckon he's asleep now," I heard Sirius murmur, but it was faint and far away, hardly scratching the surface of my consciousness. My bed creaked as both boys stood.
"Yeah, I guess we can get some sleep too. I don't know if I can though, I'll be worrying about him. D'you think he was dreaming about...hurting us?" James was uncertain, the back of my mind registered. That was odd, I mused dreamily, he was always so sure of himself.
"Well, if he was, then he was really regretting it," Sirius replied darkly, "I just wish that he would tell us, I mean, Dumbledore probably told him not to go blabbing to people, but I thought he trusted us by now."
"Sirius, he probably doesn't want to tell us because he's afraid of what we'll think, and he's afraid of hurting us. For Merlin's sake, he was having a NIGHTMARE about hurting us. Do you think that those books were telling the truth? I mean about how much pain it causes to, you know, change?"
"Well, he looks peaky all the time after, and he gets a bit banged up, but I guess we'll know for sure tomorrow."
But I wasn't paying half the attention I should have been. I was already on my way to dreamland. I know I heard, because I remembered the conversation years later, but when I awoke the next morning, I had forgotten every warning detail.

"I have a question for you, Lupin," Severus Snape said over his steaming, perfectly orange potion. I looked down at my own with a sigh. It was a vivid yellow color and was beginning to give off purple steam. Professor Tudley, our very old and often rather senile potions master, would probably be out to get me after I had helped James and Sirius change her hair into different interesting shapes while they were bored in class last week.
I rubbed my temples, trying to ease the familiar burning behind my eyes that often bothered me before a full moon. My arm ached as it stirred the potion, which I had already written off as a failure, slowly and mechanically. I was actually breathing heavily with the effort.
"I SAID that I have a question for you Lupin!" Snape cried shrilly. I turned my aching eyes to glare at him, but James got there first. Putting a friendly arm around Snape, James smiled at the class, which had grown very attentive as it always did when one of the exciting first year Gryffindor boys took the stage. The audience was never disappointed. James gave Lily Evans, who was trying to act like she was concentrating very hard on her potion, a special wink. She scowled at him.
Unperturbed, James turned his attention back to Snape. "Snivellus!" he cried, using the nickname that he had invented on the third day of school. Snape hated all four members of our little group of friends for some inexplicable reason, but he and James shared a special enmity. Perhaps it was Snape's constant comments about Peter's stupidity, Sirius' betrayal of his respectable pureblood family, and James' arrogance. If there was anything that I had learned about James during our sixth months together, it was how loyal he was to his friends. This of course, was something that I was convinced that I would eventually have to live without, so I was glad that Snape didn't seem to have an established insult for me. Though it was probably only because very little was known about me to begin with.
"You can ask your question in a minute Snapey," James said, waving a hand dismissively, "First, I have a question for you. Is it contagious, being a greasy, ugly git, or did you just inherit it from your mother?" Even senile Professor Tudley snorted into her example potion. Snape looked as though all his dignity had been knocked out from under him.
"Just wait, Lupin," he hissed to me, so that it couldn't be heard over the class' laughter, "I'm going to find out where you went last month. Leaving the Hogwarts grounds without permission from a teacher? You'll be expelled for sure." With that, he stomped back to his own cauldron, but left James, who was partnering me on our concoction, staring at me with a confused look.
"When did you leave the grounds?" he asked, sounding very perplexed.
"I haven't," I lied quickly and probably quite badly, "You know Snape, any excuse to get us into trouble. He's just making it up." Still, my hands shook as I cut up my ginger roots, and James looked very far from convinced.

"C'mon Remus, you have to eat something!" James cried, waving a jug of pumpkin juice around and "inadvertently" sloshing half of it over a passing Hufflepuff third year, who took it in silence, not wanting to be the target of our next prank. James waved the jug around in what he clearly thought was an appetizing manner. I felt the need to throw up.
"Trying to dance Potter?" came a scalding voice from down the table, "Well, now I see why you can never get yourself a girlfriend." Lily Evans sat down beside Alice Prewett, tossing her long red hair over her shoulder. James stared at her, and I saw his eyes flicker with a strange kind of passion that normally one only saw when he was talking about Quidditch or pranks. He and Lily had become sworn enemies since their first day of lessons, when he had beat her in Transfiguration and she had beat him in Charms. Now they vied to be the head of every class, except for Defense Against the Dark Arts, which was neutral territory, and therefore claimed by me.
"My, my, cutting remark there, Evans. However, as you are my love, my life, my sole reason for existing, I think I'll let it slide. Besides, you know that the reason I have no other girlfriends is because I live only to woo you," James said, gesturing dramatically and hurling himself down at her feet while the Gryffindor table roared with laughter. She rolled her eyes at him.
Now was the time to leave, while James was distracted bantering with Lily. "Sirius, Peter, I'm actually not feeling very well. I think that I had better go and see Madam Pomfrey. Let James know, would you?" Peter nodded and continued scarfing down his dinner, but Sirius looked up at me, his blue eyes piercing.
"No, no Remus, I'll go with you. You shouldn't go up to the hospital wing by yourself," he said, sounding as though he was choosing his words carefully. Something was not right with him.
However, shaking it off in my haste to get away from people before the full moon, I only said, "Oh, I'm sure I can manage," and hurried away so fast that he couldn't get up in time to follow. I arrived at the hospital wing sweating and breathing heavily. I already felt drained and exhausted, and the prospect of spending the next twelve hours tearing myself to pieces was decidedly unpleasant. Madame Pomfrey, the pretty young school nurse, greeted me with a smile.
"Hello Mr. Lupin, you're always so prompt, what an admirable quality in a young man these days," she gave me an approving smile, "Well, shall we head down to the shack then?" I nodded my head vigorously, and we left the castle and began to walk towards the tree far away on the chilly grounds. As we walked, I felt as if something was off, and kept turning around to be sure we weren't being followed. No, I told myself, it was only Snape's stupid warning playing tricks on my mind, but still I couldn't help worrying that something was wrong.
Once in the Shrieking Shack, Madame Pomfrey put a comforting hand on my shoulder and murmured, "Don't worry dear, it'll all be over soon. I'll be here first thing in the morning to patch you up. See you tomorrow." She closed, bolted, and charmed the door after closing it behind her. This was the time I liked least. The time when I knew a full moon was coming, and couldn't do anything but wait. I paced idly about the room a little, taking in the battered furniture and deep claw marks on the walls. I noticed that the blood had been cleaned since last time, which was quite nice, made it made the place look more haunted than violent. I was finally beginning to feel the telltale waves of pain that meant the moon was getting ready to rise, when there was a noise from a corner of the room.
"Who's there?!" I called out in horror, turning sharply to face the offending corner. I heard frantic muffled whispering, and my eyes widened as I realized what was going on.

"James...Sirius," I whispered, praying that it was only a hallucination. It wasn't. The invisibility cloak was whisked off, and there they stood. In the middle of the Shrieking Shack. My mind screamed in protest. This could not be happening. How was this happening?
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE?!" I shouted, sounding totally hysterical, even to myself.
"Finding out the truth," Sirius said, and for once his face was grim, "You've been lying to us all year. We figured out what you are on the last full moon, but we've come to see for ourselves. We don't care if it's true, Remus, we just wanted to know for sure. So we followed you down here for the night."
"No!" I cried, "No, you don't understand, you have to get out!" At that moment, I felt an intense wave of pain rip through me. Damn! I fell to the floor, moaning and sobbing in agony as another gripped me. James moved forward and grabbed my shoulder.
"Remus...Remus mate, are you alright?!" he looked frantic, "We didn't mean to panic you! It's alright if you're a werewolf, we don't care, we just wanted to be sure."
"GET...OUT!!!!" I roared with the last of my strength, as I felt the bones in my legs begin to snap and regrow, a look of comprehension dawned on their faces, but they continued to stare at me, transfixed by the gruesome sight.
I couldn't hold back anymore. All I could do was whisper, "Please...get out...I'll hurt you." Then the pain took over completely and my screams filled the shack. The last thing I remember was James taking a step back, a horrified look on his face.

A/N: blah, I know you're sick of hearing from me. Just wanted to let you know that it's only a cliffhanger because I consider the events that follow a separate life-changing event. So, once again, reviews are appreciated, "let me know how I'm driving."